In This Chapter

Perfectionist/Reformers strive to make everything right, have high ideals, and expect the same traits in others. 1s have a hard time with ambivalence and the gray areas of life. It’s always an either/or proposition for the 1: black or white, good or evil, right or wrong. That someone could be good and bad at the same time is difficult for the 1 to accept.

1s believe there is only one way—the right way! Their ideal vision of how life must be lived drives them along on the path toward perfection. We all aim for ideals to some degree, but 1s go overboard in a sink or swim effort to do everything right. When the results of their best efforts fall short of perfection, guilt and upset haunt them.

Perfectionist 1s focus attention on what’s not working more than what is. They tend to measure everything against how well they’re doing to meet often unattainable goals. There’s an anxious awareness of making a mistake, of being judged, of failing to meet the mark. They can’t accept that humans are fallible, especially themselves, and they also don’t accept that truth and rightness may come in more than one version.

Reformer 1s make what is better. They don’t buy into image or surface values. Concerned with ethics, they want to know whether others have hidden selfish motivations cloaked in an image of goodness. They look at what’s real and how it can be improved. 1s are often in the forefront of reform, whether religious or political. 1s tend to be one of the dominant types in religion, believing in universal values and in good overcoming evil.

As a 1, you’re generally conscientious, reliable, accountable, thorough, moral, and willing to sacrifice your own desires for the greater good. Self-motivated, you do what you can that, in your eyes, is good. You fight the good fight, become Don Quixote with a dollop of realism, and work hard to put your values into action. You believe that everything worth doing is worth doing well. In a nutshell, positive traits of 1 include …

Whether it’s recycling, reorganizing, managing, politicizing, or making a perfect product, if you’re a 1, whatever you do, you do it well. You are the quality-improvement managers of the workplace. You want to make the world a better place and right the wrongs of the universe.

1s create quality. Given a preference, your creations would have meaning and integrity for everyone. 1s think of the whole, what’s best for everyone. Following the Puritan ethic of hard work, selflessness, and sacrifice for the greater good, the 1 philosophy laid the foundation of the United States. The seventeenth and eighteenth centuries were rather 1ish—integrity, honor, the highest aesthetics, sacrifice, duty, beautiful penmanship, and high-quality craftsmanship.

If you’re a 1, you are an improvement junkie, constantly focused on self-betterment. Your bookshelves may be crammed with a good selection of How To (Improve Yourself) in 30 Days. You’re always focused on the future and how it could be better, if you work hard, practice diligently, and hold the right values. Self-motivated, you’re a self-starter.

You have an aesthetic sensitivity and may pursue artistic endeavors. Perhaps you teach yoga in the most beautiful and complete way possible in an attractive environment, or you’re an interior decorator, or you design solid buildings with careful attention to line and form. You appreciate how objects ideally relate to each other. You love order and balance and connectedness. You delight in the order of the universe and its myriad forms. You are quite possibly the world’s best suitcase packer!

You tend to be serious but do best when you allow yourself to use your sense of humor. When developed, you can play and live life to the fullest, letting go of the idea that you have to earn whatever you enjoy. The cherries are ripe for the picking! You throw the best parties with plenty of food and lavish decorations, paint, write children’s books, play exquisite music, and sing.

That you are competent and complete your projects on time is a given. You do what you say. You strive for the highest ideals. You can be relied on because you are unselfish and will do what’s right and aren’t afraid of hard work. You are honest, forthright, and a model for others of what is fair and just. Higher qualities of 1s include integrity, unselfishness, and adherence to high ideals.

1s tend to either be religious or have a spiritual bent. You may believe in a divine structure at work in the universe. You tend to believe in universal truths and have a hard time with randomness or bad things happening to good people. You are comfortable in religious systems with clear rules and guidelines for living a spotless life, along with lessons or punishments for when you falter.

1s often are founders of spiritual communities or religious groups that strive for higher ideals. There are no shortcuts. You live what you espouse, believing you are only as good as your actions. You like to model what is good, work hard, and be accountable. You expect the same of others. You like simplicity and believe when things are lived well they run like a divine clock. The Shaker communities of New England and the Midwest fit this model perfectly.

We know that 1s are driven to be good and respectable, always working to deny bad needs, drives, and instincts, along with suppressing needs for pleasure, selfishness, comfort, or expressions of anger. At some point, however, this darker side may emerge and can manifest in many forms. You try so hard to not be dark that you bring it out.

