Index
Accountability, lack of, 112, 113 (figure)
Accountability transformation, 180, 186–189
Accountability transformation system, 171
Anatomy of Peace, The (Arbinger Inst.), 184, 185, 190, 202
Applicant screening, 179, 181–182
Attitudes, bad, 112, 113 (figure)
Behavior
being in vs. out of the box as deeper than, 46–48, 142
soft vs. hard, 46–48
two ways to perform any, 36, 46–47, 64, 103, 142
vs. way of seeing others, 32–41, 46
Being. See Seeing others, two ways of; Ways of being
Blame
as characteristic of self-betrayal, 79–82
and communication in the box, 136–137
and coping with others, 135
creates need for others to be blameworthy, 101–102
due to being in the box, 158–160
due to ourselves, not others, 157–158
emitted in the box, 93
feelings and, 79–80
felt beneath veneers of niceness, 28
invites one to stay in the box, 94
invites others to be in the box, 94
justifies failure to improve, 110
and leaving while in the box, 135
mutual, by two or more people in the box, 94
no need for, out of the box, 163
thoughts and, 79
Blaming emotions/feelings
created in self-betrayal, 79–82
as lies, 80–82
loss of, in getting out of the box, 147
Blindness
as characteristic of being in the box, 16, 103
to own motivations in the box, 101
Box. See also Self-deception being in
as cause of feeling overwhelmed with obligations, 150–153
demotivating effect of, 45, 48
desired outcomes undercut by, 103–105
examples of, 32–41
gives others reason to stay in the box, 106
as heart of most people problems, 64
negative effect of, on results, 109
and other people’s poor behavior, 100
provokes/invites others to get in the box, 94–95
provokes others’ failure to focus on results, 110
provokes the problems we complain about, 97–99, 104, 134, 160
self-betrayal as cause of, 77–78, 83, 115, 158. See also Self-betrayal
being out of
example of, 33–36
perfection in, not the goal, 61
and seeing others as people, 36–38, 37 (figure), 40
success due to, 61
blaming feelings created in, 79–82
in the box toward some while out toward others, 49, 145–146
carrying it with us, 84–89
collusion as function of two or more people in, 104
desperation to be justified in, 153
distorted view of reality in, 35–36, 49
effect on others as function of being in vs. out of, 44
example of leadership in, 126–129
failure to focus on results in, 164, 168, 174 (list)
false changes in, 138–140
feelings toward others determined by, 32
getting out of, 52
and ceasing to betray ourselves toward others, 145
and ceasing to resist others, 144–145, 174 (list)
desire to be out of the box and, 130–132
leverage for, 145–146
and liberation from self-justifying thoughts and feelings, 145
and loss of blaming emotions, 147
and loss of need to blame, 148, 157–160, 163
not a function of behavior, 142–143
not a function of knowledge, 174
not achieved by changing others, 133–134, 140
not achieved by changing own behavior, 138–140
not achieved by communication, 136–137, 140
not achieved by coping with others, 134–135, 140
not achieved by implementing skills, 137–138, 140
not achieved by leaving, 135–136, 140
and penetration by others’ humanity, 148–149
and questioning one’s own virtue, 147
and seeing others as people, 130–132, 148–149
insecurity in, 153
justification the greatest need in, 101, 159–160
as less technical name for self-deception, 16
lives on justification derived from others’ mistreatment, 104
lying feelings in, 81–82
making people destructive, 99
most organizations stuck in, 41
others seen as objects when in, 35–38, 37 (figure), 40, 44
as problem in human sciences, 17
as resistance to others, 144
and “something deeper,” 32
staying out of, 131–132
key to, 149
“Bud Meetings,” 183
Change, false
in the box, 138–140
Childbed fever
doctors as carriers of, 19–20, 111
and ignorance of germs, 19–20
self-deception compared with, 115
spread of, 111
symptoms of, 18
treatment of, 18
Coaching, 190
and delight in others’ failures, 110
effect in organizations, 110–111
example, 95–101
failure to focus on results as product of, 110
mutual justification in, 104, 128
mutual provocation in, 104–107
as mutual self-betrayal, 104
organizational chart and, 129
proof of one’s own innocence in, 104
provoked by leaders with self-justifying images, 128
and resentment of others’ successes, 110
as two or more people in the box, 104, 127–128
Commitment, lack of, 112, 113 (figure)
as symptom of self-deception, 115
Communication problems, 112, 113 (figure)
as symptom of self-deception, 115 Conflict, 112, 113 (figure)
Conflict resolution, 180, 184–186
Criticism, receiving, 98–99
Demotivation, as function of the box, 45, 48
Discipline, 99
Do’s and don’ts, 174–175
Engagement, lack of, 112, 113 (figure)
