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Commitment #2: Set the Example
Because he'd been the captain of his high school team, Tyler Iffland thought he'd play football in college. That aspiration soon changed when he realized that committing to football would take too much time away from his studies. Nevertheless, Tyler wanted to find a way to be part of a team. “I realized that I still wanted that leadership experience,” Tyler told us, “and that a good way for me to find a new team was to join a fraternity. When I got into the house, I realized that this was no different from leading a team; I was just leading a team of individuals.” He joined a fraternity his freshman year, and soon his small acts of leadership and involvement in the community garnered him a reputation as a go-getter.
Fast-forward to Tyler's junior year. Just elected president of his fraternity, Tyler faced a daunting challenge: helping realign his local chapter with the values that were important to them as a national fraternity. For example, the academic rank of Tyler's chapter was sixth out of seven fraternities on campus, and they needed to address this situation. To do that, Tyler knew he had to take radical action.
First, he understood that he had to exemplify the values that his fraternity held dear. Tyler spent time reflecting on the goals and mission of his fraternity and decided that its most important values centered around doing good for the community and achieving academic excellence, all while building strong friendships and relationships among the fraternity members. So Tyler got more involved in the philanthropic aspects of the organization, creating new opportunities for his fraternity brothers to engage in the community. Tyler made sure that he attended every single event, sometimes skipping other social commitments, to demonstrate to his fraternity brothers that he was actively committed to the group's mission. He also searched for ways to become more visibly involved on campus academically. Tyler hosted study groups at the fraternity house, led by himself or other members of the executive team, which emphasized how important it was to be motivated and engaged in their studies. He took on extracurricular academic activities––for example, helping mentor other students at the school. Tyler became involved in a leadership fellowship that met outside of classes and reinforced ways to achieve excellence both in the classroom and in extracurricular pursuits. Tyler pushed himself to become the type of brother he wanted to see in his fraternity.
To motivate his fraternity brothers to contribute academically and philanthropically, Tyler developed an innovative points-based reward system for the group. Points were awarded for reaching certain milestones, such as paying dues on time, attending study hall, getting good grades on exams and papers, and coming to meetings to get more involved in the association that the fraternity supported to help combat amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease). That way, everyone would stay motivated because each member of the fraternity would have lots of opportunities to earn rewards. “I didn't want anyone to feel like, ‘Oh, I've slipped up. I guess I just shouldn't keep contributing because I'm not going to have as many points as my brothers,'” Tyler said. The tiers of rewards in the system Tyler created meant that everyone would have something to celebrate at the end of the year. The members in the top third tier of points would be taken out to dinner, the middle third would have a pizza party, and the bottom third would go to see a movie. “It totally changed the culture of our fraternity,” Tyler said.
At the same time, Tyler knew that to effect lasting change in the fraternity, he needed the support and reinforcement of strong leadership from his fraternity brothers. As a junior, Tyler had to engage the class of outgoing seniors, many of whom were more focused on their futures beyond college and didn't want to participate fully in all the chapter's activities. Tyler believed that it was important for the seniors to act as leadership models for the rest of the fraternity, helping promote strong leadership beliefs and behaviors in the underclass members. He said he could've written them off and focused on the brothers who were already more engaged with the values of the fraternity, but he believed in his fellow brothers' potential. Even though it might be hard for them to continue to focus on the works of the fraternity when their time at the university was coming to a close, Tyler didn't want to give up on the idea of having them be actively engaged.
He came up with the idea to sit down with all the seniors and show them why they should remain involved. He brought in alumni brothers who helped demonstrate why getting on board and staying involved in the fraternity was important. “I wanted to show everyone that this was their chance to leave a legacy, to get involved in something bigger than themselves. I wanted them to see that these alumni were the brothers they'd looked up to when they first joined the fraternity, and now they had a chance to be the same type of leader for our underclassmen brothers,” Tyler said. At the meeting, Tyler also laid out what he expected of his fellow fraternity brothers to help uphold the values of the organization. He explained:
I made sure we were very clear on what had brought us together in the first place and what we needed to do to get where we wanted to go—focus on our academics, work hard on our philanthropy.
