In the classic movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy, a quiet country girl, and her best friend Toto the dog are transported by a tornado from their home in Kansas to the Land of Oz. Their dream, their goal in the story, is simply to return home, so they ‘follow the yellow brick road' to the Emerald City to find the wizard who can make any wish come true.

Along the way they meet the Scarecrow, who believes everything would be perfect ‘if only he had a brain', the Tin Man, who wants a heart, and the Cowardly Lion, who thinks life would be sorted if he only had courage.

When our band of adventurers (note that with Dorothy, they form their Core Four) finally arrives at the Emerald City after fighting off the Wicked Witch of the West, they are grateful to be granted a meeting with the wizard. Until, that is, they discover that he is in no way magical, but merely a wise old man. Still, the fake wizard delivers on his promise, if not in the way they had expected: he gives the Scarecrow a diploma, the Tin Man a heart-shaped ticking clock, the Lion a medal for courage, and Dorothy a chance to fly home in his hot-air balloon.

So what's the point of sharing this story?

As we make our way along our personal yellow brick road, our own journey, we constantly make excuses for what we lack. ‘If only' is the catch-cry that holds us back from our dreams. Actually we already have the answers for what we seek within us. It's simply a matter of choosing to accept who we are — our strengths and our weaknesses, our good and bad bits. That is the answer.

As author Marianne Williamson puts it:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure … Your playing small does not serve the world … and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

Developing clarity on who you are, what you're looking for from your network and what you can provide in return is as essential for effective networking as it is for the advancement of your career and personal development. To connect with the right people and build a network that works, you first need to:

• establish your goals and dreams so you can make the right decisions and meet the right people to take you there
• understand your values so you can consistently walk your talk
• identify your strengths so you can share them
• own your weaknesses so you can seek help on them
• be yourself so you are authentic and true.

You need to own your vision of you and what it is you want to achieve in your career and life.

SAY YES TO GOALS THAT ENSURE FORWARD
MOMENTUM, AND SAY YES TO OWNING WHO YOU
ARE AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

Own yourself and your goals

When it comes to building an effective network you must be clear on what your goals and aspirations are, how others can help you achieve them and how you can help them in return.

It's worth considering which of the 12 key people you could be for each of those in your network. What do you offer others? You'll often find you are different things to different people at different times. So reassessing this as often as you reassess your own network is crucial.

You need to ask yourself:

• What skills and strengths am I bringing to the conversation?
• What weaknesses do I have?
• What am I passionate about?
• What problems can I solve for people?
• Why do I want to network?
• What is the vision I ultimately have for myself?
• What do I want to achieve right now?
• What help and support do I need to achieve my goals?
• Which of the 12 key people and personality types do I think could be me now, and for whom?

Your dream and vision for yourself and for your business and career is yours and yours alone to own. So you have to believe in yourself, first and foremost. Getting clarity on your personal brand — the who, what and why you are doing what you are doing — will enable you to build a network that works for you. It will give you the confidence to network with conviction and, most importantly, increase your ability to exchange value that matters.

Owning yourself is about learning to share your strengths and skills to help others out while at the same time acknowledging your weaknesses and accepting help. It's about accepting who it is that you are, warts and all, and being brave enough to consistently walk your talk. You need to accept yourself and all your imperfections, learn to rise above your limitations and refuse to let negative thoughts control you. This is about working on and managing your mindset and self-belief.

When I was first transitioning from my secure corporate job into the unknown territory of an entrepreneurial life it was scary. I had three young children, a wonderfully supportive husband, a well-thought-through plan and a dream. To manage my mindset and build my self-belief, I wrote down four mantras that I repeated to myself every morning and night:

1. ‘I am successful.'
2. ‘I can do everything I want to do.'
3. ‘I am knowledgeable about what I know.'
4. ‘I can do this; I am in control.'

These days I still talk to myself like a champion with power and personal conviction. If you don't believe in yourself first, how can you persuade others to believe in you?

When we own who we are, the most natural conversation and viewpoints flow. Hierarchy or position in a company should not matter or dictate your approach. Whether you're at a meeting, a conference or a networking event, being true to yourself will create impact, as your behaviour is a natural extension of who you are.

Own what you're doing and why

In his book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell proposed that it takes 10 000 hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field. Among the examples he cites are:

• Bill Gates, who used to sneak out of his parents' house at night to go and code at his Seattle high school
• The Beatles, who went to Hamburg five times between 1960 and 1962 and performed a total of 270 nights in just over a year and half. When they finally arrived in the US in 1964, their first burst of success, they had performed live an estimated 1200 times! Most bands don't do that in their lifetime.

It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with Gladwell's theory; the point is that every one of us is an expert at something because, whether we realise it or not, we have built up time and hours practising. Yet we undervalue our experience and ideas because we don't believe in ourselves; we feel like imposters, we don't think we've clocked up enough hours.

