One of the biggest reasons for wanting to improve your memory is to better remember names and faces. It’s something that people who deal with the public—such as salespeople and politicians—are particularly concerned about, and it often can make the difference between getting the sale or the vote . . . or not. After all, when you remember someone’s name—and can further personalize that by what you remember about that person—he or she is flattered; people feel appreciative that you remembered them. And that can translate into votes, sales, gaining customers, getting referrals, and more.
So let’s start with remembering names; then faces; and finally making further associations with facts about the person.
Here are specific ways to apply the techniques you have already learned earlier to remember names.
A first step is to pay attention when you meet someone, so you listen to the name and observe the person’s face. In fact, one of the main reasons for forgetting a name is that you haven’t paid attention to learning it in the first place. You know the common experience. You are distracted during introductions, are thinking about making a good impression, or are looking around the room for someone you are supposed to meet with, or something else. You have already met a dozen people and your mind glazes over as you meet someone new.
It doesn’t matter how many others you have already met—you must remind yourself to be alert and focus on the person you are meeting. Use a mental trigger word or a physical trigger to give yourself a mental tug to be present in the room. And if you don’t catch the person’s name the first time, don’t feel embarrassed about asking the person to repeat it. Generally, people will be flattered by your show of interest in asking them to repeat their name so you get it right.
Beyond just hearing the name, repeat it to yourself mentally and try to repeat it in conversation. That way you will transfer the name from your working to your long-term memory. Additionally, if you say the name aloud in conversation, that will assure you that you heard the name correctly—and if not, the person will likely correct you. But in saying the name aloud, don’t overdo it; you don’t want to sound like a broken record. Two or three times is fine, and if you are saying good-night or good-bye, use the name as you leave, too.
If you notice anything unusual or outstanding about the name, or if it reminds you of someone or something you know, mention it. If it’s appropriate, say your observation about the name aloud, such as saying something like: “Oh, a Coddington was a member of our City Council.” Or if you are unable to mention something special—such as when you only briefly meet a number of people—just repeat that odd fact mentally to yourself.
Creating a visual or mental association, just like in remembering any list of items, will make the name come alive. There are three ways to create this visual or mental association with different types of names.
If the name already has a meaning, such as Fox, Baker, Carpenter, or Brown, use that, such as seeing Jim Fox as a sly fox working out on equipment in a gym, or seeing Carol Baker as a woman who is singing Christmas carols while she bakes.
If the name doesn’t immediately have a meaning, as is true of most names, see if you can come up with other meaningful associations. For example, if the person’s name is Washington, you might think of President George Washington; if the person’s name is Jordan, you might think of the basketball player Michael Jordan or the river Jordan.
If the name has no meaning, you can use the substitute words technique, described in Chapter 21, to break down the word into a substitute word or idea. For example, if you meet a Mr. Wallace, you might think of a “wall” and the “ace” in a card deck; if you meet Joyce Granger, you might think of a woman jumping with “joy” on a boat at “sea,” and then think of a park “ranger” with a large “G” on his jacket. Just think of whatever first comes to mind. As memory expert Harry Lorayne points out in How to Develop a Super Power Memory,[1] you don’t have to use a substitute that sounds exactly like the name or use words for every part of the name. That’s because “if you remember the main (idea), the incidentals will fall into place by true memory.”
To remember titles, such as Dr. or Ph.D., use an additional mental image, such as seeing the person holding a stethoscope for a doctor, or seeing a small crawling bug (an aPhid) for the Ph.D.
If appropriate, you can ask what the person prefers being called, such as when a person with a longer name like “William” or “Gwen-dolyn” might prefer to be called Bill or Gwen. This question might be particularly appropriate if you are being introduced to the person by someone else and start talking. In many cases, people will use both names interchangeably, but prefer the shorter version in an informal situation, like a party or social networking event. In some cases, if this is an unfamiliar or unusual name, you might ask how the person spells the name, too.
