In This Chapter

Always looking on the bright side and seekers of excitement, Optimist/Fun Lovers are always up for something new. 7s don’t tolerate painful scenarios. This energized type is chipper, charming, and always up for the latest venture, whether it’s sports, gala parties and events, or a new and exciting challenge!

7s are the quintessential positive thinkers. Life is what you make it, and 7s choose to make it great! Sure there are challenges, but you can overcome them. You just have to work at it. The mind can conquer all adversity. Do you refuse to spend much time with the negative side of life—pain, discomfort, bad feelings, or boredom? Do you believe people cause their own misery by having bad attitudes? If this is how you think, welcome to your type. You are a 7!

7 is a Head type, so it’s all about attitude. You’re confident you can think your way out of anything, as long as you keep that affirmative mindset. For 7s, thinking is doing. A good idea, particularly one that’s upbeat, can save the day. Unfortunately ideas aren’t executions, and 7s are criticized for trying to merge the two.

Enjoyment, excitement, and adventure are at the heart of 7s. If there’s no pleasure in it, why do it? You don’t see pain, obstacles, or major difficulties as inevitable parts of the process; rather, they’re signs of something major being wrong. Of course, as a 7, you have creative ways of making even pain less painful. Your favorite expressions include …

7s stay stimulated or highly engaged with life, partially to not focus on the bad stuff. As a 7, you can acknowledge pain, but there’s no lingering on it, that’s for sure. If you focus on what’s good, deny what’s bad, or reframe your thinking, the pain will lessen or disappear. There’s always more fun to be had, thank God, so life is always good.

“I have to feel free in order to commit,” says the 7. Freedom comes first. It’s the foundation of your type. Defined limits cause pain. You need options, the freedom of your individuality, and liberation from limited or dysfunctional situations. More developed 7s realize that limits and some life-ache are just normal parts of life and growth, and not a reflection of something wrong.

You are generally extroverted, social, and engaging, loving to both entertain and be entertained. You know hordes of people but prefer to keep the connecting light. Conversations can be deep, at times, but changing the subject is easy for you, and if things get too serious, well, it’s just too serious. Introverted 7s do exist, and the excitement with them may remain in the head as ideas, shared with fewer people.

You have tons of energy and many interests. You not only think but act, though it’s hard to complete everything when your interests are so diverse! You remind us to see the glass as half full.

Your bright mind, cheerful nature, and ready smile get others smiling, too. You’ve got a good repertoire of jokes and enjoy being the life of the party. You’re a storyteller with considerable life experience.

Your quick mind easily comes up with all kinds of solutions to problems and an endless supply of ideas and ways of looking at whatever topic needs to be expanded. If anyone needs a brainstorming session, you’re available! Future visioning? You’ve got some thoughts on that.

Most likely you have traveled extensively and are already planning your next trip. Whether you actually carry out your plans, dreams, and schemes is less important than the thrill of thinking about what you might do. Planning a trip is almost as much fun as taking it. Studying restaurant menus, reading vacation brochures, and listening to stories from fellow travelers are terribly exciting. New hobbies, new jobs, new places to live, and new ways of experiencing life—there’s no end to the possibilities.

You have boundless energy, are resourceful, and are a Jack- (or Jill-) of-all-trades. You know a bit about everything. You might know five languages, have written books on a number of topics, and have a storehouse of information for solving myriad problems.

You are good at multitasking. Switching gears is easy for you and you rather like it. You have high energy, and are lively and responsive. You can be intensely focused when you’re doing something you enjoy.

You are often giving and helpful, generous with love and support for others in need. Your attitude is contagious. 7s who have lost limbs in an accident or who have been in the midst of the devastation of war retain a positive outlook. Whatever trouble befalls you, things could have been worse, and you make the best of the situation. You reach out to those who do have it worse than you. Life is good, independent of what happens, and what’s past is past. Let it go. Inspiring indeed!

In a nutshell, positive traits of 7 include …

Concepts of God relate to receiving the abundance of the universe. You enjoy the bounty of the earth and appreciate life deeply. Whatever an individual 7’s spiritual perspective, many 7s believe the world doesn’t end with the physical form. Life is expansive, so why should it end here? Many 7s even video their death process, throw parties to say goodbye, and prepare for even more joy beyond. There is an inherent faith in the future, and who says you have to be in a body? 7s trust that even the unknown is good. 7s, caught up in the material world overly much, might not be as optimistic about the afterlife, and may even need support from other 7s around this topic.

