Reading a complicated interaction like this one might lead to two reactions. First, you might think, “Wow, these ideas could actually work!” And at the same time, you could be thinking, “But there’s no way I could think that clearly in the middle of that kind of delicate conversation!”
We admit that it’s pretty easy for us to put all the skills together when we’re sitting at a computer creating a script. But the good news is, that’s not where these examples came from. They came from watching skilled people in action. People do act like this all the time. In fact, you do on your best days.
So don’t overwhelm yourself by insisting that you think and act this clearly and professionally during every heated and emotional conversation. Merely consider whether you could think a little more clearly during a few crucial conversations. Or prepare in advance. Before a crucial conversation begins, think about which skills will help you most. Remember, when it comes to these high-stakes conversations, a little progress can produce a lot of benefit.
Finally, as is the case with most complicated problems, don’t aim for perfection. Aim for progress. Learn to slow the process down when your adrenaline gets pumping. Carry a few of the questions we’re suggesting with you as you go. Pick the ones that you think are most relevant to the topic at hand. And watch yourself get better a little at a time.