Writing Excel 2007 Bible was one of my most challenging projects. Never before has an Excel upgrade incorporated so many new features and changes. Thanks to the brilliant people at Microsoft for the hard work it took to get this product out the door at Redmond, and onto my hard drive. I can’t say that I agree with all of their user interface decisions, but I have no doubt that this is the best version of Excel ever. It’s always a pleasure to deal with Greg Croy, acquisitions editor. I’ve worked with Greg for many years, and I appreciate all he does to get my books to market in a timely manner. And a special thank-you to Kelly Ewing, project editor for this book. She and the other talented people behind the scenes did an incredible job of converting my sloppy and often incomprehensible Word files into real book pages that actually make sense.

A few other people also deserve thanks. First of all, I’d like to acknowledge Mark Tedeschi, who was the first to request. I must also thank ~Q~ for opening my eyes to new possibilities for the oft-neglected tilde. And I thank Michael D. Bono for his life-long guidance and sound hypocritical stance on key issues.

It is with deepest humility that I thank Anagram, a longtime contributor to banjo, biplane, biker, and binary appreciation societies around the world. When I grow up, I want to be just like her. And, to keep it in the family, a special thanks to Bisbonian, who introduced me to the art of flailing the banjo and took me on an awesome biplane ride over Bisbee, Arizona.

A few random pages of this book (towards the back) are dedicated to young MacDonald—the one without the farm. Thanks to Satyrsong and MK, for sushi and steaming up my glasses. Just as Joe Blow taught me the true meaning of Swiss cheese, Keveena taught me the meaning of bhroondaglog (and I’m truly grateful for that). And my gratitude even extends to Michael R. Bernstein, who taught me everything I know about Hannukwanzaamas.

Very special thanks go out to my long-time friend Wendy Lauver, a dedicated fan, an occasional pivot table princess, and a self-described charting hag. She’s one of the few people in this modern world who deserves an exclamation point after her name. Here’s to you, Wendy!

A special acknowledgment goes out to Margie Corbett, for encouraging her husband to pursue his Excel obsession, and for allowing him to buy this book with his own money. I’d also like to thank Gerard Gibbons, who simply wants to confuse his wife by having his name appear in an Excel book. I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank Curtis Curtington for being meshugeh ahf toit. Oh, and for the underpants.

A special thanks to Stephen, from Kennesaw State University, for his commitment to raising the quality of education in our great country. I’d also like to thank the always deft Biff, for answering thousands of Excel questions in the Microsoft newsgroups so I could spend my time writing this book. And thanks to Brent Nichols, who took the time to explain to me the difference between Excel and axles. Now, looking under my car isn’t so perplexing. Thanks, Mr. Ed, for siring the love of my life.

I’m down on my knees when I thank Spirit Mountain for providing the inspiration to complete this book. And I’m grateful to RickHap, for donating Faith Mountain to my charity fundraiser for Whole Wheat Radio. And, of course, special thanks to Cindy in Wasilla for helping me with the decorating plan for a very special Kinkade Christmas. And while I’m on the subject, thanks to Jim Kloss, for his successful effort to make Whole Wheat Radio so bad that I had no desire to tune in and get distracted while writing this book. On a similar note, I’m grateful to Esther Golton, for not releasing her long-awaited CD while I was working on this book. It’s likely that I’ll be able to use this same acknowledgment when I write the Excel 2010 Bible.

I don’t really want to, but legal pressure forces me to acknowledge the contributions of Toad, whose life I saved during the war—and then lived to regret it. I also thank Mrs. Toad, not because she actually did anything, but because it’s very unlikely that she will be mentioned in any other Excel 2007 books, and she might buy a copy if she sees her name here.

I’d also like to acknowledge Alison Young, for being generally awesome. Zach Fraile also deserves special recognition for his key role in seeing me through the early stages of ribbon UI crisis. Thanks also go out to Mark Coles, who showed his wife how to do a household budget in Excel, rather than writing it like a story in Notepad. And, of course, I’d like to thank Joe Bardi for being Joe Bardi. But not as much as I’d like to thank Joshua O’Keefe, who really knows how to move sides of beef.

I bow down to 12-Stringer, whose proclivity, propensity, and capacity for single malt Scotch rivals my own, and whose flummoxing right-hand technique on 12-string guitar was so flabbergasting that I was inspired to devote life to learning an instrument with seven fewer strings.

This book, of course, never would have come to fruition without the awesome Austin music from Casey. I’d like to thank The One True Dan Tripp for agreeing to buy this book because his name is in this section. I’m certain I should thank mare, but I can’t find the note that explains what I have to thank him/her/it for. In any case, thanks! And that also goes to moioci, for general intrepidity. Thanks are also due to The Necklace Lady for making sure everyone can hang their name badge on a sparkle—something that’s vitally important in this day and age.