You enjoy the material world and want others to enjoy it as well. Even difficulties are seen as positive. You often surround yourself with good food, fun gadgets, colorful clothes, jewelry, and unique experiences. Travel is often essential. The Unity Church, which espouses constant positive affirmation, is the essence of 7 religion. Upbeat and rah-rah, the congregation repeats affirmations and sings songs of joy. The minister preaches about God’s glorious desire for all his creatures to be richly blessed.

7s avoid the dark side, as if it doesn’t exist. Why darkness, when everything is light and good already? From a 7 perspective, it’s just a distorted mind that’s the problem. Make all things bright by the power of your thoughts! Thoughts can’t cure everything, though. Pain still exists, however good the thoughts!

7s sometimes deny the bad that is happening to them or others—either through ignoring obvious pain and hurt or reframing the good too quickly. “Well, I’ll acknowledge the pain. Okay, let’s feel it deeply and quickly and be over it. We definitely don’t want to get mired in the swamp of despair.”

7s tend to focus too much on the bright side. Avoidance protects against repressed anger, greed, and insecurity surfacing. “No, I don’t want to talk about that. Why do you keep bringing up things that are painful to me?” Everyone else either has to pretend all is well or deal with the consequences you deal out.

You live at one extreme of the pendulum—the happy place. But life seeks its balance in the middle, where truth and reality hang out. When you go to one extreme, the other extreme is always there, pulling at you. You blame others for raining on your parade, when, for you, there are no options, other than constant parades. It seems that others are being negative, when it’s your avoidance of your feeling that’s causing the problem. Fear, sadness, and anger are normal emotions—relationships and life can’t go deep without them!

7s can have a real issue with commitment. Giving up freedom runs counter to your nature, so you avoid options that might actually offer you deeper gain. Freedom is often more about possibilities than reality. Limiting yourself may be painful, yet there’s the lesson—temporary discomfort for something that gives you more happiness in the long run. It’s a gamble. You can commit to work, relationships, and interests, when you see that freedom is relative and sometimes even an obstacle to the joy of real growth and fulfillment.

Worst traits of the type include these foibles:

The Stress type of 7 is 1, the Perfectionist/Reformer. You can be angry and controlling, like 1s, when people limit your options or force you to do something boring or constrained. You act out and vent your anger or complaint or alternatively try to control others, limiting their freedom. If people are constricting you, you’ll constrict them. You go back and forth.

You can also be a perfectionist, but it’s your version of perfection. Instead of having a balance between options and rules, you go to the opposite extreme and become rule-bound yourself. You realize you aren’t accomplishing enough with your in the moment way of being and reel yourself back in. Develop the positive side of 1—being more serious and committed, valuing order and guidelines, yet not being too rule-bound.

7s can be indecisive. You want all the options and hate to close any down. You can’t have it all. Instead of three parties in a night, go to one. If you spread yourself too thin, you’ll miss out on deeper connections and developing interests in a more expert way. Let go of the concern about missing out and see what takes more priority. Decide what benefits you and others the most and go for that. Choose quality over quantity!

Get help with decisions to see what your priorities are. Look at your values—fun, excitement, desire to learn, wanting to develop a skill, learning how to compromise and decide from those values and others as much as from titillation and fun. Sometimes it’s okay to be a bit more serious and have goals that might limit your typical 7 agenda. Trust yourself that you’ll always have a good time and not miss too much. After all, that’s who you are.

With so many activities and interests that drive you and often decide for you, you mostly decide from what feels good, which could make you feel bad later. Be more in charge and think before you act. Prioritize what’s important and envision your future by outcomes you want, even if this means some limits.

7s generally are easy to spot. You are fun and often speedy in talk and movement, with your drive for excitement and love of a good time. Sometimes you’re a bit wild! You are often boisterous, charismatic, or even clownish, and you love to tell stories. Your sunny disposition is hard to miss.

You dress colorfully, sometimes as if on constant vacation. You bring the energy up and do your best never to be down. You’re positive, but a tad defensively, as if it’s a sin not to be. It’s almost a veneer.

Other nonverbal cues:

You love to learn and love to talk about what you’ve learned. Ideas and options come quickly, so you jump from subject to subject with ease. Hobbies, people, sex, travel—whatever the topic, you’re prepared to shed some new light. Your mind loves to be entertained and generally you’ll entertain others with your learning. Other verbal cues:

Developed 7s are absolute delights. You see difficulties as part of the mix and learn from them, while you also refuse to have anything but the good life. There is nothing you can’t accomplish! You are up for any challenge and see the value of commitment. You are an inspiration to others, generous with your ideas and help. You can be serious and may even welcome pain for the experience it can provide on your life’s journey.

