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Chapter 11
Made-up Words
People are always making up words. Usually the idea is to transform a noun or an adjective into a verb, say, for example, by turning the adjective “final” into the ersatz verb “finalize.” And standards often evolve over time to accommodate these changes as the new words fall into widespread usage. But not all of these creations become acceptable, and those that do tend to take a long while—sometimes centuries—to get there. The thing you want to avoid is being ahead of the trend because instead of being perceived as a language maverick, you’re more likely to be thought of as unrefined or pretentious. The following errors are the most common when dealing with made-up words.
135. Irregardless
Don’t Say: We’ll have the meeting irregardless of whether Stuart can attend. Say Instead: We’ll have the meeting regardless of whether Stuart can attend.
Here’s Why: “Irregardless” is not a word. Somewhere along the line, somebody who didn’t understand what “regardless” meant thought that the negative prefix “ir-” would make the word mean “without regard,” the way you’d turn “relevant” into “irrelevant.” But “regardless” already means “without regard”—that’s the whole reason that “-less” suffix is tacked on to the back end in the first place. Using “irregardless” is a big signal that a speaker is uninformed. Don’t do it.
136. Authored
Don’t Say: The Senator has authored a new recipe book devoted to cooking and eating crow. Say Instead: The Senator has written (or published) a new recipe book devoted to cooking and eating crow.
Here’s Why: “Author” is a noun that identifies the person who did the writing—it should not be used as a verb describing the action of writing.
137. Critiqued
Don’t Say: Did you hear how Lisa critiqued Maureen’s performance? Say Instead: Did you hear how Lisa criticized (or reviewed) Maureen’s performance?
Here’s Why: This is the same problem we had with “authored.” “Critique” is a noun that shouldn’t be turned into a verb. One explanation for why this happens is that the verb “criticize,” which by definition carries neither positive nor negative connotations, has come to have a negative sense to it—so people turn to “critique” as an alternative. Avoid this.
138. Gift
Don’t Say: They gifted the university with a million-dollar donation. Say Instead: They presented the university with a million-dollar donation.
Here’s Why: Again, “gift” is a noun that shouldn’t be turned into a verb. There are obviously a lot of other ways this sentence could have been corrected, including They made a million-dollar donation to the University and They gave a million dollars to the University.
139. Adding “-ize”
Don’t Say: Every time Malcom’s mail is late he says they should privatize the postal service. Say Instead: Every time Malcom’s mail is late he says they should turn over the postal service to the private sector.
Here’s Why: There are a lot of respectable “-ize” verbs such as “hospitalize,” “jeopardize,” and “institutionalize” that had to travel a long and rocky path to acceptability. But there are a number of “-ize” words in popular use—especially in business environments—that haven’t made it yet into the halls of standard English. These include “privatize” from our example, as well as “finalize, “prioritize,” “incentivize,” and “theorize.” These words sound like needless jargon at best and pretentious jargon at worst—they’re best avoided by careful speakers and writers.
140. Enthuse
Don’t Say: The company president enthused over the new budget report until he discovered that it contained five mathematical errors. Say Instead: The company president praised (or applauded ) the new budget report until he discovered that it contained five mathematical errors.
Here’s Why: The verb “enthuse” is a fine word that performs a useful function: it conveys either the causing or the expressing of enthusiasm. But it’s a relatively recent creation, and some conservative speakers still object to it. So enthuse away in ordinary conversation at home and at work; but in the most formal kind of speech and writing, however, you may wish to cater to the conservatives and avoid it.
141. Adding “-wise”
Don’t Say: It’s an interesting job, but not much salary-wise. Say Instead: It’s an interesting job, but the salary is small.
Here’s Why: Lots of respectable words end in “-wise” as a way of indicating a manner or a direction—“clockwise” is a common example. However, tacking on the suffix “-wise” willynilly in order to convey “with regard to” is a no-no. Stay away from formulations such as “profit-wise,” “time-wise,” and “height-wise.”
Test: Made-up Words
Please rewrite the following sentences, substituting preferred words for the words in italics. The Answer Key offers possible revisions; in many cases there’s more than one way to revise.
1. My husband hated the vase, but I bought it irregardless.
2. That plant will die irregardless of whether you water it.
3. Earl has authored more than 80 books, including the best-selling Tofu Fantasies.
4. Warren critiqued every aspect of the concert, from the oboist’s delightful solo to the conductor’s terrible comb-over.
5. Aunt Hortense gifted the museum with her unparalleled collection of brass knuckles.
6. We flew to Tahiti to finalize the deal in more comfortable surroundings.
7. Mornings work best when you prioritize carefully: socks first, shoes afterward.
8. How can we theorize this contradiction?
9. She enthused about the opera at dinner, but immediately fell asleep when it began.
10. He’s intelligent and charming, but height-wise he falls a little short.
11. We’re doing fine profit-wise, but not too well morale-wise.
12. Taste-wise our product is way ahead of its competitors.
Answer Key: Made-up Words
1. My husband hated the vase, but I bought it regardless. Or: My husband hated the vase, but I bought it anyway.
2. That plant will die regardless of whether you water it. Or: That plant will die whether you water it or not.
3. Earl has written or published or (more creatively) spawned or vomited more than 80 books, including the best-selling Tofu Fantasies.
4. Warren criticized or reviewed or considered or examined or discussed every aspect of the concert, from the oboist’s delightful solo to the conductor’s terrible comb-over.
5. Aunt Hortense gave the museum her unparalleled collection of brass knuckles.
6. “Finalize” is pretty widely accepted; but you may wish to use the following revisions if you want to avoid language that sounds like “jargon”: We flew to Tahiti to complete or conclude the deal in more comfortable surroundings.
7. Mornings work best when you plan carefully.
8. How can we explain or discuss or account for this contradiction? “Theorize” is pretty widely accepted as an intransitive verb that doesn’t take an object, as in “Don’t just theorize, get some practical experience!” But most speakers don’t accept “theorize” as a transitive verb: if you need to have a direct object, choose an alternative to “theorize.” Please note that not all “-ize” words are considered out-of bounds. Unfortunately, there is no rule to tell you which are correct: some “-ize” words have been around long enough to be accepted, while some have not. The following examples are probably the safest and most widely accepted: “She laughed so hard at his proposal that she had to be hospitalized.” “Will this typhoon jeopardize our vacation plans?”
9. She praised the opera at dinner, but immediately fell asleep when it began.
10. He’s intelligent and charming, but he’s a little too short.
11. We’re making a lot of money. Or: Profits are up. but morale is low.
12. Our product tastes better than its competitors.
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