I also appreciate Mr. Mike, for teaching me to play chess. His crushing victory over his 7-year old opponent was truly inspirational. I would also like to thank Victor Conte and his peeps at BALCO. And special thanks to Dan and Spencer for remaining faithful to the Padres, even when they shouldn’t have been.

It would be a grievous error to overlook Andrew Methmann, who has several J-Walk books floating around his office, and has promised to add to the collection if he finds his name here. I hereby dedicate 11.5 pages of this book to Kirk. In this world woven of illusions and insubstantial impressions, I always wonder how he can stand me and my books—and, of course, the blog.

I’d like to inform Mary—who keeps telling me that putting things/people in boxes is wrong, wrong, wrong—to go soak her head. Putting things in boxes is what Excel is about. So there. Now, back to the acknowledgments. I thank Tina, for her desire to get a raise by learning all she can about Excel, and for dazzling her boss and coworkers with material that she lifts directly from my books. And I must mention Raymond Allan, one of thousands of people who can’t remember the password for Power Utility Pak and apologize to me via e-mail.

Thanks to Ruth Maher in Ireland, who figured out the secret to using Excel. She always takes her Excel with a full pint of Guinness. I must also thank Soren Bo Christensen from Denmark, for being the only Dane interested in Excel 2007 (or so he claims). But most of all, I thank Gareth Forster in England, for being over there and not here. And least but certainly not last, I pay tribute to Lindsay, for his riveting links and his unflappable insistence on bifurcating them. I almost forgot. Thanks to Miss Cellania for being so miscellaneous.

I would especially like to thank Terry Davies, for pointing out the similarities between Excel and the Daily Telegraph Cryptic Crossword. I still can’t do the crossword, but I can type letters into cells—which is almost as gratifying. I’m also thankful to Vilhjálmur Helgason, for not changing his name to William Tell. My buddy Sol also deserves some credit. He’s the guy who scours the Internets to find all the stuff that may or may not interest you—and he sends it to me.

At least nine pages of this book are dedicated to Eenie Meenie, who just keeps hanging around. I’d like to thank Jordon Kalilich for being so incredibly thankable, and Mikey McGrinder for being Guitarded. But most of all, I’m grateful to cyberhobo for his respectful silence. I would also like to acknowledge Granny Dee. When she purchases her copy of the Excel 2007 Bible, it’s very likely that she will own more copies than the Vatican Library.

This book wouldn’t be the book it is if it weren’t for danielo, whose favorite answer is usually found in cell G16. Thanks also go out to Anibal Fraquelli, because he teaches that there’s more to life than cells (a concept that continues to be debated in academic circles). Many thanks to Don Erickson, for his help with the past pluperfect tense, an archaic but surprisingly useful literary device. And special thanks go out to Guy and Bob, for making 2006 the “Year of the Banjo”—even if Candy insists that they still can’t play very well. Hopefully, this book will set them on a more productive path to 5-string nirvana.

In the nonhuman realm, a bark out goes to Tootsie, the best darn chocolate Cocker Spaniel living in California. And thanks to Jean. I hereby offer my official apology for running over her dog and blaming it on the neighbors. I’m also grateful to Rex. He doesn’t understand most of the words in my books, but he does enjoy entering formulas in cell K9.

A big thanks to Dave Green, for not contributing to this book. Without his interference, I was able to complete it on time with only a few dozen major rewrites. I send a round-about circular thanks to Andrew Reynolds, who often insists on reinventing the wheel.

I’d also like to thank five of Dave Brett’s seven personalities for their valuable assistance (the other two are Access mavens). And I simply must acknowledge Nazire because she has an uncanny ability to interpret my crystal clear instructions without even trying very hard. I also appreciate Alexis Cole, who insists on spending his birthday working on very clunky macros. A big thanks is due Charles Chickering, for plagiarizing my code to help the multitudes on the public newsgroups.

I truly admire Stuart O’Brien, for all the long hours, hard work, and Herculean effort he put into writing his own acknowledgment. And thanks to Lewis Johnson, for giving me my big break—both times. Special thanks to Mike C, for thoughtfully stroking his beard and looking intelligent while reading my books in public places (that sort of thing really helps sales). And equally special thanks to Jan Chan, for demonstrating his semi-amazing Reverse Tsil Tnemgdelwonkca formula.

For the first time, I’d like to publicly acknowledge Dustin Spicuzza, for showing me how much fun exploding billboards can be. Also, thanks to Joel Schultz for using my book in all of his Excel classes, and for being a genius in general. I’d like to give a special thanks to Roger Martin, for his suggestion to use numbered pages. If only I’d learned that trick sooner in my career!