Most 7s enjoy life immensely but can get irritable with limits. You might run away from important feedback and refuse to feel too hemmed in. You might leave relationships or jobs prematurely, when conflicts arise, rather than facing and resolving the problems. You want your freedom but also like it when others are more committed to you. You can siphon off energy from the stronger commitment and groundedness of others—liking their solidity, yet reacting negatively to their rules or demands.

Undeveloped 7s try to stay in constant stimulation and activity to have fun and avoid pain. Pain creeps in and haunts you, sometimes causing depression. You get bored but yet never feel fully satisfied. You’re missing something and aren’t sure what it is. You become increasingly angry with people who are limiting you. Others leave you because of your irritation and self-centeredness.

However difficult the childhood, the 7 strategy is enjoyment. 7s relate to life with play, activity, and refreshing their minds with positive thoughts. 7 children can entertain themselves. Their positive attitude is a great way to deal with stress. Acting, board games, dancing, physical activities, talking, lessons, and endless activities—7s can make a game out of anything.

Parenting a 7 is both enjoyable and difficult. 7 children are always up for exploration and fun, but, at the same time, there can be a denial of pain. Children of divorce can pretend nothing is wrong, protecting against hurt. Confronting 7 children can be challenging, as they either deny the problem, go toward play, or wish the problem away.

Type 7 parents need to realize their children might not want as much stimulation as they do. While most kids will love your more zany, fun energy, the quiet child might become overwhelmed by it. Also, you might have issues with setting limits. Children need healthy limits to feel secure. Your upbeat perspective is great, but your children might feel forced to be happy when they aren’t.

Make sure you can nurture your kids, whether they’re happy or not, and accept their sadness, hurt, fear, and anger as much as their joy. Don’t bring them out of a difficult-feeling experience too early, just because it hurts you to watch them. Continue to heal yourself, by allowing them their feelings. Be careful of an over-positive atmosphere that causes repression. “Only positive allowed” protects you more than the child. Of course, all kids are different, and it’s your job to adapt to parenting from their worldview, as much as yours.

You think about future options, what could happen, what you might do—all with a positive focus. You think about ways that are limiting you and how you can shift that. You look at what’s happening that you like and plan more options, spinning out pleasant stories. You think about people and activities and ways you can attend parties, book signings, whitewater trips, balloon rides, or yoga. They’re endless—the possibilities.

You also think about …

What 7 adults wish they could say:

You love relationships, but you want to make everyone a 7. You demand everyone be happy, look at the bright side, and not complain about much—a tall order for anyone but another 7. Most people can’t pull it off, and your criticism of non-7ness can also be a complaint and rejection. Your demand for happiness can be a pressure on you and others!

7s can be great in relationships. You can follow or lead, being egalitarian. You’re for whatever works—not needing the whatever to be overly defined. When you develop yourself, you are more sensitive to others’ feelings, whether those feelings are easy or difficult. You can be supportive and helpful to others and love to see smiles on their faces from your giving. Your cheerfulness and joy bring joy to other’s lives. You are playful and spontaneous and ready to engage in life. You enjoy yourself and make sure others do, too!

It’s hard for you to listen, sometimes, as your mind is speeding along, thinking of other things. Pay closer attention when your friend or partner is talking about difficulties. Listen for others’ needs, even those that are below the surface, as much as you focus on your own. Listening is as valuable as solutions are. Prioritize empathy over excitement.

If someone repeats too much, which you hate, say you got it the first time and only need to hear it once—but say it with a smile! If you show real interest and patience, people will be less likely to repeat themselves. On one hand, be a bit more patient; on the other, tell people how to talk to you so you’ll listen better.

When others are talking, be careful about changing the subject to bring attention back to you or to a more exciting topic. Listen as much to others’ emotional needs as you do to stimulating ideas or fascinating details. Do some detective work!

You can be a challenge for others when it comes to really sticking it out to solve a real problem. You love the quick fix, but the nitty-gritty details of fixing things that take time, unless they are relevant or interesting, bore you. You need a few lessons in persistence and fortitude to learn that solving some problems requires time and real change. The more developed you are, the more you are committed to commitment and relating in-depth.

