Human beings are storytellers. This basic biosocial scientific fact is the simple reality of how our brains are wired, and the way oral history has been passed down from one generation to the next since the dawn of humankind. Stories represent our personal reality, just as this book is the authors' shared story about decision‐making.

There are real stories, fake stories, tragic stories, life‐changing stories, and harmful stories. Stories can be true, fabricated, pure fantasy, inspirational, grounded in facts, tainted with falsehoods, or completely authentic. Every time we speak to others or to ourselves we are storytelling, drawing upon our cognitive and physiological resources to construct and reconstruct narratives from various memories that are stored throughout our brain and body. Inner Voice 2 and Public Voice 2 are trained to send constructive and wise storytelling messages to our command center.

Great coaches are skillful, strategic, and effective storytellers. They understand the long‐game goals and help us map our storytelling toward the outcomes that will serve us best in the end. They see and understand why taking the hard right over the easy wrong is essential, and help us keep a firm grip on the steering wheel of sound decisions.

The Truth

As disturbing as it might be, we do not have direct contact with the real world. We only know the objective world indirectly through the filter of our senses, and our personalized experience of the events in our lives. The marvelous neuro‐processor between our ears receives millions of bits of data every second streaming in through our senses—hearing, smell, sight, touch, and taste—and then we must make sense of the raw data. We do so by organizing it according to preexisting categories and meanings. The interpretation we give to the data forms a story (personal narrative) that becomes our story, our take on reality and, equally important, our reference point for decision‐making.

The more our stories conform to the world as it actually exists, the better we can navigate life, find real solutions to the countless challenges we face every day, and make better choices. It is characteristically human to see the world the way we want to see it, rather than the way it actually is, and our choices and our grasp of right and wrong can be powerfully influenced by tainted input from faulty stories. When we fail to recognize that a piece of incoming data is faulty, the stories and beliefs and the decisions built upon that data will also be faulty. The stories we form in life, even those we consider foundational, perhaps even sacred, can be contaminated by biased data and faulty interpretation.

Research has identified no less than 25 ways our neuro‐processing system can compromise our storytelling and sound choices. Several examples were detailed in the introduction of this book, including motivated reasoning and confirmation bias. Others include conformity dynamics, rationalization, obedience to authority, social approval, cultural forces, and strong emotion.

It's important to acknowledge that our beliefs are simply opinions (interpretations) that we accept as true but may or may not be grounded in reality. Unfortunately, our beliefs often masquerade as fact‐based truth and are, therefore, accepted without thoughtful scrutiny. When we lose touch with the world as it actually exists, the tragic cost is the lost battle for truth in our stories and the decisions that flow from those stories.

Y.O.D.A.'s Keys for Storytelling and Decision‐Making

Key 1: Ground your stories and your decisions in fact‐based truth.

Pyrite is a shiny yellow iron‐based mineral that appears much like pure gold. Referred to as fool's gold, pyrite—which has virtually no real market value—has duped countless prospectors for decades into believing they have struck it rich. Before doing the essential mineral assay verifying the truth, some foolishly began celebrating, spending money, and doing everything millionaires do. Pyrite is, metaphorically speaking, fake truth.

It may be what we want to believe, hear, or see, but it's not the real deal—it's fake! In the context of this book, gold is fact‐based truth and we must be lifelong prospectors in search of it. Because of our propensity for self‐deception, we can be fooled by fake truth (pyrite) and, unfortunately, pyrite is everywhere. Social media is awash in pyrite. News outlets of all shapes and sizes are in the business of selling pyrite, and they do it because people buy it and it supports their agenda.

Getting to the truth when surrounded everywhere by “fool's gold” is hard, exhausting work and, after all the effort we make to get to the truth, what we find may not be what we had hoped for. The results of what we discover may be painful and disappointing, but as prospectors of reality‐based truth, we got what we were searching for: the truth. And truth is always pure gold in our storytelling and decision‐making.

SOME HUMOR

Ponder these questions:

• What if you can't trust your grocer's story of selling you uncontaminated food?
• What if you can't trust your utility company's story to provide power to your home?
• What if you can't trust the story your banker tells you about securely protecting your money?
• What if you can't trust the story your local police tell you that they will protect you?
• What if you can't trust the story your physician tells you about your health?

