CHAPTER EIGHT

COACHING MASTERY

Leading by Developing Self and Others

Many years ago, a dear friend and I decided to go canoeing on Lake Superior. (You are probably thinking, “Can’t you stay off of that fricking lake!?”) We were staying in a rustic cabin on a cliff overlooking the lake, and we were hoping for waters calm enough to explore the caves and hidden beaches accessible only by water. For three days, we were disappointed; the water was too rough to venture out. On the fourth day, the lake was totally calm—not a ripple to be seen.

Excited, we packed up our gear and headed out onto the placid lake. We were thrilled to be gliding atop the water on such a perfect day. Our canoeing was effortless and smooth. Peering over the sides of our craft into the chilly depths, we viewed the beautiful yet ominous world that stirred both our curiosity and our vulnerability. Seeing the gigantic slabs of rock and boulders, polished smooth over thousands of years, gave us a fresh yet eerie perspective. We fantasized about draining the lake and exploring the mountains and valleys below. Our first real clearing from the cliffs and rocks came about five miles down the lake at a beautiful lodge. Stopping for a leisurely rest, we lay back in the canoe and caught some sunshine for ten or fifteen minutes.

Suddenly a cold wind, not a cool breeze, jolted us from our reverie. I perked up and noticed the flag at the lodge was standing straight out—a warning signal. We jumped up, grabbed our paddles, and decided to head back. The lake gradually mustered energy. At first, we joked back and forth about the waves and how fun it was. About a mile and a half out, the jokes were over. We were caught in the wild surges of Superior. Because the waves were breaking so high, the most dangerous areas were closest to the rocky cliffs of the shoreline. We had no choice; we had to keep going out farther into the lake for safety. The swells were so high that my friend’s head at the front of the canoe dropped beneath the top of them. As we descended over the waves, the canoe landed with a sharp slap. Realizing we were in a life-or-death situation, we encouraged each other, sometimes in not-so-calm voices, and affirmed our resolve to get through this arduous challenge.

While coping with the formidable waves, I lost my life preserver, which hooked itself under our canoe. It not only slowed us down, but if we capsized … you get the picture. We just kept going. We got our second winds, third winds, fourth winds. After a while we were definitely in the “zone”—a calm, focused place amid the raging waters. In fact, we got so absorbed that after four hours of paddling, we actually passed our cabin. Overcome with joy and relief, we glided into our little cove and collapsed on the rocks like two exhausted sea lions after a big night of fishing.

That evening, as we reflected on the wild day, we were astounded at the levels of inner strength and potential we called up. We passed our limits many times. We transcended them so completely that we went to a place of effortlessness, totally unexpected by either of us. How much farther could we have gone? I don’t know. All I know is that we went way beyond what we thought was possible. Coaching Mastery allows us to take the real leadership adventure—helping ourselves and others grow beyond our boundaries.

Not long ago, two CEO succession candidates were referred to us for leadership development and coaching. They both had about the same level of experience, and they both had about twenty years of nearly uninterrupted success with Fortune 500 companies. They both excelled on the job. They both also needed to work on their leadership and interpersonal effectiveness if they wanted to continue to advance in their organizations. Each approached his development in dramatically different ways. One person was open to learning and willing to commit to the growth process from the inside out. The other person felt that he already “had it all figured out.”

At the start, both candidates exhibited reasonable willingness. After a few days, one executive lost enthusiasm as he got closer to some real feedback on his style and personality. He began to regard the process as “lots of work” and would say, “I’m not sure how relevant it is.” He began to miss some appointments. As he pulled back, he began to speculate if the program was “worth it.” He became increasingly skilled at fulfilling his prophecy and at rationalizing his lack of benefit.

The other person stayed with the program. He threw himself into every coaching session. He indulged himself in the self-exploration. He listened to feedback and looked for ways to understand and to apply the information to his career, team, and life. He explored his core meaning and purpose. He projected a new vision for more authentic leadership and for a more authentic life, one congruent with his real values. He refreshed his organization’s vision, purpose, and values. He began to read and reflect more. He shared his insights with others. He began to open up with people at work, taking the risk of being more transparent about strengths and vulnerabilities. He started asking for their help and valuing their contributions.

