8
When Customers Go Ballistic
No one likes to see customers scream at company representatives, but it happens. A 1976 study of consumers said 32 percent reported experiencing a serious customer service problem in the previous year. By 2003, after the establishment of huge call centers, that number had risen to 45 percent, and of those consumers more than two-thirds reported feeling “rage” about how their problems were handled.1 Not only can screaming customers leave service providers shaken, but the customers may be embarrassed by their public display of emotions; to cover their embarrassment, they may become more self-righteous. Viewers are uncomfortable, wondering if they should take a stand—and on whose side.
It is essential that service providers be trained to handle volatile situations. Faced with the threat of possible attack, our natural inclinations are either to fight or to flee. Neither of these behaviors is appropriate in a business environment (unless someone is truly threatening), but they are natural responses that we suppress. Hollywood capitalizes on this frustration with movie scenes in which the overworked, underappreciated, trampled-on employee who finally can’t take it anymore calls the customer a foul name, insists he or she is not paid enough to take the abuse, and walks right off the job. Almost all movie audiences spontaneously applaud such scenes.
Some approaches, such as the Gift Formula, can help calm upset customers. We have seen the Gift Formula work successfully with some extremely wrought-up customers. Shortly after the first edition of A Complaint Is a Gift was released, we heard from a veterinarian with a customer who was furious that a treatment for his cows did not do what it was supposed to do. The customer believed he had been sold an inferior product, but what really fed his anger was his belief that the vet simply didn’t care. The vet realized that the emotions had to be handled first. Once that issue got sorted out, the two of them were able to analyze what was happening. The vet kept saying over and over again to his customer, “I’m so glad you brought this to my attention.” Each time, it helped calm the customer.
It’s important to remember that the vet’s customer was dissatisfied. That is clear. The customer was also angry, and that difference needs to be acknowledged. Dissatisfied customers may give you a second chance if their needs are met. But if they are angry and dissatisfied, there is a much greater likelihood that you’ll not see them again. And if customers are both furious and dissatisfied when they leave you, it’s extremely difficult to get them back.2 Therefore, if your organization is measuring only dissatisfaction, you may be getting a very incomplete picture of future consumer intentions. One way to get more information about the emotional state of your customers is to ask staff at call centers to check a box from negative five to positive five indicating the intensity of customer emotions. Zero in the middle would represent no significant emotional effect. Five on the positive side would indicate a customer who hangs up delighted. Five on the negative side would indicate a customer who was furious and perhaps swore before hanging up. Managers could call the people with high negative numbers to see if there was some way they could still reclaim them as customers.
On occasion, customers are beyond wrought up. They are ready to explode, and it takes a mature, self-aware person to be able to handle a situation like this. Frequently, customer-facing staff are just beginning their careers and have had limited experience with maintaining a professional presence while handling explosive customers. Sometimes even highly experienced staff have difficulties dealing with angry customers. A medical doctor in one of our workshops told us he did not like it when his patients got upset. “I don’t understand why they get upset with me,” he said. “I had one patient who felt I wasn’t sensitive to him. I don’t get it. I saved his leg, didn’t I?” The other doctors in the audience applauded his remarks. Janelle pointed out that saving a leg is indeed a very important part of the professional services a doctor can provide. But it’s not sufficient. “Perhaps,” Janelle said, “your patient thinks of himself as more than just a leg. Perhaps this patient experiences himself as a total emotional being.”
We’ll go out on a limb and say that the service you offer is only as good as your complaint handling when customers are frustrated and angry. Authors Wolfgang Seidel and Bernd Stauss support this idea when they say, “From the customer’s perspective, the actual problem solution is not judged independently from the way the [organization] treats the customer in case of a complaint.”3 Ongoing practice in handling complaints is essential to create a foundation for professional action when staff are placed in situations in which their natural inclination is to leave or to do combat.
In this chapter, we discuss five principles that underlie techniques that can be used to handle difficult customers. These principles are based on extensive psychological research: corralling the energy of anger, pacing the customer, valuing language and timing, forming partnerships, and getting personal. While these are the same principles we wrote about in the first edition of this book, we have updated our examples.