The strategy worked. By the second semester of Tyler's junior year, the seniors had all assumed the lead-by-example model he'd hoped for. What's more, by the end of his term as president, his fraternity had moved up from its sixth-place academic ranking on campus to third place, based on overall fraternity GPAs. “We were still not where I'd have liked for us to be, but it was a huge jump,” Tyler said.
Student leaders like Tyler realize and appreciate that what you do speaks more loudly than what you say. His experience illustrates the second commitment of Model the Way: leaders Set the Example. They take every opportunity to show others, by their own example, that they're deeply committed to the values and aspirations they espouse. No one will believe you're serious until they see you doing what you're asking of others. Either you lead by example, or you don't lead at all. This is how you provide the evidence that you're personally committed. It's how you make your values known and shown.
Our research has consistently revealed that credibility is the foundation of leadership. People want to follow leaders in whom they can believe. But what makes a leader credible? When people defined credibility behaviorally, they told us it meant “do what you say you will do.” This chapter on Set the Example is all about the do part. It's about practicing what you preach, following through on commitments, keeping promises, and walking the talk.
Being an exemplary student leader requires you to live the values you and your organization hold. You must put into action what you and others stand for. You must be the example for others to follow. And, because you're leading a group of people—not just leading yourself—you also must make certain that the actions of your group are consistent with the shared values of the organization. An important part of your job is to educate others on what the team or organization stands for, why those things matter, and how others can authentically serve the organization. As the leader, you teach, coach, and guide others to align their actions with the shared values because you're held accountable for their actions, too, not just your own.
To Set the Example, you need to:
- Live the shared values
- Teach others to model the values
In practicing these essentials, you become an exemplary role model for what the group or organization stands for, and you create a culture in which everyone commits to aligning themselves with shared values.
Live the Shared Values
Leaders are their organizations' ambassadors of shared values. Their mission is to represent these values and standards to the rest of the world. It's their solemn duty to serve the values to the best of their abilities.
Della Dsouza's leadership challenge was probably not that different from that of most college students who share an apartment with other people: keeping the kitchen clean. From trash piling up to utensils accumulating in the sink, more often than not her place was a mess, she said. This often led to arguments and blaming, and no one was willing to take responsibility for the state of the kitchen. The arguments only added to a “cold war” atmosphere among the roommates. “I always had to remind them to do their bit,” Della told us, “and in the beginning, no matter how many times I said it, it didn't work.” So Della decided to take the initiative in making sure the kitchen area was clean, if not all the time at least whenever she used the area. This meant that even if there were things lying around that didn't belong to her, she would put them in the right place. She would take out the trash containers when they were full, and whenever she had some time to spare, she made sure she cleaned up the place. What did she notice after a month had gone by? “I realized the arguments got fewer, and there were fewer utensils in the sink. On some days, the trash was already taken out before I could do it. Everybody in the house began to do their part. No instructions, no rules laid down. Just my simple actions produced this outcome!” For Della, this is what it meant to live the shared values:
I had to lead by example. I had to be the doer, not the preacher. I realize that people are constantly observing us. When they see your actions are in sync with your words, you are a more effective leader. And perhaps that is why it was only when I did those things myself that my roommates followed.
As a leader, you always have influence. People watch your every action, and they're determining whether you're serious about what you say. You need to be conscious of the choices you make and the actions you take, because they signal the priorities you have and whether you're doing what you say.
The most significant signal-sending actions you can take to demonstrate that you live the values are how you spend your time and what you pay attention to. Also important is the language (words and phrases) you use, the questions you ask, and your openness to feedback. The actions you take make visible and tangible your personal commitment to a shared way of being. They provide the chance to show where you stand on matters of principle. Simple though they may appear, you should remember that sometimes the greatest distance you have to travel is the distance from your mouth to your feet.
Spend Your Time and Attention Wisely
How you spend your time is the single clearest indicator of what's important to you. People use this metric to judge whether you measure up to espoused standards. Spending time on what you say is important shows that you're putting your money where your mouth is. Whatever your values are, they must show up consistently. They must show up on your calendar if people are to believe they're significant.