He stayed the course and was selected to be the next CEO. He became a very effective, empowering, agile leader. He was courageous. When the waves became wild and challenging during his sea change, he paddled hard and stayed focused. He never lost sight of his purpose; he believed he could and would go beyond his limits. Within a year, he had made a noticeable and rewarding transition.

The other person? He left the organization six months later. He continued the same rigid pattern of not taking responsibility and projecting his limitations externally. He probably still blames his former company for his misfortunes.

MERGING THREE INTERRELATED COACHING MASTERY STEPS

All traditions throughout the ages have had exceptional coaches. We may have called them advisors, sages, elders, wisdom-keepers, teachers, mentors, shamans, gurus, or masters. No matter what their titles, we have always turned to them to help us look at our lives and behaviors from new, deeper vantage points. These coaches helped their “coachees”—seekers, disciples, students, apprentices—see the world with fresh eyes, transcend what they thought was possible, and glimpse their fullest potential.

We know from our global research that most people rate “coaching and developing others” among the top three most important leadership competencies, according to 360° assessments. However, despite the rated importance of this critical competency, it actually scores as the lowest practiced competency around the world. No other leadership competency has such a wide gap between importance and practice. We agree that coaching and development are critical to transformative leadership. However, there is just one major problem: we don’t practice it! Why? Leaders often tell us that they do not have enough time; they do not know a precise, proven process; and/or they feel it will slow down their immediate performance. Regardless of the reasons, learning a pragmatic, straightforward methodology to coach and develop yourself and others is extremely critical to high-performing leadership.

For coaching to have a lasting, transformative impact, three interrelated foundations need to be constructed: Building Awareness, Building Commitment, and Building Practice. If all three are present and operating, breakthroughs will occur, and growth will be sustained. If any one of the three is absent, the results will dissipate over time. You may learn the best techniques and disciplines to practice, but if you lack commitment, you won’t continue your efforts. Similarly, all the enthusiasm and commitment in the world won’t get you far if you don’t adhere to the right practices. And without awareness of your strengths and weaknesses, how will you know what to commit to or what you need to do?

Now let’s apply the three interrelated steps of Coaching Mastery—Building Awareness, Building Commitment, and Building Practice—to developing yourself.

COACHING MASTERY STEP ONE: BUILDING AWARENESS

Because you’ve taken the journey this far, you’ve likely built at least some degree of additional self-awareness. Maybe you’ve even experienced some transformative moments that made you stop and think, nod your head, and ponder their impact. Awareness is the first step on the path of coaching and development. Building Awareness is the process of bringing new information into our field of view. It may include keeping our attention on a newly clarified talent we brought into focus, or it may involve the more painful process of acknowledging that a behavior is unintentionally self-defeating or affecting others in a life-damaging way. Awareness encompasses the inner discipline of looking within ourselves to shed light on our strengths and our growth challenges, and the outer discipline of observing ourselves through the eyes of others as we engage in making an important behavioral shift.

Consider creating an awareness inventory. Review any leadership assessments you have completed on personality styles or competencies. Consider any other feedback you can think of, like a 360° assessment at work or comments made by people over the years about your strengths, talents, developmental needs, personality, and values. This feedback may have come from colleagues, bosses, people who work with you, friends, or loved ones.

In his groundbreaking book, Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman wrote, “People who are self-aware are also better performers. Presumably their self-awareness helps them in a process of continuous improvement. … Knowing their strengths and weaknesses and approaching their work accordingly was a competency found in virtually every star performer in a study of several hundred professionals at companies including AT&T and 3M.”

Building Awareness requires the willingness to hold a mirror up and take an honest look. Real bravery is required to see, to acknowledge, and to embrace both the positive and negative aspects of who we are. It is well worth the effort. As the memoirist Anais Nin wrote, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” As leaders, our impact shrinks or expands in direct relationship to how courageously we look at our whole selves—light and shadow. Building Awareness is the path of courage.