Remember the self-referent effect described in Chapter 9? Well, that approach can work in remembering names, particularly as you learn more about the person. One strategy is to think about other people you know well who have the same name. Another is to think about how knowing the person will be important to you—for example, is the person a likely customer or client for certain products or services, is there some activity you would like to do with the person, do you know someone in common? The link to you will help the person’s name stand out in your mind.
You can always use a memory aid to help you, too, particularly if you are getting a lot of names at the same time, such as at a networking event or trade show. There may not be time to encode everyone’s name in your memory with creative associations and meaningful connections to yourself. Or you may not be able to repeat a person’s name in a few seconds of conversation. In that case, simply get a card. To distinguish the reason for contacting this person later from all the other cards you have collected, write a brief note on the front or back of the card about what to do (such as: “call about getting flowers”). Then, file the cards you have collected, by event, and review your cards shortly afterwards, so you can repeat the name to yourself as well as remember why you took that person’s card and what to do.
When you leave the place or event where you have met a person, reflect back and try to recall the names of all the people you have met. Say their names aloud. Write down their names on a list as soon as you get a chance. And as you recall their names, think about what they looked like. You might even talk about the people you met with other people.
Finally, you might use the 4-Point SALT method suggested by memory expert Douglas J. Herrmann[2]:
Say the name out loud.
Ask the person a question using his or her name.
(At) Least once, use the name in conversation.
Terminate the conversation by using the name again.
Remembering the name won’t do you much good if you attach it to the wrong face. Here are specific ways and techniques to remember faces.
Just as you need to pay attention to a person’s name, you should focus on the person’s face, too. Be sure to look directly at the person, and as you are being introduced, make eye contact. As you look at the person’s face, carefully notice any distinctive features. To help you notice them, ask yourself questions such as: “Does he have a large or small nose?” “Are her ears large or is she wearing earrings?” “What color are his eyes?” “What is the shape of her chin?” You might even imagine yourself a police artist trying to come up with a sketch of a criminal and asking the victim to describe the suspect’s distinctive traits. Or imagine what you would do if you were a cartoonist making a caricature of the person. What parts of the person’s face might you exaggerate so they stand out even more? Some features that might stand out could be:
Thick or thin lips, wide or small mouth
High or low forehead, smooth or creased forehead
Long or short nose, thick or broad nose, wide or narrow nostrils
Large or small ears, ears that stick out
Dimples or freckles, clefts
Warts or beauty marks, wrinkles and lines
Large, jutting, or receding chin
Type of hairline and hairstyle, beard or mustache
Type of smile
Earrings
In short, just about anything might be an outstanding or distinctive feature.
However, be careful about features that might come and go, like beards, mustaches, eyeglasses, and hairstyles. While they might be distinctive now, when you meet the person another time he or she might still not have this feature, so while you might use this as a feature that stands out now, don’t make it a defining characteristic.
Once you notice a distinctive quality, try to assign some characteristic to help it further stand out. For instance, besides noticing a person’s blue eyes, notice how vibrant they are. If someone has a jutting chin, consider how strong that is. Also, consider how the person’s face reflects what the person is like. For instance, does their face appear happy or sad? Full of energy or tired? Outgoing or shy?
Notice if anything about the person’s face can be linked to their name. Here are a few examples of how this works.
Say you meet a woman named Victoria Lyons, who has a happy face with a toothy smile. You might think of a pair of lions (Lyons) holding sexy lingerie (associated with Victoria’s Secret, known for its sexy clothing designs) with their long teeth (associated with her many teeth). In short, you have created an image association that incorporates both the woman’s name and her face. Then, condense that image, such as seeing a small lion perched on her head. Later, when you try to recall her name, as you think of her face, the image of the lion on her head will trigger the other associations, and voila—you will remember her name—Victoria Lyons.
Or take this example suggested by Harry Lorayne.[3] To create an image for a Mr. Sachs who has a very high forehead, “you might see millions of sacks falling from his forehead or see his forehead as a sack instead of a forehead.”
