F – The fear

A fear of public speaking can at the least make you nervous and feel like you are going to forget what you want to say and at its worse physically close up your throat, make you sweat, your hands shake. Your heart can feel like it’s pounding so hard it’s going to come out of your chest. And you feel like the pressure in your head means your head is going to explode too. I speak here not just from years of helping people with their fear of public speaking, I speak from my own fear of it too.

Years ago I had such a fear of public speaking the first time I was asked to speak at a professional development day for business owners for 20 minutes that I was literally in the rest rooms wishing I could collapse and receive medical assistance. I knew that to be successful I had to overcome the fear, and somehow someone that sounded like me said ‘Yes, I would love to speak at your big event in front of 50 + people’, and yet inside I was praying my spleen would explode and I could escape this conversation, take down my website and online marketing and hide in Bolivia for the rest of my life.

So I know what that fear is like. I also know how to fix it. You could still be questioning why you need to bother fixing this fear. I worked with one business woman who had successfully manoeuvred herself out of speaking engagements for 20 years. However, as we looked at this fear, she realised the impact that it had had on her career could have been catastrophic. Public speaking is not all standing in front of 50 people or in a room the size of stadium and getting a message across that makes the audience cheer and cry out ‘You rock!’ Sometimes public speaking is about being able to get your message across in a small group of possibly only four or five people but being able to successfully control the group so that you are not spoken over, dismissed and made to feel like your opinion didn’t matter.

Have any of these happened to you?

• Have you ever been in a group environment and felt like what you had to say didn’t get heard?
• Have you left a conversation and thought, ‘I wish I had said that!’
• Have you got tongue tied and sat down thinking, ‘What did I say!’
• Have you looked at other people in the room and thought, ‘I wish you would shut up for a minute and let me talk!’
• Have you thought, ‘I know what I want to say it’s just I can’t say that to you!’

If any of these have ever happened to you, or you have your own thoughts on speaking up, then this chapter is going to help you overcome the fear of speaking anywhere, for any occasion. It’s a powerful point to remember that this could overspill into every aspect of your life. Want a new car and are nervous of telling the sales man what you really want and not what they want to sell you? Want to get your family to listen to what you have to say? Want to get heard at the school PTA? I once read that the skill of effective communication was by far the most powerful impactor on your success. And I would agree. The case study in this chapter had a massive impact on this woman’s career from the moment she dealt with it. And she had put up with the fear for 20 years!

This fear can manifest itself in so many ways. You can end up looking like the person that always says ‘No’ to the speaking slot at networking. Or the chance to present at work. ‘Don’t ask them, they won’t do it.’ What’s that doing to your career? To your success? Does that make you look like a team player? Someone that can be relied on? Someone that can rise to any challenge? If someone is scared of presenting to 10 colleagues, can we trust that person to deal with our biggest clients? To bring in the big contracts? Are you bringing in an element of doubt on your abilities to those around you because you won’t do it? Or don’t do it with style and confidence?

Take a moment to ask yourself if you do shy away from speaking up and presenting. And ask yourself what impact is it having on your success. Sometimes public speaking is just about having the confidence to say your own opinion. In this chapter we will look at the physical, the emotional and the physiological things you can do to be able to successfully public speak in any environment.

E – Examples and exercises

A – Actions

I read a great piece of research by Dana Carney, Amy Cuddy and Andy Yap that said that if you stood like a superhero you could physically change the way you acted. And you could change your success rate. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, shoulders back, think all Wonder Woman or Batman (there’s enough of them to choose one you like) as if you’ve kicked the baddies’ butt and saved the world from destruction and not one hair is out of place; okay, so there’s a neat smudge on your right cheek. But hey all in a day’s work for a superhero, right? Chest out, head up, proud, confident and capable of anything. And it was said that if you stood like that you could in fact be more successful. Perform better, get better results. As with so many great studies within the year a study came along that disproved the first study. And then others went on to prove it was true again. Whether the study is true or not there is a lot to be said about the way something makes us feel.

