‘Joy’s soul’, wrote Shakespeare in Troilus and Cressida, ‘lies in the doing.’ For those of us who want to become happier, this is an absolutely crucial – and wonderfully empowering – message. This is especially so because Shakespeare’s insight is backed up by contemporary science: what we do can have a profound effect on the way we feel.

But if we’re choosing activities to increase our happiness, which ones should we go for?

FIVE A DAY FOR HAPPINESS

A few years back the UK government commissioned a report into the mental health of the nation, and what could be done to improve it. After consultations with more than 400 experts, the report advocated a ‘5 a day’ programme for well-being. Here are the five recommended types of activity:

• Connect
• Be active
• Be curious
• Learn
• Give

We’ll look at each of these in more detail shortly. But first let’s spend a moment thinking about that word ‘activity’.

Do we mean that you can’t be happy dozing on the sofa or watching your favourite soap opera? No, we certainly don’t! Everyone needs down time, but to really keep ourselves psychologically healthy, all the evidence suggests that this kind of passive relaxation needs to be balanced by a wide range of other activities – which is where the ‘5 a day’ come in.

Connect

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy: they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. MARCEL PROUST

Connecting is all about building relationships with other people – family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. When scientists analyse the characteristics of happy people, it’s always the quality of their relationships that stands out. Happy folk have more friends, and stronger intimate relationships, than unhappy individuals.

But this does not mean that happiness depends on having a devoted spouse, picture-book extended family and dozens of friends. Quality is more important than quantity. With just a few close friends you can turn to, you’ll be absolutely fine.

In fact, it’s not even necessary for all of those friends to be human! Owning a pet, research suggests, both boosts positive feelings and helps us cope with negative emotions such as stress and anxiety.

Remember the four components of happiness we identified in Chapter 1:

• Pleasure
• Meaning
• Engagement
• Fewer negative emotions

Our relationships can supply all of those components. For example, think back to the last time you laughed out loud: we’re willing to bet you weren’t alone. Spending time with other people offers lots of opportunities for fun – or, to use the jargon, hedonic pleasure.

Relationships can also be a rich source of meaning in our lives – taking us out of ourselves and into a wider community, whether that be family, your team at work, or perhaps a club or voluntary organisation.

When it comes to activities that generate engagement (or ‘flow’), doing them with others is proven to be even better than doing them alone. For example, one experiment had people playing a ball game either alone or with another person. The levels of flow were the same, but playing the game with another person was found to be more enjoyable.

Moreover, there’s lots of research to suggest that strong relationships don’t just boost positive emotions; they also help us cope with negative feelings.

In fact, relationships are so important for happiness that we’ve devoted a whole chapter to them (see Chapter 8).

Be active

Physical exercise isn’t simply good for your body, it’s also a great way to build positive emotions. In the previous chapter we highlighted the impact a healthy diet and plenty of good-quality sleep can have on your happiness. It’s just the same with exercise: look after your body and you’ll also be caring for your mind.

Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise several times a week. If you’re starting from zero and that’s too daunting, try every other day and build up from there. Ideally, your exercise should make your heartbeat and breathing a little faster than normal. You’ll feel warm and may well work up a sweat. Aerobic activities like brisk walking, swimming, jogging, dancing and tennis are especially beneficial but, whatever you go for, make sure it’s something you really enjoy.

If sport isn’t your thing, remember that any activity that gets your cardiovascular system working is perfect – that might be gardening, playing with the children, vacuuming the house, or walking briskly to the shops. What you do is much less important than the physical effects produced by that activity.

One tried and tested way of spicing up an exercise plan is to do it with other people. And it’s not just more enjoyable; you’re more likely to turn up for your exercise session if you know someone else is expecting you. So could you persuade a friend to join you for a walk or swim or game of badminton? Is there an exercise class you could attend?

Aim to build exercise into your daily routine – that way you’ll get your exercise without really noticing it. For example, rather than driving to work, walk or cycle instead. Try getting off the bus a couple of stops early and walking the rest of the way. If you can vary your route, so much the better: you’re less likely to become bored.

