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Chapter Three
Taking Charge of Now

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Stage 3: Going from Discomfort to Motivation

It would be great if the arrival of acceptance, in whatever measure, with whatever degree of enthusiasm (or not), was a rocket-booster sending you straight into Discovery, the stage where things really start to look up. You’ve moved beyond anger and resistance—isn’t that enough? Not really. Make room for Stage 3, Discomfort. It’s a transitional stage, a crossroads where depending on how things go you either develop momentum carrying you toward the green stages or you run into issues akin to your car stalling, grinding gears, even slipping into reverse.

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The rub is this: having made whatever peace you have made with the change, having taken some ownership, now you have to deal with it. It’s here, it’s happening, you’re no longer fighting or denying. You are starting to carry out your role in the implementation or upgrade or evolution and it’s not easy. Reality has arrived. It’s sinking in.

And so some of us sink a little. The change can feel like a weight. In Stage 3, with the energy of anger gone, we start experiencing other things, not all of them conducive to productivity and workplace happiness. Things like indecision and absentmindedness. Lethargy. Even a feeling of being overwhelmed. At its worst, here, the weight of the accepted and now-being-implemented change can push some people toward dysphoria and despair.

Dysphoria, for those scoring at home, comes from a Greek phrase meaning “hard to bear.” A fancy word for being in a state of unhappiness. Non-euphoria.

Think of your change as a jigsaw puzzle. In Stage 1, you’re greeted with a scatter of colored shapes on a table, and you don’t even have the puzzle-box with the image for guidance. It can feel hopeless. In Stage 2, you go looking for the box. You find it. In Stage 3, you return to the table holding the box, and not only is that jumble of pieces daunting in its chaos but the image on the box is complex: multiple tiny figures, subtle color gradations.

But at least now you have the picture.

Breaking Through, Not Breaking Down

Stage 3 can be a stage of sighs. Sure, you’re no longer tempted to sweep your arm across the card table and send

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the puzzle pieces flying, but staring at that jumble, you realize with a jolt that you’ve really got your work cut out for you. Where do I start? you think. I could be here all night.

Managers, leaders, your Stage 3 challenge is less about communicating, clarifying, and getting people to buy in than it is about helping employees avoid feeling buried under the new tasks, procedures, roles, products. Roll out the newness incrementally, in doable chunks, and have ready ways to keep people’s energy up. No matter how alert to signs of sluggishness and information overload you are—and no matter how creative when it comes to energizing your workforce—it will still pay to plan for some slowdown during Stage 3. Workers tend to feel less than 100%. Absenteeism will increase. And be aware, too, of burying yourself.

Employees, experiencing malaise at this middle point in your change journey is both normal and common. We’ve seen it happen time and again. You work to get your arms around the change, and now you have to carry what you hold, finish line a ways off.

But by knowing what to expect in Stage 3, both those going through it and those in a supervisory capacity can be prepared and vigilant. Better yet, this chapter shows people how to minimize their stay in Stage 3 Discomfort. And to those who are there now, take heart: what follows is a much more comfortable stage, Discovery. Soon the wind will be at your back.

How We Feel in Stage 3: Anxious

On one level, we’re feeling some relief. Some of those Stage 1 fears and worries turned out to be exaggerated

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or even groundless. That across-the-board negativity that hit some of us on hearing the change announcement has lightened. Not being angry all day feels okay, too.

Still, we may come to work feeling uncertain, a little wary, not quite ourselves. We might be tired. Or at least more tired than normal. Why? You’re assimilating. You’re organizing and categorizing the newness so you can regain that pre-change sense of control. And so you can do your job better. But uncertainty lingers—there’s a lot to take in. You might even wonder if you’re up to it. Maybe you’re working with a person who seems to have it all figured out and who shows up every day in a super-chipper state, decked out in company logo-wear. You might roll your eyes, but you also have a moment where you feel a little “slow” or “inept” or “out of it.” Don’t be too hard on yourself. People learn at different speeds, and that’s what’s going on: you’re learning. Your brain is busily categorizing, processing—creating new pathways for the new experiences and knowledge. Besides, logo-wear never solved anything. Nor can we rule out the possibility that Mr. or Ms. Perky might be putting up a front.