And here’s one more example from Dominic O’Brien, author of How to Develop a Brilliant Memory Week by Week.[4] Say you meet a man named Peter Byrd, who has a hooked nose that suggests a beak. You might associate his first name with “Pet” and his last name with “Bird,” so you think of a pet bird, and to make the association even more vivid, you see the pet bird flying around in your house.
You can come up with any image you want that links the person’s face and name. What’s most important is that you see the image vividly in your mind’s eye, so later you can call up this image to remind you of both the person’s face and their name.
Still another face-saving—that is, remembering—technique is suggested by Dominic O’Brien, who remembers people’s faces by “giving the face a place,” since we tend to associate a person with a particular place.[5] It’s the experience you have when you see a person whose face is familiar and the first thing you try to do is remember where you know this person from. When you think of the place, it triggers the memory of the person’s name and other memories you have associated with this person. To use this technique, you associate the person with a place as soon as you meet them by imagining where you might expect to find that person.
For instance, if you meet a person who looks like a librarian, you might think of someone you know personally or otherwise (such as a politician or celebrity) with that name and imagine them working at your local library. As an example, say you meet someone named Julia; you might think of the actress Julia Roberts working at the library. Then, when you see the person’s face again, it will trigger a chain of vivid associations that will pull up the name, such as in this case: face—library—Julia Roberts scene—Julia.
While this association process may seem to take a number of steps to get from the face to the name, the process happens in a quick flash, taking seconds or milliseconds. However, if the person’s face has distinctive features, it may be easier to associate their name directly with their physical appearance, as in the examples above.
Besides just remembering names and faces, it helps to connect additional information to that person, such as an occupation, hobbies, where the person lives, and interesting biographical tidbits. To do so, in addition to using the other techniques to remember the person’s name and face, you might do any of the following:
Repeat what the person has just told you in the conversation, such as commenting on the person’s interesting occupation or hobby.
Think about how this information relates to you and even comment on it to the person or imagine that you are saying this, such as noting that you are in a similar occupation or share the same interests.
See a picture of the person participating in that activity, such as if Peter Byrd works at a bank, you might see him as a bird flying to work and landing behind the teller’s cage—a cage for both tellers and pet birds.
Adding this information to what you remember about names and faces will help the person further come alive in your memory.
Finally, to help you remember names, faces, and interesting information, as well as have fun doing this, you can play the Name Game with a group of people. Here are two ways to play:
1. With a partner or in a group, cut up some pictures of unfamiliar faces from a pile of magazines or newspapers. If the pictures don’t have names, make up some first and last names. Create a set of 7–15 pictures with names and faces, with each of you creating the same number per set. (Start with 7; then increase the difficulty by adding more pictures.) Swap pictures, so you each have a different set. Now take a minute to study each of the faces before looking at the names and concentrate on what stands out as a distinctive feature. Next, look at the names and use your imagination to create associations. Afterwards, put the pictures aside for 10 to 15 minutes and do something else. Then, take turns testing each other by holding up the photos and asking the other person to remember as many names as they can for the faces in their set of photos. Score 1 point for each correct identification, delete 1 point for each incorrect identification, and see who has the highest score.[6]
2. Collect some unfamiliar pictures of people’s faces from a magazine or newspaper and paste them on index cards or pieces of cardboard. Make up some first and last names and put them on another set of cards. Shuffle the two sets of cards separately and turn up a name and a face card from each of the two decks so you have them side by side. Each person will create a series of associations for that name and face. Then, turn that set face down.
After you go through this process 7 to 15 times (as above, start with 7), increase the difficulty by adding one or two more sets with additional pictures, shuffle all of the sets, and, one by one, turn up only the face card for each set. Now it’s a race to be the first person to call out the correct name. Score 1 point for getting it correct, lose 1 point if incorrect. If the person is incorrect, keep going until someone gets it correct—or no one does. Then, go on to the next face and name set. After you have gone through all of the sets, total the score for each of the sets used. The player with the most points wins.