CHAPTER 7

The Emotional Game

Ben felt very happy with his job performance so far. His team seemed to be very pleased, and he had hit his primary key performance indicators at work. It was now time for his own year-end review (YER), and he felt confident that it would go smoothly. His boss, Lisa, invited him into her office and they exchanged pleasantries before getting down to business. As he had expected, she praised him on his ability to be a strong leader and hit his initial goals. She commented that he had grown into the role and seemed to grasp all of the main aspects of the job. Ben smiled as he listened to the positive praise of his performance. After a while, she transitioned into the “areas of opportunity” for Ben—the areas of Ben’s job that she felt he could improve. While Ben didn’t like criticism, he took opportunities for growth seriously and leaned in to listen closely to what his manager had to say.

She told Ben that she felt he could improve in his effective use of some of the technology. Ben agreed with this and he promised to take additional training to increase his efficiencies in this area. So far, so good, he thought. However, she then said something that took him completely by surprise. She told him that she felt he could improve his emotional intelligence (EI). Of course, Ben had heard the old buzz term of EI in college, but he really didn’t think people still took it seriously. However, his manager explained that EI was an important and fundamental concept and that their company advocated it, even to the point of training managers. Ben’s schedule was incredibly busy, so the thought of adding EI training seemed a bit ridiculous. Furthermore, he remained confused as to why she had even brought up the topic.

Ben’s supervisor explained to him that a few employees on his team had indicated on their peer reviews that he hadn’t fully understood their emotional states, and thus he wasn’t as sensitive to their needs as he could have been. Ben was dumbfounded. He had no idea that any employee had already expressed concerns about his ability to lead. In the end, his overall YER was above satisfactory, and his senior vice president (SVP) was very pleased with his performance. He achieved a raise, accolades from the senior leadership team, and a very positive rating, and yet he felt dissatisfied. Several questions nagged him when he walked out of his SVP’s office. Among them was who on his team had complained about him, how could EI be a factor here, and what did he need to do moving forward? It was time for Ben to do some internal evaluation and research the truth about EI and what it would mean to him as a virtual leader.

EI is essentially the ability to process emotional information and cues to enhance thought, understand the emotional state of others, and offer a greater level of empathy as a result. EI has also been described as the ability to perceive the emotional state of other individuals through emotive and facial cues. People with high levels of EI generally have greater capacity to perceive the meaning of different emotional states and indications when dealing with others. For example, imagine that an employee is quiet one day and seems somewhat downtrodden. Many people in the office may assume that he or she is simply tired, or some may not even notice any difference in his or her behavior at all. However, a manager with a high EI may immediately observe that something is wrong. The manager might ask the employee questions in an effort to find out what is wrong and try to help. Most employees would likely value this, and in the long run, it could help them build a stronger relationship with their manager. While there has been some debate about whether having higher emotional quotient, or EQ, is a critical requirement for success, few would argue about its value in managing relationships (DeLeon 2015a). Having a high EQ is rarely listed as a job requirement, but there is no denying that EI can have important consequences for a manager and even the organization. Within the United States alone, bad management practices are causing businesses to lose more than $400 billion per year due to declining productivity (Fermin 2017).

Beyond understanding the emotions of others, another key aspect of EI is that it provides individuals with an ability to manage their own emotions. People with a higher level of EI are generally more empathetic and more aware of how their words and actions might impact others around them, and they tend to take time to think before they act or speak. Furthermore, higher EI individuals also tend to focus on the positive, are more self-motivated and more elastic toward change (Rampton 2016).

For example, consider two contrasting reactions in the same situation. An employee who has a solid history at work has suddenly failed to meet his objectives in the last quarter. He approaches his manager with his head hanging low and apologizes, while promising that it won’t happen again. An authoritative manager with low EI might immediately raise his or her voice in an accusatory tone, belittling the employee and sternly warning that further failure will result in termination. However, a manager with a high EI would likely respond very differently. He or she might first approach the employee and ask them to explain what happened and why. The manager with high EI might sense that there is something amiss and try to dig deeper to discover what might be a greater underlying problem. He or she might then express a higher level of empathy with the employee and offer to guide and help the person accomplish the tasks with greater efficiency and clarity. When observing this situation as an outsider, it becomes clear which of these two options would likely have a more positive effect on the employee in the long run.

Research has shown that when employees achieve higher emotional engagement from their superiors, there is an increased level of internal psychological job satisfaction (Gunduz Cekmecelioglu, Gunsel, and Ulutas 2012). Additionally, higher emotional engagement from superiors can help employees become more engaged in their roles and responsibilities, reduce stress, and enhance their organizational commitment and overall well-being (Brunetto, et al. 2012).