How We Think in Stage 3: Confused

A great thinker once said, “Confusion is the final step before learning.” Which is all well and good, but the problem with confusion is it drags down your confidence and with it your energy. Listlessness might spread from work to home. And confidence issues are typical in

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Stage 3. The Why this? and Why me? and Why now? questions of the first two stages have given way to What now? and What next? and How do they expect me to do all of this? Even in a passage through only mild Stage 3 discomfort, attitudes can drift toward pessimism and defeatism. Problems, problems—everything looks like a problem.

How We Act in Stage 3: Unproductive

Feeling lethargic is a drag. Things are piling up and you’re getting farther and farther behind, at work and at home. You say you “don’t care” now, but you know what that will mean later. You still don’t care? Well, you will, eventually.

Being unproductive increases the levels of anxiety and confusion, creating a daily circle of frustration. Easily distracted, you may have difficulty with even everyday tasks. And your inability to get anything significant completed is doing a number on your self-esteem.

An employee shared this Stage 3 moment in one of our training sessions:

To Know More, Notice More

Even highly organized, normally energetic people can sink into the slough of Stage 3. You’re clearer on the change but waiting for motivation. Here are some of the signs:

• Becomes frustrated, even overwhelmed at times
• Worried about the future
• Easily distracted
• Difficulty managing medium- and long-term tasks
• Dismal outlook on things
• Sluggishness
• Inconsistent workplace attitude
• Lower quality work Unable to prioritize

Language from people struggling in Stage 3:

• “I’m not sure what I should do first.”
• “I just don’t care.”
• “I believe I am just working hard for nothing.”
• “There’s no way I’m going to finish this.”
• “I’m overwhelmed and tired all the time.”
• ”I feel really nervous about my future here.”

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A Powered-Down World

Managers, it helps to have a stage-appropriate sense of what people are capable of delivering work-wise inside the energy-challenged world of Stage 3. Here are things you should consider not doing while implementing change during Stage 3:

• Allowing people to work a lot of extra hours
  Working more does not normally produce better quality or greater results in this stage. In fact, it can slow down progress and add to employees’ sense of being overwhelmed.
• Assuming that productivity will remain the same
  It won’t. Prepare and plan for a slowdown time. You can goose levels of productivity by setting clear priorities and keeping employees focused on specific tasks.
• Assigning big, new projects
  In Stage 3, employee lethargy and confusion around priorities is high, and energy and motivation low. Direct employee focus only toward necessary tasks.
• Staying away from your work unit
  This is a time when people need support. A manager’s unavailability can reinforce frustration. Being available and encouraging will limit the slowdown.

Employees, you can do yourself a Stage 3 favor by taking the following actions:

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• Focusing on short-term tasks
• Realizing that difficulty prioritizing and a lack of detail clarity is normal in Stage 3
• Being realistic about what performance results to expect right now
• Finding ways to beat frustration with creative distractions and motivation

Case in Point: Naybor Co.

After the merger, the data-processing group at Naybor Co. had plenty to repair—faulty systems on the tech side and broken confidences on the human side. The staff was exhausted, burned out. After weeks of working long hours with multiple challenges, morale was low.

Erin was a team leader in the data transfer group. Her exceptional organizational skills and friendly personality make her both easy to work with and someone who consistently gets the job done right and on time. Lately, however, she has been impatient with nearly everyone and unusually quiet at staff meetings. This has had a ripple effect on other team members. Because when Erin is good, everything is good. When Erin is bad…

David was a process planner for the system implementation the merger entailed. He had done a great job communicating how things would be handled and preparing the staff for new information and reporting requirements. Everything seemed well-designed, ready to go. But when it came time to actually implement the changes, problems arrived and things ground to a halt— including David. He called in sick three days in a row. From here things just got worse.

Both Erin and David went into their change technically well-prepared, eyes wide open. Yet both were buffeted by the reality of how the merger actually unfolded. In classic Stage 3 fashion, their confidence took a hit, their mental sharpness declined, their productivity suffered. What they weren’t prepared for was how they themselves would react as the change hit roadblocks. They

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did everything they could in terms of externals—but the internal tripped them up.