Corralling the Energy of Anger
A common reaction to stress is hostility, which can be so extreme that it is physically expressed toward others. Laboratory animals become aggressive when they are overcrowded, shocked with electricity, or fail to get what they want. When people get frustrated, they are likely to take it out on somebody as well, frequently an innocent bystander. It is easy to see why staff who deal directly with customers but who may have had little to do with the cause of the anger sometimes feel as if a verbal ton of bricks has been thrown at them by upset customers.
The aikido concept used in Japanese martial arts is a useful one when dealing with anger. Aikido means “the way of unifying with life energy.”4 Aikido is about blending with another’s energy so it doesn’t knock you over and then channeling that energy in the direction you want. Masters of aikido do not resist the physical force of their opponents; rather, they turn with it and let it pass them. Approaching anger this way keeps you from becoming defensive and lets you treat upset customers with a degree of detachment as you try to solve their problems. Detachment, by the way, doesn’t mean not getting involved. It means not letting your emotional buttons get pushed.
Aikido offers an approach that protects the one being attacked from harm, while showing concern for the attacker. When you think about this in relationship to complaining, ballistic customers, it makes a lot of sense. Service providers need to be protected from customers’ negative energy while at the same time showing regard for customers. Morihei Ueshiba, founder of aikido, put it this way: “To control aggression without inflicting injury is the Art of Peace.”5 This is a good way to look at how to handle out-of-control customers.
Angry people generally will not get any angrier if you handle them well. But if they are pushed, controlled, or treated rudely, their anger can escalate. Of course, you don’t want this to happen. It’s better to corral the person’s emotional energy and, hopefully, transform it with a positive service encounter. (Consider couples. Frequently, the most intense love they experience is after a bitter fight that turns from anger back to attraction.)
What Exactly Is Anger?
Anger is strong emotional energy, so strong that it can leave anyone close to it shaken. Nonetheless, our job is to help customers channel this energy so they walk away feeling good about what just happened. Almost all anger is identified as being caused by something from the outside, even when it may be internally generated (such as by getting up late, forgetting to bring a receipt, or being annoyed with a family member).
Psychologists today generally categorize anger as (1) a response that is stimulated when physical self-preservation is threatened, (2) a feeling that emerges spontaneously as part of a person’s character traits, or (3) a reaction to perceived harm or unfair treatment. Character traits can influence how customers talk to a service provider or how easily they allow their irritation to show. Someone might be naturally irritable, antagonistic, peevish, bristly, pricklish, miffed, offended, piqued, rankled, ruffled, stirred up, annoyed, chagrined, exasperated, impatient, or petulant. (Take a look in a thesaurus and you will find a lot more synonyms for angry than there are antonyms.) Anger, however it is expressed, is more readily displayed by certain customers whose character traits incline them in this direction.
Anger can effectively manipulate others, and it’s fairly commonly used that way in customer service interactions. Customer Care Alliance, a Virginia-based organization, found that 8 percent of frustrated consumers admit to cursing at service representatives; 28 percent say they have yelled.6 And once certain customers benefit from this type of behavior, it’s hard for them to not repeat it because it works, even if intermittently. Customers who act with more certainty can frequently get the organization to do something for them. Giving in to customer-displayed anger, unfortunately, teaches more customers to get angry. Therefore, it’s not beneficial for service providers to fuel customer anger.
Anger, as a topic, has been around for a long time. Even ancient philosophers wrote about anger. Seneca, the Roman stoic philosopher, told his readers to find inner peace by simplifying their lives and avoiding anger-provoking people. That might be difficult in today’s busy call-center environments! Seneca advises that if you can’t avoid angry people, take the negatives being thrust at you and see them in the most positive light (use the Complaint Is a Gift Philosophy), or put yourself in the other person’s shoes (listen with empathy). Finally, Seneca says that when dealing with angry people, the best thing to do is not overreact, even though that is a natural protective behavior. He’s actually recommending the soft aikido response to others.7
Stages of Anger
It’s useful to look at ballistic anger as having stages similar to the stages of grieving: denial and shock, blaming (of themselves or others), bargaining, and finally, acceptance.