The more Ben read on EI, the more he realized the importance it held as a tool to be a more effective leader. Still, other questions nagged him. He began to wonder how he could know if he had a measurably high EQ or not? Forbes magazine recently proposed four potential danger signs that a leader’s EI may be subpar. These are a high level of emotional reactivity, inability to read the audience or the room, failure to preemptively meet with colleagues before presenting an idea or proposal, and the inability to receive feedback (Fermin 2017). Ben reflected on his experience over the last year and realized that he had, at times, been guilty of the second sign, inability to read the room. He recalled a situation where he was making a presentation to his group and continued drudging through the material, even though everyone appeared disengaged during his discussion. He continued speaking while most of the audience had buried their faces in their laptops or cell phones. In that moment, he had perceived their behavior as simply rude. While this may have been the case, he never made the connection that it may have been partially his fault that they were behaving in that manner. If he had been more receptive to the group, he might have changed his speaking method on the spot and engaged the audience more.

Ben thought back to his early days of adaptive selling when he would speak to customers and change from his original plan to speak with them about more relevant topics. He used to be good at this skill, but he wondered if he had now become complacent. His organizational EI training had taught him that it is important to understand emotional cues. One way to do this was to read faces. He reflected on the moments that he had lost the audience and remembered how bored they all looked. Some yawned, some even fought off sleep as he spoke. All the while, he ignored these cues and kept talking. It began to make sense to him now that this actually was an area for improvement.

Imagine, for a moment, a manager who must meet individually with multiple employees. Each of these employees enters his or her office and after cordial greetings, they sit, seemingly ready to listen and participate in the meeting. But behind the curtain of smiling faces and focused eyes, all involved may have something happening in their lives that can impact their work, their attention, or their performance. One person may be having relationship problems, while another may have health issues. Others may simply have not slept well and thus find it difficult to concentrate. Whatever it may be, a person with high EI may be able to pick up on small cues, or giveaways that could lead them to see that despite a smile, this person is not ready to be fully engaged in the work conversation. A receptive manager might pause and ask, “Is everything ok?” Even employees who choose to not speak about any problems may feel that the manager is more receptive to their needs, or simply that he or she cares or is willing to invest in them emotionally. This in turn could have long-term positive benefit for both the employee and the manager.

Managing emotions can be hard. Managing them in a virtual environment can be even harder. While there is certainly enough evidence to support the idea that higher levels of EI in managers can improve communication and trust between a manager and his or her people, the question remains about how important it becomes in the virtual setting. Ben thought about how difficult it is to perceive someone’s emotional state when they are speaking through the phone or sending messages into the dark void of the Internet. Furthermore, there is comparatively little research on the impact of EI in the virtual environment. While many studies have shown that a collaborative culture is a crucial point in cohesive team creativity, for example, others have concluded that EI is an integral part of developing such collaboration (Barczak, Lassk, and Mulki 2010). Nonetheless, some research clearly supports the notion that EI is a crucial component of virtual team success. To bring it a step further, one study concluded that EI could be a solid predictor of the viability of a team and that communication is one important way that EI influences this (Pitts, Wright, and Harkabus 2012).

So, what did the research findings mean for Ben, or any other virtual manager, for that matter? Ben thought about this question for a long time. He took some time to look introspectively at his own cognitive responses to his people in varying situations. From snappy e-mails to gruff responses in meetings, Ben began to think that he could use some coaching in this area. The problem was that he was so busy. It seemed impossible to take every single interaction and focus so strongly on appropriate emotional responses when he was bombarded each day with e-mails, calls, and meetings from people living in different continents. In fact, it never let up. Ben felt like all he did was communicate with his employees, and yet he knew he needed to improve.

Ben finally decided to try to increase his EQ and improve his relationships with his team. His first step was to try to really understand the perspective of whomever he was communicating with, in every case possible. He felt that if he could take even a few seconds more to simply focus and listen, he could really become more attuned to the needs of his people. By doing this, Ben felt he could enhance empathy with their position and therefore become a much better manager. Secondly, because he was so busy all the time, Ben felt like he was always reacting to situations autonomously and without much thought. He just responded naturally to whatever was thrown his way, and he felt like this should be improved. If he could just take a few moments to think before responding to each situation, Ben felt this could not only improve his emotional response to others, but also make him a better decision maker.

Finally, Ben decided that he would try to psychologically withhold immediate judgment in each interaction with employees. Ben knew that changing his behavior would take time, but he felt it was possible to do it. Therefore, he put a reminder note on his monitor with all of these points and promised himself and his employees that he would improve his communication in this way over the next few months. Five minutes later, one of his employees called. She had gone overbudget and was calling to speak with Ben about it. He put his headset on, breathed a heavy sigh, and pushed connect on his computer. Great journeys of change start with small steps, he thought.