COACHING MASTERY STEP TWO: BUILDING COMMITMENT

Awareness opens the doorway to higher levels of performance. However, awareness by itself is not enough. To move toward enduring leadership effectiveness requires motivation born of emotional commitment. Building Commitment begins with comprehending the consequences of our actions. However, it is not enough to understand intellectually that if we continue on the same course, we’re going to fall short of our goals or hurt ourselves or others. We have to feel it. When we have a deep, emotional connection to the impact of a behavior, our life can change permanently. This is why trauma can be such a great change-producing teacher.

Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis put it this way: “Courageous leaders often get their courage from their fear about what will happen if they don’t step up and boldly step out.” I have seen executives repeatedly ignore their fitness and self-care needs until they were in a hospital bed, fighting for their lives. Once we clearly perceive and emotionally experience both the upside and downside of a behavior, meaningful commitment to transformation begins.

It is important to recognize the consequences of any life-damaging behaviors we may have, but it is equally valuable to understand the life-enriching benefits of doing something more, less, or differently. Motivation happens when we emotionally experience the compelling, positive reasons to do something, as well as the painful reasons to avoid the downside consequence. Both must be apparent to foster the creative tension necessary to sustain our motivation. What will we gain? What could we lose? Reflecting at the decisive intersection of these opposing consequences motivates us to take action.

After considering these two realities, make your choice. Commit to doing it or not doing it. Tell yourself, “This is what I am going to gain if I commit to this course of action, and what I am going to lose if I do not.” I would suggest going for something really substantial here. For example, if you didn’t align your life to your sense of purpose, where would you end up? Or, if you continue to dominate interactions with people, what is your life going to look like?

From experience, I know that some people get this right away. Others need to take it home as a practice for a few weeks and pay attention to it before they really feel it in their body and experience it in their relationships before the consequences of their actions migrate from their heads to their guts. But once it hits home, behavior starts to change. Learn to challenge your commitment to new behaviors by asking yourself: What will I gain? What will I lose?

Aim high with your commitment. Les Brown, a truly inspirational author and speaker, once said, “We don’t fail because we aim too high and miss; we fail because we aim too low and hit.” Building Commitment entails crafting a vision of the future based on an authentic understanding of who we are, where we stand, and where we want to go. It is about creating a vision—positive and negative—about what is at stake. In their book, Built to Last, Jim Collins and Jerry Porras wrote about vision as “knowing ‘in your bones’ what can or must be done. … It isn’t forecasting the future, it is creating the future by taking action in the present.” Building Commitment is the path of motivation through vision.

COACHING MASTERY STEP THREE: BUILDING PRACTICE

Building Practice is the process of consistently engaging in new behaviors to enrich our lives. It is the application phase of growth. While it is crucial to Build Awareness and Commitment, they are not sufficient for transformation; consistent action and new, tangible, pragmatic behaviors are required.

Admiring our great insights and feeling proud of our new commitments will not, in and of themselves, get us to our desired destination. Lao Tzu, who wrote possibly the most profound life and leadership text ever—Tao Te Ching—reflected, “A Sage will practice the Tao. A fool will only admire it.”

Practice makes potentialities possible. Training & Development magazine published an article in which Jack Zenger, Joe Folkman, and Robert Sherwin make an impressive case for Building Practice, or what they call “The Promise of Phase 3.” In their research, they identified three phases of learning: Phase 1, Pre-Session Work; Phase 2, Learning Events; Phase 3, Follow-Up and Coaching. The results of their study of these three phases were stunning. Organizations typically invested only 10 percent of their resources in Phase 1, or Pre-Session Work, 85 percent of their resources in Phase 2, or Learning Events, and 5 percent in Phase 3, or Follow-Up and Coaching.

Wait a minute. Where was the greatest value gained? Fifty percent of the value was found to be in Phase 3, and most organizations spent only 5 percent of their resources there. Studies by the Association for Talent Development yielded similarly dramatic results. Learning events followed by coaching culminated in 73 percent better results than training events alone. Coaching is increasingly making the difference between minimal return on investment and substantial return on investment from leadership and learning programs. This trend is improving, as recent studies have documented that more than 60 percent of all corporate leadership programs now include a coaching component.

Building Practice entails devising new, disciplined ways of behaving to enrich our life and the lives of others. Sometimes practices are an inner discipline, like examining our beliefs from moment to moment to see if they are opening us up or closing us down. Another inner discipline might be to learn to read our physical reactions to monitor our emotional states.

