CHAPTER 3
Vic Meets Solitary Samantha
After my encounter with Reliable Reggie I knew there was still work to be done to reach the optimum performance and productivity from my staff. I was proud of the newfound appreciation for trust and how I would use that in my leadership style going forward. Reggie had really made me see the positive and negative side of trust in a way that I had not fully realized before. If trust was so fragile, how can so many people just take it for granted, like I did with my staff? I thought about how there were still certain people I felt I was not reaching in terms of clear communication and direct expectations, thus not fully reaching a level of trust I thought was needed.
I continued to evaluate my staff and the multiple ways my staff was situated in their work environment. Some were local and in my immediate presence while others were remote and didn’t have the benefit of being in my presence and me in theirs. Was this working situation something I would need to address or was there a way that I could reach all my staff whether colocated or not? I knew that the new work environment, the VWE, was becoming more and more popular. I knew my staff was made up of workers who were colocated with me; some workers who were completely virtual, working miles away from the office; and still others who had flexible work schedules and were considered part-time virtual workers.
I started to look at each of the groups and concluded that each posed different challenges for me in terms of leading them. After the lessons I learned from Reggie I thought I needed to develop a better approach of connecting with all my staff but would need to customize the approach with each of the different types of workers.
I started to think about how my staff reacted in different ways and wondered if it were because of where they worked. It made me think deeply about what motivated people to work and where that motivation came from. I thought about a passage I had read years ago about the concept of self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is certainly worth having as Henry Ford famously put it, “whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right”. Gandhi perfectly understood the pivotal role that self-belief plays in our lives:
Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.
I was most bothered by the group that was completely virtual followed by the part-time virtual workers and then the colocated staff. There appeared to be a different level of connection of each group not only with me but with each other. I knew to get the most productivity out of the department I needed to find a way to get these groups to work as a cohesive group regardless of where they physically worked. Gandhi’s words really took hold now. What were the beliefs of these virtual workers and did they differ from those of the colocated employees? If their beliefs were different, was that translating to the issue that was bothering me in terms of their connection to me and the department because their values ended up being different?
As I thought more about this it took me back to how I had observed Reggie at the gym and recalled also seeing a lady who always was around the hotel. This individual never came inside and appeared to be homeless. This lady was often seen trying to talk to some of the hotel staff. She would interface with them in the back and by the exits where some of them took their breaks outside the hotel.
The lady dressed in clothes that were soiled and often had a look of despair on her face. She also appeared very lonely and disconnected with the environment around her. She would drift into the background if more people would gather around her and seemed to limit her interactions with people.
I committed that I would observe her the next few days and thought maybe I could approach her to find out what she was about.
One day as I arrived at the hotel parking lot it was raining so I hurried from my car to the back door of the hotel. I noticed this lady standing by the back door, trying to stay dry from the rain. It was an awkward moment as I had a key to open the door and knew that she did not.
As I opened the door I asked if she would be willing to talk to me and invited her inside the hotel, trying to help her get out of the rain.
She acknowledged me and took me up on the invitation to talk. I believe she really used my invitation to get out of the rain.
I commented that I had seen her around the hotel and asked her if she were staying at the hotel, even though I had concluded she was not a guest. As we walked from the back door toward the lobby, I thought we could talk there. Others passed us and gave us an odd look. It was obvious to others that we made an odd couple. She appeared to almost hide behind me as others passed and was shy in making eye contact or acknowledging the other people.
When we reached the lobby, there was an area somewhat away from the main area where tables were set up for people to gather. I asked if this was an OK place for us to sit, and she said that was fine.
Once we were seated I asked her what her name was and she said it was Samantha. She never made eye contact with me and appeared very isolated, almost like she was in a different space even though we were there together. I recalled this feeling and look when I used to be uncomfortable in my surroundings. The feeling I was comparing this to was when I was in situations that I really didn’t want to be in. Another example of how this made me feel was how people often find comfort with animate objects to give them a sense of security of not feeling so isolated or afraid. I remembered the movie Castaway, with Tom Hanks playing a character who was on an island all by himself and he found a level of comfort with a volleyball he named Wilson, or when at times a parent with a very shy child will put sunglasses on them to make them believe others couldn’t see them as long as the glasses were on. This look of connection or projection on or by something else rather than what was real made them find a level of well-being.
I introduced myself with more details about myself, trying to make her more comfortable. She was intent on listening to me but lacked the overall connection I had expected in a one-on-one conversation.
After telling her about my new role and why I was staying at the hotel I asked her why she was always hanging around the hotel. Samantha looked up at me and said I would not understand and tried to change the conversation back to me.