Let's say one of your espoused values is teamwork. You're supposed to have a meeting with your capstone project team on Friday afternoon to go over how everyone's research is coming along, and one of your friends invites you to drive down that afternoon to the family's beach home for the weekend. Do you meet your obligations to your classmates because you are committed to being a good team player, or do you go with your friends because you don't want to miss a weekend at the beach? Or suppose that your club decides to run a fundraising car wash. You have an important exam to study for, and you know there will be plenty of people there to help. What do you decide to do? Choices like these are not clear or easy, but ultimately, the things you spend your time on are reflections of your priorities. Are your decisions based on how they reflect your values, or do they indicate that you're distracted or engaged in conflicting interests?
These questions apply to groups as well. Think about the meetings you attend and what's on the agenda. What do you spend most of the time discussing? Being present and consistently aligning your actions with your behaviors say more about what you value than any other message you share, whether it is on social media, in a text, or passed along by someone else. How you behave as a leader signals to others what's important to you and what's merely lip service.
“Even though I was captain of the soccer team,” said Alex Golden, “that didn't simply make me a leader. Yet, because I was the captain, all of a sudden I had teammates looking up to me, seeking a role model.” For Alex, this meant always being the first at practices and the last one to leave:
I wanted to demonstrate to the team that just because I am the captain, it doesn't mean that I could come and go as I pleased. Indeed, when I slacked off during a practice, or even a game, I noticed that the rest of the team would also slack off. My attitude affected the way the team played.
His actions paid big dividends in developing productive team chemistry. “I knew,” said Alex, “that it was my behavior that would earn me the respect I needed and that I had to set an example for the rest of the team.”
You can make visible and tangible to others your personal commitment to your group and its values when you seize the kind of signal-sending opportunities that Alex did. Simple though they may appear, actions like just showing up are evidence of where you stand on matters of principle. Leaders like Alex are very mindful that the way they use their time shows others that they are serious about their dedication to the group, the task, and the values shared. You can't just talk the talk. You have to walk it, which often means rolling up your sleeves and being part of, not apart from, the action.
Watch Your Language
Exemplary student leaders understand and are attentive to language because they appreciate the power of words. Words don't just give voice to one's beliefs; they also evoke images of what people hope to create with others and how people expect others to behave. The tradition within fraternities and sororities of members referring to each other as “brother” or “sister” is an excellent example of this. It reinforces the sense of family and loyalty so valued in the fraternal system. The words you choose have a powerful effect on how others see themselves, those around them, and the events you all share.
Researchers have documented the power of language in shaping thoughts and actions. Just a few words from someone can make the difference in the beliefs that people articulate. At an East Coast university, there was a publicized incident of hate mail sent to an African American student. In a study at that institution, researchers randomly stopped students walking across campus and asked them what they thought of the occurrence. Before the student could respond, a research partner impersonating another student would come up and answer with a response like, “Well, he must have done something to deserve it.” As you might expect, the first student's response was more often than not just like the student impersonator's. The researchers then stopped another student and asked the same question. This time the impersonator gave an alternative response, something like, “There's no place for that kind of behavior on our campus.” Again, the student being questioned replicated the impersonator's response.1
This classic study dramatically illustrates how potent language is in influencing people's responses to what's going on around them. Language helps frame people's views of the world, so being mindful of your choice of words is essential. Think about how the phrase “gun control” versus “gun safety” could frame political rhetoric. Frames provide the context for thinking and talking about events and ideas and focus the listeners' attention on certain aspects of the subject. “Watch your language” takes on an entirely new meaning from the times your teacher scolded you in school for using an inappropriate word. It's now about setting an example for others of how they need to think and act.
Consider, for example, the intriguing impact of language on people in experiments in which researchers told participants they were playing either the Community Game or the Wall Street Game.2 In both scenarios, people played the same game by the same rules; the only difference was that experimenters gave the same game two different names. Of those playing the Community Game, 70 percent started out playing cooperatively and continued to do so throughout. With those told they were playing the Wall Street Game, just the opposite occurred: 70 percent did not cooperate, and the 30 percent who did cooperate stopped when they saw that others weren't cooperating. Again, remember: the name, not the game itself, was the only thing that was different!
This experiment powerfully demonstrates why you must pay close attention to the language you use. You can influence people's behavior simply by giving the task or the team a name that evokes the kind of behavior implied by the name. If you want people to act like members of a community, use language that evokes a feeling of community. If you want people to act like citizens of a village, you need to talk about them that way, not as subordinates in a hierarchy. If you want people to appreciate the rich diversity in their organizations, you need to use language that's inclusive. If you want people to be innovative, you need to use words that spark exploration, discovery, and invention.