Simply getting outside can provide a real boost to your system, especially if the weather is good. And spending time in the countryside provides a reliable pick-me-up. Given this, why not try hiking? Fresh air, beautiful scenery, brilliant exercise: hiking has it all!

Exercise is a great way to experience engagement or flow – the feeling of being so completely focused on the task at hand that you lose all self-awareness. And engagement, as we saw in Chapter 1, is a core component of happiness.

But hang on a minute, you might be thinking: I can easily lose myself in a TV programme or a trashy novel. Doesn’t that tick the engagement box?

The answer is that real flow – the sort we get from playing sports, or working on a puzzle, or learning a musical instrument – happens when we’re being challenged. We have to be working near the limit of our skills and knowledge. If the activity is too easy, we risk boredom; if it’s too difficult, we become frustrated. TV and trashy novels can give us pleasure – and that’s not to be sniffed at – but they can’t provide the kind of deep satisfaction that real flow activities bring.

Be curious

‘I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity’, wrote author, activist and First Lady of the US Eleanor Roosevelt.

Curiosity and love of life go hand in hand. Think of the happy people you know. We bet they’re brimming with inquisitiveness, always interested in what life has to offer. Doubtless they’re able to find something to delight and intrigue in even the most ordinary situations, savouring details that often pass the rest of us by: the colour of a tree’s leaves, perhaps, the taste of a biscuit, or the pleasure of a few moments’ conversation with a stranger.

Cultivate your curiosity. Take the time to notice what’s going on around you; the appearance of the objects and people nearby; the sensations in your body. Allow yourself to wonder why something is the way it is. Ask yourself the questions we all normally take for granted. Where might that person be going? Why is the bird perching on the telephone wire? What is the most appealing thing you can see when you look around you – and what makes it so attractive? By doing so, you’ll be truly engaging with your world. You’ll discover that there’s much more to enjoy than you ever suspected.

Learn

The excitement of learning separates youth from old age. As long as you are learning you’re not old. ROSALYN SUSSMAN YALOW (1921–2011), NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING MEDICAL PHYSICIST

Whether it’s a new language or learning to sail, first aid or playing the guitar, learning a new skill is a proven route to satisfaction, fun and self-confidence.

It doesn’t matter what you’re learning; happiness arises from your awareness that you’re becoming increasingly proficient at an activity, whatever that might be. You’re moving forward: sticking to your task and developing new skills.

If you’re studying alongside other people, you have the fun of social contact. And as if that weren’t enough, learning is also a really effective way of generating engagement: the challenge of mastering the skill or subject area is so compelling that your self-awareness will vanish.

Give

If you desire an hour’s happiness, take a nap. If you desire a day’s happiness, go fishing. If you desire a month’s happiness, get married. If you desire a year’s happiness, inherit a fortune. If you desire a lifetime’s happiness, help someone else. CHINESE PROVERB

Imagine that tomorrow you treat yourself to a small box of exquisite homemade chocolates, and that you eat those chocs while watching your favourite television programme.

The following day you notice a harassed mother leaving the supermarket. She is trying to push her overladen trolley to the car park. Meanwhile, her two toddlers are wailing in protest at being removed from the Bob the Builder ride positioned so helpfully in the supermarket entrance. You offer to take care of the trolley and help unload its contents into her car.

Which of these two acts is likely to bring you the most happiness: eating the chocolates and watching TV or helping the stressed mum?

When psychologists have run a similar experiment, the participants generally find that helping others gives them more satisfaction than, say, a box of chocolates. In other words, philanthropy beats fun. Meaning aces hedonistic pleasure.

This isn’t to say that pleasure is unimportant; as we’ve seen, it’s a vital component of happiness. But study after study has found that helping others – giving our time, attention and energy – is a crucial element of well-being. For example, researchers in Germany who followed the fortunes of thousands of people over several years found that those who were committed to helping other people were significantly happier – as were those who prioritised family, friends and social and political activities. (On the other hand, people driven by material rewards and job success were relatively unhappy.)

