Identifying Asians as Foreigners

Though America has now allowed immigration from Asian nations, the idea that Asians can be accepted as fully American was never fully adopted, making Asians perpetually foreigners no matter how successful they are. Even when Asians are born in the United States, they are treated differently—as if they are not Americans. As John Cho wrote in a Los Angeles Times op‐ed, “Our belonging is conditional.”⁴ A moment may come along to remind you that your race defines you above all else. It might be a small moment, like a salesperson greeting you in a different dialect as they make assumptions on where you're from. “Microaggressions are really meant to make people feel like lesser human beings,” says Dr. Warren Ng, child and adolescent psychiatrist at Columbia University. “There's another term for microaggressions: Death by a thousand cuts. I think that description really does speak to the cumulative effects.”⁵

Affecting the Safety of the Asian Community

Although the term micro in microaggressions may mean “small,” when compounded, they can become macro, with major effects on the lives they afflict. The negative impact on the Asian community continues to increase. According to Stop AAPI Hate, from March 19, 2020, to September 30, 2021, there were a total of 10,370 hate incidents against Asian American and Pacific Islander people. A majority of these incidents took place in spaces open to the public, and 62 percent of these hate incidents were reported by women.⁶ Asian Americans have not found it safe to commute to the workplace due to these hate incidents—these microaggressions are harmful, and we need to take a more proactive approach to address them.

Increasing Stress Levels

Studies have shown that microaggressions can increase stress levels, negatively affect self‐esteem and psychological well‐being, and create and perpetuate systemic inequities in education, the workplace, and health care.⁷ It clearly does not benefit your health to experience microaggressions in the workplace. Stop AAPI Hate reported that during this pandemic, 1 in 3 Asian and Asian American young adults reported clinically elevated symptoms of depression and general anxiety, and 1 in 4 reported a PTSD diagnosis.⁸ At a minimum, with increased stress levels, productivity and happiness at work decline, resulting in a negative impact on mental health. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported that the percentage of Asian Americans aged 18–25 who reported serious mental health issues rose from 2.9 percent to 5.6 percent between 2008 and 2018.⁹

Experiencing Racial Gaslighting

Asians who report microaggressions have historically been ignored. As a group, Asian Americans were not seen as a minority group that experienced racism, primarily because they are ingrained culturally to downplay frustrations for the greater good. The Chinese have even coined a term for this: “eating bitterness,” known as “吃苦”.

Victims of microaggressions are often further subjected to racial gaslighting, which is defined as manipulating the victims of a racial microaggression, second‐guessing their validity, and causing the person to doubt their own experience. For instance, victims can be told, “Lighten up,” “Don't be so sensitive,” or “You must've misheard.”

If you find yourself being racially gaslighted, it is best to seek outside support from friends and family, such as calling upon peers who can relate to and validate your experience, or find online Asian American communities to connect with. The nonprofit Stop AAPI Hate has also allowed AAPI to easily report hate incidents.

Using Direct Communication

Microaggressions are often subtle everyday interactions that convey bias toward a marginalized group; they are offensive to the person receiving them. With direct communication, you clearly let the aggressor know that what they said is harmful. To educate them, clarify what was offensive in their language and let them know that it is not okay to say what they said to you. Direct communication is recommended for a first‐time offense from a stranger.

Using Discussion

If you know the microaggressor well, you might want to have an open discussion about why their language was hurtful. For instance, my friend's son was a toddler and she told me her son was “speaking like a Chinaman,” a common phrase in the United Kingdom. However, I found it very offensive, because the message behind the saying is that Chinese people do not speak well. We had an open discussion where I made it clear that it is hurtful to describe speech this way. She was receptive to understanding and improving the way she communicates moving forward. Discussion is recommended for offenses from family or friends.

Using Dismantlement

You may often come across a repeat offender, and we encourage you to dismantle and break down why what they are saying is inappropriate. For instance, I had a manager who would often imitate our Korean client; he would use an Asian accent and squint his eyes while repeating the client's email responses. To address the microaggression, you can let the offender know it is offensive to mock someone's accent because it enforces prejudice, racism, and classism. To squint your eyes to depict Asians as a racist stereotype. It is essential to break apart why their actions are hurtful.

Intervening as a Bystander

As you continue to work with others, you may witness microaggressions occurring to other people. This is where you can intervene proactively as a bystander to support them. You can customize your approach depending on the situation, target the behavior more than the person, circle back in a more private setting, or seek outside support. Sometimes, a microaggression is unintentional, and a bystander can educate the perpetrator to encourage an honest conversation about the microaggression. You will learn more about interventions later in this book.