I told her more about my job and started to explain how I had different types of workers who made up my department. I explained that I had staff in three groups and that they all made up the department; yet, I was already feeling different about each of them. As I told her about the colocated staff she had little reaction to that, other than to say she understood what working in the traditional environment meant. I started to explain the other two groups, the part-time and full-time virtual employees when she interrupted me saying I know how tough it can be to work away from others. She seemed to show a level of connection and appeared to be somewhat emotional in her response as she proclaimed that she knew it was very difficult working apart from others.
I felt for a moment we had a breakthrough in our conversation and we might be on to something with this topic so I asked her how she knew about this.
She became quiet again and looked away. I was confused on why the virtual workers seemed to strike a reaction from her but then she stopped talking. I tried again to ask her how she knew about working virtually and she took a deep breath and then started to talk.
She told me that she at one point was a very productive employee for a company in the area. She mentioned how she was moving up the corporate ladder when the company she worked for was acquired by another company whose headquarters was located in a different town in a different state.
She explained that her performance was very good and she was a valued employee. She said that the new company liked her very much and wanted to retain her services. They told her they would be willing to allow her to work there since they had plans to keep a local office and that she could work remote from the main office. She wasn’t sure how this was going to work out and she had concerns with being a virtual employee, having always worked in the traditional work environment. After all, she had never worked away from her peers and was worried that distance would be hard for her. She commented on how with the rise of technology she thought she could use Skype and instant messaging to keep the real-time communications going with her peers. She explained how she was encouraged to try this but had seen the loss of personal touch happening even among colocated employees, who often would send e-mails to each other rather than stop by each other’s office to talk or ask questions. She recalled overhearing a couple of her coworkers talking about how their personal lives had changed with the use of smartphones. These workers spoke about how they would often use their smartphones to leave voicemail messages and send e-mails rather than talk face-to-face. They further commented how this use of technology allowed them to avoid real-time commitments and how it was a way to lessen the human touch. She even recalled a few hard conversations with others she had worked with and how the e-mails were cold and she knew if these conversations would have taken place face-to-face they wouldn’t have been so distant and cold.
She talked about how after a few months other people in the local office started to get laid off and that there started to be a disconnection between the local office and the headquarters. After a few more months the new company decided to close the local office because there seemed to be a loss of productivity coming out of this office. They were still very pleased with her work and offered her to stay on and told her she could work from home. They wanted her to stay on but thought this was an opportunity to save money by closing the office.
Samantha paused the story to see if I was still paying attention. When she realized I was paying attention she asked me if I had ever visited my virtual employees. With a level of embarrassment, I told her no. I quickly told here that I communicated with them on a regular basis.
I told her that I sent e-mails to them, called them on a regular basis, and even used the company’s instant messaging to communicate more frequently, thus making them feel as if they were in the office with the others.
Samantha smiled and said, “I see.”
I thought this response was odd and asked her why she responded as she did.
Samantha told me that this is what most people think when they are the ones not working virtually or away from the other staff members. She went on to say, “Just because you think you are involving them through the use of technology, you are missing an important part of what it takes to make a team cohesive and connected.”
I paused and said, “Do you mean I am not communicating to these people even though I am?”
She told me that it is not just the mere fact of communicating but how I was involving them in the decisions that were being made that affected them and the overall operations of the department.
I felt myself getting defensive about this: After all, who was she to tell me that my communication style was not a good one? I recalled the conversation about trust and communication I had with Reggie; this seemed to be taking a different path. After gathering myself, I told her that the VWE was all about saving time and money for all involved. I went on to say that for the company there were savings in terms of physical space for less offices and the infrastructure associated with having an office for every employee. I felt for a moment like I was repeating what her company had told her. There were cost savings to the employee in terms of commuting and great flexibility for the employee in terms of work–life balance.
She then told me what I had felt a moment earlier: I sounded like her old employer right before they decided that she was no longer a productive employee. They had decided that by being away from the main office was not working out as they had hoped and they let her go.
I was now feeling bad about my defensiveness so I apologized and asked her to explain more about what had happened.
Samantha said it was OK as it was a common theme that she had heard from many people along the way.
I asked if she could tell me more about her situation. She obliged and said that as time passed she felt more and more disconnected and isolated from the others in her department. She explained how her manager had changed from the original one and her new manager was not effective in including her in decisions and changes that were happening within the company. She felt more and more distant and struggled to keep up with the mission of the company. She started to work longer hours and tried to stay active with the tasks that she was assigned. She went on to say that she felt she was still very productive but her manager continued to tell her that her work was not what he had expected and she had to redo a lot of her work.