You have an equivalent of 10 000 hours in something, whether you realise it or not. This is what makes you unique. This is what you can stretch and develop further, share with others and use to create new opportunities.

Ask yourself: What is my area of expertise? Am I owning it?

Start standing for something. Start being known for something. Start speaking up and sharing your value and your dreams and what it is you are looking for. You might be a digital marketing expert, a wordsmith, a philanthropist with a big purpose, an expert at branding who is looking to connect, collaborate and contribute to building mutual success. You might be a skilled graduate looking for a job or a CEO looking for a board position or seeking help to navigate the complexities of global expansion.

WHEN YOU ARE KNOWN FOR KNOWING
SOMETHING, YOUR ABILITY TO CUT THROUGH
THE CROWD AND GET NOTICED INCREASES
EXPONENTIALLY.

More than 20 years ago Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, saw something no-one else could see. He has since turned Amazon into the world's second most admired company (after Apple), and, despite his reputation for being highly demanding, thousands are drawn to his vision and aspire to work for him.

Bono, the lead singer of U2, uses his rock star positioning and mass appeal to influence and drive worldwide change. His influence helped persuade global leaders to write off debt owed by the poorest countries. Through his ONE and (RED) campaigns, he enlists organisations and millions of people to combat AIDS, poverty and preventable diseases.

Since beginning to work with the UN's refugee agency as a goodwill ambassador in 2001, Angelina Jolie has undertaken 50 field missions to countries in crisis, including Iraq, Syria and Pakistan. Her decision to explain her pre-emptive double mastectomy in a New York Times editorial created much controversy and further illustrated her willingness to take a public stand and start the difficult conversation. Former UK foreign secretary William Hague said of her, ‘Angelina Jolie represents a new type of leadership in the 21st century. Her strength lies in the fact that she is able to influence governments and move public opinion at the same time.'

The reality is this. You matter. Every choice and action you take, every word you speak, has the capacity to influence others and, in turn, the decisions being made at that moment in time. Your views are unique to you. There is nothing wrong with making your own profile as strong as you possibly can. Don't be afraid to be brilliant. Have the resilience to shine and follow your dreams. Walk the talk, own your skills, strengths and goals, commit to the change you want to see and build a network of people around you who want to see you succeed.

Your network is your responsibility, not your organisation's.

Sure, you may have a fantastic organisation that is willing to invest in you and your networking skills; however, the key point here is that you are also networking for your own personal and professional growth and development, not just to the benefit of your organisation's.

Where they see value may not be where your value is. You must learn to stand on your own two feet, and often you'll need to make that stand away from the crowd. Sometimes this may also mean that you have to decide to make a financial investment. I witness too many corporate employees who would love to join certain networks but decide that unless their company pays for it it's a no-go. That is crazy logic!

Building a network that works for you and your personal and professional growth matters. This fundamentally is an investment in your future.

But … I'm an introvert

I've lost count of how many times I'm told, ‘I can't network, I hate it, I'm just an introvert.' To this I say: ‘Rubbish! That's an excuse you're using to keep you at the ineffective stage of the networking ladder.' (See figure 2.1 in chapter 2.)

WHETHER YOU ARE AN INTROVERT OR AN
EXTROVERT, YOU CAN STILL NETWORK — YOU JUST
NEED TO DO SO IN A WAY THAT WORKS FOR YOU.

Introversion and extroversion are at the heart of human nature, yet depending on our comfort zone we unconsciously make judgements and place ourselves and one another into boxes. Extroverts may see introverts as unsociable and standoffish. Introverts may see extroverts as aggressive, egotistical and socially needy.

Who's to say who is right and who is wrong? As co-founder of Quiet Revolution Susan Cain says, ‘The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it's a Broadway spotlight, for others a lamp-lit desk.'

The Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung believed, ‘There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in a lunatic asylum.' And yet many of us continue to label ourselves, and judge others, as occupying one or other extreme of the spectrum.

We have to embrace our inner introvert or extrovert, and learn to accept and respect the natural disposition of others and ourselves.

Embrace who you are

When it comes to networking, if you feel like you are introverted then embrace your calm, measured and thoughtful approach, your ability to develop ideas independently and with reflection. Know it's absolutely okay to want to be on your own, to turn down an invitation to an event, and high-five yourself, with confidence, that you are a proud non-sufferer of FOMO. Own the value you bring to thinking, debate, conversation and idea generation.

If, when networking, you enjoy the energy you get from socialising with many, from connecting and communicating with friends and strangers alike, then embrace your natural, assertive nature and ‘let's-go-get-em' attitude. Bring the fun and keep being the high-energy extrovert you are, because we love the fact that you are able to bring people and groups together.

In both cases you bring significant value to networking situations.

An introvert will generally:

• think before they talk
• engage in deep conversation
• focus one on one
• be thoughtful in their follow-up.