In the denial phase of major anger, you’ll hear customers say, “There’s no way this could be true” or, “There must be some mistake.” Be alert when you hear these types of statements. They are likely the opening volley. Customers are attempting to control their anger, and you are glimpsing the beginning of a potential major volcanic eruption. In this stage, you have a chance to avoid this eruption if you can answer the customers’ questions, look competent, and provide as much information as possible. Emotionally, it’s a very good idea to support the customers’ initial reaction. “You’re right. There must be some sort of mistake. Let’s check it out.” Get them involved with you in figuring out what happened. If you are looking at information on a computer screen, tell your customers what you are doing or seeing. Don’t exclude them from the process. Keep them involved. It helps defuse their anger.
In the blaming phase of anger—generally the most difficult part of the anger process for service providers—customers go on the attack. “I’m not surprised. This happens all the time. Your people are so incompetent.” Even though they may not say it, they are definitely including you in this group of low-performing idiots. This is where it gets hard to not take it personally. Keep looking at the gift you are being given, even though it is wrapped rather poorly. Keep reminding yourself that there’s a gift in there. All of us who help our customers want to be appreciated for our efforts, and when we are being blamed it’s not easy to remain friendly. In fact, it generally makes us itch to go on the attack. If we appreciate that these blaming statements are part of the anger of dissatisfied customers who are at least still communicating with us, then we may not get quite as defensive. While customers are in the middle of this phase of anger, it’s best to actively listen rather than attempt to say anything.
When customers are angry, they also tend to become very loud. They do this because they want you to know that what they are angry about is important to them. If they think you are going to brush them off, they tend to get louder. It’s a nonverbal way to let you know that they want you to listen to them.
If your customers look as if they might have the wherewithal to continue shouting for an extended period of time, you might try the following statement. You can use it to your advantage primarily because it starts with two negatives and then finishes with a positive. It’s like good comedy in that it grabs attention in a positive way. The listener has to figure out what you just said, and we’ve seen it turn people around instantly. Here’s how it goes: “I don’t care how angry you get with me [the first negative], it’s not going to stop me [the second negative], from doing everything I can to help you [the positive].” You need to practice this statement a little until you can say it fluently and with some meaning.
In the bargaining phase of anger, customers begin to seek a way to solve their problems. Their anger is starting to subside, and they are using the rational side of their brains. This is our opportunity to partner with them. It’s at this point that we can become more active in the conversation, but we must stay focused on solutions rather than problems. In the blaming phase, customers remain glued to their problems. In the bargaining phase, we have the chance to move the conversation to the issue of how our customers’ needs can be met. Customers will enter the acceptance phase if their problems are resolved or they hear a promise that they’ll be resolved in the future.
An understanding of anger’s stages helps explain why sometimes our methods to control upset people do not work. We too rapidly try to jump over the stages to get to problem solving, but angry people must express all four stages to come out on the other side—just as they do in the grieving process. People are not rational when they are in the denial and blaming stages. They become rational in the bargaining phase and finally have a chance to internally integrate their mixture of thoughts and feelings in the acceptance phase. Don’t try to fix your customers’ problems too quickly. Give them a chance to express the emotions they feel.
Anger, like a volcanic eruption, bursts forth and then it subsides. When you are around people who are erupting, the best thing you can do is to let them express their feelings. It’s quite impossible to stop an erupting volcano. You can only observe it and listen to it. One way to indicate that you are listening intently is to take written notes. If customers make a negative remark about that, tell them, “I want to make sure I get everything you are saying down on paper. I want to get it right and not forget anything you’re saying.” As the service provider, you want to be available to help the customers as their anger lessens. Telling them not to be angry almost never works. We know that anger carries a lot of energy. Angry customers, as compared to worried customers, for example, tend to engage in more negative word-of-mouth or even switch suppliers.8 This energy merits our patience and respect.