Sometimes practices will be outer disciplines, like starting the day half an hour earlier for more effective planning; showing more appreciation of employees or family members; improving listening skills; or exercising on a regular schedule. Whether it is an inner discipline or an outer discipline, we have to do it consistently. “To keep the lamp burning,” Mother Teresa said, “we have to put oil in it.” To keep growing, we have to put practice into it. Building Practice is the path of discipline. Discipline bridges us to the benefits, and the benefits generate self-sustaining, continued practice.

When Pablo Casals, whom many consider the greatest cellist ever, was ninety-two years old, he was practicing five hours a day—more than his best students. One day, a frustrated student approached Casals and asked, “Pablo, why are you practicing five hours a day? You are putting your students to shame. Why are you practicing so hard?” Pablo responded humbly, “I’m practicing so much because I am FINALLY starting to make progress.” Pablo was a true master. He did not limit himself by comparing his progress to others. His growth standard involved progressing beyond his previous self.

Locating a practice or behavior that gives you optimal leverage is step one. It is crucial to find a practice that challenges you but also shows tangible benefits, so that you will stick with it or, at the very least, return to it later.

Personally, I have to discipline myself to practice people and interpersonal skills with colleagues. I enjoy it when I do it, but it is usually last on my priority list. I naturally gravitate to creating things that make a difference in people’s lives.

Slowing down to connect when I am compelled to create requires discipline and practice. Sometimes it is really hard, so I have to make it a practice to walk around the office more—connecting, listening, telling stories, sharing, and learning what is happening. I remind myself to apply my creativity with people, not only with ideas; this keeps my strengths, interest, and motivation engaged. If I reframe it as a creative and idea-generating process, then it connects to my purpose and motivation to do it. When I practice it in a manner that is genuine and engaging, morale and energy increase. When I don’t, an energy-depleting cost is levied.

So, what are the practices and new behaviors that you are going to commit to? Remember, you don’t need or want fifty things to practice. Not even ten. If you choose two or three things, well-selected and well-practiced, that is enough to foster transformation. Several years ago, I had the great fortune to meet NBA great, Kobe Bryant. It was early in his amazing career, and he had recently elevated his game to a new level. He was already great, one of the top players in the league. However, his jump shot was just okay, not great. Fortunately, he was aware of this downside. He shared that he decided to practice by shooting 2,000 jump shots per day—four to six hours of continuous shooting daily. He did this routine seven days a week for nine months. The results: his game became nearly unstoppable. His inside game was more dangerous, because he now had an outside game, too.

What do you need to practice 2,000 times per day, or even ten times per day, to take your game to the next level? Do you need to strengthen your “inside game” or your “outside game”?

What are you going to practice? Stop. Don’t rush this. Take a pause to answer this key question: What new behavior will you practice that will, over time, move you forward? The entire benefit of this book rests on your thoughtful response. Choose well. Stick with it. What you practice, you become.

THE ART OF COACHING OTHERS

With what we’ve learned about self-coaching, let’s transition to the art of coaching others. Emerson wrote, “We mark with light in the memory the few interviews we have had … with souls that made our soul wiser; that spoke what we thought; that told us what we knew; that gave us leave to be what we inly were.” Indeed, coaching may be the most important of all leadership skills, because helping foster the growth of those around us gives sustainability to our leadership and perpetuates optimal, ongoing value creation.

Coaching is the art of drawing forth potential onto the canvas of high performance. It’s the gentle yet firm hand of leadership guiding the way, like a caring friend, helping the “coachee” steer clear of danger or set a more positive course.

Leadership is more than just a job. The leader of a group of any size, from a family, club, congregation, or classroom to a multinational corporation or a nation, sets the tone for all the members of the group. Leaders touch lives and hold destinies in their hands; it is a sacred calling with sacred responsibility.

That calling is best honored when a leader sets the highest example of personal and professional behavior and then enlists others to take this challenging path as well. To accomplish both of these tasks, nothing is more vital than coaching. Effective coaching, to bring out the strengths and talents of all the people in the group or organization, serves a dual role. It is a generous contribution to each individual’s growth and fulfillment. At the same time, it is one of the most practical strategies for maximizing the effectiveness and success of the group. The more capable and fully developed each individual in your group, the stronger the group. Each person in the group who is not living up to his or her capabilities is dragging the group down, diminishing its effectiveness.

