I said in the previous chapter that the center of any message is its content. No content, no message to speak. But the reason for every presentation is the audience. To play off of a classic philosophical question, “If a speaker gives a speech and no one is around to hear it, does he or she make a sound?”

The reason for the presentation is the people, but they're also the reason for most of the fear. Think about it. Fear of public speaking is driven by (1) the challenge of gathering and organizing the content and (2) the prospect of having to present this content to real people. Some people fear creating the message more, but most are more afraid of the audience. The percentage of each person's fear driven by the audience varies, but I have a very scientific method to determine your percentage. Just answer this question:

How much would you prefer to deliver the content via an email over a live presentation? Mark your answer below.

Got it? Now, find the number below your answer and multiply it times 10. That's the percentage of your fear that is driven by the audience instead of the content. So, if you marked a 7, then your fear is 70% audience. Maybe this isn't quite that scientific.

Knowing your percentage will help you focus your efforts on what is the greatest threat to your confidence. Based on my experience, chances are good that your percentage is somewhere north of 75%. This is why I spent so much time on “Identity.” The more secure you become in who you are and what matters to you, the less the audience will matter … . Wait, I said that wrong. The more secure you are in your identity, the more the audience will matter to you, but in the right way. Let me explain that next.

The more secure you are in your identity, the more the audience will matter to you.

The Audience Isn't There for You

Unless we're talking about family or friends who have come for emotional support, the people in an audience never show up for the sake of the speaker. They are always there because they want something. They aren't there for you; you are there for them—quite literally. For several reasons, understanding this is crucial for speaking with confidence.

Running Recon

I think this is obvious enough: If you're going to serve them, you need to know who they are. Most of my clients do almost all their speaking to people they already know. If that describes you, this and the following two sections (“Points of Connection” and “Talking to Individuals, Not a Crowd”) may not be as relevant, but you'll still find a lot of useful ideas. And who knows when you'll be called on to represent your company at a civic event?

It's hard enough speaking to people you know but even harder to strangers. Simply by doing your homework and studying your audience, you can greatly increase your confidence. Find out everything you can. Study their website; learn about the organization. Interview the facilitator. Here are some of the questions I try to get answered before writing my speech:

• How many people will be in the audience?
• Are they accustomed to interaction and participation?
• What is their temperament as a group?
• What are their expectations for the event?
• Is the audience excited about the topic?
• Why are they going to be there? Is it required or voluntary?
• What do they know about me and my presentation?
• What motivates them and affects them?
• What are their demographics—average age, education, socio‐economic status, ethnic background, religious and political affiliation?
• What are their fears, hopes, and aspirations?

Also try to learn more about the history of the organization. How were they founded? What are their values? What are the stories that they tell newcomers? You may not be able to get every question answered, but each answer will allow you to better prepare and set your mind more at ease.

Points of Connection

The ancient Greek word for hospitality is philoxenia, from the word for friendship‐love (philos) and the word for stranger (xenos, as in xenophobia). Hospitality turns the stranger into a friend. A good speech is an act of hospitality—inviting a crowd of strangers to become a group of friends. By using the information you learned above, you create points of connection with all in your audience and turn them into friends. This is a huge confidence booster.

Points of connection are simply anything that you hold in common. It doesn't need to be a huge commonality. For instance, if you're speaking to a company that prides itself on hiring vets and you're a vet, that's a no‐brainer. But if you're not, you might briefly mention that your favorite grandfather always taught you to honor those who served. Of course, if you come from a long line of pacifists, this may not be the time to mention it. Instead, look for a different point of connection.

A word of caution: Be very careful about being overly familiar. People love finding points of connection but hate outsiders inviting themselves in without permission. A lot of Michael Scott's social blunders in The Office are based on this. The more hard‐won their membership, the truer this is. So, if you're talking to a group of Army combat vets, don't say anything like, “My dad was in the National Guard for six years, so I know exactly what you've been through. I mean, he was never deployed, but still … . Oorah!” Seriously, don't do that (especially since “oorah” is a Marine thing, not Army). Always undersell your connection and allow them to invite you in. So, you could say, “My dad was in the National Guard, and he never went through what you did, but his respect for combat vets definitely wore off on me.”

Nothing connects better than something that honors your audience while poking fun at yourself. A great example comes from Walk the Line. Joaquin Phoenix, playing Johnny Cash, is doing a concert at Folsom Prison. Speaking to the crowd of cheering inmates, he says,

You know, standing back there in your shop, catching my breath, I come to admire you even more. You see, I never had to do hard time like you although I have on occasion gotten myself busted. Once in El Paso, I had this bag of—[loud cheering]—oh, you heard about that?

Well, anyways … . I felt tough, you know? Like I'd seen a thing or two. Well, that was till a moment ago because I got to tell you—my hat's off to you now because I ain't never had to drink this yellow water you got here at Folsom.

Notice that he finds a point of connection and demonstrates his acceptance (especially important to inmates who were used to being judged) but is careful not to claim his own place among them. And the entire time, he honors them and shows respect.

Nothing connects better than something that honors your audience while poking fun at yourself.