I must acknowledge Artoch, for his tireless efforts with the Reckoning. This book would have two fewer sentences if it weren’t for him. And I extend special thanks to Tobias H. Schmidbauer, for thinking that my blog had a connection with The Tonight Show. How could I forget Greg P. in Fairfield? He showed me that Excel is much easier when you use both hands.

I’ll always be thankful to Champthom, for waking up at 5 a.m. on those cold Saturday mornings to take me to skating practice. And, of course, I must thank my grandma for giving me the genetic gift of fidgeting. I’d also like to thank my mother and Anne Kulak, both of whom where equally important in making me who I am today.

My thanks to Tank, for doing the thankless job of giving thanks at my Thanksgiving dinner. And I have undying gratitude to John Owen, who stopped me from hearing the voices—at least for a while. Oh, and I’m really grateful for Fred, for not commenting much.

I’ll always be grateful for the culinary contributions of Jon Anderson, who showed me how to use conditional formatting to make a delicious cheese spread. And I would like to give a special thanks to Adam Poranski, for truly teaching me to appreciate Stamen. More thanks are due to Heidi Buckner. Because of her constant praise of Microsoft Word, I was forced to write this book out of spite. Also thank-worthy is ElMoney, who continued to contribute to my blog even after she became famous. And I’m especially grateful to Rory, for not being a troll.

A warm thank-you to Danille Bouchonnet, for spreading on the lotion after that mishap in the tanning booth. And thanks to pat... who introduced me to some innovative uses of the ellipsis. Thanks go out to fancypants... for being inspired by the following to learn Excel the J-Walk way: Victor Torres, Doug Durdan, Tony Williamson, Avalon, Lori, Eden, Cardi, Ricardo Dittmer, Jeremy Mathis, Dan and Angie McKenzie, Di Hogg, Roger Holmes, Katarina Kotulakova, and (last, but least) Phil Borkstrom.

I’m much obliged to Claire Summers, a friend of mine who uses Excel a lot in her work, even though she doesn’t really need to. Special thanks to Art C, who taught me everything I know about Excel—but unfortunately not everything he knows about Excel. I’d also like to thank Big Leather Dave, for teaching me how to hit without hurting and hurt without hitting, skills that come in handy several times a week.

I can’t thank Evan and Robyn C. enough. I admire that fact that they use their Excel powers only for good purposes. I’m also grateful to Rich (aka shades), who is old, slow, and confused—which makes me feel young, fast, and alert. And a very special thanks to Tombraider. In my time of need, he was the only one who knew the Hungarian phrase for “But officer, the llama was on fire when I got here.” I’m also indebted to Rufus for accepting that extra cash I had lying around without making a big deal of it.

I checked my “Excel can do anything” files, and remembered Guy, who deserves thanks for helping me modify the wiring in my ‘51 NoCaster using a circuit design created in an Excel worksheet (no macros). I would also like to thank the Gideon Society. It may be a baseless rumor, but I’ve heard that they will be bundling a copy of this book along with the standard fare they supply to hotel and motel rooms everywhere. And, of course, I’d like to acknowledge Mike Hiscock. He’s just this guy I know.

I’m also appreciative of Sheldon Reynolds. Even though he’s not the guitarist Sheldon Reynolds from Earth Wind and Fire, he made me laugh once (or maybe I’m thinking of someone else). And a very extra superspecial thanks to ClownPie. His love of pie taught me that there’s only one thing in this world to live for. Unfortunately, the love of his life generates a #NAME error in Excel. The correct spelling is PI().

And a special word up to Jack Faley, for pointing out that I forgot to carry the zero on page 582. Because of his observation, this book is now certified error-free. I’d also like to thank Wilma Compton, for being the only 17-year-old regular reader of the J-Walk Blog. But that’s just because her dad reads Excel books. And I’d really like to thank Quasimike Why? Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin.

I’m left with no choice but to express my heartfelt gratitude to Fine-line, whose incalculable ignorance of Excel assures me gainful employment well into my twilight years. And if I spoke Spanish, I’d say gracias to Rob Richard and Rubberband for rockin’ the house. On a related note, many thanks Left Hand Green for rocking my face off.

I may be faceless, but I’m still grateful to Grant Willson and William Strunk Jr. for the loan of several semicolons (I’ll return them when I’m finished, I promise). And I must acknowledge Jerry Przygocki for teaching me to paint, and for showing me that a working class hero is something to be. Special thanks to Jonco, who created a workbook that will ultimately assist me in the search for the real killers. I would also like to thank Josh Voog, for his half-hearted commitment to average, everyday mediocrity. And still more thanks to Zack Barresse, who is mostly unhelpful, but is often good for some comic relief, a sturdy smile, and forced laughter.