Statements that reflect wisdom in your storytelling and decision‐making:

• “Here's the decision I should make based on what I know now.”
• “I've learned to keep an open mind on most everything. I've learned from experience that I can get things very wrong in my head. I love to think I've got the most accurate perspective on things, but experience has taught me that's not always the case.”
• “I must hold most everything tentatively and keep pushing the envelope for more truth.”
• “There is the real world and then there is the world as I see it. I've learned the hard way that I must be open to constant adjustments in my thinking to get decisions right.”
• “The reality I see is too often distorted by what I want to see. It's very disconcerting to confront how off I frequently am.”
• “I wonder how much I know is, in reality, mostly fantasy.”
• “When I ask myself what things I know for certain, I realize that in many cases they are nothing more than my beliefs. They are not actually grounded in verifiable facts.”
• “Recognizing that my view of things must always be held as tentative is quite unsettling. I love being certain I'm right.”
• “I'm asking my brain not to dupe me, not to create fantasy, so I feel better in the moment and make the easy choice. I want to see the world the way it really is, no matter how painful it is for me. I will take it from there.”

Without truth, our storytelling and decision‐making descends into chaos and disorder almost immediately. And this understanding applies to the decisions we make for ourselves, as well as those we make on behalf of others.

It's interesting that the first three letters in the word “truth” are the same first letters in the word trust: TRU. Simply put, truth builds trust in our storytelling and decisions.

Key 2: Don't judge or make decisions until you have an unbiased story grounded in verifiable facts.

The U.S. justice system consists of courts, prosecutors and defense lawyers, judges and jurists. This machinery of justice has been carefully designed by the United States justice system to get to the truth about what happened or didn't happen. Without the ability to separate the facts of a case from fiction, the guilt or innocence of a person cannot be justly determined. The final decision of guilt or innocence is typically made by what is supposed to be an open‐minded, unbiased third party. That third party may be a judge, a panel of judges, or a jury of unbiased citizens.

The challenge for all of us is that we must, in effect, hold court multiple times every day when we make critical decisions. We must ensure that before important decisions are made, we have authenticated the facts that we are using in our deliberation, we've tagged potentially corrupted, biased, and tainted files, and we've faced the truth about our own biases and personal desires.

When we hold court in our own minds, we are the court—the entire court! We must present the evidence fairly and courageously cross‐examine ourselves to decide what data must be thrown out because it is contaminated. We simply must do everything we can to get as close to the 360‐degree dataset to arrive at the truth, so we can get the decision right.

Key 3: Always convey to yourself that the facts you are considering could be wrong and, therefore, the decision you are making could be wrong.

Making a difficult decision should always be delivered within the context of humility and, with the understanding that (1) this is how you currently see it, and (2) you could be wrong. It's also important to immediately make corrections, if possible, when you get it wrong, and then firmly commit to learning from your faulty decision. Vow to get better every day.

Examples

• “Here is how I have come to see it. First, it's important for you to understand that I've decided to tell you this solely out of my concern for you. Yes, I might be wrong, but I don't think so. John is not a good friend for you. He is always taking advantage of you. He uses you to get what he wants. I don't believe he is a friend you can trust and I'm worried for you.”
• “I've been wrong before but I strongly believe your decision to skip college is the wrong one. I only want the best for you. I don't have a crystal ball into your future but I fear this decision is not what's best for you in the long run. I want to talk further about this.”

Key 4: Always deliver potentially painful decisions (your truth) within an emotionally supportive and caring climate. This applies to decisions that are tough on you as well as decisions that are tough on others.

Some decisions you make can be extremely painful and even debilitating for others, triggering almost instantaneous anger and defensiveness. Painful decisions require that your decision be delivered with compassion and warmth.

Examples

• A compassionate decision from your boss to you:
• “The company has decided to eliminate your position. This is the result of a downsizing directive that must occur or the company cannot survive. Please understand this action has nothing to do with your performance on the team. I consider you to be one of my best direct reports and I am deeply disturbed that I will be losing you.”
• Constructive story to yourself:
• “Okay, you just lost your job and over 300 people at your firm have lost theirs as well. You have a six‐month severance package and a great recommendation from your boss. You will get through this. You've done a great job here and you will find another place to showcase your talents.”

Key 5: Make certain the story you are telling can take you where you want to go. So many messages we deliver to ourselves or others represent dead ends. One simply can't get to the intended destination with the story being told.

