CHAPTER 13 BREAKTHROUGH

HUMOR

THE ENERGY OF PERSPECTIVE

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

– ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Perspective is a particular way of viewing something. Abraham Lincoln was known as a man of humor and storytelling. As he led the United States of America during the Civil War that threatened to tear this country apart, Lincoln was known for remarking that if he did not laugh, he most certainly would cry. His self-deprecating humor threw people off guard in its honesty. It actually helped him develop relationships, disarm some opponents, and cement his reputation as a man of honesty—even about himself. In short, it gave people a very different perspective on this tall, gangly, introverted man who was short on looks but long on laughs. With his short bursts of humor, Lincoln and those around him would be briefly recharged for the difficult work ahead.

Surely, the grave situation Lincoln faced was all the more reason to use some humor. Humor is the opposite of gravity. Gravity pulls things down. In the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, levity was defined as the force that causes things to rise. Levity is the kind of humor that makes life challenges easier. By stepping back and finding the humor in a situation, you can then focus on what really matters. And you can build friendships through shared humor.

HOW HUMOR CREATES POSITIVE ENERGY

Karyn Buxman is a neurohumorist. Her field of research is understanding the intersection of humor and brain functioning and the resulting increase or decrease of hormones like cortisol (the stress hormone), serotonin (a chemical that regulates happiness and well-being), oxytocin (the love chemical), and dopamine (a chemical that stimulates motivation). She is quick to point out that humor isn’t just about laughter; it’s also a relationship builder. Victor Borge was right when he insisted, “Humor is the shortest distance between people.”

Karyn states, “When we use positive humor—as opposed to sarcasm—the good chemicals are elevated. I define humor as the ability to find amusement that results in smiling, laughing, or feelings of enjoyment. Our challenge is to train our brain to ‘see funny,’ to develop a way of reframing something so that it reduces the edge of dismay, disappointment, anxiety, and maybe even anger.” Karyn believes that humor channels positive energy to build resilience and move from burnout to breakthrough in three primary ways. “Humor can distract, reframe, and refuel. Even if a situation cannot be altered, there are often parts of it that are not so serious and thus, when spoken or thought about in a humorous way, increase positive chemicals in the brain.”

My example: Mom was in hospice for the last seventeen months of her life. Actually, she came off once and then went back on. One minute she was dying, the next moment not. She was up and down so much I called her YoYo Ma. It broke the tension, made us smile. I couldn’t change the situation, but we could find something that made us smile.

My friend Gertie told me that when her husband was dying, he told her what he wanted on the funeral wreath at the church door: “Good luck in your new location.”

Reframing with humor is another way to get through a challenging situation. Imagine having a company and the product you launch is a dud, a flop! Well, Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream has launched a number of flavors that were duds. Their solution: create a graveyard of unwanted flavors and write something humorous on the tombstone. Here are some of their epitaphs.

PEANUTS! POPCORN!

Peanuts. Popcorn. Mix ’em in a pot

Plop ’em in your ice cream

Well—maybe not.

HOLY CANNOLI

Now in front of the pearly gates

Holy Cannoli sits and waits

What brought its ruin, no one knows.

Must have been the pistachios.

Karyn believes you can use external or internal methods to connect with humor. She has humorous items on her smart phone—from funny plays to silly animal videos to funny memes. She has a humor buddy and, when either of them needs a break from stress, they text each other and say, “Send me something funny.” She also recommends going to YouTube and typing in “TED” or “TEDx” and “humor.”

I’ve also created a catalogue in my brain of what I call moments of mirth. These are funny stories that I originally wrote in a journal, but I now have purposefully put into my brain. So when I need a distraction from, say, sitting in a dentist’s chair, I can pull out a moment of mirth.

I have buddies in Australia who are always finding humorous signs and sending me a photo. I loved the one that said, “Psychic fair—Canceled for unforeseen circumstances.” My brother sends me crazy signs, and often they are out in public for the chuckle. Like this one from a church bulletin: “Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a TERRIBLE Experience.’ ”

Karyn also contends that humor brings perspective to answer the question “What really is important here?” When a car cuts her off on the freeway, rather than stressing, she asks herself, “Did this stop the rotation of the earth?” Now that puts everything in perspective!

In caring for their dying father, Lin and her sister found a way to have comic relief. “We’d laugh over some of the things he said during the day. It was like a rite of passage where every night we knew it was coming up and we’d be able to decompress and get some humor.”