Try it yourself: one day hedonistic pleasure, the next day helping another person. Which feels best and how long does the happiness last?

Now you’re aware of the key types of activity, you can start thinking about specific examples to build into your own routine. The following exercises will help you to do this, but don’t forget to talk to friends and family too. You’re bound to generate lots of ideas that way. And try surfing the web for possible activities.

You might be nervous about signing up for a class, or trying something you’ve never done before. But remember that these feelings are absolutely normal and will soon pass. You’ve risen to challenges like this in the past and you can do so again. It’s easier if you remind yourself why you’re doing it; if you keep in mind that any temporary feelings of anxiety will quickly be replaced by a sense of pride, pleasure and achievement.

Ask a friend along for support – it’s usually more enjoyable to do things with other people than alone. Reward yourself for your courage and determination. And remember that joining a club or class isn’t the only way to take up a new activity – there are books, CDs and Internet materials to help you master pretty much any activity you can think of.

BUILDING ON YOUR STRENGTHS AND VALUES

Each of us possesses strengths (what we’re good at) and values (what we believe is important). When you’re thinking about the kind of activities you might like to get involved in or simply have a go at, it’s a good idea to take your strengths and values into account.

Psychologists have done a lot of work on how strengths and values contribute to happiness. Below, for example, is a list of character strengths identified by the Values in Action (VIA) Institute. Each of them is thought to aid well-being. The list isn’t exhaustive, but it does give a flavour of what we mean when we talk about strengths.

Source: From Peterson, P. and Seligman, M., Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook Classification (OUP USA, 2004), Copyright 2004 VIA Institute on Character (www.viacharacter.org)

If you’d like to assess your own strengths, take the VIA Survey at www.viasurvey.org

When it comes to values, here’s what people surveyed in seventy countries rank as most important:

• Achievement
• Caring for others
• Respect for others
• Pleasure
• Power
• Security and safety
• Independence and freedom
• Excitement, variety, challenge
• Tradition
• Equality and justice

When we’re thinking about activities to pursue, it’s logical to choose those that are in harmony with your values. If excitement is what really matters to you, for instance, you’d probably be best advised to get your physical exercise mountain-biking or skateboarding rather than jogging!

Similarly, many experts suggest that, to become happier, we should aim to fill our lives with activities that build on our natural – or ‘signature’ – strengths. If you’re creative, for example, look for new ways to use that strength. If you’re intrigued by spiritual matters, consider what you can do to develop that interest. And if you’re never happier than when researching a new subject, make learning a core part of your life.

It is never too late to be who you might have been. GEORGE ELIOT

This makes perfect sense. Doing something well is wonderfully satisfying. Competence feels great. And because it feels great, we’re much more likely to keep going with a new activity that plays to our strengths.

On the other hand, don’t give up on an activity because it doesn’t seem to fit well with your strengths. For example, you may feel that you’re not particularly curious. Perhaps you find social situations difficult. Maybe you’ve always believed you don’t have much get up and go. Don’t let this stop you from developing your interest in the world, or building strong relationships, or getting out there and taking up a new form of exercise.

Believe in yourself. You can achieve so much more than you think, or than others may have led you to believe. Take a big, bold step outside your comfort zone – you’ll be astonished at what you can achieve.

WHICH ACTIVITIES HAVE YOU ENJOYED IN THE PAST?

Here’s an exercise to help identify the activities that make you happy. It involves reflecting on what’s worked for you in the past.

Start by jotting down the ‘5 a day’ categories:

• Connect
• Be active
• Be curious
• Learn
• Give

Now, for each category, think back to an example in your own life – a time when you were truly happy. Here’s what Lorna, a fifty-year-old office administrator, came up with:

Connect: Definitely the salsa dancing class I joined a few years back. I met so many lovely people – I’m still in touch with lots of the girls even after all this time. I was a bit shy about signing up, but I’m so glad I did.

Be active: The salsa dancing again: I felt so fit. What a fabulous workout!

