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You value peace and harmony above all else, and you want everyone to like you and be nice to you. Your identity changes often, according to the situation at hand and what you perceive others expect from you. Sound familiar? If you’ve caught tantalizing glimpses of yourself in each of the previous types, but none were an exact fit, welcome to your type. 9s identify who they are by identifying with others. You are a 9!

To understand the world of the 9, it’s important to know that 9s adapt to the wants of others, accommodate others, and go out of their way to create either real or imagined peace, at least from the 9 perspective. As a 9, you’re generally positive, optimistic, and trusting, although you can get down if you can’t create peace. You love life and look for the best in all people and situations.

Sometimes, however, your trust borders on a childlike naiveté, and this can cause you problems. Not everyone wants peace, and not everyone’s motives are pure or good. As an accommodator, you’re sincere and value relationships, so you tend to go along with what others want. However, some may see you as gullible and may take advantage of you, especially because you are easy to talk to, kind, compassionate, welcoming, giving, and agreeable. You defer your own plans and adapt your ideas and wants to those of others. You may seem okay on the surface, but always putting other people first causes your stress level and resentment to build. When you reach your limit, you slam on the brakes or run for your life. People get confused as to why such an agreeable person is suddenly not so agreeable.

9s are people most people want to know. You are the salt of earth, accepting, forgiving, and generous—the basic, good person. There is no guile. You are generally easy to be with and have a high tolerance for differences in people. You’ll easily sacrifice self for the unity of the whole, going out of your way to create harmony and connection. You’re happy for the successes of others and are willing to learn from them.

In a nutshell, positive traits of 9 include being …

You are not one of the skeptics—that’s for sure! You have a clear sense of how life should be lived. As a 9, you see life as good and believe human greed and selfishness are aberrations. You may attend church or belong to groups that emphasize the spiritual aspects of life. Many mystics and psychics are 9s. You understand the interrelatedness of all life and want to make the world a better place for everyone. The Golden Rule guides your actions, and you do go out of your way to help people in need and don’t require special recognition for your efforts.

There wouldn’t be a good without a bad, a positive without a negative. This applies to everything we assign a value to, and it also includes our Enneagram type. At the worst, 9s lose all sense of personal identity, sacrifice everything to another, and then self-esteem goes out the window. Best to find and maintain your individuality, or you will feel lost and at the beck and call of everyone’s command or whim. Unfortunately, if you don’t keep moving forward, life will put you under a rock, which rarely moves and puts you under an awful lot of pressure.

When you retreat from reality and stress, distracting yourself with comfort or addictions—whatever feels good—you’re practicing risk avoidance and repressing your self. Avoiding conflict creates internal conflict and more avoidance. If you’ve ever resorted to cleaning out your sock drawer instead of addressing what’s really troubling you, you’ve practiced avoidance. Handle your first priority, instead of your fifth!

Beyond avoidance, 9s can be plagued by repressed anger and resentment. How does this surface? Passive-aggressive behaviors are the tool of choice. 9s disown their anger. Instead of saying no or expressing some self-interest, you get stubborn, delay, forget, avoid, and can even get more agreeable, yet with no action. When someone asks what’s wrong, you respond that everything is fine. Of course everything isn’t fine, and you can’t break through your veneer of nice to explain.

Each Enneagram type protects itself from stress and the uncomfortable aspects of people and life. Each defense makes sense, once you understand the type. 9s, however, work at cross-purposes and actually increase their stress, holding it inside, instead of releasing. As a 9, your inclination is to downplay and minimize your own needs—hence making “molehills out of mountains.” This creates repressed anger that eventually might blow to make Vesuvius look tame! Take care of problems when they happen, not later. Being direct now prevents later explosions.

Worst traits of the type include these foibles:

The Stress type for 9 is 6, the Questioner/Guardian. This type manifests itself in a tendency to be frozen in fear, unable to act, obsessive, and even paranoid! The 9 is a Body type and needs to reconnect to the body when in fear, not ruminate to worst-case scenarios in the mind, like the Head type 6. Focus on action and bring the fear along, if need be. Trust your intuition, not your mind torture. When in high stress, go back to 9 and find your relaxation. Focus on balancing with the positive side of 6, being more self-protective, realistic, and seeing the selfish side of others or even of yourself.

Feeling indecisive? Your tendency to see all sides of an issue, and not have much of a core self to strengthen you, makes decision-making difficult. Everything seems fairly equal in value and weight. So you freeze up and often wait until the last minute to let someone else or even fate decide for you.

Who am I, really? There’s the quintessential question, for you. As a 9, you struggle with establishing your unique identity. This is difficult, as your natural tendency is to mold yourself to fit whomever you’re with. This is hard work. It’s tiring and counterproductive, as well. Now you’ve got a conflicted inner reality to deal with, as well as situations to handle and decisions to make. Help!