In caring for her mother, Becky Sansbury created an evening ritual. “We sit together on the couch, watch a game show but also visit. We watch programs about baby animals. We watch sitcoms from the 1960s and 1970s when life was delightful, and everything could be wrapped up in thirty or sixty minutes. You could walk away feeling good about stuff. And by 10 p.m., there’s a plan for laughing about the fact that she has to eat prunes and take her pills. We don’t have to go out to seek the experience. It’s indeed part of our life now.”

If your burnout is prompted by caring for someone, you might gain some ideas here. And we dare not forget the kissing cousin of humor: play.

THE VALUE OF PLAY

The opposite of play is not work. According to Stuart Brown, MD, the opposite of play is depression!¹ As founder of the National Institute for Play, Brown has spent his career conducting thousands of “play histories” of humans from all walks of life: from Nobel Prize winners and CEOs to serial murderers. (In the latter case, what the murderers had in common: they never played as children!) Humans are hardwired to play, which has implications for social interactions, creativity, brain functioning, and the ever-important resiliency skill—adaptability. When our attachment to work and its responsibilities creates a vacuum for play, depression sets in.

In his seminal book Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Brown says, “Work and play are like the timbers that keep our house from collapsing down on top of us.” Without play, our souls become overburdened, dull, and, frankly, potentially burned out. The reason: play is the catalyst for creativity. Creativity allows us to escape the boring and tedious. Break apart the word “recreation” and you discover re-create. Innovation and improvisation are cornerstones for finding requisite variety—a critical resiliency skill. When we step off the ordinary and rigidly programmed path, a sense of delight, joy, and wonder arises. As Isaac Asimov said, “The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka! But ‘That’s funny.’ ”

But don’t think of play as a sandbox for children or the rough-and-tumble world of little boys and girls. By definition, play is purposeless, all-consuming, and fun. Yet as Stuart Brown illustrates, play is anything but trivial. It is a biological drive as integral to our health as sleep or nutrition. We are designed by nature to flourish through play. Play runs the gamut from physical play to mental play, from singing and dancing to social “games” (not video games) and any other activity that is done for the sheer fun of it. Think of this as social investment, creating a place and space for people to enjoy and share something other than “business.” It refuels, recharges, and allows individuals to reclaim what matters—the human spirit.

AN ULTIMATE EXAMPLE. I was invited to speak at the corporate headquarters of Ultimate Software in Weston, Florida. Their tagline, “People First,” doesn’t apply just to customers. The company takes every chance to let employees know they matter—first! And fun is a way to connect. In the Santa Ana, California, office of Ultimate, the UltiPeeps might cavort in the outdoor fountain, have NERF-gun battles, host putting contests on artificial turf, and enjoy a visit from the in-house ice cream cart with free treats. No wonder they are ranked #8 on Fortune magazine’s 2019 list of the 100 Best Companies to Work For, having ranked in the top twenty-five on the list since 2012. Ultimate was also named Fortune’s #1 Best Workplace for Millennials in 2018 for the second consecutive year and #1 on Fortune’s Best Workplaces in Technology.

SOUTHWEST AIRLINES. Herb Kelleher, founder and former CEO of Southwest Airlines, made play a cultural cornerstone of that organization. From very funny safety announcements on planes to interviewing practices that asked a potential candidate to relay something that was playful or funny in life, Kelleher knew that play was essential to keep both employees and customers. He told a reporter that the company hires for attitude over expertise, and attitude is found in a sense of humor! Their stock symbol is LUV, and co-workers are known as co-hearts. Although Kelleher died in January of 2019, a culture committee is charged with keeping these values alive, including a Fun-LUVing attitude.

As I write these examples, I am convinced that to grow in resiliency, to refuel, to recharge and keep burnout at bay, play might be the most important work we do.

LOOK TO CHILDREN FOR PLAY

Becky makes sure she spends at least an hour a week with her five-year-old grandson because he reminds her how to play. Interesting that we must be reminded how to play! The school system in Finland is ranked #1 in the world for childhood education by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development, the World Economic Forum, and UNICEF. Finnish educators focus not on standardized tests and numerical assessments but rather on equity, happiness, and joy in learning.² They see that the work of a child is to play—and to play outdoors, because when their bodies are moving, their brains are working. Children are able to concentrate more. They are creative. And school becomes a child’s favorite place.

Yikes! Too often we burned-out adults think that play can only happen “when the work is done.”

Hamza learned otherwise and doesn’t wait to play. He now restores his spirit in the outdoors with camping. “I love going into the outdoors, reconnecting with nature, being in forests, near quarries, and taking in the essence of what it means to be a living, breathing organism. To take myself away from the hustle, bustle, and the unnatural nature of a big city and to stare out at vistas creates a feeling of awe and a wonder at the world around us. It subdues my own ego.”