Ask Purposeful Questions
When you ask questions, you send people on mental journeys. Your questions chart the path that people will follow, and focus their search for answers. The questions that a leader asks send messages about the emphasis of the group, and they're indicators of what is of most concern to the leader. They're one more tangible indicator of how serious you are about your espoused beliefs. Questions direct attention to the values that deserve attention and how much energy should be devoted to those values.
Questions develop people. They help people escape the trap of their mental models. They broaden people's perspectives and enlarge their responses, which enable them to take responsibility for their answers to your questions. Asking relevant questions also forces you to listen attentively to what those around you are saying, and in doing so demonstrates your respect for their ideas and opinions. If you are genuinely interested in what other people think, then you need to ask their opinion, especially before giving your own. By asking what others think, you facilitate their participation in whatever decision will ultimately be determined and consequently increase support for that decision.
Reflect on the questions you typically ask in meetings, one-on-ones, telephone calls, emails, and texts. How do they help clarify and gain commitment to shared values? What would you like each person in your group to pay attention to each day? Be intentional and purposeful about the questions you ask. The questions you routinely ask model to the group similar questions they should be asking themselves in your absence. What information do you need from the group to show that people are living by shared values and making decisions that are consistent with their values? What questions should you pose if you want people to focus on integrity, or trust, or community service, or safety, or personal responsibility?
The Ask Purposeful Questions Daily box lists a few sample questions that you could purposefully ask every day to demonstrate the importance of various shared values.
Whatever the shared values are, come up with a set of questions that will routinely get people to reflect on those values and what they have done each day to act on them. Be clear about how you would answer any of your own questions.
Seek Feedback
Leaders should use questions not only to challenge others to connect their actions with the team's values but also to ask their colleagues and team members about how their own actions as a leader impact both the feelings of others and their performance. You will never know how you are doing if you do not ask for feedback. How can you expect to match your words and your actions if you don't get information about how aligned they are? There's substantial evidence that the best leaders are very aware of what's going on inside them as they are leading and are attuned to what's going on outside them with others. The best leaders are self-aware, and they're very socially aware. They can pick up clues that tell them whether they've done something that has enabled someone to perform at a higher level or whether they have diminished motivation.
It's your responsibility as a leader to keep asking others, “How am I doing?” If you don't ask, no one is likely to tell you. It's not always easy to get feedback. It's not generally asked for, and most people aren't used to providing it. Skills are required to do both. You can increase the likelihood that people will accept honest feedback from you if you make it easier for people to give you feedback. The most effective feedback has these characteristics: it is specific and not general, focused on behavior rather than on the individual (personality), solicited rather than imposed, timely rather than delayed, and descriptive rather than evaluative. For example, instead of asking, “How was that meeting?” you might say, “One thing I am trying to do as a leader is encourage others to contribute ideas. I tried to do that during our meeting today. How do you think it went? What could I have done differently?” Although you might not always like the feedback you get, it is the only way you can know how you're doing as a leader.
How engaged people felt as a result of how their leader “seeks to understand how his/her actions affect other people's performance” is illustrated in Figure 2.1. People's level of satisfaction, pride, and commitment (that is, engagement) is more than eight times higher when they indicate that their leaders very frequently engage in this leadership behavior compared with those who report that their leaders rarely or only once in a while seek feedback.
You invite feedback; you don't demand it. The more frequently that feedback becomes part of the conversation, the easier it will be to hear and deal with it as constructive, especially when everyone involved shares similar values and aspirations. Setting the right climate for feedback is critical. Remember that there are always two sides to every story. Reviewing past behavior shouldn't be seen as an opportunity to assign blame but as a way to stay curious about what happened and what it says about how you can move forward in line with the group's goals and values. Regularly asking for feedback about “what happened” should be routine, with the focus on “What can we learn?” so that mistakes are not repeated. Keep in mind, however, that if you don't do anything with the feedback you receive, people will stop giving it to you.
