Introduction
“Well, kid, welcome to the club. You are now dinner conversation.”
These words, said to me when I was promoted to my first management role at Marriott International, rang in my ears. I was an excited twenty-two-year-old former floor mopper who would now be a shift manager, with several dozen people working for me.
Actually, I was terrified.
I couldn’t get my mind off the idea that I would be dinner conversation. What would the people I managed say about me? What should I say to them? How would I get them to do as I asked? They all had far more experience doing their jobs, and the large majority were far older than I—some were even old enough to be my parents. Surely they would see that I didn’t have a clue what to do.
Years later, when I was made executive vice president at McCann Erickson Worldwide, I felt the same twinge of anxiety. Soon I came to realize that the gift of human empathy, which had guided me through those early days at Marriott, would allow me to steer literally thousands of people to row in the direction of McCann Erickson’s future.
As my career has progressed, I’ve learned things the hard way, through trial and error . . . mostly error. Through it all, I came to realize people don’t follow you because of a chain of command, or because of discipline, orderliness, or even intimidation. They follow you because of who you are; because you have come to understand the deep desires and hopes of your people; and because, by connecting with them, you have created a culture and a common cause they believe in.
So that dinner conversation can go one of two ways. Around their dining tables, your people could be grousing bitterly, “Do you know what he did to us today?” Conversely, with excitement in their voices, they could be saying, “Guess what we did today!” The difference lies in your ability to reach your people on a purely emotional level. As a leader, you do not preside or command; instead you float, buoyant, because the people you lead believe you should. They reward your generosity, your belief in them, and your ability to galvanize them toward a common purpose by believing in you.
To be sure, decisiveness is a requisite of leadership, but it is not what inspires people to make you float. They see, through your empathy, that you give them as high a priority as you do yourself and that you have created a culture and climate in which they can flourish.
When I got into the business world I quickly saw what appeared to be “rules” for leadership. From the oft-mimicked behaviors I observed, it seemed that success belonged to the swaggering “tough guy” types who ate bowls of nails for breakfast, and who bellowed orders and made clear who was boss. I quickly took inventory of myself; as a somewhat soft-spoken, altogether emotional person, I deduced that I did not possess the requisite skills for leadership.
Take heart. Success didn’t—and doesn’t—depend on a tough-as-nails bearing.
As a kid from the wrong side of the tracks, I learned from a very young age to play the hand I was dealt. I couldn’t “command” my way into being followed I would have to encourage followers to join me. Blessed with a highly intuitive nature, I could easily relate to people—I understood how they felt and could instinctively zero in on their unstated desires. Quietly, I would set out to find a way to connect with these people and bring them together toward some amazing end. I saw management not as a practice but as a journey that we all traveled together. I realized quickly that the way to achieve a something great was not just to manage but also to ignite.
Leadership is an act of human empathy and generosity of spirit. When people know you understand their hopes and desires, and you make your connection clear to them and show confidence that you as a community can get there, they’ll follow you anywhere.
Why This Book?
After a thirty-year career, first at Marriott International then in the global advertising business, I came to a realization. I discovered that the joy of my life and career was no longer my own success, but rather seeing the up-and-coming leadership of the company succeed. With company turnarounds, mayoral elections, and the now-famous “Priceless” campaign for MasterCard and many others behind me, I realized that the thrill for me was not another account win; it was picking up the phone to hear the excited voices of a young team I coached exclaiming, “We won it!”
What a joy.
I formed my company, re:kap, three years ago to help people and companies achieve what they seek. Increasingly, we receive a good deal of correspondence from frontline leaders asking how they can lead their people and their company to win in the marketplace. These requests have come particularly from practicing managers and leaders who are confronted in their organizations with the challenges and difficulties of leading their teams. I created The Buoyant Leader as an ecosystem—made up of this book, online instruction, and community support—to help leaders on their heroic journey to survive and thrive. So, in effect, this program is for you.
Mentorship is much of what this program, and my company, is about. Our mission is to inspire you to set exciting ambitions and reach them confidently; to encourage you to know that the very person you are—as you are—can get you to your goals; and to equip you with the tools and practices to deal with the management issues you may face along the way.
What You’ll Take Away
The Case of the Missing Cutlery is designed with several goals in mind:
1. To provide a proven treatise on the concepts of contemporary leadership you can apply right away.
2. To outfit you with practical, easily implemented methods and tools to use in your leadership journey.
3. To structure a “course” with tasks and applications you and others can employ in the context of your working environment.
4. To equip you with an in-the-minute reference guide you can refer to when you confront new and challenging leadership situations.
How It Is Organized
The Case of the Missing Cutlery is organized in two parts:
I. The Case Many books and articles on achieving success in business rightly cite such stellar successes as Apple, GE, and other luminary organizations. When I was coming up in business, both on the job and at graduate school, these notable cases taught me much, but I confess that at times in my day-to-day business life I struggled to see how Steve Jobs’s or Jack Welch’s lofty exploits correlated with my role as an entry-level shift manager. I spent much of my formative business years in a virtual wilderness, and, with no role models in my family, I discovered everything through trial and error. So when I give examples, I do not draw on the loftier cases in my experience, but on the simplest, and probably most profound.
II. A Course in Buoyancy Leadership is not a static thing. It is neither sitting nor presiding—it’s going somewhere. Leadership is a journey toward a fantastic goal. So in this spirit, this section takes you on a hero’s journey and breaks down the elements in a leadership path. I’ll connect these principles and tools to “The Case” to help your practical application. It’s laid out in a course framework, with tasks for you to apply, particularly in your current role, so you can see in live terms how the concepts can work for you.
The Buoyant Leader Ecosystem
This book is part of the total Buoyant Leader ecosystem, and it links to a broader community-based set of activities. In it you will find links to our YouTube channel, kap:tv, thebuoyantleader.com, where you’ll discover a whole range of support, from short video presentations across a range of topics to interviews with people who have “been there” as well as a forum in which you can raise questions and find answers to your pressing leadership issues.
And now . . . to begin putting forward the time-tested elements of success I have enjoyed, I will tell you a story. It is a true tale drawn from my humble beginnings as a gangly, terrified, young assistant shift manager in the airline catering kitchens of Marriott International.