Since 2001, we have worked continuously with Novartis, a $50 billion global life sciences firm formed in 1996 as a result of a merger between Sandoz and Ciba-Geigy. Novartis developed a fast-paced and results-oriented culture. By 2001, the company had hired 70 percent of their senior talent from the outside. Fortunately, the “get results” culture also valued coaching and leadership development.

Significant investments were made to assess, develop, coach, and mentor top talent. Dr. Daniel Vasella, past Novartis Chairman and CEO; Joe Jimenez, current CEO; Steven Baert, CHRO; and Thomas Ebeling, past CEO of two divisions and now CEO of ProSeiben Media, were substantially supportive of and involved in a variety of leadership initiatives. By 2007, only 30 percent of senior talent was hired from the outside. Millions of dollars were saved in recruiting. Millions more were leveraged to produce and sustain results. Thomas Ebeling, one of the most intense, effective, and committed CEO coaches I have ever encountered, commented:

Coaching, leadership development, and mentoring are not tasks you can just delegate to Human Resources. Coaching is one of the most critical leadership skills for optimizing and sustaining individual and team performance. Investing time in coaching and mentoring gives tremendous return on investment. It impacts results, retention, morale, and talent identification. … Over the course of my career, I’ve learned that coaching is an extremely valuable and energizing investment. Since I am so results-oriented, it is surprising to people when I tell them that coaching and mentoring have been my most satisfying accomplishments.

For many of us, the word coach evokes images of a hulking figure in a sweatshirt, blowing a whistle and barking directions to a more or less compliant group of players. But a genuine coach has a far more interesting and refined role than giving orders. If you are on a mountain climbing expedition, struggling with some difficult terrain, lost in a fog or snowstorm, and not able to see the top of the mountain or most of the path ahead, you are grateful for a veteran guide, calling down from above, “Go to the right. Dig in. Watch out for loose rocks. You’re doing fine.” The guide has perspective, experience, and crucial knowledge that you don’t have. Similarly, the players on a sports team, caught up in the moment-to-moment action on the field, have little perspective. An effective coach rises above the playing to get a more complete picture from which to guide optimal approaches.

Some coaches simply assert their expertise. Great coaches blend expertise and facilitation to help the players go beyond their previously held boundaries. In his book, Masterful Coaching, Robert Hargrove notes, “When most people think of learning, they don’t think in terms of having to change themselves. They tend to think of learning as … acquiring ideas, tips, techniques, and so on. Seldom does it occur to them that the problems they are facing are inseparable from who they are or the way they think and interact with other people.” Coaching helps us step back to see more of the whole person and more of the whole situation, as well as the dynamics between the two.

A senior team for a global company was struggling. They led the North American operations, which was responsible for 40 percent of the global revenue of the high-technology firm. Sales and profits were flat. The pace of new initiatives was slowing. Energy and morale were deteriorating. The new CEO, full of energy, drive, and strong people skills, was hitting the wall after only four months. Why? The dysfunctional relationships of five key team members were paralyzing the effectiveness of a team of twenty. The problem? All five of the difficult people were highly competitive, bright, and valued in their respective functions. The easy solution, firing all five, wasn’t so easy. All five team members had significant things to contribute but viewed the rest of the team as “impossible to work with” and “not trustworthy.” While meetings were full of conflict avoidance, team members’ off-line comments about one another were toxic.

The typical event-driven, team-building process would not get to these core dynamics. Instead, we initiated deep, intensive work with each individual. It was imperative that team members each sort out their issues and take personal responsibility. Only then could we begin having authentic conversations and initiate coaching on their interpersonal dynamics. With progress in these areas, we began a larger teaming initiative. In addition, the CEO needed to step in and make some tough calls to transition two people. Over a nine-month period, the team re-engaged, sales and profit were regained, and morale returned. Transformation is not an event but a challenging process of working through the coaching needs of leaders, teams, and organizations simultaneously.