Stage Priority: Finding Motivation

If you think of your change journey as a passage from night to day—darkness to light—then Stage 3 is daybreak. You’re starting to pick out objects in the early light, just as your sleepy mind and body are starting to take on the clarity and energy you’ll need for the day. Limbo’s probably not the right word but Stage 3 is something of an in-between phase, with all the push-pull, bitter-sweet, and up-and-down that that implies. A horizon stage. Are you going to rise and meet the day, or are you going to hit snooze, fall back on the pillow, and pull the blanket over your head?

You may feel like doing the latter but resist the urge. Self-motivation is never more important than in Stage 3. Good management can help, obviously, but in the end, with the change going forward, final motivation must come from within. You know yourself best: one person’s rejuvenating distraction is another person’s form of procrastination. Extend your self-knowledge to the gremlins of Stage 3: lethargy, feeling scattered, frustration. What energizes you? What helps you regain focus? What has worked in the past to reduce frustration?

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Erin and David may very well have gotten through Stages 1 and 2 with little trouble, but they had not planned for the trials of Stage 3 and were caught off guard when they suddenly felt overwhelmed and less than fully competent at their jobs. Had they known they’d entered Stage 3 in The Change Cycle, and used the self-awareness tools presented in this book, they might have reacted more effectively. Instead, they withdrew: Erin emotionally, David literally.

These questions are designed to help you think more about what specifically motivates you and what tends to work as an internal obstacle, energy drain, or confidence thief:

• Do I self-motivate or need a boss, spouse, or deadline to get me moving?
• Am I motivated most by achievement? Duty? Fear of punishment? Need for safety?
• When I’m frustrated, do I keep banging away, redirect, goof around, or quit?
• Do I ever sabotage myself from doing what I know would be helpful or beneficial?
• How long do I play that game before taking the next needed step?
• When I delay, is it because I’m feeling incapable, lackadaisical, angry, or exhausted?
• What tends to be the trigger when I finally step into action?
• How much do I rely on others? The right amount? Too little? Too much?
• 89What advice would I give someone in a situation similar to mine?
• Who could best help me with my biggest work issue right now?
• Have I been “self-medicating”? (Drinking? Drugs? Food?)
• Have I been feeling unusually sad? Hopeless? Completely wiped out?
• If I said yes to one or both of the last two questions, should I seek professional help?

Depression and substance abuse—though not frequent consequences of workplace change—are not unheard-of either. And when depression occurs in Stage 3, it can sometimes arrive more stealthily than in Stage 1, when it’s often easier to establish a cause-and-effect link between the change announcement and a sudden mood decline. So be alert to changes in your affect, outlook, and energy levels at this midpoint in the cycle. Managers, you too will want to watch for signs of deteriorating attitude and unhealthy behavior in your employees.

The Value of Reframing

Rather than needing professional help, most of us can address Stage 3 discomfort ourselves, using self-assessment, reframing, and other cognitive tools. And of course even those suffering serious mood disorders are frequently taught to use the same tools, whether or not medication is also involved. “Cognitive therapy”—a therapy that teaches people to recognize self-defeating thought patterns

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and how to access more empowering thoughts— continues to yield impressive results. Similarly, in refram-ing we examine the ways we look at and internally “talk” about a problem and find ways to reframe things in a more positive light. The challenges to spirit, body, and schedule as a workplace change rolls out in Stage 3 can darken our general outlook. You’re tired, you’re frustrated—we all know how this affects our perception of things.

It’s not that you want to activate some kind of Inner Pollyanna, rose-coloring the world. You don’t have to turn into Mr. or Ms. Perky. It’s just that at this point in The Change Cycle, there might be some gloom on your lens. Is it fully warranted? Below is some more common Stage 3 language people use, both aloud and to themselves. Often with a sigh. If your internal dialogue sounds like this a lot of the time, not only is it unlikely to be helping but it may end up keeping you stuck in Stage 3 Discomfort longer than necessary.

• “No matter how much I work, they expect more.”
• ”This is useless.”
• “Whatever…”
• “I can’t catch up on all I have to do.”
• “I’m never this disorganized.”
• “I feel like I’m beating my head against the wall.”
• “Do they have any idea how hard this is?”

Talk that moves you forward:

• ”I’m more than halfway done.”
• 91“Time to focus on stuff I can actually control.”
• “Would I really want management to expect less of me?”
• “Telling myself I can’t catch up won’t help me catch up.”