Examples

• This story a tennis player tells herself won't get her where she wants to go:
• “My forehand always fails me. I could have been a great player were it not for my damn forehand!”
• This story does work for her:
• “My forehand is holding me back now but with effort and dedication, it will one day be my best shot! I'm making the decision to work harder than ever to get the forehand I want. I know I have it in me!”
• Deadend story:
• “I'll never find someone like her again. She was the love of my life and I'm resigned to the fact that the best part of my life is over.”
• This story works with what he really desires:
• “Now I know what I really want for my partner in life. I am deeply saddened that it won't be her, but I know I will find another with her amazing qualities. My decision is to keep looking.”

Key 6: Align your story and the resulting decision with your core purpose for living, core values, and Best Self.

• Ask yourself these questions:
• Does the story I tell and the decision I'm about to make really represent me at my very best? Does my story and decision align with my core purpose in life (e.g. to be a positive force for good in the world)? Is there any part of my decision that is not consistent with what matters most to me?

Key 7: Make certain your story inspires hope and motivates you to take action.

Great stories move us, motivate us, and inspire us to go forward in life and make bold, constructive decisions. Recall a time when the story you told yourself or a story that was told to you had a powerful impact on your future, one that led to a significant breakthrough decision. Reflect on the elements of that story. What was it about the message that enabled you to make the courageous, right decision?

Using Y.O.D.A. to Manage Intractable Political Stories

Just as entire countries can become deeply divided over political differences, so can families, friends, relatives, and even business partners. The issue is that our political beliefs and our stories about what's morally right and wrong are inseparably bound together. Some issues can trigger smoldering hot emotions immediately. Place a check alongside any of the political issues listed here that represent volatile hot buttons for you:

Now, reflecting on issues you just checked, consider these questions from the perspective of your Best Decision‐Making Self:

• How do you know your position is right, that your story on this issue is not tainted by false data?
• How much time have you spent looking at all the facts supporting the opposite side of the issue?
• How did your story on the issue get formed? Who or what influenced you the most?
• Is your story more fact‐based or intuitively based?
• Would you bet your life or the life of a family member that you have your story right on the issue?
• Can you tolerate having an open discussion about the issue with those who have an opposing story? How defensive are you when your story gets challenged?
• Can you connect any of your own personal needs or wants with the story you have on the issue?
• Would you like those supporting the opposing political side to be silenced?
• Would you be willing to go to war or commit violent acts of civil disobedience to resolve the issue in your favor?
• Would you support any compromise on the issue?
• How likely are you to ever change your story on the issue, even when confronted with verifiable, contradictory evidence?

After considering these questions, is there any room for making adjustments to your story on these issues? In all probability, the stories you have told yourself regarding these issues have been granted full, unrestricted access to your inner command center, and will undoubtedly influence countless decisions you will make in the future, for better or worse.

It's critical that we remain open to new, relevant data, both contradictory and supportive, relating to our hot‐button political stories. Because of the damage that faulty political stories can have on the operation of our decision‐making machinery, we must always be open to adjustments and amendments to ensure we get it right.

All of the political issues listed above are extremely complex. There are no simple, one‐dimensional answers. Real solutions are most often highly nuanced, reflecting important concessions on both sides of the argument. Extreme, rigid positions reveal more about you than about the issue itself.

Y.O.D.A.'s Storytelling Keys for Managing Political Conflict

1. Whenever someone begins to discuss political views, summon your inner Y.O.D.A. immediately! Sit back and listen respectfully. When asked about your political positions, begin with something like: “It's complicated for me. I want to understand your positions and I'll do my best to communicate mine. I'm hoping there is some overlap.”
2. When there are stark differences: “I respect your position and I hope you respect mine. I'm not sure I have the issue exactly right. I'm a work in progress and will always be open to rethinking my positions.”
3. When there are stark differences among family members: “I want you to understand that no matter what your political views are, you will always have my respect and unconditional love. No political position you have will ever change that.”
4. When people are tired, frustrated, angry, or stressed, refuse to discuss political differences: “With all due respect, let's pick up this conversation another time.”
5. When irreconcilable differences come up: “Let's agree to disagree and move on. I respect your views and certainly understand how important they are to you. I value you far more than your politics. I hope you don't judge me too harshly for not agreeing with you. Perhaps someday we both will see things differently. I treasure our friendship.”

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