A classroom project formed the basis of Alex Golkar's personal-best leadership experience. His group initially wasn't on the same page about the project, and there was a lot of infighting, with people being personally critical of each other. “I was forced to find my voice and act as an exemplar of the values that I wanted my groupmates to emulate,” Alex told us. As the group found its way, developing mutual respect and dialogue, Alex asked his colleagues if they had feedback for him regarding his role in the project: “I realized that a good leader accepts feedback just as readily as he or she distributes it.” Following this up, they turned to Alex and asked him for his opinions on how the group was progressing and what they could do to work even more productively together on the project. Alex indicated that when conflicts arose, “We established an informal system of feedback with one another to make sure we didn't revert back to unproductive arguments.”
Often people fear the exposure and vulnerability that accompanies direct and honest feedback. Those giving the feedback can feel a bit exposed themselves and may even fear retribution or hurting someone's feelings or damaging a relationship. It's a risk, but the upside of learning and growth is far more beneficial than the downside of being nervous or embarrassed. Learning to be a better leader requires great self-awareness, and it requires making yourself vulnerable. Learning to be a better leader requires feedback. Asking for feedback signals to others your openness to doing what's right and makes it easier for others to be receptive to learning about what they can contribute to the common good.
Teach Others to Model the Values
You're not the only role model in your group, team, or organization. Everyone, at all levels and in all situations, should be setting the example and aligning their words and deeds. Your role is to make sure that everyone keeps the promises that you and they have agreed on. People are watching how you hold others accountable for living the shared values and how you reconcile deviations from the chosen path. They're paying attention to what others say and do, and so should you. It's not just what you do that demonstrates consistency between word and deed. Every team member, partner, and colleague sends signals about what's valued. Therefore, you need to look for opportunities to teach not just by your example but also by taking on the role of teacher and coach.
Kenzie Crane was responsible for the recruitment program for sororities at a large university in the southern United States. In this capacity, she guided nearly two dozen recruitment counselors from sixteen different chapters. Their job was to recruit students and help them find the best fit in a sorority, but because all the recruitment counselors were already members of one of the sororities, it was sometimes challenging for them to be unbiased. Therefore, Kenzie not only had to model what it meant to be neutral but also needed to hold others accountable for doing the same and to teach them how to do that. One action she took each week was to get them all together and do role plays about how they would handle, in an unbiased fashion, various questions from the women being recruited. She also worked with them on changing the perception of sororities as simply social organizations to organizations focused on community engagement, intellectual enrichment, and personal growth. To make this shift credible, they would all have to be able to give examples of the positive experiences sororities offered for personal development. A top priority for Kenzie was making sure that the recruitment counselors knew how to talk about this. “This meant,” she told us, “that I always and consistently used this perspective and fostered it in others, not just during the training and role-play sessions.”
Exemplary student leaders also know that people learn lessons from how leaders handle the unplanned events on the schedule as well as the planned ones. They know that people learn from the stories that circulate on campus, in classes, in the dining halls, and in social media. Just as Kenzie's frequent role plays helped prepare the recruiters for any circumstance, any attitude, or any questions they might encounter, you need to find ways to show others what's expected and ensure that they hold themselves accountable. You do this by confronting critical incidents, telling stories, and finding every opportunity to reinforce the behaviors you want others to repeat.
Confront Critical Incidents
You can't plan everything about your day. Even the most disciplined leaders can't stop the intrusion of the unexpected. Stuff happens. Critical incidents—chance occurrences, particularly at a time of stress and challenge—are a natural part of the life of every leader. They offer significant moments of learning for leaders and others in the group. Critical incidents present opportunities for leaders to teach valuable lessons about appropriate norms of behavior and what really matters.
When a devastating tornado hit the town of Moore, Oklahoma, it came on fast and literally flattened most of the town, leaving death and widespread destruction in its path. Devin Murphy was working as a resident assistant at a nearby university when the tornado struck. Her first responsibility was to ensure the safety of her residents, but once the storm passed, she immediately reached out across campus to see how she could help. “When we realized the extent of the damage in nearby Moore,” she said, “we wanted everyone to go into action.” The university had already decided to help by opening student apartment housing to survivors of the storm. Many of the apartments were empty because most of the students had already left for the summer, but all the units needed to be cleaned and readied before families could occupy them. Devin got in touch with her friend Taylor Tyler in Student Life, and together they hatched a plan. “We knew there were a lot of students still on campus, and we knew they would want to help,” Devin told us.