The leadership and coaching profession needs to develop a new lineage of coaches, ones who are equipped to foster individual, team, and strategic transformation. To accomplish this, coaches need to move from an expert or fix-it model concerned primarily with competencies, learning skills, and techniques to a transformative model focused on fundamentally shifting people’s view about themselves, their team, their values, and their sense of purpose.

Influenced by the work of Robert Hargrove, author of Masterful Coaching, most coaching today fits within one of the following four categories:

• Expert Coaching: building skills, competencies, and knowledge

• Pattern Coaching: revealing old patterns and building new patterns of behavior

• Transformative Coaching: fostering a fundamental shift in point of view, beliefs, values, identity, and purpose

• Integrative Coaching: blending the depth of personal (inside out) work with the complexity of external (outside in) dynamics around team, organizational, marketplace, and societal needs

Most internal coaching programs in organizations deal with Expert Coaching and may refer to this type of coaching as mentoring. Most external coaching resources deal with Expert and Pattern Coaching. An increasing number of coaches do Transformative Coaching, but fewer engage in Integrative Coaching. Ideally, as the coaching industry matures, more world-class, enterprise coaches will emerge, who are adept at all levels and can apply them flexibly to the particular needs of leaders, teams, and organizations.

COACHING OTHERS TO BUILD AWARENESS

As leaders, we are constantly faced with the task of Building Awareness. Awareness of changing market conditions, emerging economic realities, new capital needs, cost concerns, and operational issues dominate our time and attention. But often, the greatest task of Building Awareness is in the human, interpersonal domain. Because leadership is such a human endeavor, I would venture to say that 70 percent of business problems today are of a human, interpersonal nature. People problems are typically quite complex, yet when individuals, teams, or managers come to us with their concerns, don’t we too easily slip into a reactive, knee-jerk mode, looking for a simple fix?

Helping others Build Awareness requires discipline on the part of the coach to stay out of the expert or fix-it approaches to coaching. If we don’t, we will be imposing our awareness onto the coachee instead of building the coachee’s awareness from the inside out. One of the most challenging aspects of coaching is to help explore approaches that we might not choose ourselves. Building Awareness requires openness to help those we are coaching in sorting out their own current reality and beginning to chart their own future approaches.

To guide your ability to Build Awareness with people you coach, keep the following principles in mind:

• Stay open, and bring clarity. Most answers lie within the person, the team, or the organization; your job is to help clarify and reveal them.

• Use questions to help the person sort out the current situation. Before we can move forward with power, we need to know where we stand, understanding both life-enriching and life-damaging behaviors, beliefs, and circumstances. “I’ve found that I can only change how I act if I stay aware of my beliefs and assumptions,” writes Margaret Wheatley, author of Leadership and the New Science. Very few people take the time or possess the necessary introspective skills to do this without the gentle prodding of a coach. Questions are the language of coaching. They are powerful tools for transformation, because as Bertrand Russell taught, “In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on things you have long taken for granted.”

• Be courageous. As Robert Hargrove advises, “Be courageous enough to discuss the undiscussable.” The coach’s job is to shed light on dark regions previously unexplored.

• Practice speaking directly but with caring. With compassion, help coachees see their limitations as well as their gifts. Keep in mind: directness without caring will create resistance, while directness with compassion will create openness. Confront in a caring manner.

• Help coachees explore the differences between their intentions and other people’s perceptions. Discrepancies between how people see themselves and how others perceive them often hold the key to new self-knowledge and overcoming blind spots. Helping people see aspects of themselves through the eyes of others can be challenging but effective. Merge outside-in 360° feedback tools with inside-out personality tools to create a 720° (inside-out/outside-in) process.

• Build awareness by example. The greatest teachers and coaches teach as much by their being as by their doing. If you want to coach people in authenticity, purpose, or presence, the first step is to become the change you hope to see in them. The Bhagavad-Gita, an invaluable ancient handbook on leadership development, guides us: “Whatsoever a great man does, the very same is also done by other men. Whatever standard he sets, the world follows it.” Or, as Anne Sophie Swetchine so beautifully put it, “There is a transcendent power in example. We reform others unconsciously when we walk uprightly.”