Try it for a moment. Wherever you are right now, round your shoulders and tilt forward. Frown. And look down. Pull your chin down to your chest and don’t make eye contact. Breathe in short breaths and imagine how that would feel if you were presenting. Now sit up right. Shoulders back. Head back. Smile. Make eye contact, chest up, look up, deep breath and imagine how that would feel if you were about to speak publicly. Take it one step further and imagine if you added to the equation the way you were feeling.

Try it:

• Do the negative pose and think negatively and see how that feels.
• Then do the negative pose and think positively.
• Now do the positive pose and think negatively.
• Finally do the positive pose and think positively.

Can you see some of the actions you need to take? You need to stand with purpose not with a porpoise (again, that’s where the slide of me and the porpoise comes out because it makes you laugh and takes away a second of the fear that public speaking creates).

What feels like a good way to stand to you? Before we look at the words or the emotional and psychological things we can do to help you feel confident in dealing with this fear you need to learn to stand in a way that says ‘I’m ready for action’. You will need to practise this.

A really good way to do this is to stand in front of a mirror. It’s really unnerving and it’s completely unnatural to talk to yourself in the mirror; however, if you can talk to yourself in the mirror, an audience will be a bit easier. Won’t it? So practise standing in front of the mirror and striking different poses. What makes you feel comfortable?

A lot of people worry about what to do with their hands. Politicians get hours of coaching on how to ensure they keep their palms up (so they look open and honest) rather than forcing their hands down (and are forcing their opinions upon you) so if you find your hands become out of control let them clasp together naturally. When I was a bridesmaid many years ago the photographer said that the bouquet should end up lowered half way down our legs so that the middle of our arm was over our hip. If you do this, pose with your hands naturally clasped not gripped together. Then you will be able to still move your hands around, although the movement will be subtler and controlled.

Should I stand still or move around? To answer this, it’s a good idea to think ‘Who am I talking to?’ Is your audience expecting a fast-paced talk? A professional talk? A relaxed conversation? An in-depth monologue? A discussion? By thinking about the expectations of your audience you can start to consider what kind of behaviour you think they are going to expect from you.

If you are talking to a room full of people that want to be motivated and inspired, then it’s fine to be someone that moves around the room. On the other hand, if you want to appear professional and gain the attention of your audience, maybe giving your audience brain ache by trying to keep up with your athletics is not the best idea. So work out a natural balance between standing still and movement. Movement also stops your audience becoming bored. Remember, with the greatest will in the world, the greatest orators still know that an audience has a limited attention span.

The important point to remember in the actions point of this chapter is that to override and eradicate this fear you need to learn new skills. You need to learn new techniques. Not all fears will be overridden with just a belief. To really banish them for good, you need to learn new skills to accompany your mindset. Here I’m sharing a few tools and physical techniques. However, there are far more learned authors out there than myself to share ideas on how to be an expert speaker. The greatest book I read was given to me by a great speaker, Colin McLean (I will share his top piece of advice in a moment). He has worked with the BBC and many aspiring great business leaders and TV presenters to help them become great public speakers. The book in question is called Lend Me Your Ears by Max Atkinson, well worth a read on how to be a first-class public speaker.

Colin beautifully summed up public speaking for me. Take into account that I had experienced a tremendous fear of public speaking, so to speak before a great such as Colin McLean (and know he was in my audience) brought many a fear back. To then be handed a copy of Max Atkinson’s book by said Colin drooped my shoulders and made me feel like a chastised little girl who’s just been told ‘must do better’.

In his perfect-tone voice Colin said, ‘On the contrary Mandie you are someone that can appreciate the true meaning to find your own style and be proud of it.’ He was right. Above all else a few years earlier, when Colin had first heard me speak I had cornered him afterwards and, being someone always keen to learn and grow, had been desperate to learn from such a great man. ‘How can I improve, Colin?’ ‘What did I do wrong?’ I’d begged to know. And his reply had infuriated me: ‘Nothing, it was perfect. Beautifully matched to your passion and enthusiasm and motivation for business and success of others.’ As I recall I had been quite disgruntled at the time at this response; however, now I can appreciate that what Colin was saying is very true. If you have a fear of public speaking style, you will know you have overcome that hurdle and massive obstacle in the road to your success when you have a natural style that you don’t constantly second guess. Yes, you will always be looking to improve, add new content, learn new techniques, trial new ideas. However, you will trust that you are capable and have a style that is all your own.