Once your customers start to become rational again, you can help move them to a more positive emotion. In Beyond Culture, anthropologist Edward Hall describes an action chain as a set sequence of events between two or more people. For example, if someone says, “Good morning. How are you?” to complete the action chain someone has to respond, “I’m fine, thank you.” If the appropriate response is not forthcoming, the first person feels that something was not finished. He or she will feel cut off and incomplete. If an action chain is interrupted or stopped, it will likely be repeated, says Hall.9 This means that if you do not acknowledge customers’ anger or somehow respond to it, they probably will just get angrier. The applicable rule is, never break an action chain unless you have a very good reason for doing so. For instance, if listening to customers means they will miss their flight, then break the action chain and get them on the plane without patiently listening to their tirade. You can always apologize later.
In order to complete an anger action chain, you need to acknowledge your customers’ anger. We have observed service providers saying to angry customers, “I can’t help you if you don’t settle down.” In fact, we know of many companies that advise their customer-facing staff to say those exact words. From our point of view, that represents a break in the action chain, and customers will remain upset in most cases. A better response would be, “I know you’re angry. I would be, too.”
By the way, we might point out that when a customer gives you a complaint/gift and you say “Thank you,” an action chain has been started. Typically, the common completion to a thank-you action chain is “You’re welcome.” Even if the customer never says these words, at some level within their consciousness, they are searching for or feeling them. “Thank you” and “You’re welcome” form one of the most polite action chains that people around the world use with each other.
The first step in handling angry customers is to simply hear them out. Listen intently. Don’t interrupt; it will only make angry people get louder, exacerbating their already stressed internal state. They obviously have something to say, and the quicker you let them do that, the faster you can move to problem solving. When you do talk, speak to what the customers were talking about or you negate their message, which only leads to more anger. So listen carefully and don’t start talking about a different subject.
How do you do this? One way is to focus on their upset but not necessarily on their words if they are trying to bait you. “When did you start treating your customers like dogs?” is a statement designed to pull you into an argument. You could respond by saying, “I’m very sorry that we’ve obviously offended you.” If the customer says, “If you cared even a tiny bit about your customers, you wouldn’t have such stupid policies,” they are baiting you to say, “But we do care about our customers.” You are then put in the position of defending yourself, which will only give customers more ammunition to continue doing battle. “Then why . . . ?” And the battle will rage. A better way to respond is to ask a question about their attack. You could say, “What happened that makes you think we don’t care about you?” This will surprise them. They expect a defense, not a question. If you do not defend yourself, it is more difficult for customers to continue with their assault. Remember aikido.
It’s also critical to accept angry people for who they are and what they are expressing right now. People tend to get stuck when they sense you don’t accept where they are at the moment. People get angry only about things that are important to them. If they sense you don’t find their issue important, they will get louder, as we mentioned earlier. They want you to hear. Your acceptance can help them change and soften their tone.
Questions help move people to a position of rationality rather than emotionality. Generally, three open-ended questions posed one after another will help angry people become more rational. If you’ve been pulled over by a police officer because you were speeding, you may remember that the officer started with a series of questions. The first typically is, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” The driver’s answer tells the officer what his or her next step should be. If the driver says, “Yeah! Because you don’t have anything better to do with the taxpayers’ dollars,” then the police officer knows that this is a potentially difficult citizen and acts accordingly. If the driver says, “Why? Was I speeding?” then the police officer goes to the second question: “May I see your driver’s license, please?” This is followed by the third question: “May I see your car registration or insurance papers?” Police officers don’t wake up one morning and simply start asking questions of speeding or reckless drivers. They are trained to do this; they are attempting to determine whether the driver is rational. Police officers are under a lot of stress themselves and may find it difficult to control their own anger. (And most people who have just been pulled over to the side of the road by a police officer are emotional!)
For those who are acquainted with transactional psychology language, the rational brain is referred to as the “adult tape.”10 Questions activate the rational brain, and in most cases, three questions in succession will take people out of their emotional, reactive, limbic brain and engage their cortex, whereby they can use rational thought. In order to become an expert at asking questions of angry people, you need to test your questions. Develop alternative second and third questions and possibly more if your initial questions do not yield a rational response. You need to know that your questions do not increase frustration, and the best way to find out is to get feedback in practice environments. Ask questions that make sense and demonstrate that something positive is going to happen. Remember, we are trying to convert the energy in the anger into a positive response.