”I’ve gotten through every big change before.”

• “Even a thousand-mile trek begins with a single step.”
• “In the past, it usually helped when I asked for help.”
• “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Note the reframing going on above. Things like fatigue, management expectations, and the complexity of new tasks are no longer occasions for dispirited sighs but instead are reframed in ways that can provide encouragement and motivation. The self-talk above is solution-centered. It’s realistic. It’s nonblaming. It contains perspective. It looks back, but it looks back at what worked, rather than dwelling on past frustrations or failures.

Psychologists have found that depressed people, in looking back, obsess about what didn’t go well or work out. They almost literally seem to forget past successes. Part of their therapy is learning how to access positive memories and use them to ward off negative ones.

Conversely, reframing is a central trait of successful people. In fact, some of the highest achievers have an almost overactive reframing muscle. Not only do they barely seem to remember things that didn’t work out, if

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presented with an example of what most of us would consider a nonsuccess in their past, they are quickly able to find positives. Me fail? No way!

Let’s assume being an overactive reframer is not something you have to worry about at the moment. Most of us could do with improving our reframing skills.

Here’s more reframing in action. The new “picture” is in italics:

• “I feel totally overwhelmed. There aren’t enough hours in the day.”
  This is one serious workload. Time to prioritize, make a to-do list.
• “Everyone around me is already up to speed.”
  It’s not how fast I catch on, it’s how well I learn.
• “This schedule is nuts. I’m gonna get sick.”
  Last time work got like this, eating better and exercising helped.
• “This change is ridiculous!”
  Hopefully the change will make sense soon.

Learning Curves

Accurate self-appraisal when it comes to your own workplace effort and attitude is not an easy or elementary thing, but it can be improved with honest, conscious attention. You’ve probably worked with people whose self-measurements seem a little off. They might be working less hard and less productively than anyone else in the unit and yet often they’re the first person to declare, I need to cut myself some slack! or Man,

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I need a vacation! Or even, You know how they say work smarter, not harder? I need to try and put that into practice!

Let’s say you’re not that person. The majority of us are susceptible to something else. When frustrated by Stage 3 gremlins (falling behind, losing focus, feeling tired), we sometimes feel if we just keep pounding away, fatigue be damned (and maybe meals, exercise, and family ignored, too), eventually we’ll get it, get caught up, get that desk clear or quota filled. Maybe. But ask yourself: At what point are you working your own rock-pile variation on that famous definition of, well, insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

In other words, when does persistence become… unhelpful compulsion?

The history of achievement is full of stories of people whose work or creative breakthroughs did not happen “on the job” but while doing something else. You could probably write a whole book about people who had their lightbulb moment while doing something mundane—like the laundry.

Distraction. Here it’s neither a bad word, nor a bad thing. It might be exactly what you need. Once again clear-eyed self-assessment comes in handy. You know yourself best. It’s up to you to survey your work and achievement record and establish guidelines for delineating between a productive distraction and counterproductive things like procrastination, diminishing the size of the task, running from the problem, sticking head in sand.

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Sometimes even little things can help you get unstuck (and thus prove not so little):

• Driving a new way to work
• Taking the stairs instead of the elevator
• Adding a new work-out or extra miles to your exercise
• Trying a new restaurant
• Catching a new movie
• Starting that book that’s been on your night table for three months
• Getting up to watch the sunrise
• Discovering some new music
• Test-driving a sports car
• Going to a zoo (or aquarium) for the first time in years

The list goes on. No doubt you could come up with another dozen yourself. What you want to do is break free of the familiar. The mind needs this right now—and it thanks you.

A Word on Behalf of Sleep

Another temptation in Stage 3 is to devote less time to sleep and more to conquering the workplace change. Needless to say, if you’re on some kind of deadline and you have no choice—well, you have no choice. But keep in mind, research continues to underline the importance of sleep in human functioning, not least when it comes to learning and mastering new skills. The day’s learning

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is not finalized—does not fully come together—until a night of good sleep is logged. The research word for this coming together, this deep learning, is consolidation. So rather than pushing harder, think about getting an extra hour of sleep one of these Stage 3 nights. (Added bonus: supposedly sleep helps you lose weight!)

Case in Point: Monztero Inc.