This is a campus with a lot of students who study the arts. People in theater know how to pull together to get ready for a show; fine arts people know how to put in the long hours and do what it takes to get their projects done; music majors are used to long hours of rehearsal. This is not a group of people afraid of hard work. We are a campus with a “pull together, work hard, and get it done” attitude, so we looked for ways to tap into that.
Devin and Taylor created a Facebook page, where they asked for volunteers to help clean apartments. In just twenty-four hours, they had enough people to clean sixty-nine apartments and make them ready for the exhausted citizens of Moore. “The support didn't stop there,” Devin told us. Another student friend, Kelissa Sanders, was doing an internship at the state capital over the summer. She persuaded a popular barbecue restaurant chain there to donate food for a Memorial Day picnic for the tornado survivors. Continuing to use social media, Devin, Taylor, and the team they assembled sustained their support as the citizens of Moore rebuilt their lives. In the process of initiating and continuing assistance to the community, they exemplified the values of pulling together to get things done that they see on their campus.
Critical incidents are not always as dramatic as an EF5 tornado. They are simply those events in the lives of leaders, and the groups they are a part of, that offer the chance to improvise while still staying faithful to the script. Although these incidents can't be explicitly planned, it's useful to keep in mind that the way you handle them—how you link your actions and decisions to shared values—speaks volumes about what matters to you most. During critical moments, you must put values out on the table and in front of others so that they can return to them as a common ground for working together. In the process, you make clear how shared values compel your actions. You set an example for what it means to take actions based on values. By standing up for values, you show that having shared values requires a mutual commitment from everyone to align their words with their actions.
Tell Stories
Stories are powerful tools for teaching people about what's important and what's not, what works and what doesn't, what is and what could be. Through stories, leaders define culture, pass on lessons about shared values, and get others to work together.
Rana Korayem had just completed her undergraduate work at the American University in Cairo, Egypt. Earning her degree had not been without its trials and tribulations, but she was feeling inspired and ready to begin the next phase of her life. She was aware that many women in her country would face significant challenges in pursuing an education, and she was compelled to try to inspire those she could reach. Rana found that opportunity in a public elementary school for girls.
In Egypt, the public schools serve the poorest young people in the society. The amount of education they get is limited, and many girls stop school at an early age to marry or to care for family. Rana was determined to help the girls see there were other choices and that they could achieve anything they set their minds to. “I came from a family of means,” Rana told us, “and when I began to talk about my education, you could tell that they were not relating to me. They saw me as wealthy and therefore not like them. So I told them stories to show that I was not so different from them.”
Rana shared stories with them about the risks she had taken to pursue her education and follow her dreams. As she told each story, the girls began to be drawn in, thinking about times they had been scared or lonesome, and recognized Rana as someone not unlike them. “I told them about going to the United States to study and leaving my family and my country for the very first time,” she said. “I told them how homesick I was and how nervous to be in a totally new place, not knowing a soul.” She talked about how scary it could be to reach out to new people and how she was determined to be brave and believe in herself. She shared with them the prejudice she faced at times, and how frightening that was. She talked about how, by overcoming her fear and reaching out, she had learned so much and gained many new friends and rich experiences. She asked them about times they had been lonesome or afraid and how they had found courage. “The stories were different for each of us,” Rana said, “but the human emotion is the same, and by sharing these stories we got closer.”
Each week for several months, Rana visited the school and shared her stories with the young girls. “The theme was always the same,” Rana said.
The stories always had to do with how my education had shown me that the sky was the limit if you decided to learn and work hard. I wanted them to see their potential, that no matter what their circumstances, or gender, or how much or little money their family has, they could achieve anything they put their minds to if they were determined and willing to learn. I told them that my college education helped me feel strong, that as a woman I was strong and so were they.
Sharing stories is a powerful way for leaders to make values and visions come alive. The stories that Rana shared reinforced the values of self-reliance and independence that she held dear and hoped to inspire in the young girls she chose to spend time with. Storytelling offers a bridge for people to connect their experiences with your message, and it provides an opportunity to lead through example rather than to come across as lecturing or preaching.
Telling stories has another lasting benefit. It forces you to pay close attention to what is going on around you. When you can write or tell a story about someone your listeners can identify with, they are much more likely to see themselves doing the same thing. People seldom tire of hearing stories about themselves and the people they know. These stories get repeated, and the lessons of the stories spread far and wide.