It’s hard to trust that you can be in control of your life and decide for yourself and not have to take care of or pacify others. It’s a full time job keeping peace, particularly when you are the main person needing it. Good decision-making comes from understanding that you are an individual, with individual wants and needs. Trying to place the traits of your type upon everyone else, to make peace for the rest of the world, is a task doomed to failure.

True peace is about a decision and commitment to act on your values, even in the face of a very nonpeaceful and conflicted situation. To grow, 9s need to face the realities of competition, selfishness, and strife and still help others and the world with acceptance, unity, and peace. Of course, unless you can make your own decisions based on personal values, it’s difficult to help the world!

Because 9s can imitate any type, it can be a challenge to spot a 9, as they can effortlessly alter to adapt to you. The consistent theme is conflict avoidance, with occasional anger eruptions, when 9s have repressed themselves too much. 9s struggle to have a strong and consistent sense of self. Watch for the nonverbal cues to detect the 9. Never consistently like any other type, 9s are the nice guys of the universe.

Look for hand gestures that are slower, with both hands balanced and rounded. This relates to seeing the world in a unified, inclusive way. When stressed, 9s push their hands out like a stop sign or press them down to dampen or stop intensity, conflict, or loud noises. They nod their heads in agreement. They take breaks. There are other signs to look for:

9s have some interesting verbal habits. They will agree with you. They tend to repeat themselves over and over, both because they are uncertain you are hearing them and also just because it feels good to talk about pleasant matters. They avoid getting to the point and will verbally meander. Their words are often low-key, trailing off at the end. They can easily buzz out or change the subject when others bring up unpleasant topics.

Other verbal cues:

Developed 9s have learned to be individuals, speaking up when necessary and managing conflict, while still being beacons for peace and equanimity. If you’re developed, you’ve taken the necessary risks in life to grow and integrate those traits. You show your individuality and passion, and you’ll go after what you want, while still yielding to find balance with others.

Most 9s still struggle with being assertive. If you’re like most 9s, you have difficulty going after what you want or even identifying what that may be.

Undeveloped 9s are doormats, living in constant fear of upsetting people and feeling extremely stuck in life, not making any moves to disturb the apple cart. If you’re undeveloped, others don’t know where you stand, nor do you. You kind of drift through life like a falling leaf, at the beck and call of the wind.

Childhood is a time to explore your individuality, to grow, and learn. But for the 9, childhood is also about accommodating the wishes of the parents. Adaptable, obedient, and sweet, the 9 child frequently serves as the family mediator who wants everyone to get along. Sometimes 9 children can act out family drama and anger in fantasy, hoping for change. They’ll adapt to do what is expected, to the point of unwilling boys playing war games, even if it feels uncomfortable. They’ll even try assertiveness, if that’s what mommy and daddy want, but this doesn’t last long. It’s just not in their nature.

Getting along with parents is the 9 child’s first priority and then, if possible, with siblings or friends. Avoiding aggressive children is difficult, as most children seek 9s out because of their acceptance of everyone. 9s attract the loners and are also perfect targets for bullies. If there is too much conflict, the peace-seeker child first tries to make peace. If unsuccessful, the 9 child hides away, reads a book, or takes a walk in the woods.

Nature lovers, generally, 9 children look for solitude or fun games to play, ideally, with less-aggressive kids. If 9s win too much, they feel bad. This adds to their stress, so they feel obligated to make sure others win, too. Generally they’re cautious of stepping on bugs and don’t kill animals for sport. God forbid! However, the seed of the adult is in the child, and the 9 child’s passive-aggressive side lurks within.

9 children think they should be sweet and nice, never angry; get along with everyone; share toys; and in general be good girls and boys.

The 9 parent wants a peaceful home. Too much conflict is a major stressor, causing anxiety or depression in the parent. As a 9 parent, you encourage your children to be peaceful, caring, and sharing. This works great, if your children are also 9s. Develop your own individuality and strengths, so you can understand and bring out the natural type traits of your children. Accept children who aren’t as peaceful as you and maybe even learn from them. Adapting to each of your children’s types will help you develop and also help you engage more directly with your children. If there’s some intensity in your children’s types, so much the better!

9s, like all the types, have an inner dialogue going on that reflects the type values. Often, with 9s, what is seen on your calm surface is not an accurate indicator of the conflict that simmers beneath. 9s struggle with an inner life that scares you to share, yet communicating what you want is essential for growth. 9s need to accept your thinking and have the courage to use that thinking to speak out what you dare not say!