Another way to create points of connection is to find examples and analogies that are relevant to their industry or office culture. So, if you discover that your audience has a huge March Madness office pool, then maybe use an NCAA underdog story as an illustration. But I'd encourage you to run your ideas past your contact person in advance.

Connecting through your research of all the audience also creates instant credibility because it says you've done your homework and are interested in them. You don't have to become an expert in their field (and don't try to pretend that you are), but if you can demonstrate that you understand their unique setting and challenges, they'll take your message more seriously.

In addition to finding points of connection, researching your audience allows you to tailor your speech to the specific needs of a new audience, which is key because your goal is to serve these people, right? We'll talk more about meeting needs shortly.

Talking to Individuals, Not a Crowd

Which is easier to speak to, an individual or a large crowd? An individual, of course, but a crowd is nothing more than a large group of individuals. It's only when you get enough of them together that they become a faceless crowd. Finding points of connection will help you relate to them and understand them better, but they are still a crowd.

Learning to see them as individuals is one of the greatest confidence boosters that I know. Whenever I speak at a live event, I always arrive with plenty of extra time to complete my preparation and then hang out with the audience. My goal is to create a personal connection with three to five individuals. When everyone starts taking their seats, I pay close attention to where my new friends are sitting. As I mentally prepare to go on stage, I remind myself that I'm not talking to a room of strangers but to a few friends. And if I ever feel myself floundering, I look to them. Speaking to a crowd is scary, but speaking to friends is fun.

Speaking to a crowd is scary, but speaking to friends is fun.

Here are some of my tricks for making that connection. First, remember that being the speaker or presenter automatically gives you permission to talk to anyone. It's kind of like being a professor or the CEO—no one thinks it's weird for them to strike up a conversation. There is a certain confidence that can and should go with the position.Second, have some icebreaker questions in your “back pocket.”

• What's your role in this organization?
• What's your favorite part about working here?
• What are some of the challenges you face?
• What are you hoping to gain from this?
• Where are you from?
• What about you is most surprising to others? (This is a great one for bringing out some fascinating stories.)

Third, if you've done your research, you can also prepare some audience‐specific questions, like “If I understand correctly, this company______. Did I get that right?” It's also a good way to test out some of your connection points from the last section and gauge how effective they are.

Here's a pro tip for you: Never pass up an opportunity to eat with an audience. There's something about eating that brings out a sense of hospitality (turning strangers into friends) in people.

What if your presentation is virtual? That makes it harder but not impossible. Again, doing your research in advance helps. Having a couple Zoom meetings with your contact person is also a good idea. Then see if you can get the guest list and use LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook to learn more about a few people. I also like to log on early and chat with some folks prior to starting. Again, you don't have to get to know everyone. Just enough to make it feel personal.

Maybe, at this point, you're thinking, I'm an introvert, so this doesn't apply to me at all. I disagree. Where you are on the introvert/extrovert scale will affect how you connect with people, but making a few friends will still help you speak with greater confidence. In fact, you may need it even more than the extroverts. You just need to adjust your technique. In my experience, introverts will do better connecting with fewer people at a greater depth. Also, consider stocking up on “social bandwidth” by not doing anything too social in the days prior to your speech.

What Do They Really, Really Want?

I've checked into enough hotels that my mind often wanders when they start going through their whole thing—damage deposit, no smoking, and on it goes. But when they tell me where my room is, what time breakfast is served, and how to log onto the Wi‐Fi, they have my full attention. We are interested in the things that benefit us. That's human nature, and you can make it work for you because few things build confidence like having an audience that hangs on your every word. All you have to do is give them information that they really, really want.

We are interested in the things that benefit us.

You start with a purpose, like we talked about in the previous chapter. You may be able to craft the purpose, or it may have been given to you by a supervisor or the event facilitator. Then you have all the audience, and they have their own purpose for being there. As you study them, keep these questions in front of you: What is their purpose? What do they want? Not what their boss thinks they should want, but what they actually want.

Dale Carnegie famously said, “Arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him.” While this can be done manipulatively, Carnegie didn't mean it that way. Instead, he was encouraging us to pay attention to what others want and appeal to that. If your sales presentations or safety talks can consistently make life better for your audience, you will quickly find yourself becoming the most popular speaker even over those who are more “entertaining.”

Think about your purpose and look for the place where it intersects with your audience's needs. In other words, how can your stated purpose

• … improve your audience's lives?
• … help them become healthier, emotionally, relationally, and physically?
• … make them feel better about themselves?
• … help them make more money?
• … increase their sense of security?
• … protect them from the uncertainties of the marketplace?
• … help them enjoy their work more?

Said another way, you must tie the purpose back to why the audience should care even if that reason is “so you don't lose your job.” When you can answer those questions, you'll be able to create a message that your audience is eager to hear. Then, as I discussed in Chapter 8, use this information to craft a point that will resonate with your listeners and create a receptive audience.

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Understanding all in your audience, serving, and connecting with them, giving them something that they really want. These are all ways you can use to improve your message and increase confidence. This chapter and the previous have focused on the fundamental questions of what you are saying (the content) and whom you are saying it to (the audience). With that foundation in place, I will turn to some of my most practical material, beginning with systems that will allow you to craft your content into more powerful communication in less time—or even in no time at all (i.e. my “Off the Cuff” system).