If you absolutely must set limits—such as to wait for their turn or to stop interrupting—do so in such a way that customers do not lose face, the Asian concept that allows people to retain their dignity or position status, especially in public. Sometimes it helps to remove customers from crowded areas so their emotionality does not cause them shame. Customers can then express their anger privately, which also prevents your company from looking out of control. It’s never smart to treat adults like children, but we’re amazed at how frequently we have observed service providers order customers around by saying, “I can’t help you unless you all sit down” or, “You must to form a single line.” You’ll have many ballistic customers if you publicly patronize complaining adults.
If you’re dealing with someone who is furious and he or she is going to explode regardless of what you do, remember your audience: the rest of your customers who may be watching to see what you do. In most cases, they’ll be sympathetic to you unless you also become aggressive, such as the grocery-store example we related in chapter 1.
There is one final approach to consider if you have customers you know to be always angry and never satisfied. Oren Harari says don’t tolerate abusive, destructive, or violent customers.11 Such customers can be very time consuming, especially in relationship to the revenues they bring to the organization. They can also be very upsetting to customer-facing staff and other customers. Consider “firing” these customers. Firing customers needs to be done carefully because you don’t want to create Activists (described in chapter 5). Tell them with great courtesy that based on your history with them, your service seems to make them angry, and, for that reason, you never seem to be able to satisfy them. And then suggest that perhaps other providers might be able to meet their needs better. In this way, you are positioning your release of them as being in their interests—you want the best for them and, clearly, it’s not with you.
Chip Bell and Ron Zemke, with Performance Research Associates, differentiate between customers from hell and customers who have been through hell. Bell and Zemke say it’s important to remember that sometimes a customer who has been through hell ends up looking like a customer from hell.12 One way to avoid falling into this trap is to remember that customers who complain are not necessarily customers from hell. However, if you treat them as if they’re from hell, they may end up meeting your expectations because you put them there.
Pacing the Customer
Pacing, in neurolinguistic psychology, means to get in step with someone. This is done by mirroring the person’s behavior, so that the person sees a reflection of himself or herself. When we pace another’s smile, for example, we give one of our own. When we pace another’s intensity, we increase our level of response. Pacing is a tool that can create rapport, a relationship of harmony. When people are in rapport with each other, they are more forgiving and accepting.
Pacing is not aping or mimicking behavior. It’s getting inside the model of the other person’s world and then displaying the aspects of yourself that are similar to those of the other person. All of us have a strong tendency to like people who are most similar to us. When people naturally get along, they pace automatically. Psychologists have long noted that when two people don’t get along, if one of them makes an effort to pace the other, this can create rapport where it hadn’t previously existed.
Generally, it’s easy to pace someone who is in a good mood. Yet it’s amazing how many customers will not get a smile from service providers but hear “Next!” as their greeting. It’s more difficult to pace someone’s happiness when we are frustrated or overworked, so if a company’s customer-facing staff aren’t friendly to customers, management needs to consider easing heavy workloads and cumbersome systems that may be creating frustration.
If someone is crying, obviously you don’t need to cry to pace that person. But you have to show sympathy. And be careful to help protect customers in such a situation by not drawing attention to their tears. Remember, customers want to retain their sense of dignity. If you can help customers through difficult situations like this, they’ll likely become partners with you.
While it’s easy to pace someone in a good mood, it takes skill and experience to effectively pace upset people and bring them back to a more pleasant frame of mind. When someone is angry, the appropriate initial pacing is not to get angry as well but to mirror the intensity and show increased concern. Smiling when someone is very upset will probably only make the angry person more upset. Sometimes pacing can be something as simple as saying, “Sir, you look very upset. How can I help you?” The words pace the emotional state.