She became quiet again and started to pull back into a private place. I started to feel this roller-coaster ride of emotions with her. She was connected and then retracted, engaged again, and then retracted. She appeared lost at times with the overall conversation, and I wondered what was causing this level of mixed emotions she was experiencing. Why was she isolated and alone even when we were together?
It was getting late and I needed to get some work done. I asked if she would be willing to talk more tomorrow and remembered the Reggie conversation and made it clear that I would like to meet her at the hotel tomorrow at 6 p.m. to continue the conversation.
Samantha said, “Sure, what else do I have to do?”
I said ok let’s meet tomorrow and continue the conversation.
We said goodbye, and I watched Samantha walk out of the hotel door and vanish into the dark night.
As I went to my room I wondered what had really happened to a productive worker that ended with her being let go. There had to be more to the story.
I could not get the story out of my mind and went to the office the next day thinking whether I was doing something wrong with my virtual workers. I decided to send a note to them asking if they felt I was communicating effectively with them. Each responded positively and this confirmed to me that there was something more to the Samantha situation than just her feeling isolated. I was sure that I was communicating effectively to my staff and was ready to tell Samantha the results of my informal survey.
I arrived at 5:45 p.m. and found Samantha by the back door, standing alone as I had observed many times before. As I approached her she seemed distant. I asked her if she were ready to continue the conversation and she said she was.
As we went into the lobby as we did the night before, we sat at the same location. I was eager to explain to her about the results of my inquiry with my employees and she listened as I explained what I had done. When I was finished she asked me what else I thought they could say. Again, this took me aback.
I asked her to explain. This time she said that I needed to not be defensive and that I need to look at the situation from the virtual workers’ perspective and not mine. She said this was the first lesson I needed to understand and that was not to judge the reactions of others only by my own point of view.
I agreed that I would listen and not be defensive. She said that the virtual worker is in a tough situation and that often they run the risk of having to say what they think the manager wants to hear because they fear losing the opportunity to remain a virtual worker. They might suffer from a lack of trust and because they feel isolated they might not tell exactly how they are really feeling about the situation. Often when a virtual worker talks about feeling isolated or disconnected the manager responds by saying, “You wouldn’t feel this way if you were here.” This creates a no-win situation for the virtual worker.
The no-win situation is a very difficult aspect related to the VWE. On the one side, the virtual worker can talk about being disconnected and feeling isolated and on the other side where does the feeling of isolation actually come from. Isolation does lend itself to the actual concept of working remotely and being away from others in the VWE, thus creating a built-in sense of isolation.
I asked Samantha to explain this concept further and help me understand how this situation was created.
Samantha continued to tell me how isolation was indeed created by the concept of working virtually but that this could be mitigated if both people, manager and employee, understood that extra effort would be needed to make sure that there was not a distance created by the situation. She explained to me that working virtually carried a heavy emotional toll on the virtual employee. Giving up the conventional work environment would mean leaving behind the network of coworkers and managers who often provided emotional support. The responsibility would be on the virtual worker to find new coping mechanisms for such things as rejection, self-doubt, worry, and task completion1.
This was directly in line with the article I had read about the social learning theory. Kendra Cherry discussed in the article how during the first half of the 20th century the behavioral school of psychology became a dominant force. The behaviorist proposed that learning was a result of the experience one had with their environment. This was related to the association with and reinforcement of the individual’s environment2—a shared learning that might be absent for virtual workers.
At this point Samantha felt it would be good to talk more about what had happened to her to illustrate how this feeling of isolation is a shared responsibility.
She went back to how her career was derailed by the fact that she was not fully involved in the discussions that took place about the organization that affected her. She explained that there were new policies and procedures put in place but they were primarily put in place for those who were colocated. She explained how ad hoc meetings would take place and decisions were often made at these ad hoc meetings. She told me that often decisions were made and then implemented without being communicated to her until she performed outside of the new rule. She mentioned that the incongruences started to pile up and that she felt further and further outside the decisions and the process that was now the norm for department operational cadence.
She explained in one example how the process for dress at the office had changed from a business attire every day of the week to one that had a dress down Friday. Her manager decided that it was important for her to attend a face-to-face meeting and authorized her to come to the headquarters for a meeting. The manager explained to her that he would arrange this meeting on a Friday because it would be easier for her to arrange travel and doing the meeting on Friday would give her greater flexibility to attend the meeting. What that really meant was she could reduce travel cost by traveling back on a Saturday; thus, she would have to give up one of her days off for the betterment of the company’s bottom line. Her manager also told her that they could do a Friday dinner, which would be more convenient for those who worked locally since they could arrange better plans around their normal work week.
