My daughter Ruth and I have similar personalities. We both enjoy being the centre of attention, we can be loud, and we love meeting new people and travelling . . . preferably to somewhere sunny.

There are differences, however.

High heels, make up, and handbags are not high on my agenda, and my tolerance for alcohol is much lower than hers. I also have far fewer followers on Instagram.

There's something else we have in common though. We like quotes – particularly ones that inspire and make us think. One that I especially like is by the late French novelist Anaïs Nin:

We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.

However, I misquoted this to Ruth, my version being ‘We see the world not as it is, but as we are.’

Ruth loved it. So much so she had it tattooed on her torso.

My version that is, not Anaïs Nin's.

Sorry Anaïs.

Or, to put it another way, you don't believe what you see, you see what you believe.

Let me explain.

An elderly relative of mine now lives on his own, having lost his partner of 25 years. We were chatting recently, and he said: ‘It's a sad, sad world out there Paul.’ And unfortunately, through his eyes, because of his loss, it is.

But that same world he views as sad is seen by someone else as a place of joy and opportunity.

The reality, of course, is that neither view is right or wrong. It's simply a view.

Now here's the intriguing bit: strange as it may seem, our brains have the ability to find what we're looking for. Really, they do.

For instance, if you're changing your car, have you noticed that suddenly you start spotting the make and model you're thinking of buying everywhere? Or have you ever put your home up for sale and then started noticing ‘For sale’ signs everywhere? The same goes if you or your partner are pregnant. You start noticing other people who are pregnant, and your awareness of the world of babies is suddenly awakened. True?

In a nutshell, what's important to you, you start to notice. And what you believe about the world, you start to notice too.

The same is true in terms of how you see yourself. For example, some people, for a whole variety of reasons, see themselves as victims of fate and circumstances, and see the world as an unfair place. And because they see themselves this way, they believe they're powerless to do anything to improve their situation.

The result?

Life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But now for the good news – my brain will also help me notice the positive and good things in my life – if that's what I'm looking for.

So why don't our brains notice the whole picture and give us a balanced perspective on life?

Good question.

The fact is, our brain can only consciously notice and retain a small amount of information, so in order to avoid cognitive overload it filters out information it considers irrelevant or unimportant. So, if you believe the world is a sad place, your brain isn't going to start arguing with you and say ‘Hey, just hang on a minute, there's actually loads to feel thankful and grateful for, just let me show you.’

That's not its place.

So how do you counter this bias? Quite simply, we need to consciously and deliberately notice the positives, otherwise we end up being blind to them, or simply taking them for granted. Some people do seem quite well predisposed to do this naturally, but if you're like me then that's not always the case.

You see, for someone known as a motivational or inspirational speaker I have to confess I am, by nature and disposition, a little negative and prone to anxiety.

I was once described by a comedian as Mr Dour Face (although to be fair I had heard earlier that Bradford had lost at Wembley to Millwall). I'm just not like my wife, who, from the moment she wakes, seems to have an air of cheerfulness and joy about her (and that's despite being married to me for over 30 years).

I actually have to make a conscious decision to notice the positives and remind myself of all I have to be grateful for. This is why I'm now so passionate about what I speak and write about. I know this stuff works. I've experienced the benefits. Without it I would just be a miserable bloke from Manchester.

So, here's the deal: it's not your life that makes you happy – it's what you think about your life.

See the world as a sad, dark, and miserable place and it will be.

See it as a challenging place that still pulsates with opportunity and beauty and that is what you will find.

You might not want to tattoo the phrase ‘We see the world not as it is, but as we are’ on your torso, but do imprint it on your mind.

Because maybe your life is already great – it's just that you've not been looking for what's actually great about it.