Be curious: I kept a diary for a while. I wanted to capture what my children were like when they were little. Because I knew I’d have to write something at the end of each day, I paid a lot more attention to what was going on. I noticed lots of little details that I wouldn’t have paid attention to otherwise. Life seemed so much fuller.

Learn: I really enjoyed my evening classes in print-making and line-drawing. It was fascinating learning about the techniques and then trying them out. It really fuelled my curiosity, so perhaps I should have put this under that heading too. And the classes were another great way to meet people, so that’s ‘Connect’ again!

Give: Helping out at school when my children were young. I used to listen to the kids reading and accompany them on trips. I even filled in as a dinner lady when someone was on maternity leave. It was so satisfying to be involved and to feel you were contributing, even in a small way, to the education and welfare of the children.

After completing this exercise, pick one of the activities you’ve enjoyed in the past. Use it as inspiration for the New You. Lorna decided to enrol in a watercolour painting class. Which pleasure will you rediscover?

Remembering activities you’ve enjoyed in the past might not come easily. You may have to go back quite a long way. But that’s fine: even recalling something you enjoyed many years ago could spark an idea for a current activity. If you used to enjoy cricket as a teenager, then even decades later you could look into local cricket clubs to see whether they have a practice night or informal ‘play for fun’ teams. Perhaps you enjoyed art or acting at school – why not explore ways of reviving those lost pleasures?

BRAINSTORMING ACTIVITIES FOR HAPPINESS

To help you think of an activity you’ll enjoy, ask yourself these questions:

• What could I do for an afternoon that I’d really find fun or satisfying?
• What could I do for an hour?
• Is there something good I could plan to do one weekend?
• What can I do that costs money?
• What can I do for free?
• What could I do that will really stimulate my mind?
• What would give me a sense of achievement?
• Is there a course or evening class I’d find interesting?
• What physical activity would I like to do?
• What about learning a practical skill?
• If a friend was visiting, what would I suggest we do?
• Do I want to meet new people?
• Do I want to make new friends?
• What enjoyable activity could I do on my own?
• What could I do at home?
• Where would I like to go?
• What could I do that I’ve never done before?
• What have I enjoyed doing in the past?
• Are there any interesting events or activities listed in the paper?
• Could I just get some lists of what classes are available, to get ideas?
• Where else could I look for inspiration? The library? Tourist Information?
• How about voluntary work?

COMPILING YOUR ACTIVITIES DIARY

You’re now familiar with the five types of activity that lead to happiness. You’ve identified examples that have brought you happiness in the past, considered how you can build on your strengths and values, and brainstormed with friends and family.

Now it’s time to think about which activities to prioritise and how they’ll fit with your week.

To help you decide, keep an activities diary for a week. It’ll only take a few minutes each day; there’s no need to write hundreds of words. Just make a brief note of what you were doing at a particular time, and how you were feeling. Here’s a format you could use:

At the end of the week, look back through your diary. Ask yourself:

• Which activities did I enjoy?
• Which activities were less enjoyable for me?
• Which of the ‘5 a day’ activities for happiness did I do a lot of? Which ones did I spend least time on?

Spend some time thinking about these questions and you’ll soon notice the patterns. The links between your activities and your emotions will suddenly become clear. Then you can start planning your week to boost your happiness. Here’s how:

• Aim to do more of the things that bring you happiness, though be wary of short-term kicks such as chocolate and alcohol. These fleeting pleasures are fine in moderation, but don’t base your strategy for happiness on them.
• Either reduce the amount of time you spend doing the things you don’t like or, if that’s unrealistic, find ways to make them more enjoyable. For example, you might find the morning commute to work stressful and unpleasant. Can you improve it by, say, arranging to travel with a friend or using the time to learn a new skill?
• Prioritise the ‘5 a day’ activities that you’re currently light on. Add one target activity to your week: a few minutes a day or an hour or two a week is fine to begin with. For example, if you notice you’re not as physically active as you’d like, try a brisk twenty-minute walk each day or a weekly swim.
• Once you’ve incorporated this new activity into your routine, you can gradually increase the amount of time you devote to it, or add another activity.
• Reward yourself for your efforts. Even if you’re struggling to do as much as you’d like, remember that everything you achieve is a bonus, a step in the right direction.