As the deadline for the new implementation neared, Fran’s stress level was higher than a thermometer in the hot July sun. Manager of financial services, she had a critical stake in having the system change come off smoothly. Things had been tense through several weeks of preparation, and the work remaining was complex to the point of seeming overwhelming.

Fran’s management skills had been stretched to the breaking point, and that mixed with disappointment in some colleagues and frustration with the boss made for tough times at the office. If quitting was a real option, she’d be tempted to walk out the door right now.

Luckily for all involved, she adopted a one-day-at-a-time attitude and persevered.

Learning Curves

To pass beyond the discomfort of Stage 3, find ways to brighten your attitude both at work and outside work. Creative distractions are in order, as is the accomplishment of doable tasks. Actions—rather than thinking, which in Stage 3 can quickly become over-thinking and brooding—often help. Movement through space, physical exercise. Motion by the body can move things in the mind. Work-wise, don’t try to fix it all at once. Start small. Work with what you know. Once we are in motion and feeling semi-productive again, we find ourselves, like Jessica, with a determination to “see it through.” She acted her way into right thinking.

Stage 3 things to welcome and avoid signal the importance of doing, of finding energy.

Things to Avoid in Stage 3

• Asking too much of yourself
  Help yourself by focusing on small chunks of work and setting short-term deadlines. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
• 97Grinding
  Be conscious of crossing that line dividing admirable stick-to-it-ive-ness from… diminishing returns.
• Throwing in the towel
  Expect frustration. Expect some confusion. But things will get better. So don’t use how you’re feeling and working now as the basis to judge a project’s worthiness.

Things to Welcome in Stage 3

• Task realism
  Plan for things to take longer than they should. Keep your stress from escalating—if something should take two hours, plan for three. Under-promise, over-deliver.
• Diversions
  To get your energy and focus back, consider a healthy diversion (or three).
• The Five P’s
  Patience, Perspective, Persistence, Play, Purpose. Practice them.

Keys to Moving On

• Engage motivation.
• Accomplish enough to stay in motion.
• Ask, “What steps can I take to expedite a breakthrough?”

Remember “Don’t Just Do Something, Sit There” from Stage 2? Here—and it’s a sign you’ve made progress—you’re ready to reverse that slogan: Don’t Just Sit There, Do Something! In the red stages, you needed to gather more information and start processing it. As with a person in a dark room, sudden movement was not recommended. In Stage 1 you could bump into something and fall. In Stage 2 there was a risk of rashness, even lashing out. Here, moving out of Stage 3, you have better vision, and there is light. You’re not acting out of fear or anger—you’re acting on behalf of the change, with growing focus, looking forward.

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If you don’t feel quite “right” yet, remind yourself that you’ve already traveled a distance. Even if you’re not yet running on all cylinders, there is some serious road at your back. And with what you’ve picked up from these pages, you’re ahead of the game anyway. So take a step. And then another. Chances are, the headwind’s gone. Finally.

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Note to Self:

The answer is going with the wind. Now would be good.

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The Danger Zone

Most of us do move forward—and step into Discovery. On occasion, however, people get stuck in Stage 3, their condition of discomfort so strong, or perhaps simply lasting so long, that dejected doors open and Fear & Friends step back in. Sometimes the quicksand is an unexpected event or sudden disappointment linked to the change: your unit’s project loses funding, your promotion doesn’t happen. Other times it may not be personal to you, beyond the fact that you’re part of the team undergoing the change. Management, disheartened by the plodding pace or by multiple snags, loses patience and openly

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considers scrapping the change to regain control—or worse, actually does scrap the change.

Result? A bunch of employees in discomfort are now sent all the way back to Stage 1.

The Danger Zone is akin to backsliding, falling off the wagon. Signs to watch for in yourself are a steady urge to give up, a feeling of being useless, a belief that nothing’s working out. Just as management’s patience is needed in any workplace change, so you need to be patient with yourself if getting back your pre-change stride seems to be taking too long. But if fear and anger start cropping up again and clouding your mind, remember you have acquired some tools to help take them on. Revisit lessons shared in chapters one and two of this book. With luck you will get yourself out of red-stage perspectives and keep moving all the way through Stage 3 this time. Once you hit Discovery, there’s no looking back.