Generally, a speeded-up response will also help with someone who is upset. If you have a standard procedure that requires you to ask for name, address, telephone number, and so on, skip it when customers are upset. You can always get this information later when they are calmer. They’re thinking, “What the hell does my Social Security number and mother’s maiden name have to do with anything? I want my problem solved! Now!” To pace these customers, do something quickly about their problem and ask other pertinent questions, such as what they need to take care of their problem.
Sometimes service providers are required to pace several people at once. For example, if you’re helping people who are standing in a long line and they’re all anxious for something to happen, don’t talk only with the person standing immediately in front of you. Broaden your frame of reference and make contact with the entire line. You can do this by making eye contact with and nodding at those standing in the line. Such assuring nonverbal language can help calm a sizeable group of people. We have seen dozens of cases in which airline personnel, hotel check-out cashiers, and retail clerks pace the person in front of them beautifully and completely ignore a very nervous line forming right behind the satisfied customer. Quick eye contact tells people you know they’re there, you haven’t forgotten them, and you’re going to help them. Our natural human tendency is not to look out at the larger audience, especially if we sense they’re irritated about how slowly the line is moving. Customer-facing staff must learn that a too-narrow focus can create more upset customers.
Valuing Language and Timing
After working for over twenty years with thousands of managers, customers, and service providers, we believe that you can say just about anything to anybody if you choose the right words and the right time. This is a critical principle when dealing with upset customers.
For example, observe on-board airline personnel: rarely will you hear them order passengers around. They generally say, “I need . . .” or “We need . . .” and then state what they want, instead of saying, “You must . . .” or “You have to . . .” They don’t want to create angry passengers who are confined in the small space of an airplane. Saying to customers, “Your willingness to sit still (or wait or . . .) is greatly appreciated,” even when they aren’t sitting still, is a nice turn of words and frequently gets the desired results.
Learn to feel comfortable with phrases such as “I can help you better if . . . (you would step over here, answer a few questions first),” “Could you please help me understand what happened step by step” and “Could you help me by slowing down just a little.” These phrases are more capable of turning the volatile emotions of an upset customer in a positive direction than “Miss, if you don’t do this, then . . .,” “Sir, I can’t help you if you don’t . . . ,” “Madam, you must . . . ,” or “Sir, we have a procedure here, and it must be followed.”
It’s tempting to pull rank on customers, especially if their behavior is irritating. After all, you have what they want, at least for the moment. But remember, they also have what you want, namely, their continued patronage. We’ve heard customers being told, and have been told ourselves, “You’re wrong.” It doesn’t matter at all if this is true. It is an insulting thing to say to a customer—or anybody for that matter.
Here are a few other ways you can alienate customers with your choice of words:
• Attempting to read customers’ minds: “You didn’t really want that color (or size or style) did you?”
• Talking down to customers: “You probably forgot to plug it in.”
• Playing “That’s nothing” with the customer: “You think you have it bad. The last customer . . .”
• Blaming customers: “You should know better than to have expected . . .”
• Threatening customers: “Your problems are going to get bigger if you don’t . . .”
• Giving unsolicited, undiplomatic advice: “These pants wouldn’t have split if you just lost a bit of weight (or bought the right size).”
Very rarely is using the word no going to get you very far with customers. “No, we can’t get that for you today” sounds like the denial that it is. How about “We can have it for you tomorrow”? “No, that’s impossible” is too stark. How about “Let’s consider the possibilities”?
Also eliminate words such as but and however from your vocabulary when talking with customers. An upset person will hear only the words that follow but and however and not the ones before. For example, if you say to someone, “You look great, but you are overdressed for the occasion,” all he or she will hear is the criticism. Similarly, when you say to customers, “I can do this for you, but it will take three days to arrive,” they will focus on the delay and not what you are doing for them. Frame the sentence positively. “We can get it for you, and it shouldn’t take any more than three days.”
Another rarely satisfying phrase that many people use is “I’ll try, but I can’t promise.” First of all, trying is not doing. To try is to attempt without any assurance that the action will be completed successfully. For example, try to pick up something. If you picked it up, you weren’t trying; you were picking it up. Most of the time when service providers say, “Well, I tried,” customers suspect that they didn’t make a very big effort. Be more direct and customers will appreciate it. “Here’s what I’ll do.” Generally, one clear, declarative statement is worth ten “I’ll try’s.”
