Section 8
How to Create Massive Momentum behind the Changes You Seek
You don't need to read, study or reflect any more: you have all the knowledge, ideas, techniques and shifts you need. You do need to make it all happen though. Have you ever had a New Year's resolution NOT happen? Of course: everyone has. Have you ever had a great behaviour change, such as going swimming three times a week, just somehow stop happening? Indeed. Have you ever begun to believe you can't get change to happen for you? That would be a huge shame of course.
It is possible to get the changes you seek. It is possible to get them to stick. It is possible to overcome any blocker you might meet. Here's how:
Have a Plan
Know what you want to do and make it a clear and visible part of your daily life. A simple suggestion is to create a giant wall plan: get a piece of paper about flip-chart pad size (tape some A4 sheets together if necessary) and create a simple matrix: along the top put the topics you wish to address, e.g. career, energy, relationships, money. A good default approach is to simply put down the six compass points: career, wellness, money, relationships, fun and contribution. Then down the side, put the next 12 months. You then end up with a matrix with a box or cell for each behaviour change for each month. Now review your notes and list the key changes that you are looking for each month and write them large and bold in the box, in the cell. This plan, this matrix, should now go somewhere where you will see it every day.
Your Mission Area
A good place for it to go would be in your own working area. If you are lucky enough to have your own study or working area, place it above your desk. If not place it on the back of your bedroom door. In general only make it visible to those who will support you, but ensure it is seen by you on a regular basis. If you do have your own table and working area make it a real mission area: clear plans plus all the tools such as laptop, pens and notebook that you need. If you don't have that, then clear a drawer which is dedicated to your notebooks and current reading: get used to clearing a space at the kitchen table and quickly laying out all the equipment that you need.
Make It Easy
As each month approaches, transfer the list from the box/cell which is at the intersection of the month and the topic you are working on e.g. November/career: discuss promotion; pay to go on course myself; consider on-line MBA to your Master List. As you will remember, part of the Master List review is to break, break and date in order that all tasks are both time (c 45 minutes) and brain (yep, I could do that) friendly. As the month progresses the tasks can move from your open (a possibility) Master List to your daily closed (an actuality) list. You will see progress.
Build Rituals
A ritual? Sure: nothing to do with reading the chicken entrails! A ritual is something which becomes automatic. We hardly need to ‘think’ about it, it just happens. And that's what we want for our personal change programme, our quest for the best version of ourselves. Sounds good? Absolutely. Brushing our teeth is a ritual for most of us. We don't plan it, we don't think about it, we don't worry about it, we just do it. If you are a driver, there are many rituals which were drummed into you during your training: indicate before your turn, glance over your shoulder before pulling out, check for bicycles before opening the car door on busy streets etc. Our goal is to get the change we want to become that easy, that wired in. Regular following of the same mechanics will enable that to happen, so do not be concerned that at the moment you have to think about the changes to make them happen. You once had to do that with teeth brushing, car driving: it was conscious competence. Stick at it and it will become unconscious competence: a ritual.
Bash the Blockers
Of course sorting the mechanics, i.e. the wall planner, the Master List, and making them all a routine, even better a ritual is brilliant. There is still mindset to contend with: the fact that what is logical is not always enough to encourage the shift. What is common sense is not always common practice. We need to contend with the blockers that can occur. Now some of these we have touched on before, but in this session we will discuss them more thoroughly and conveniently capture them in one place:
No time
‘I don't have enough time, you say.’
There never will be enough time: accept that. It's about choices. Don't wait for time: there won't be a space. You have to create time. Take your diary and schedule it in. No time next week you say? Nor the week after? OK: so schedule it in for the week after that … Remember the big rocks in the jar story?
No support
‘The trouble is, this is just seen as my thing. Not exactly selfish but a bit, considering all the other things we have to do.’
But, you say, I would love to do that. I'd love to get on my bicycle every Saturday but I have got family commitments and those all come first. Mmmm, but they don't have to come first always. Of course. But remember if you do not do a bit of work on yourself you will stop growing and if you are not growing you will not be the effective parent, partner, leader, employee that you so wish to be. This is not selfish, it's eminently sensible but it will require some conversation, some working on the 5As. Thus, you could agree with your partner, your kids, that certain Saturdays or certain parts of Saturdays will be yours.
No money
‘Look there is simply no spare cash at the moment.’
You'd love to de-clutter, but you need storage and have no money. You'd love to start your own business but you have no money for the initial stock. You'd love to do more with the kids at the weekend but you have no money for museums and movies. There are a couple of options. One of course is to get on top of that part of your compass: get your finances sorted and then maybe there will be some money available. But perhaps a more creative point of view is to ask:
- Where can we find some very cheap even free storage? Thus charity shops and re-cycling schemes.