Samantha arranged her travel and spent the night before laying out her business clothes to attend the meeting. When she arrived at headquarters for the meeting she walked in dressed in what she thought was appropriate and quickly realized that she was overdressed and the rest of the staff was in jeans and more business causal. She immediately felt out of place and very uncomfortable compared with the rest of the staff. Her manager was even in a pair of jeans and had a polo golf shirt on.
As the meeting started she also felt distant from the others as they laughed and shared stories about what had happened the other day in the office and talked about events that took place locally and didn’t involve her.
At the first break several of the staff approached Samantha and asked her why she had overdressed and made comments about how out of touch she was with the new way of doing business. After all, the last time she had been to the office everyone was dressed in business attire.
She said to me, “You get the point, right?” This led her to tell me that it was time to discuss lesson two. If department policies or procedures were changed, it was the responsibility of the manager to make sure that all staff, those local and virtual, were made aware of those changes—that the changes had to be effectively communicated to all and no assumptions could be made that everyone understood them. She told me how important it was for her manager to help her understand the details around the meeting and not take it for granted that those working virtual should just understand the changes. She paused and asked me how I would feel if that situation had happened to me.
This question really made me feel out of place. Even though this had not happened to me directly, I did in fact feel out of place. This brought a very awkward feeling to forefront for me. I, for a moment, felt isolated from the group that Samantha was referencing even without being there.
I started to think if I had implemented changes that were not effectively communicated.
I asked Samantha how she felt about the situation in her example. She responded by saying she felt very isolated and out of touch with the department. She went on to say this was the beginning of the end in terms of feeling connected to her department. She knew she had to take on the responsibility to stay abreast of new policies and procedures, but how was she to know what she didn’t know?
I asked what she had done about the situation and she replied that she didn’t do anything other than feel uncomfortable and was sure she would not make that mistake again. She knew that if she were ever asked to go to a meeting at headquarters, she would check the dress code beforehand. She told me of a concept that often happens in a group, team, or department situation and that was groupthink. She explained this is the practice of a group of people who make decisions as a group and it stifles the creativity and ideas of individuals. The group values it shared decision and process more than those of individuals because of the cohesiveness that happens in the group. Samantha explained that those who worked together often would reach a consensus, groupthink, and the virtual workers would be left out of that cohesive decision.
She told me that she became very self-conscience of her dress and how she fit in with the rest of department. She mentioned that this was when her anxiety in dealing with her fellow department members and her manager started. Even though she knew she had done nothing wrong, self-doubt started to creep into her decision-making process.
She explained to me that she was now worried that she didn’t fit in and that she worried if she would ever be able to be a productive member of the department going forward. The feeling of being isolated was now a consistent thought for her.
Samantha seemed to be getting bothered and uncomfortable the more she talked, so I thought it would be a good time to stop the conversation. I noticed the uncomfortable feeling by watching her body language so I thought it would be good to see if she would be willing to meet me the next day and start the conversation where we left off. I asked Samantha if she wanted to talk again tomorrow.
When I asked her if she wanted to stop the conversation and meet again tomorrow, Samantha said no.
She said we should continue and work through the difficult discussion. She explained that not addressing issues when they arose was also a big problem for her and what she believed was a major contributor to the decrease in her effectiveness. Each time she was having a tough conversation with her manager he would say, “Let’s end the conversation and catch up in our next face-to-face meeting.” She knew this was his way of pushing off the conversation and since she was not colocated and had no plans to travel to see him, this was a very convenient way to stop the conversation. She asked me how I would interpret that and said it’s hard to do that if we are colocated.
I now felt a little uncomfortable, but realized her point. Since we were face-to-face it was much harder to stop the conversation without being rude so I went ahead with the conversation. I figured I might as well ask her why she wanted to talk rather than take a break, especially since she was the one who appeared to be uncomfortable.
I stayed silent and waited for Samantha to start the conversation again.
Samantha gave me with an inquisitive look and asked if I were OK.
I responded with a tongue-tied answer. I said, “Well, it seems odd that you want to continue when you appear to be the one who is bothered by the conversation; so, why would you want to continue?”
She said, “Well, it is time for lesson three to be discussed.”
Samantha told me that hard conversations don’t get better with time and that if her old company had the hard conversation with her sooner rather than later, things might have worked out differently. She told me that hard conversations benefit both parties more than ignoring them and pretending things are OK when they really are not.
I was confused by this lesson and asked her to explain.
She went on to tell me that everyone understands that this is a business and business decisions need to be made. She told me especially with virtual workers who already feel isolated and disconnected that not addressing change and things that need to be addressed, place the virtual worker in a more difficult situation.