• Help people uncover and align with what is meaningful and important to them.

As coachees discover their core values, help them explore how aligned or misaligned the various parts of their lives (i.e., personal, family, community, career, spiritual) are with these guiding principles. An effective transformational coach is both an archaeologist, who helps unearth important artifacts or clues from the past, and an architect, who helps us design a future built on our gifts and deep sense of purpose.

COACHING OTHERS TO BUILD COMMITMENT

To elicit commitment, we must help people envision the positive and negative outcomes— what they will gain and what they will lose—if they continue on their current path. When one’s emotions deeply register both the compelling, positive reasons to change and the damaging behaviors to leave behind, transformation begins. In the words of Margaret Wheatley, “The greatest source of courage is to realize that if we don’t act, nothing will change for the better.”

To guide your ability to build commitment with people you coach, keep the following principles in mind:

• Help people sort out consequences. By guiding people to grasp the life-enriching and life-damaging consequences of their current behavior or path, you help them feel the creative tension between where they want to end up and where they are actually headed as a result of their actions. Helping people envision these alternative futures and make new life choices is the essence of Building Commitment. Remember, the person has to see and feel these consequences for himself or herself, not just see your version of the consequences.

• Allow your commitment to catalyze their commitment. Often it is the emotional engagement of the coach that serves as the impetus for transformation to begin. “There comes that mysterious meeting in life when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be, igniting the circuits of our highest potential,” writes Rusty Berkus.

• Look for openings. Commitment is far more likely to take place when vulnerability is sufficiently high. Look for these openings, and leverage their growth potential. Situations that might make people more open to commitment include less-than-positive performance reviews, tough 360° feedback, life traumas, career setbacks, relational breakdowns, broken commitments by others, new or exceptional challenges, need for new skills, lack of preparedness, fear of failure, and new career or life responsibilities. Look for these openings as an opportunity to accelerate progress.

• Make sure commitment leads to practice. Commitment without practice is like an explorer who reviews expedition maps but never leaves home. If commitment does not lead to practice, then it is your responsibility as the coach to help the coachee do one of two things: (1) further explore the consequences of staying on his or her current track, in order to achieve a more genuine emotional engagement, leading to actual practice; or (2) find new practices that are more suited to the person.

• Be patient. As coaches, we are motivated to help people grow now. However, coachees need to unfold at their own pace. If you must be impatient, be impatient with developing your own skills as a coach.

• Remember the why. Use the power of why to uncover the coachee’s underlying fears, assumptions, beliefs, and motivations. Wait for the right opening to ask in a caring manner, “Why?” If one “Why?” doesn’t get to the heart of things, you may ask two or three times in a row to dive deeper beneath the surface of the conversation. A technique or process commonly known as “Five Whys” has the potential to get us to the essence of things.

COACHING OTHERS TO BUILD PRACTICE

Building Practice is the third stage of transformational coaching. Without practice, there is no transformation. Practice breathes life into our new awareness and commitment. We can be fully aware of and committed to noble goals, but if we fail to practice them, it is like someone lighting a lamp and then closing his eyes. “In the end,” said Max De Pree, “it is important to remember that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining where we were.”

A while ago, a somewhat skeptical coaching client came to me with his most recent 360° assessment and a knowing “I told you so” look on his face. When I asked him, “Why the peculiar look?” he said, “I’ve had the same 360° assessment for the past five years. Every time, the same results! What a worthless process!” I tried to explore with him the specifics of what he actually practiced as part of the process. It was no surprise to find out he had practiced nothing. You know the moral of this story: Nothing practiced, nothing gained.

Beginning practice makes the possible probable; advanced, enduring practice makes the possible real. Practices involve the consistent repetition of new behaviors that transform our lives. Exercise is a practice to build health. Meditation is a practice to unfold our spiritual life. Reflecting at the end of each day on how our interpersonal interactions went is a practice that builds relational effectiveness. For most of us, not letting fears or limiting beliefs sabotage our goals can be a lifelong practice.

For practice to become a habit, it needs to be consistently engaged for at least forty days. A day here and a day there will not bring transformation. At first, our practice requires a discipline to do something we may not be inclined to do. Over time, however, the discipline is replaced by the life-enriching benefits we are gaining; the practice becomes more self-sustaining and requires less effort. Here is the key to practice: if you stop practicing, no problem—just start practicing again.

