HE MADE ME MAD!

How many times have you heard someone say: “He made me mad!”? How many times have you said it? For instance, you’re sitting quietly at home watching TV and your mother-in-law (who lives with you) walks in. She glances around and then starts picking up the mess you made a few minutes earlier when you whipped up a batch of nachos. This ticks you off. She’s always smugly skulking around the house, thinking you’re a slob.

A few minutes later when your spouse asks you why you’re so upset, you explain, “It’s your mom again. I was lying here enjoying myself when she gave me that look, and it really got me going. To be honest, I wish she would quit doing that. It’s my only day off, I’m relaxing quietly, and then she walks in and pushes my buttons.”

“Does she push your buttons?” your spouse asks. “Or do you?”

That’s an interesting question.

One thing’s for certain. No matter who is doing the button pushing, some people tend to react more explosively than others—and to the same stimulus, no less. Why is that? For instance, what enables some people to listen to withering feedback without flinching, whereas others pitch a fit when you tell them they’ve got a smear of salsa on their chin? Why is it that sometimes you yourself can take a verbal blow to the gut without batting an eye, but other times you go ballistic if someone so much as looks at you sideways?