It’s a good idea to update your activities diary at the beginning of each month. You’ll be able to track how you’ve reshaped your activities, and increased your happiness.

SETTING YOUR HAPPINESS GOALS

Armed with your insights from the exercises in this chapter, you can set yourself some happiness goals. It’s often said that goals are dreams with deadlines. They help to make things happen instead of just thinking about them in a vague way.

Try to identify at least one goal for each of the ‘5 a day’ activities. For example:

• Connect: Go to the cinema once a fortnight with my best friend.
• Be active: Take up badminton again.
• Be curious: Spend ten minutes each day thinking about my surroundings, what I’m doing, and how my body feels.
• Learn: Find out how my car works and how to carry out basic maintenance and repairs.
• Give: Spend one day a month volunteering for my favourite charity.

Once you’ve selected your high-level goals, break them down into smaller subgoals. For instance, a goal to play badminton might involve researching possible venues; choosing a playing partner; fixing a regular time, and so on.

Each time you achieve one of these subgoals, celebrate with a little treat. You deserve to have your efforts recognised and rewarded.

Working towards five goals at once is pretty ambitious, of course, so start with just one. When you feel comfortable with the progress you’ve made, consider beginning another from your list.

TIPS FOR SUCCESS

As you work towards fulfilling your happiness goals, remember these tips for success:

• Schedule activities in advance. It’s easy for other commitments to crowd out the things we want to do for ourself. So plan your activities in advance, and add them to your diary. No one likes missing an appointment – even an appointment with yourself!
• Make your new activities part of your routine. When an activity has really taken root in our life we don’t have to think about doing it. It seems as normal as our other habits.
  That’s what you’re aiming for when you start your new activities. It’ll take time, for sure, but you can accelerate the process by making sure you do whatever it is often and regularly. Before long it’ll seem natural that you go out for a run on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, or that you volunteer at your local hospice on the last Saturday of each month.
• Keep it fresh. Planning your goals, and making your new activities part of your routine, is a really effective way of getting things done. But watch out for staleness. If you’re doing something just because it’s there in your schedule rather than providing enjoyment, it’s time to shake things up. If it’s a chore, it’s not going to make you happy. And happiness, of course, is what it’s all about.
  If you find yourself in this situation, think about varying your routine, and perhaps changing the activity in question. For example, if you’re a runner, maybe alter your route or begin running with other people. Perhaps consider swapping a run for a swim or cycle. Aim to keep it fun by keeping it fresh.
• Join the club! Adding a new activity to a busy schedule can be tough. But it’s much easier – and much more fun – if you’re doing that activity with friends or colleagues, rather than alone.
  If your goal is to learn how to cook, for example, think about joining a class, or having a friend or family member teach you, rather than trying to piece it all together yourself from recipe books. If you want to become more physically active, consider joining a swimming or cycling club. Chances are you’ll not only achieve your goal, you’ll make new friends doing so.

MINI-ACTIVITIES FOR DAILY HAPPINESS

This chapter has focused on helping you introduce new activities to your week. But you can boost your happiness simply by adding a few ‘mini-activities’ to your day.

Each morning – perhaps while you’re in the shower or commuting to work – think of five positive things you can do that day. Select one for each of the 5 a day categories. For example:

• Connect: Chat to someone at coffee break.
• Be active: Go for a walk at lunchtime.
• Curiosity: Spend a few moments looking at something I’ve not noticed before at work.
• Learn: Discover the meaning of one new word.
• Give: Ask a colleague whether I can help them.

At the end of the day, review your progress. How many of these mini-activities can you tick off?

Remember: by ensuring your week includes the right type of activities, you can radically boost your level of happiness. There’s no need to go overboard. It isn’t necessary for you to suddenly turn your whole routine upside down. Small steps in the right direction will soon produce amazing results.

Now let’s turn our attention to another key influence on our happiness: our thoughts. We’ll begin in the following chapter by explaining what you can do to overcome negative emotions.