On vacation, for instance, 1s might act out hidden sexual desires, lash out at others, or take to addictions—such as excessive drinking—as a way to quell the stress of the perfectionist drive. Because you don’t like your dark side to come out, you will punish yourself for such actions or thoughts, promising better behavior in the future. You can struggle with your good and bad sides for a long time, until you can accept self-centered needs, human mistakes, and the frailties of life as normal.

Worst traits of the type include these foibles:

1s can struggle with eating disorders, workaholism, and procrastination—all ways to manage stress and inner demands. Some 1s also can struggle with aspects of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), releasing anxiety in obsessive behaviors such as washing hands, checking doorknobs, straightening, and cleaning. 1s have a special stress of having to be good, while holding it together.

1s do a great job but sometimes can’t seem to start the job. You fret about perfection and judgment and don’t want to tackle the uphill effort. You might put off action and goals until you’re ready for perfecting the task or have enough research or experience to make sure it will be well done. Just start, learn from mistakes, have realistic limits, and don’t worry about the little spot no one will ever notice anyway!

Your strong inner critic motivates, guides, finds fault, and punishes through shame or fear when your efforts don’t measure up to strong standards. Because the attention goes to what’s not working rather than what is, it’s impossible to feel very secure. The effort to get there increases tension, inner judgment, anxiety, and concern about being judged by others. Only perfection, achieved or imagined, relieves the tension of such a drive.

The reward is living up to your standards and reprieve from punishment, if you do things right. But being 1 percent off can create as much mental anguish as being 50 percent off. It’s hard to know what is normal, because the inner expectations are so high. A 99 percent on a test just isn’t enough.

1s suffer needlessly! You project that others are as critical as your inner critic, so you work hard to avoid other’s criticism, not realizing people often don’t need perfection or the stress that goes along with it and are more accepting than you imagine.

The Stress type of 1 is 4, the Romantic/Depth Seeker. The stress of holding everything in brings out 4 emotions of self-pity, insecurity, sadness, anger, and need for comfort. 1s don’t realize that no one holds it together as an adult. The childhood needs for caring, acceptance, and the allowance of hurt and pain of life are natural to feel and experience.

If you’re a 1 and under stress, you need to notice your hopeless feelings, emotional demands, and reactivity as a reflection of an impossible drive for perfection. Accept what you feel as okay, allow things to flow at their own pace and rhythm, and forgive yourself and others for being human. You’d do well to go to the positive side of 4 and accept feelings as normal and a reflection of unmet needs.

1s are, or want to be, decisive and correct, so you either procrastinate, for fear of being wrong, or go for strong definition and clear action. Your decisions are backed by research, careful thought, and a desire to please your superego. You stand behind what you think, until another voice pipes in that may cause you to reevaluate.

1s could do well to make experimental decisions, evaluate, and then make a final decision. It would cut the procrastination and force you to deal with the complexity of human nature beyond right-wrong options. As you mature, you deal with complexity more easily. You still form opinions but with more compassion, tolerance for difference, and an understanding of people’s motivations. People expect you to be human and aren’t evaluating you critically as much as you think. Some are, but they’re probably 1s, too!

As a 1, you are passionately committed to what you believe in and are reactive if people have opposite beliefs. You tend to be focused and sometimes have a rigid or unrelaxed quality. You can be harsh or critical without being aware of it, as you become anxious when you perceive things are wrong. Generally you have clear values and tend to act according to them.

When looking to identify 1s, be aware of sharp, defined hand gestures; finger-pointing; polite, appropriate, and correct behavior; and conservative dress. 1s also tend to …

With a critical, teacherly tone and manner, 1s talk about right ways and how things should be. Your words are emphatic, definite, and their delivery is self-assured. You have thought it all through, and work to convince others that your opinions are the correct ones. You also tend to point out others’ incorrectness in the process! You quote from ethical standards. You often try to control your anger but it seeps through. More developed 1s soften their words and listen well, supporting others in doing what is right for them.

Developed 1s are ethical but also sensible, having learned that perfection is a rigid, cold companion. Open to feedback, you understand that human nature is fallible. You find the path that is right but also fun and accept complexity, change, and some mistakes. Living life with great integrity and commitment, you sacrifice for the betterment of everyone, yet still take care of yourself.