Here are a few more tools to add to your actions to override that public speaking fear:

• Practise – a lot! And don’t just practise from the start. I once saw a man stand on a stage with impeccable notes only to drop said notes and then spend the first 5 minutes apologising for the dropped notes! Practise from the middle to the end and then the start. Practise from the end to the middle. In this way, if you get heckled (read on for a few top tips on hecklers or ‘I need to prove I’m as clever as you’s’) you are okay to pick up from where you left off. And you will feel comfortable to do so. Don’t feel rigid in what you are saying (unless that is what is asked of the speaking engagement); most speaking engagements like fluidity.
• But don’t practise too much. I hear the saying practise, practise, practise; however, if you have a fear of public speaking, you can work yourself back into the fear! As you practise, remember the other elements of this chapter: the tools that are powering up your mindset. If you are a visual person and are going to rely on visual aids, then rehearse with these too. However, over-rehearsing will be like that moment before an exam when you end up standing with the person who seems to have crammed and studied far harder than anyone else and makes you panic that you’ve not done enough. And that you don’t need.
• Don’t read from notes. You are an expert in your field. You’ve been asked to speak because of that. It’s something I always repeat to someone with a fear of public speaking. A photographer is not asked to speak on the intricacies of brain surgeries to a room full of brain surgeons. One of the reasons we feel fear when public speaking is because we fear what people are thinking. (It’s such a big issue it has its own chapter!) However, for now, just remember you’ve been asked to speak because you know what you are talking about. People aren’t trying to catch you out. So please remember this: People actually want to hear what you have to say. They start on your side. The poor guy who dropped his notes. There he was on stage feeling awful. And what he didn’t understand or couldn’t appreciate because he was too mortified was we were all feeling for him and rooting for him to do well. So much so that I went up and told him so afterwards! However, when you read from notes you take away a little of your professionalism. Try it. Stand in front of a mirror and deliver your speech with and without paper. You will note your delivery changes. The way you stand. What you do with your hands. Even the way you breathe. So please get rid of the paper. The only time you want to read from paper is if you want to reinforce something. For example, it’s not just me saying this, ‘Here is Dr Jones’ opinion on this too’ or if you are sharing a testimonial that someone has given of you.
• Remember you’ve every right to be in that room. You are the expert of choice. In Chapter 10 we will get your mind under control on what you should be thinking; for now, just accept that it is as important as the skills you learn, the way you stand.
• Don’t apologise if you get something wrong. Remember only you know what you were going to say. I’ve been at events when the speaker has veered so far off of the title of the talk and yet the audience has still loved it!
• Unless you need to, don’t use jargon. Jargon risks alienating your audience. It’s used by people who want to look clever. It’s only really expected in certain arenas and you will know which ones they are. Which leads me on to hecklers.

Hecklers may ask clever questions or awkward questions. I’ve had ones who are annoyed it’s not them on stage. I’ve had ones that are annoyed that the government have cut their funds and they’ve got to listen to this woman tell them how to grow their business. When you have to present in a hostile environment, remember it’s not your fault. That is their agenda, not yours. You were asked to speak, they weren’t. Still their problem: still not yours. You are still awesome. If anything, as scary as that is, it means you are the organisers’ expert of choice. And remember from Chapter 4, there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, so accept a quiet inner confidence that says ‘I’m the expert they chose’. With that in mind, you still have the person with their nose out of joint to deal with. Getting embroiled in a debate is not fair on the rest of your audience and not professional. At all times you want to ask yourself, ‘What is the result I want from this speaking engagement?’ It is highly likely you want to walk away looking professional and someone that can be relied on, right? So with that in mind here are some great things to say, and yes a couple I’ve actually used to great effect (and created great opportunities – so I know they work!):

• That is a good point. I’ve got five minutes at the end, so let’s explore that more when we have the time as we need to cover a lot in the next half hour.
• I really appreciate you highlighting that point. That is similar to the issue that so many clients are experiencing, so if you would like to take a seat I can show you how we’ve worked to solve it for them and you can tell me at the end if you feel these ideas would work for you on a no-money, no-time budget.
• I knew I would get one person in the room that would disagree, tell me why you feel you are more like a striped hog-nosed skunk than a human. (That person turned into a client the same day!)
• That is a great question, I will need to look into that for you. May I get your card so that I can?
• You raise a good point. However, it’s important we explain why you do this, before we explain how to, and thank you for bringing this to the room so early in the day’s training. (Ideal for the disgruntled person that feels they should be delivering the training and want to point out they know as much as you and want every opportunity to prove it!)