Saying No and Still Retaining Goodwill
It’s actually fairly easy to say no to someone and keep that person as your friend. We do it all the time. Conversational analysis (CA) is the study of how people talk to each other. The field has identified some basic rules for how people make conversation work. One of them is taking turns. It’s not a conversation if one person does all the talking. CA has also looked at the interaction that goes on between friends when they say no to each other.
Imagine that someone asks you to go to lunch but you can’t because you have a report to complete. The first thing you do is to put an expression of regret on your face or make some type of noise that sounds like effort. (Actually, with these nonverbal signals, everyone gets it immediately that your answer is going to be no.) This is followed by a positive statement: “I’d love to be able to.” Next comes the rejection, generally stated as an apology: “I’m so sorry, I just can’t.” This in turn is followed by an explanation: “Unfortunately, I’ve got a report I have to finish by the end of the day.” Finally, another positive statement is made, generally with a follow-up offer: “I’d really like to. Do you think we could go to lunch later this week?” Friendship retained. According to students of CA, this pattern is universal throughout the world.
Instead of saying to our customers, “Sorry, it’s not possible,” why not go through the same type of rejection we use when saying no to a good friend we want to keep? Imagine that a customer asks for an order to be delivered tomorrow and that’s not possible. First, put a look of regret on your face or make an “effort” sound. (Of course, the sound is what works when you’re on the telephone.) Then make your positive statement: “I’d love to be able to get that delivery to you by tomorrow. I’m so sorry, that’s not going to be possible.” Then give an explanation: “This package has to be assembled and picked up, and it’s already 6 p.m. on the East Coast, where it ships from. The warehouse is closed already.” And make one final positive statement with a follow-up offer: “I’d really like to get this to you as soon as possible. I can arrange for it to be delivered the day after next. Will that work for you?” Relationship probably retained.
We do so much in conversations with our friends and family to preserve our close relationships. It makes a lot of sense to use the same approaches when attempting to retain customers.
Forming Partnerships
To reverse the hostility of upset customers, you must get them to work with you. A partnership will put you on the same side as your customers in your common attempt to overcome obstacles. Think of obstacles as whatever is stopping customers from being satisfied.
The language of partnership is used in these examples:
• “Let’s see what we can do together.”
• “I know you’re upset, and I’m very happy to work with you to solve this problem.”
• “Let’s do this . . .”
• “If you do this . . . then I’ll do this . . .”
In addition to using the right words, you can use various kinds of partnering behaviors. These include the following:
• Investigatory: “Let’s get to the bottom of this.” “We’ll figure this out.”
• Advisory: “Here’s the best thing we can do.” “We can approach this a couple of ways.”
• Counseling or listening: “Tell me what happened. I want to know as well.”
• Analytical: “Here’s how we can proceed—step by step.” “Let’s go through it in order.”
• Reassuring: “Did I understand that correctly? Did I get all of it?”
Forming a partnership requires that you don’t hand customers off to someone else unless absolutely necessary. If you have to get someone else involved, assure customers you’ll get back to them to check that everything was satisfactorily handled. Customers fear that they’re going to get shuffled from person to person, each time having to explain their story. Most people have had that experience more than once. Give your name to upset customers so they know you’re not trying to hide. If you’re on the phone with a customer, use a “soft transfer”; stay on the line until the customer is talking to the next person. You can also ask for the customer’s telephone number so you can call back if you get disconnected. It happens much more frequently than most companies realize.
Many customers’ needs are so complex today that they are not easily met by simply purchasing something sitting on a shelf. These customers require tailored products and solutions. We can no longer just buy a screwdriver or batteries. We need to buy the right kind of screwdriver and the correct size batteries. The information that customers hold in their heads is an essential part of meeting their needs. If customers feel they are in partnership with a company representative, they are more likely to be forthcoming with essential information that will eventually lead to their satisfaction. This is a partnership that generally leads to positive feelings on both sides.