Most 1s go back and forth between the stress of living ideals and loosening up the strictures of a crime-and-punishment approach to life. Still struggling with life from a good-versus-bad perspective, you have difficulty with the gray areas. At the same time, you’re open to some feedback and have a strong desire to learn and improve. However, those obsessive tendencies can mark you as unapproachable and removed.

If only you could tell them how things should be done! Undeveloped 1s care only for people who are on the right side and so miss out on life’s beautiful complexities and make everyone miserable! Your outlook on life and judgments of others are overly controlled. You scold and preach and blame yourself and others for being bad and drive people away with cold withdrawal or out of control anger or sarcasm. Depression and addictions rev up and rigid boundaries get even tighter. Other folks run away or manage with the help of good therapists. “Right or wrong it’s gotta be, and there ain’t nothin’ in-between.”

1s are the good kids trying to imitate the values adults have taught them. They write with their best penmanship, help others, take careful notes, and study hard. They try to stay clean, practice their instruments, and go to church. They work hard to obey their parents. They are the model students and make good grades. For 1s, childhood is childgood!

1 children often struggle inside, with badness, bad thoughts, and managing their anger. They can feel bad for feeling angry, not making a good grade, or not meeting parental expectations. They may miss a healthy side of play and the good aspects of a lighter approach to life. When the pressure is too much, they sometimes act out bad boy/bad girl traits. Generally, this is followed by guilt and the cycle repeats. It’s wrong to be so good!

Type 1 parents are ordained from birth to teach their children the right way. Be careful; you’re dealing with a child who needs to be a bit selfish and someone who’s not thinking about Robert’s Rules of Order or the correct way to be a kid. Give them some breathing room while you guide them. A little disorder, growth curves, and fun times are totally in order.

Praise your kids for a clean room and straight As, if that happens, but realize that may not happen, unless you have bred another 1! Create a fun, lighter household. You’ll love it and your kids can laugh with you when you are getting too uptight or controlling. Apologize if you go overboard. Share fun activities together. You’re all learning about life, together.

1s think a lot about what’s wrong and how to correct it. You derive excitement from making improvements and experience frustration when you can’t. You dwell on mistakes and regret they occurred. You think about how to not repeat them in the future. Punishing, self-anger, or blaming thoughts can occur. You think about ideal realities and what a job well-done looks like. Other things 1s think about include …

What 1 adults wish they could say:

If you’re a 1, you tend to use willpower and effort to change anything, something, everything! This works in its own way for self-generated tasks but is often met with resistance by others who don’t want change. This causes more fighting and more resistance. If you’re experiencing this, learn to go with the flow more often, develop a warmer approach, and be more attuned, with a deeper part of yourself as the guide—the part of you that has a softer, less harsh approach to life.

In relationships, you expect others to be responsible and show up on time. You project that others are rejecting your flaws and imperfections, when it’s quite the opposite. Through your moral teaching and righteous demands, expectations, and rules, you are actually the one rejecting others.

1s have high standards, seeking a near-perfect mate with the right values. This is certainly tough for anyone to live up to. You might criticize standards of cleanliness, the best way to chop vegetables, and which, if any, TV shows are best to watch. At the same time, you will stand by your partner, if this person is doing what is right, working hard, and is generally committed to making a relationship work.

1s will often own up to their mistakes, if someone is generous with forgiveness. If someone admits mistakes, you are generous with forgiveness. If they don’t, your memory is long and arduous. 1s may look to others as models for more flexibility and humanness, and you long for the day when you can just enjoy life, mistakes and all. 1s can envy people who seem to relish life without effort.

1s are susceptible to guilt. You imagine others will judge and shame you to the same degree you judge yourself, when in fact they probably aren’t judging or even aware of what you are going through. High standards, good/bad thinking, and perfection are a setup for stress, constant evaluation, and anxiety. Loving support, acceptance, and trust in best outcomes are often forgotten.

You can see anger as a bad emotion and, because you’re supposed to be good, you struggle. Anger often comes out as blaming, scolding, teaching, finger-pointing, irritation, resentment, and frustration. Call anger for what it is, accept it, and see what the anger is telling you about what you really need. You can live in should have, could have, would have, and obsess about what was missed. Take ownership of what is true and be easier on yourself and others.

