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You’re Right and I’m Wrong

Admit Mistakes and Limitations

ONE OF THE SECRETS to great leadership is balancing self-confidence and humility. Obviously, you need to have talent to be a great leader. You need to have the experience, drive, and opportunity to make big things happen. And every leader needs a certain degree of confidence (otherwise, others will quickly lose faith). But some leaders go off the rails because they can’t control their confidence; when it’s so off the charts that it turns into arrogance, greed, or recklessness, it becomes a liability. You have to balance self-confidence with humility. You have to remember that you don’t have all the answers, and even if you do, you shouldn’t act like you do. Nobody likes to work for someone who projects that kind of arrogance.

So how do you develop humility? Well, there’s a good argument to be made that you’re born with this trait. In many ways, you either have it or you don’t. But that discussion is beyond the scope of this book. Let’s focus here on ways you can cultivate modesty and humility. A truly great leader needs this quality, so it’s important to pay attention to this aspect of your leadership style. Here are three ways to work on adding more humility to your game.

Develop Your Sense of Inclusion

First, ask others for their opinions on a regular basis. Then, more important, listen carefully to what they have to say. Great leaders seek answers from those around them. They never fail to gather opinions and suggestions from trusted advisors. Ask yourself: “Do I regularly ask others for their thoughts on matters of strategy, planning, or operations, and do I factor those opinions into my final decisions?” If the answer is yes, that’s great—you’re an inclusive leader. If the answer is no, well, I have some bad news for you. Your people don’t enjoy working for you. Yes, that’s right; the absence of this one behavior says, “I know best and will make all decisions unilaterally,” and it guarantees you a spot in the ABHOF: the Awful Boss Hall of Fame. Think back to a time when you worked for a manager who never asked for your opinion and made all of the decisions without including you or your peers. Have a lot of good times with that boss, did you? Of course not. So if this sounds like you, the first thing you have to do is to ask others for their best thinking—early and often. Make this a permanent part of your leadership; it’s actually very easy to do. Every time a major decision comes along, ask a few peers or direct reports one or more of the following questions: “How would you assess the risks here?” “What pros and cons do you see in this situation?” “How can we best leverage this situation?” “What are some of the implications of not making this decision?” Simply put, if a decision or action is required, seek some input. It’s not hard to remember and not hard to do.

Humility: The Last Best Leadership Trait

For many leaders, humility is often the last leadership trait to fully develop; for some, it comes the hard way, through a huge mistake. Don’t wait to learn humility from a critical incident. The second great way to develop this key leadership skill is to admit when you’re wrong. If you’re on the losing side of a debate, or just have the wrong answer on something, say so. Again, you’re in a leadership position, which means you’re a role model. Don’t dig in your heels, hold your breath, or pout about it. You can’t afford to be a jerk; others will think its OK to be a jerk, too. When you’re wrong, simply admit it. Learn this phrase, and use it often: “You know what, you’re right; I wasn’t looking at this from all sides, and I see now that my approach isn’t the best way to go.” That’s not so hard, is it? Yet a lot of leaders don’t do it; they have difficulty saying, “You were right; I was wrong.” That’s unfortunate because these simple words have great value. It’s not even an apology really; it’s more of an acknowledgement of how much you value independent thinking. It’s a way to express your gratitude that someone else has done his or her homework, or sees things more clearly, or simply has a better idea. Try this—it works. It disarms all kinds of situations and makes you look mature and open-minded. Besides, who wants to be right all the time? And if you are right all the time, you’re probably not taking enough risks, which leaders need to do from time to time.

The third way to develop humility goes way back to what your parents taught you: When you’ve done something bad or been rude to someone, apologize. It’s called being reasonable, polite, and well-mannered. Don’t just say you’re sorry, flesh it out a bit and be sincere. If you’ve been rude to someone in a staff meeting, tell them: “I’m sorry I cut you off a few times today. It’s not professional of me to jump in before you finish speaking; I need to do a better job of letting you finish your thoughts, and I’m going to work on that.” That’s more specific and sincere than a half-hearted, “Hey, sorry I interrupted you a few times today.”

Webster’s Dictionary defines humility as: “the quality or condition of being humble; of having a modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.” That’s really it, isn’t it? Humble leaders don’t think of themselves as being any more important than anyone else in the organization. In fact, they see themselves more as the conductor of the orchestra: They don’t make any of the actual music; that work is done by the other members of the team. Take your leadership to the next level. Add a dash of humility to your skill set and then pay attention to how others respond to you. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it and you’ll certainly notice a difference.

Bootstrap Takeaways

Admit Mistakes and Limitations

1. Practice humility. Make a conscious effort to take some of the shine off your leadership trophies—you didn’t score all those points yourself.

2. Make asking others for their opinions and suggestions a regular part of your leadership style.

3. Remember that you’re a role model. Be polite, say you’re sorry when appropriate, and don’t be afraid to say you were wrong once in an awhile—people gravitate toward humble leaders.