- Or to ask, how can I start up my business with just the (very little) money that I do have?
No energy
This is crucial. So go right back to the wellness compass point and work on that. Once you are looking after yourself and addressing the key areas your energy will return. Once you start having success you will find that you feel you have more energy anyway.
Not motivated
Don't wait until you are motivated: start and then you will be motivated.
Not now
It won't get any easier. The children will always have their challenges; there will always be demands on your money. Start getting in control now. Start sorting things out now.
What will people think?
Don't worry. Few will support you, sadly. But that doesn't stop you getting on with things: you do not need their approval.
I need (an iPad/my own area/less of a commute/…)
No you don't. You are procrastinating.
Watch Your Language
Don't label yourself: ‘I'll never be good enough for promotion’. It's simply not true. But if you say it to yourself enough it can become reality.
Keep Your Energy High
Energy and enthusiasm are contagious: they will win supporters. Energy can push through the barriers of negativity, get you out of bed in the morning and cause you to make 20 more phone calls and win the business. Look after yourself.
Only Share with Supporters
Share your goals with those who will support you. They may still have concerns or feedback for you. But they do fundamentally believe in you.
Find a Buddy
And take the above idea even further: agree to meet perhaps once a week for 60 minutes with someone else who is working on their career or health or writing or … And support each other, cajole each other and be inspired by each other's progress.
Create a Learning Team
And take the above idea even further and find two other people and set up a learning team which meets once a month. Each person contributes some ideas and in consequence receives some ideas.
Read for Inspiration
Start with my blog (http://blog.strategicedge.co.uk/). Find other blogs. Start a reading list. Always have some source of daily inspiration to feed the mind and thus the body. In particular, study the A to Z of You, Only Better every day (see next chapter).
Focus On What Is Working
At the end of each month, do a bit of a review: what worked? What worked less well? Anything a bit of a disaster? Focus first on what's working and build upon that. Perhaps if you work on things at different times of the day you get more done. Perhaps now that your energy is building you find you can do anything. Build on what's working. Now look at what's not gone to plan and how you could do that differently next month.
Make Change the Norm
Start to see this change programme as something which is going to be the norm for you, i.e. there will always be a wall planner, you will always be working on something.
Ben
Ben was a cynic. A cynic who lived in Quebec City. He had escaped his native New York five years earlier and loved being closer to nature, spending the weekend in the wilds and being in a place he felt was a lot more ‘real’. The ‘can do’ nature of New Yorkers sometimes got him down. Of course Canadians were very practical and self-sufficient too, but … well it was different.
He was a cynic about change and goals and all that stuff. He'd set enough of them over the years: they never worked. He'd tried various methodologies, even affirmations: what a joke they were. He'd even had a personal coach for about three months. But nothing, nothing had ever got him the change he really wanted.
But deep down he wasn't that comfortable. The cynicism he recognised in himself caused him to not enjoy much of life which, with a simple shift in view point, he might change very easily. Cynicism was really damaging his current relationship with a very loving girl from Montreal. Cynicism was holding him back at work. And deep down what he was wrestling with he knew – it had been a big epiphany on one of those big US ‘ra ra’ personal development, fire-walking seminars – he knew his cynicism was fear. Fear of realising who he was and what he might accomplish.
After one fabulous weekend of canoeing, on the two-hour drive back to Quebec City he considered why goals didn't work for him: career, making money etc. And yet he had actually achieved a lot: the move to Canada had been major change. Becoming a canoeing coach was hard work.
He got it: with the former he had simply not allowed a blocker. With the latter he had just accepted the blockers too quickly. And what caused his blockers? His cynicism.
He agreed with himself to see what dropping cynicism might do on his other goals.
Three months later, Ben had promotion, was earning 12% more money and his relationship with girlfriend Ava was better than ever.
A Few Questions If I May?
1. How do you get those who are close to you to be supporter of the changes you are making? My girlfriend just worries that my new career plans are a big mistake.
By talking to them. By thanking them for their concerns. By responding to some of their concerns. And by reminding them there are some things you just have to do. If you talk enough nothing need be a compromise but something which is good for both of you.
2. Three children and a job with international travel. Where will I find the time for changes?
By making the changes small and easy. And any large and tough change can be broken down into something which is small and easy.
3. Can You, Only Better become a selfish quest?
Oh, you're in a philosophical mood! Of course it can. We are destined to grow, find out who we are and make the most of our time on the planet. But it's important that we respect those who are on that path with us: friends and family. Employers and colleagues. But respecting such thoughts and demands need not limit us: it simply cautions us and that is no bad thing.