Everyone has different interests; so don’t be disappointed if your interests and those of your partner don’t mesh at times. Generally you have others to share with and are okay with differences, but you do like to have fun with your partner. Independent, you prefer other independent people. Sometimes it can feel as if others are attaching themselves to you with glue, so let them know you want to help but don’t want strong dependence, unless you do.

Lessons for you include slowing down, focusing on fewer things, accepting the negative as part of life, and facing feedback about limits. You can’t make everyone and everything positive. Not everyone chooses happy, excited feelings as a number-one priority. Your way is no more right than others.

If there is danger or hurt or obstacles or a bad mood or whatever, they are real, and you can’t wish or think them away. Accept what is, rather than how it could be. You are future oriented and miss out sometimes on the value of what is now. Be more fully present to this moment, whatever it is, positive or negative.

Even though you are giving and often empathic, you sometimes lack heart sensitivity. Compassion and connection often happen at a slower pace, when you resonate with the emotional experience of another. Let go of trying to solve problems too quickly and just be with another, accepting their difficulties. Listen well before bringing in attitudes, affirmations, and right actions.

Face pain and difficulties. Cry when sad, express anger when necessary, and be aware of your fear. Notice guilty feelings. Don’t bypass your inner experience, in your attempt to get back to fun and pleasure. Don’t dwell in pain, which is unlikely, but feel enough not to avoid what is real. Sometimes you get depressed, because you’ve been holding back a wall of feelings. The more you allow yourself to feel, the more you heal and provide protection from depression.

Your tendency is to start something and not necessarily finish. Realize that completion can be fulfilling and don’t stop just because you get bored or the details become tedious. It’s temporary and the excitement will return again, if it’s the right project or situation for you. Just hang in there and get some help with what’s hanging you up. If you get down on occasion, not to worry!

The Growth type of 7 is 5, the Observer/Thinker. 5s explore in depth. Instead of dabbling in everything, become an expert in a few things that really interest you. 7s grow when you get a bit more serious and commit to what you believe in, work hard to develop those traits, and aren’t afraid of some struggle. Determine to be good at what you do, whatever the cost. The 5 journey is introverted and less about outer stimulation than the inner stimulation of a job thoroughly done with deep learning. Spend some time with self-ref lection, like 5.

7s are creative and love to move between realities. There’s no end to the subjects that 7s can combine or intermarry. 7s can explore and define the interrelationships between modern politics and religion, or the differences between religion and spirituality, or sex and spirituality. New music, new spirituality, new anything! 7s love to arrange and rearrange, synthesize, and intuit new possibilities.

7s seldom say no to the unknown. 7s are into mind play, work games, art themes. Many 7s create new food combinations and dishes, new ways to express sexuality, travel, and work roles. 7s adapt, create change, and are trendsetters for clothes, electronics, adventure travel, and sports. Let’s work for cultural exchanges among nations! There’s so much to learn and share.

7s are found in travel, entertainment, and movie industries and are comedians, musicians, and magicians. You prefer jobs and careers that provide plenty of freedom. A locked-in job with a hovering or controlling boss is a no-go or short-term stay.

Perhaps you’re an entrepreneur. Many 7s are. You have great ideas, though you may struggle with the follow-through. 7s often start ventures and pass them on to others to develop. Boring details are torture. Many 7s have five, six, or more major careers throughout a lifetime. Even in a regular job, 7s prefer to wear different hats.

7s lead by inspiration, motivation, and holding a positive vision. You usually are excellent speakers and can keep the energy up when things show signs of flagging. Strong on innovation, you need to energize others to stay interested and excited. You can create an organization of team players, as you know you can’t do it alone. You encourage egalitarianism and want everyone to be energized on his or her own but can be negative toward complainers or too-practical people who fearfully hold back the process or stop the ball rolling for research or future concerns.

As a 7, you want to move on, yet you sometimes need help with action steps. You may act without a clear and consistent focus. You want others to act out your ideas, thinking ideas are the main catalyst for action. Sometimes you’re too confident, not expecting the obstacles. “Don’t they see that this could work?” Other times you’ll just make obstacles fun.

There are different kinds of 7s. 7s with 6 wings alter more for harmony in relationship and 7s with an 8 wing are more independent and assertive. 7s are positive to a fault, but anyone, when stressed, becomes different. Some 7s can be irritable and controlling when obstacles become too great. It’s hard to be cheerful all the time, especially when a positive attitude alone doesn’t produce results.

There are two wings for 7: the 7 with a 6 wing (7/6) and the 7 with an 8 wing (⅞).

There are three Instinctual subtypes for the 7:

The Least You Need to Know