I should probably thank Ross Mclean, but I don’t think I will. But I will give a “shout out” (as the kids say) to Doug Glancy, who is fairly tall. And I must mention Richard Schollar, who was absolutely no help whatsoever in the production of this book. Thanks are truly due to Dan Maxey, who reads my blog with amusement almost every day. And thanks to Renee Fabry, for... Well, you know.

I may be stretching it, but I’m grateful to Abu Ja’far Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi (c.778 - c.850), who created the Arabic number system that powers Excel. I must also acknowledge Ian Huitson, for being the first person to produce a Mandelbrot in Excel, complete with graphical output and not a single statement of VBA code. He deserves almost as much thanks as Graham Long, who actually taught me everything I know.

Kudos to Sally I. Villarreal (for valuable assistance), to Philip A. DiStefano (for no specific reason), and to Nate Roth (who reminds me that even pirates need a little R & R). A belated thanks to Allan Moore, for his lack of contributions to this book and all of my previous books. And thanks to John Pritzlaff, for the same reason. I’d also like to express my heartfealt thanks to Neal Eiserman for correcting the spelling erors in this book.

If I had a Hallmark thank-you card, I’d send it without a stamp to Jonathan Caws-Elwitt, because he prematurely said, “You’re welcome.” I owe him one. I also owe one to Russel Maxwell, for teaching me the true meaning of life, and without whose help this book would be very one-dimensional. Warm and almost-sincere thanks to Steven Nelson, for buying several of my books over the years (at discount prices). Without his personal support, I might not have been able to write this edition. Yvette, I will always remember our time at the River Walk, Viva Le Tour! I also thank Blayne Rutledge, for his unparalleled involvement and keen perception of all things perceptible. And, of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge ac for her... well... knowledge.

My prayers were answered by the tireless efforts of BobOldSchoolBolin, who gave me the faith to accept that Excel is just a spreadsheet program and not Satan’s Soul Stealer. I give praise to Barry of Maryland, for spreading the four gospels of Excel: Pivot Tables, Functions, Charting and VBA—all in accordance with the J-Walk Bible.

And here’s to the dazzling Janessa Allen—the loveliest programmer in Royal Oak, Michigan. And special recognition goes to AnnMarie Johnson, for her longstanding membership in my fan club (to make up for her husband’s recognition as such on the LoTR DVD). Thanks to Jim Westrich for sending me a copy of his innovative Excel Origami project. Sadly, this project has folded, but a documentary will soon be released on Paper View. And I’ll never forget Chip Gorman, for showing me a great little VBA trick to calculate pi to the last digit. His tip on squaring the circle is also worth mentioning, but I won’t.

A special thanks is extended to Oscar Binley, whose obsession with tennis balls led me to uncover a hitherto unexplored aspect of VBA. And I can’t overlook LinDee Kangas, who first opened my eyes to the power of VLOOKUP. I offer a most sincere thank-you to the sometimes irascible Steve. Finalizing this edition of the book would not have been possible in the absence of his advice that the anagram of my name is “belch no jaw hank”. And this is my long-overdue thanks to Jonathan (Ozzy) Osborne, whose contribution to the spin-cycle of my washing machine defies words, thoughts, and most nonmundane feelings.

I almost forgot to thank the following: Leandro Castillo (for unleashing Custom Lists), Pete Dozier (my VBA Jedi Master), and Thomasina Campbell (who believed in me when I didn’t believe in me). Oh, and thanks are due to Jennifer Irving, for her outstanding contributions to the field of font color management (despite my suggestions to try colors other than pink, dark pink, and baby pink).

My undying gratitude goes out to John Leo, who taught me the four key elements of financial modeling in Excel: Simplicity, flexibility, elegance, and (most importantly) Alt-Tab. Thank to Ike Gerardo, who sleeps better at night after he realized that when you have the solution, it’s better to give than to receive. A big thanks to Ray Lee, who pointed out that financial modeling has nothing to do with fashion (which certainly opened the door to some new formulas). I’m equally grateful to Xcelion, who demonstrated that using the SUM function is indeed more efficient than using a hand-held calculator and typing the result in a cell. Who’d a thunk?

If I live to be 50, I’ll never forget Joan Perry, who walked from coast to coast in support of this book (and no, I won’t reimburse her for the shoes). And I must acknowledge Malicious Earn, who will be buying this book to see whether he actually got acknowledged. I am eternally grateful to TimS, who dutifully patrols the bookstores, straightens up the Excel section, and then hides the non-Walkenbach Excel books in the Stephen King section. And I must certainly acknowledge Woody, whom everyone expected would be the last one to be acknowledged.

And finally, I really and truly thank the readers of the J-Walk Blog and the Daily Dose of Excel for helping me write what is perhaps the longest Acknowledgments section in the nearly 200-year history of Wiley Publishing.