What else your type thinks about:

What 9 adults wish they could say:

What do you want in a relationship? As a 9, you’re often in one! You tend to build your sense of self by going along with or against others, instead of being the initiator. The same qualities—understanding, empathy, acceptance, a forgiving nature, tolerance, inclusiveness—that draw people into relationships with you, can also drive them away. The problem is not so much that you’re holding back. It’s just that you know what you don’t want more than what you do. Clarify what you want. Be more selfish!

You avoid conflict so much that you often stay in highly unsatisfying relationships for many years. It’s just too threatening to see your self-centered desires or emotions known or revealed, even to you. Only seeing the good, while you hide your needs or problems, is a recipe for disaster. If you seek change, you risk conflict. So you go on. And on. And on.

Because your tendency is to avoid setting self-goals that may cause conflict with others, you end up going nowhere fast and run the risk of suffocating a relationship, along with your passion for life. Kind of goes against the grain, doesn’t it? On one hand you love life, but on the other you retreat from it. Go more for what you want and take the risks that actually might spark the relationship. Don’t avoid by watching TV all day or treading water, when conflict is too overwhelming. Listen carefully to your inner signals and seek some support when extreme fear or surfacing anger calls for it.

9s are generally laid back but often attract those with opposite qualities for relationships—more direct, or anger-oriented types—to bring out their own! When you accept your own anger and are more direct, you can consciously choose whom you want to relate to! Keep seeing yourself as the powerful person that you are and make the choices that suit you.

To be honest, there isn’t a strong individual self in the 9, and that’s the challenge—learning to develop one. Life is about growth. Your journey, as a 9, is to discover who you are as an individual and let go of conforming so much to others’ real or imagined expectations. Accept the challenges of life as opportunities to develop the qualities you are lacking. Sacrifice some comfort for strength-building.

Focus your energy more toward independence, direct expression, and a strong sense of self in your interactions. All of these increase relationship success. When fully developed, you’re assertive, self-directed, action-oriented, individualistic, passionate, clear, and inspiring in your communication—hard-won qualities. While many people strive for these qualities, for you it’s a constant challenge to manifest qualities opposite your natural tendencies.

9s’ Growth type is 3, the Achiever/Winner. It’s a natural evolution, if 9s are growing, to be more success-oriented and self-focused and achieve through goals and action—like 3s. It’s tough to reach success if you are too other-oriented or divert your attention to please or avoid. The balance for 9s is to clarify what you want, put on some horse blinders, go for the goal, enjoy receiving accolades, and not settle for anything less than completion. The world needs productive 9s!

Develop your individuality, skills, and creative pursuits and build self-esteem and confidence through those creative endeavors. It’s easy to settle for what you’ve been taught or conform to hobbies or interests that others expect you to pursue. As a 9, tune in to be your unique self, even if others don’t understand or like it. Stick with important pursuits, even when they are challenging or uncomfortable.

You may find that, as a 9, you are drawn to communal activities, are often good with arts and crafts, enjoy anything related to nature, and like music. Being a Body type, you are often physically coordinated, and this comes in handy for sports. It’s good to challenge yourself and be competitive for fun and for personal development, knowing, of course, it’s not fun to win too much if it means others must lose.

Because you’re highly adaptable, you have more varied work and career options than any other type, although you’re often working in human services and related service industries. It’s not unusual to see 9s as counselors, mediators, child educators, massage therapists, forest rangers, landscapers, or naturalists. Anything related to healing, unity, or nature draws 9s like honey. Often, you prefer a peaceful environment to the actual job description and are generally stressed in work situations with constant dead-lines, high competition, and office politics. You do best when you prioritize what you want out of a job or career and stick to your guns. You need to speak up at work about your own priorities, such as ways to improve team communication through harmony-based incentives. These ideas won’t see the light of day if you hold back due to fear of conflict.

The more conscious of self the 9 is, the more there is a deep commitment to real peace, and 9s can be leaders for that purpose. 9s can run from their own conflicts, but many developed 9s are active in the world, creating and leading for peace and unity and being an example for others to follow. 9s often are supporters and protestors for peace, but even more importantly, 9s are actively making peace happen, as mediation specialists, negotiators, and advocates for children or animals. 9s integrate their greatest strengths when they stand strong in their commitment to make the world a safer, more inclusive, loving world.

Like all the types, 9s have two different wings and three instinctual subtypes, each of which has a unique description and flavors the core 9. The 9 with an 8 wing, for instance, may seem unusual, in that the qualities of 9 and 8 are seemingly opposite, with 9s being indirect and 8s being direct. This type leads with peace, yet is generally more outspoken than a 9 with a 1 wing. 9s are generally mellow, but the Sexual subtype 9 is more emotionally intense than other 9 subtypes, being driven to merge with a lover in order to have a relationship work.

There are two wings for 9: the 9 with an 8 wing (9/8) and the 9 with a 1 wing (9/1):

There are three Instinctual subtypes for the 9:

The Least You Need to Know