If your customers are unsure about what they know, then take responsibility and make certain they have the correct information. A friend told us that before her daughter was released from a hospital after childbirth, she was asked to view an hour-long video about the proper care of new infants. The advice included, “Don’t feed them regular milk you get at a grocery story. And don’t give them french fries or Chicken McNuggets.” Our friend was aghast that such seemingly obvious information had to be taught to new mothers. The hospital staff assured her that several young mothers had said, “Well, my grandpa eats Chicken McNuggets and he doesn’t have any teeth. So why can’t the baby?”
Getting Personal
If your goal is just to settle complaints, then a detached approach might work. But if you are interested in converting upset customers into partners, then something more personal must be displayed. Let your customers know that a real live person is standing there trying to help them. Give your upset customers lots of personal attention. Many times attention alone is sufficient to calm someone. Customers’ anger is in part motivated by their desire to capture attention, so if you give them yours, their extreme responses are less necessary.
An obvious but frequently overlooked technique is to use the person’s name. The impersonal Sir, Madam, or Miss drives some people crazy. It’s easy enough to ask customers their names. If they don’t want to tell you, ask them what you should call them. Explain that you don’t want to offend them by being impersonal.
Tell them your name. Once customers have your name, they’ll feel you have nothing to hide. Give them your business card if you have one. They’ll feel more in control because they now have a name for future reference. Also, if they have your name and you have theirs, you’re no longer complete strangers to each other. We don’t form partnerships with organizations and machines; we form partnerships with people.
If customers say something demeaning to you and you feel hurt, it’s okay to say so. If you don’t know what to do next, admit it. “I’m confused myself. I don’t know what to do, but I’m going to find out.” At least customers have a chance to see that they are dealing with a live human rather than a machine that they can kick and abuse. Customers don’t expect you to know everything, but they want to know your priority is to help them.
If you need to apologize to customers, do so with your entire being. Too many customer service people say “Sorry” in such a tone that customers know they don’t mean it. This is a ritualized “sorry” action chain reflecting bare-minimum social formalities. Let customers know how personally bothered you are about the company having let them down and how perhaps you’ve lost a chance to serve them in the future. (By the way, it’s okay to ask for their future business. “I know we failed you this time. I sincerely hope you’ll give us a chance to serve you again in the future. It would mean a lot to me personally. I know this situation today is definitely not our normal style.”)
To really serve customers well requires an attitude that says you want to help satisfy their needs, you want to demonstrate that your company is capable of doing this for them, and you’re going to do as much as you can to help. This is a customer-focused attitude. It’s not product or company focused. If you maintain contact with your own humanity, you have a better chance of remembering that these suffering, upset customers are also humans who are simultaneously frustrated and confused. Perhaps they’re trying a technique of browbeating the person standing in front of them that worked for them in the past. In other circumstances, they’re probably very nice people. You just caught them at a bad time.
Additional Advice to Managers
Some of the specific customer problems your company faces may be best handled by a group of specially trained service representatives. If your customer-facing staff need to pass customers along to others who are trained to handle certain problems, ensure that customers don’t feel shuffled throughout the organization. Train your staff to pass customers along without further upsetting them. “I can understand why you’re upset; I would be, too. Fortunately, we have a team of people who are equipped to handle this exact issue. I’m going to transfer you immediately. If for some reason you should get disconnected, then . . . [here suggest some alternative, such as ‘I’ll call you back’ or ‘Here’s the direct-line number to reach the person who can help you’].”
Sometimes customers increase their demands and insist on speaking with a manager because they’re not satisfied with the answers they’ve received from the person who started to help them. If you ever find yourself in this position and decide to back the customer in opposition to what your staff member said, be very careful about how you phrase your words. Praise and support the staff member in front of the customer and explain that there must be a misunderstanding that you’ll review with the staff member. As a manager, you are now dealing with both an internal customer and an external customer, and you have to satisfy both of them. You can anticipate and defuse this common problem by discussing with your staff how you will handle these situations in advance of their occurrence.