Reinforce through Systems and Processes
All exemplary student leaders understand that you have to reinforce the fundamental values that are essential to building and sustaining the kind of culture you want. Think about how you recruit new group members, how you make certain selection decisions, when and how you share information, what kinds of assistance you provide, how you measure performance, how you provide rewards, and how you recognize someone when he or she does a great job. These all send signals about what you value and what you don't, and they must align with the shared values and standards that you're trying to instill.
Team sports are full of great examples of this. Consider the stickers added to the helmets of football players to indicate the number of tackles made, or the tradition for every member of the team to suit up in full uniform, even if all they'll be doing is warming the bench. Practices like these speak to the values of being part of a team and evoke a sense of group identity.
Or think about the way different organizations approach new-member recruitment and orientation. Sigma Phi Epsilon (SigEp) is one of the nation's largest fraternities and is committed to changing the negative perceptions of Greek life. Toward that end, the fraternity created the Balanced Man Program, a concept of single-tiered membership and continuous development, offering experiences that don't include some of the destructive traditions often associated with Greek organizations but that focus instead on scholarship, leadership, professional development, and life skills. Members learn to live their best lives through unique, rewarding programming tailored to their distinctive needs and designed to prepare them for the journey of life ahead. The Balanced Man Program is a striking example of student leaders' being more conscious of how they can use systems and processes within programs to reinforce their group's core values in a positive way. The program reinforces the organization's values and demonstrates a willingness to make positive changes. “Being different is hard work, but our colleges and universities need the development-focused, SigEp style of fraternity, especially now,” says SigEp's CEO Brian Warren.
As many fraternities draw the glare of the media spotlight for unacceptable behavior, educators and students alike have begun to question the role of Greek life on their campuses. SigEp stands out in the Greek world for aligning its recruiting, its programs, and all its activities with the values expressed in its simple mission, “Building Balanced Men.” The fraternity's actions are a striking example of ways to get student leaders to be more conscious of how they can use systems and processes to reinforce their group's core values in a positive way.
Reflect and Act: Set the Example
As a student leader, you're always on stage. People are watching you, talking about you, and testing your credibility—whether you are aware of it or not. That's why it's essential to be mindful of how you Set the Example.
Leaders send signals in a variety of ways, and followers read those signals as indicators of what's okay and what's not okay to do. How you spend your time is the single best indicator of what's important to you, and if you invest your time wisely, you can earn significant returns. What you pay attention to, the language you use, the questions you ask, and the feedback you request are other powerful means of shaping accurate perceptions of what you value.
But it's not just what you do that matters. You are also measured by how consistent your followers' actions are with the group's shared values, so you must teach others how to set an example. Critical incidents—those chance occurrences in the lives of all groups, teams, and organizations—offer significant teachable moments. They provide you the opportunity to pass along lessons in real time. Critical incidents often become stories, and stories are among the most influential teaching tools you have. And remember that what gets reinforced gets done. You need to align systems and processes such that they reinforce and reward behavior that is consistent with shared values if you expect that behavior to be repeated. Keeping people informed about how they're doing also provides guardrails to keep them moving forward on the proper path.
Reflect
The second commitment of Model the Way encourages leaders to set the example by aligning actions with shared values. Reflect on this commitment and answer these questions:
- What is the most important idea or lesson about exemplary leadership that you learned from this chapter?
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- What changes do you need to make in your leadership to better Set the Example?
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- In the next section, there are some suggestions on what you can do to take action on Set the Example. After you have reflected on what you learned and what you need to improve, select an action that you can take immediately to become a better leader.
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Take Action
Here are some things you can do to act on your commitment to Set the Example:
- Be clear about your commitments and follow through on your promises.
- Examine your past experiences to help you identify and confirm the values you actually use to make choices and decisions.
- Request feedback about what impact your actions are having, and make changes and adjustments based on the information you receive.
- Ask purposeful questions that keep people focused on the values and priorities that are the most important.
- Broadcast examples of exemplary behavior through memorable stories that illustrate how people are and should be behaving.
- When you have examples of times when individuals or the entire group has strayed from the shared values, bring those instances up and talk about how you can get back to living your values.
- Reinforce, in every way you can, the behavior you want repeated.