An extrovert will generally:

• jump right in, introducing themselves to everyone
• engage in light banter
• socialise with many
• find follow-up fun.

And it's perfectly okay to fall somewhere in the middle, able to adapt and morph depending on what the situation requires. In either case, there is no excuse not to network!

When you embrace who you are and your natural style, you start to enact change. Margaret Thatcher's extrovert personality helped her battle her way through cultural barriers such as a deep-rooted British sexism to become the country's first female prime minister. Winston Churchill's limitless energy helped him lead the British people through World War II, while he wrote prolifically throughout his life, winning the Nobel Prize in Literature for his body of work.

Famous introverts have also changed the world. Gandhi changed the direction of an entire nation. Warren Buffett, considered to be one of the most successful investors in the world, has pledged to give away 99 per cent of his wealth to philanthropic causes. Bill Gates is generally more comfortable with technology than people. Darwin is celebrated for his inner curiosity, Dr Seuss for his inner imagination.

Become more aware of how to work to your strengths in a networking situation and make it easier on yourself, because when you spend too much time battling your own nature you deplete your energy and focus and ultimately your goals become harder to achieve. On the flip side, when you make life choices that are congruent with your temperament, you unleash vast stores of energy.

Too many people live lives that don't suit them — introverts with frenetic social schedules, attending large networking events with thousands of people; extroverts with jobs that require them to sit in front of their computer for many hours at a stretch with no opportunity to socialise. We all have to do things that don't come naturally some of the time, but it shouldn't be all the time. It shouldn't even be most of the time.

Get out of your own way

Seek congruence with your natural style, own it and stop faking it till you make it. Get out of your own way, get out of the box you have put yourself in and embrace who you are. Only then will you network in the right way.

There is an iconic scene in the movie Pretty Woman in which a character says, ‘Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream?' So many of us have a dream, a plan for our future; a vision of what we would like our lives, careers or businesses to be. We may even understand our key driver, or, as leadership expert Simon Sinek expresses it, our ‘why' — why we want what we want.

The real question, however, is how much do you actually want your ‘why'?

What excites you? What fuels the momentum that carries you from initial idea to making it happen? What pushes you out of a place of procrastination and ‘maybes' into a space where you seek the right people to add to your network and advance your career? How hungry are you really?

Many of us get lost in planning rather than doing. Somewhere along the way we forget we have to take action or we become frozen in ‘oh but …' lists. Worse, something doesn't quite go to plan and we fall back into our comfort zone because it's way too scary to step outside.

Anyone who knows me understands I am an advocate of creating a vision and a plan with focused goals to deliver over 90 days. This book is all about having a plan — a planned approach to building a network of you.

The difference between reading this book and implementing it is actually all down to you. It's ultimately up to you to get out of your own way, to decide that you want to change what you are doing right now, to take control of your network and to drive your future success.

Fear less

Being clear on who you are, what you're doing and why you're doing it is one thing, but actually getting out there and building a network of transformational connections that matter — well, that's another. Fear can be debilitating, even crippling. It can stop you achieving your dreams, stop you from challenging the status quo, from using your voice, from trying something new.  

To get out there and connect, to build your network of 12 key people, you have to be brave. You have to believe in yourself, and fear less.

We all experience fear and loss at some stage in our career — loss of face, loss of market share, loss of revenue. We question ourselves: Can I?' ‘Who would want to listen to me?' ‘Do I have the experience to do this? These are the crazy thoughts, the irrational fears we sometimes feel when we're trying something new or unfamiliar. But fear is a choice.

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE PARALYSED INTO
INACTION OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO TURN FEAR
INTO A POWERFUL TOOL FOR SUCCESS.

Fear less about conforming and doing what everyone else wants you to do — going to university, getting that job, getting married, buying a house, having kids, getting promoted. This is not the only definition of success. It's more important than ever to own your vision and your own dreams, to lead yourself and be the leader you want to be.  

Fear less about standing in your spotlight and shining, about having an opinion. Speak up. Yes, people may disagree, argue with you even, but what someone else says about you is not your concern. Don't compare yourself to others, because what you believe and say matters. Stand solidly in the space of you and remember that differences of opinion drive change.

Fear less about promoting yourself. Don't be afraid to emphasise your strengths, what you add in terms of value and, most importantly, your point of difference. In an authentic, realistic way, tell the world what makes you unique. Use what sets you apart as an effective marketing tool.

Fear less about not having all the answers, about not always being right and about having to ask for help. Embrace a life of constant curiosity, of questioning, of learning from your teachers, from each other, from people around you every day. Find your 12 key people to support your growth, because together you will be smarter and stronger.

John C. Maxwell asks, ‘Will you sit at the top of the hill merely contemplating your capabilities? Or will you give yourself a little shove and barrel down that hill, knocking over obstacles in your way?' This is your choice. And in the next chapter you'll see it's how you make that choice to connect with others that matters.