She told me that as a virtual worker she was already feeling out of sight and out of mind. Her manager was not addressing the real issues he was having and was prolonging the reality of the situation, meaning that the manager’s expectations and hers were getting more and more different and therefore disconnected. She said that as time passed she became more anxious and felt out of touch. Each time the manager asked her to redo work, she was confused why there was a disconnect. She was, in her mind, working longer hours and trying to do what she thought was right but with each task it became more obvious that things were heading down the wrong path.
Finally, when things were at their worst in her mind, she was told that she had serious performance issues and that the only alternative was for her to separate form the company. She was caught off guard by the sudden conclusion that she had to leave the company.
She told her manager that she was willing to do whatever needed to be done to fix the problem and that she thought she was doing what was asked.
Her manager told her that this was coming for a long time and that she should have seen this coming. Her manager went on to say that she should have realized that she was not performing up to the standard of the company and at this point they had to move in a different direction.
Samantha asked what could be done and the response she received was that she should find a job where she could be more connected and that she would be given two weeks to transfer all of her work to another employee. The manager said they were sorry that this occurred and that their expectation had been that she would be able to handle working remotely but concluded that it was not making sense any longer to try and make this situation work.
He told her that someone from the human resources department would be in touch with her in a day or two and she should start to get her tasks together so they could be transferred.
Samantha was lost: She had no idea what to do and she had not been looking for other employment and felt totally alone.
Samantha had a few days of vacation so she decided she needed some time to gather her thoughts and sent a note to her manager that she would be taking the next couple of days as personal leave before she could start the transition.
Her manager was somewhat harsh when he told her he would approve the vacation but expected her to do what was needed to make the transition successful.
Over the next few days Samantha became more and more despondent with the situation and found herself having very negative thoughts about the company and her future.
After a couple of days, she packed up her files and made arrangements to transfer them to the employee who was identified to take over her responsibilities. She shipped her files to the main office and called the person who had been identified. After several calls that went unanswered she finally reached the person. She was told that they would review the files, and if they had any questions, they would be back in touch with her.
Her final day came with no follow-up calls and she performed her last day feeling completely defeated and confused.
I was taken aback by the events that were just told me and could only ask the most awkward question left and that was, “How did you end up in the situation you are in now?”
Samantha, now with tears in her eyes, said that after facing this situation she lost all confidence in her ability to be a productive member in any organization. She tried to find another job but continued to shy away from taking on challenges since she had lost confidence and was afraid she would repeat the mistakes of the past. After several months of not working she found it difficult to reengage in the business world and things continued to spiral downward for her. Without a job she had to move from her apartment and was not able to find another one because she was unemployed. After staying with friends for a few weeks she decided that the only choice she had was to try to make it on her own. This resulted in her living on the streets. She became more and more discouraged about her ability to join the workforce.
The anxiety and feeling of being alone took on greater importance for her and she started to live on the streets as that was the only way she could deal with her new life.
At this point I said I was sorry and she responded by saying, “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me; I need you and the rest of corporate America not to place workers in such a horrible situation again.” She went on to say that she once believed that the VWE was a good thing and even with all the bad things that had happened to her she still believed that it was a good thing as long as everyone involved in it understood how simple things taken for granted were addressed.
I followed up by saying, “Like what?”
She reminded me of the three lessons she had taught me and said, “Don’t lose sight of the human being who makes up the VWE and always address the issue rather than ignore it.” She told me that once a person is taken out of the traditional work environment it is hard for them to reenter and that it is extremely important not to lose sight of the fact that they need to be included; otherwise, the feeling of isolation will creep in and once a person feels disconnected it is hard to get them to feel part of any organization again.
At this point I didn’t really know what to say, so I said that I had learned several very valuable lessons and would be committed to never let my virtual employees feel disconnected.
She thanked me for listening and told me that this was the first time in a long time that someone had really taken the time to identify with the human touch that she had lost so many months ago.
We concluded our conversation and I thanked her again and we said goodbye. As I did a few nights earlier, I watched as Samantha walked out of the lobby and disappear into the dark of the evening.
I thought about the valuable lessons I had learned about how human beings can be and are affected by their work environment and how people, whether colocated or not, had to be cared for. Even though business decisions needed to be made, they needed to be made with a humanistic approach to ensure a company’s most valuable asset; the workers are cared for regardless of the business decision.
As I went to my room that evening, I thought about how trust and now isolation were two very important human perceptions that needed the focus of all leaders. I wondered if there was yet another human perception that existed that strained the human aspect of working in a VWE.
1Alice Bredin, Virtual Office Survival Handbook (New York, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1996) 182.
2Kendra Cherry, “How Social Learning Theory Works” (Verywell mind, 2017).