1. What made you go down your current career path?

   A pivotal moment of my career was actually my American Idol audition. My first job in the corporate world was investment banking on Wall Street, and I told my manager at the time that the American Idol auditions were in town and I was going to give it my best shot. I told my team that if I made it, they wouldn't see me back at my desk. Unfortunately, I was back at my desk the next day. However, my rejection at the auditions made me realize how incredibly passionate I was about music—as I showed up to the audition pretty frightened, having never auditioned for anything before. I set my goals on merging that passion for music with my knack for business. That fueled my decision to leave Wall Street and pursue a career in the entertainment and music business, and that has been my journey ever since. Trust and listen to that voice inside of you, try to figure out what drives you and what you're most passionate about. This will ultimately navigate you in the right direction.

2. Can you share an example of when you experienced microaggressions and what you did about it?

   Growing up on gay dating apps, I would see two words in people's public profiles: “No Asians.” The sick thing of it all was I saw it so much that I thought that this was just sort of normal, accepting it as a fact of being a minority living in America. I never initially processed it as a microaggression, nor the macroaggression that it is. Perhaps it was just my way of rationalizing it to get through daily life—getting through people's attempt at rendering my race invisible. But as I grew older, I realized how awful, unacceptable, and downright shameful that was. The events of the past few years were a necessary reset of important conversations that were long overdue in America.

   Only recently have I muscled up the courage to speak up, stand up, and really think about the power of banding together and sharing our individual stories. In the past year I published an op‐ed about my experiences growing up gay and Asian and called it “No Asians” (https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a36555932/jason-ve-confronting-no-asians/) to call out exactly those two words that I had seen all those years but felt powerless over. I now feel empowered to reclaim my power, reclaim my being Asian American and all the great that comes with that, and be proud to display my family's history. I have a responsibility for sharing my story and have made it a point to call out racism and microaggressions where I can (where it feels safe to do so), and to no longer stay as my traditionally‐silent self as I thought I was supposed to be. I use these as education moments for the perpetrators, so that our society can learn to do better, for the Asian kids of today and tomorrow that cannot and will not go through what I and my generation of gay Asians went through. We deserve better than that.

3. How do you help those impacted by microag‐gressions?

   If you see a microaggression happen, you could enter the situation and ask the aggressor to clarify, “What did you mean by that?” Or you can also choose to let the situation diffuse, and then check in with the person affected about how they feel. Checking in with the person that received the microaggression can go a long way when one witnesses it. It's important where we can to make sure the person affected feels supported, as chances are they feel really uncomfortable at the moment and negatively impacted by the microaggression that had just occurred.

   I believe there's a uniqueness to being Asian, in that we may rationalize the situation as the subject of a micro‐ or macro‐aggression, like I did, to internally make it a "non‐issue". But I think it's important to find your own outlet for how you need to address it. You can directly confront the aggressor to state how that made you feel and state why it was inappropriate. It's also okay to not say anything if you don't feel comfortable, but find an outlet to discuss the situation ‐ it could be with a trusted friend, a partner, or a colleague in your employee resource group. Another resource I'd recommend is Asian Americans Advancing Justice's free bystander intervention training, which goes through how to recognize microaggressions and tips on navigating through them when they happen to you or others around you.

4. How has being Asian affected your career?

   Navigating my career in primarily white‐dominated spaces initially made me feel like I should try to aspire to act like or be white. I wouldn't necessarily bring in my Asian identity and the customs I have at home at work or to my peers, unless it was “relevant” to the conversation or convenient. Only in more recent years have I realized the power of my identity and the uniqueness and richness of the experiences that it brings. I am my family's history, my own lived experiences, an Asian American, an LGBTQ+ citizen, and all of these things give me a unique perspective in and contribution to work and life. I've never been more proud to be all the particular aspects of me that have brought me to where I am today. And I can't truly move forward if I don't take the rest of my community with me. I want to continue to propel Asian Americans and other diverse communities to feel represented at work, on the screen, and on the airwaves so that we collectively all feel seen, heard, and truly reflected in the fabric of our society.

   It's an extremely powerful thing to be Asian at this current moment; we're living in a unique part of history with much more visibility than in years past. Do what feels natural or right to you in this moment; it might be a big thing you feel empowered to do or say, as you feel people may finally listen (go for it!). Or you might not want to do anything much different than before (that's okay too). But one thing's for certain—there's no longer a need to suppress or silence ourselves. That is so last decade.