You may feel irritated and resentful that others aren’t sharing the load. You don’t realize that sometimes the load you take on is self-inf licted! Realistically access what you want to take responsibility for and do more of what you want, rather than what you should.

You like order and cleanliness and almost always have that at work. At home, however, you may relax your high standards or even be messy at times—you’re rebelling against the relentless pressure. You have to let it out somewhere! A touch of anger against your inner critic can be healthy. And a little messiness is fine and sometimes recommended. Learn to see anger as normal and be more okay about wants, pleasure, and the complexity of life. Anger is good when it helps you get in touch with needs, boundaries, and what you desire.

Take some time off from your steady work diet to enjoy life. Savor your successes and live in the moment, rather than moving on to the next item that needs improvement. Best to settle your mind and not over-listen to brain talk about what needs to be done next and what could be better. You’ve done enough! Rest! Recreate!

The Growth type of 1 is 7, the Optimist/Fun Lover. Like the 7, play, have fun, laugh, don’t take life so seriously, have a good time, ride a little more on the surface of life, and enjoy what it has to offer—amusement parks, endless worlds to explore, good times with friends, and trying out new possibilities. Who cares if it’s perfect, not totally right, or examined too deeply? Your perfectionist drive is internal, and others aren’t demanding what you think they are. It’s okay to enjoy life on Earth and not wait until heaven to indulge in the pleasure! Nobody likes a martyr!

Growth for 1s includes some 7 qualities, among others. Because 1s like to improve, the list will be long!

Because 1s generally aim toward a perfect job and are often aesthetically inclined, anything made or managed by a 1 is not only made well, but often has aesthetic appeal. Older homes, with their painstaking craftsmanship, have more solidity and beauty than many of today’s hastily made houses. 1s appreciate and create from the best of both tradition and innovation, but the product has to be good.

Let your art carry some imperfections as part of the perfection. Mistakes are part of the beauty. In the Navajo tradition, all weavers included a purposeful flaw in the cloth, so as not to incur Spider Woman’s wrath! Imperfections are part of life. Don’t procrastinate or throw away started art because your inner critic can’t accept some flaws.

1s are a perfect fit in jobs that require precision. Quality managers, ministers, editors, judges, picture framers, financial officers, and bank personnel fill the ranks. 1s tend to follow rules and regulations but you’ll try to change them, if you perceive the rules as unethical, outdated, or unfair. If you’re a 1, you won’t expect others to do what you don’t model. You struggle with your tolerance toward those who don’t fit the model. Your career growth lies in acceptance of differences and of alternative ways to meet the goal.

Careers that also fit 1s are schoolteachers, accountants, food and nutritional coaches, town managers, and architects. It helps to stay open to options, even to change small parts of something that could work better or include other’s wants, even if imperfect. Give workable relationships, speed of production, and enjoyment the same importance as perfection.

1s are natural leaders who love to take charge! Your drive for perfection creates a need to control both the situation and other people to get the job done right. Be careful of your tendency to micromanage, as this can backfire. While you’re checking to be sure everyone is on task, remember to include others’ differences, options, and fresh perspectives. There are many right ways to accomplish a task. This is a struggle, as you really, really want to take over and teach others the right way. If you consistently steamroll over everyone, anger and retaliatory actions may litter your path and short-circuit your engine!

Your contributions extend beyond your excellent quality-control management talents. As a 1, you can model integrity, ethics, self-sacrifice, a can-do attitude, and encourage people’s best qualities to come forth. When you are in good form and balance your perfectionist drive, you are the cream of the crop!

At the same time, don’t be blind to your dark side. If you aim for being too good, you may react with your selfish side. Seek the middle ground. Listen to feedback and communicate. Be open to learning, instead of always teaching. Remember—all things in moderation—including perfection!

There are different kinds of 1s, based on wings and subtypes. 1s with a 2 wing have more of a helper side, while the 1 with a 9 wing is more detached and philosophical. Self-Preservation subtype 1s are serious about keeping their home environment, money, and future plans in order. Social subtype 1s want to seriously change the world, and Sexual subtype 1s want to merge with their ideal partner.

As with all types, the 1 has specific wings that influence behavior. These are the 1 with 2 wing (½) and the 1 with the 9 wing (1/9):

There are three Instinctual subtypes for the 1:

The Least You Need to Know