Aim not to use words like ‘Try’, and ‘But’, or questions that start with ‘Why’. For instance:

The final action that you need to remember, is to remember to breathe. I know that sounds daft, but if you listen to yourself as a scared public speaker, you will realise that you don’t breathe a great deal. Hence the short breath, heart racing and light headedness. Put your hand on your stomach and practise making your hand go up and down. If you are breathing from your chest, then you are breathing too shallowly and causing yourself stress. Also allow yourself a few . . . pauses . . . pauses are good for two reasons.

Firstly, they allow you to breathe. And secondly, they enable you to add emphasis to certain words within your presentation. They also enable your audience to think about what you have said. Then trial it to see where you should add a pause. And when I’ve run master classes on this, and have asked people to put long pauses in their presentations. A few seconds can feel like a lifetime, but it’s a really nice opportunity for your audience to process information and reflect. And seconds are not as long as you think, so try it and see. The traditional 60-second elevator pitch is a good example of this. In 60 seconds you can say so much and yet a few great pauses can be just as powerful within those precious 60 seconds. If you network, it’s a great opportunity to overcome your public speaking fear and trial the actions and exercise within this chapter until you find your natural style.

R – Results

And the reason you need to trial the tools and strategies in this chapter is because we want to see this fear obliterated. So that no matter what comes up in your professional life, you are not looking over your shoulder worrying about the time someone says, ‘You can do a presentation on that right?’

As we’ve seen, some fears are sneaky and some fears are in your face. Some fears are fixed with a thought and some need a bit of work. I would say that to fix this fear, start with a belief that you can fix it and you will. Then move on to looking at the skills and tools that will reinforce it for you, and is completed with practice and action. This fear is shrunk to a non-entity by doing it again and again so that you feel your confidence grow. Don’t make the assumption that every time will be perfect. However, do make the assumption that every time you are growing and learning from the experience and improving your performance.

I can give you so many wonderful examples of the results here: The business woman who told me that I would ‘never get her speaking to 50 business owners’ who within a short time texted me to say ‘I’ve just spoke to a room full of business owners with a microphone and I got new business out of it!’; The business owner who practised what they would say and how they would say it and gained a dream contract. One they wouldn’t have dreamed of going for because, well, it involved a table of people in front of them and that business owner doing all the talking. What would they say?

Remember, to get results in public speaking there is an element of skill. I think the story that will stick with me always on the need for an element of skill is dear MacArthur Wheeler. And I share this short, funny but true, story in the hope it will also stick with you to empower your success too.

MacArthur Wheeler read that lemon juice could be used to help you write secret letters. If you wrote with lemon juice it couldn’t be seen unless you had a UV light. He reasoned that if that was true, then if he smeared lemon juice over his face then he would be unable to be seen. And if he couldn’t be seen then he could successfully rob his local bank. And like any sensible bank robber he decided to test his theory by taking a selfie. Unfortunately, being the mid-90s alas there was not a great deal of technology around so he used his trusted polaroid camera that enabled him to take an instant picture. However, the film in the camera was damaged and his image didn’t come out. Thus MacArthur reasoned he was invisible. MacArthur robbed two banks in one day. When he was arrested later that night he retorted, ‘But I wore the juice!’

So remember, don’t be a MacArthur Wheeler if you want to be successful in public speaking, if you want to eradicate that fear, you won’t do it just by reading this chapter and ‘winging it’.

Remember, by not taking action what are you agreeing to? Think back to the negative spiral and the impact that this has on your success at work and how it could potentially manifest further, therefore effecting your future success Is that enough to make you take action on this?