To guide your ability to Build Practice with people you coach, keep the following principles in mind:

• Co-create the practice with the person. A practice must push boundaries but also be suitable for the individual. Ask the person you are coaching, “What new behavior could you practice that, over time, would move you forward?” Then take time to brainstorm together, to co-create a meaningful practice. Keep the practices simple and defined. Make sure the person wants to give the practice a try.

• Hold the person accountable. Define how often the person will do the practice (daily, twice a day, etc.) and for what duration of time (a week, a month, etc.). Meet with the person to audit progress and lack of progress. Hold the person accountable, set new goals, and create new practices, as needed.

• Avoid intellectualizing. Thinking about doing something is not the same as doing it, so make sure your practices are behaviors that engage the person in a new action rather than only thinking about behaving in a new way.

• Just do it … or do something else. While some practices are more dynamic (exercise, asserting our viewpoint, expressing our values) and others are more reflective (pausing to center ourselves, reflecting on our day), the key to practice is taking action. An initial practice may not be the one that revolutionizes a person’s life, but it is the beginning of a process that will lead to a practice that does have an impact. Sometimes the most important contribution a coach can make is to keep people trying new practices and helping them struggle through the challenges that come up, until they settle on an enduring practice, and improvement takes place.

BEST PRACTICES FOR PRACTICE

Practicing coaching is a challenge. Disciplining ourselves to slow down and pause to develop others is not easy. While coaching in real time is ideal for coaching effectiveness, it requires discipline to pivot from the transactive immediacies of management to the transformative opportunities of coaching. Some leaders are so passionate about developing others that they not only coach in the moment, but they also develop practices that are more far-reaching.

Paul Van Oyen is CEO of Etex, a $3 billion building materials company based in Brussels. Paul developed a “go-beyond” coaching practice to significantly advance the development of his key team members while also creating deeper intimacy and connection. Once a year, Paul invites each senior team member to take a one-day special trip with him. Each team member selects the date and the place, which can be anywhere in the world. It is their choice. Paul’s only caveat is that it be a place that is compelling to them. The place may have a family connection, be a place that inspires them, or be a place they’ve always wanted to explore.

What is the purpose of the day and the place? It is to share the exploration together, outside and in. As they walk the streets, visit notable sights, and witness small, minor things and impressive ones, they share it all together, and at the same time, they share more of themselves. They talk and get to know more about each other: what is important to them, their significant relationships, and their life stories. The deeper purpose is to create the space and the conditions to foster intimacy through meaningful conversations about life and aspirations for the enterprise. In short, it is a rich opportunity to pause together to give personal and business transformation the opportunity to emerge.

Commenting on this practice, Paul reflects, “I didn’t set this up to have greater influence with my people. I did it because I care about them and their development. I wanted the free-space to grow together. It is one of the most important practices I have as a CEO to accelerate growth in my team and within myself.” What will be your practices for pausing to grow others in your organization?

Commit yourself to a lifelong process of Building Awareness, Commitment, and Practice to inspire authentic leadership in all those you touch. Become a more generative leader: a leader dedicated to equipping the next generation to both succeed and exceed us.

PARTING THOUGHTS FOR YOUR JOURNEY AHEAD

After years of coaching leaders behind closed doors, I find it both a challenge and a joy to open the door and take the time to share these principles with you. David Bohm once wrote, “The ability to perceive or think differently is more important than the knowledge gained.” In this spirit, I hope this book has been more than just an interesting intellectual excursion. I hope it has been a soul-provoking experience for you. I also hope that you have grown a little since you first opened the cover. But my deepest hope is that, over time, you will breathe life into these principles and live them moment to moment until the inspiration is fully yours.

A dear friend shared a short passage from the Talmud that tells the whole story of life and leadership. It goes something like this: “Every blade of grass in all of creation has an angel bent over it passionately whispering three words of encouragement: Grow … Grow … Grow.” That’s my wish for you. Grow in courage and authenticity. Grow in influence. Grow in value creation. Become a leader for life.