Feelings. See Blaming emotions/feelings
Germ. See also Childbed fever; Semmelweis, Ignaz; Vienna General Hospital
as analogous to cause of people problems, 20–21
as analogous to cause of self-deception, 20–21
leadership killed by, 20–21
no theory of, in Semmelweis’s day, 19–20
self-betrayal as germ that creates self-deception, 115
spread of, analogous to what occurs in organizations, 111
Human sciences, problem at the heart of, 9–10, 17. See also Self-deception
Hypocrisy, ability to detect in management practices, 28
Influence. See also Leadership; People, effect on
function of being in vs. out of the box, 48, 49, 64, 174 (list)
not a function of skill or technique, 30–31
Justification. See also Self-justification; Self-justifying images derived from being mistreated, 104
found in being run over, 103
found in very behavior complained about, 104
as most important need in the box, 101
and need for others to be blameworthy, 101–102
and need for problems, 102
no need for, out of the box, 163, 164
Leadership. See also Influence; People, effect on in the box, 128
damage of, 160
example of, 126–129
cause of problems in, 21
coercion and, 160
and creation of other leaders, 161
failure in, 30
and freedom from self-betrayal, 161
function of being out of the box, 64, 160
killed by a germ, 20–21
mentality of improvement in, 61
negative, 29–30
and obligation to be out of the box, 160–161
out of the box, 161–165
positive, 22–25
self-justifying images in poor, 127–128
Lying feelings, 135. See also Blaming emotions/feelings
and reporting systems, 64
Misalignment, 112, 113 (figure)
Motivation, lack of, 112, 113 (figure)
as symptom of self-deception, 115
Objects. See also Seeing others, two ways of; Ways of being other people seen as, in the box, 35–38, 40, 44
Obligations, overwhelming
as function of being in the box, 150–153
Organizational performance, four levels of, 52
People, other. See also Seeing others, two ways of; Ways of being
effect on. See also Influence; Leadership
example of negative, 29–30
example of positive, 22–25
as function of being in vs. out of the box, 32
as function of feelings vs. behavior, 25, 27–28, 32, 100
as function of way of being, 44
seen as being out of the box, 152
seen as out of the box, 36–37, 40, 47, 48
seen as the key to success, 40
People problems, 3
box at the heart of, 64
as analogous to a germ, 20–21
examples of, 112, 113 (figure)
People skills
are never primary, 30–31
are not the key to getting out of the box, 137–138
can be in or out of the box when implementing, 137
effectiveness of, depends on something deeper, 31
Perfection, 61
Personal growth and development, 180, 189–190
Problems
creation of, in the box, 105
need for, in the box, 102
Proof
of one’s innocence, 104–107
of others’ bad behavior, 103
Provocation
of others to get in the box, 94–95, 110
of problems we blame others for, 104–106
to stay in the box, 134
of what we say we don’t like, 97–98, 134
Resistance
to others, box a metaphor for, 144
to possibility that one has a problem, 16, 17, 107–108
provoked by leaders, 30, 31, 128
Responsibility taking, 158–159, 180
Results
focus on, 52
failure to focus on, in the box, 109, 164, 168, 174 (list)
lack of, 3
need of system for, to stay out of the box, 168
as purpose of work, 108–109, 155
Results system, 171
Seeing others, two ways of, 33–37. See also Objects; People; Ways of being
as function of being in vs. out of the box, 36–37
identical to two ways of being, 36–37, 62
as people vs. objects, 36–37, 40
and seeing straightforwardly, 36, 39
Self-betrayal, 52, 67–68 (figure), 83. See also Box Self-deception
blaming character of, 79–82
blaming feelings created in, 79–82
blaming feelings in, as lies, 81–82
blaming thoughts in, 79–80
as cause of being in the box/self-deception, 52, 77–78, 115, 158, 174 (list)
characteristics of, 74–80, 81 (figure)
examples of, 66–68
foundational, in workplace, 115, 155
as germ, 115
mutual, as collusion, 104
others’ faults inflated in, 78, 81 (figure)
own virtue inflated in, 78, 81 (figure)
self-justifying images in, 84–91, 93–94
self-justifying thoughts and feelings in, 72–73
self-justifying values inflated in, 79, 81 (figure)
and solution to people problems, 114
view of reality distorted in, 76–77, 83
Self-deception. See also Box; Self-betrayal
cause of
as analogous to a germ, 21
as unifying theory of people problems, 21
childbed fever as analogous to, 115
as disease in organizations, 20–21
effectiveness of people skills affected by, 31
examples of, 11–17
insistent blindness and, 16
prevalence in organizations, 16, 17
as problem in human sciences, 17
problem of not seeing that one has a problem, 13–14, 17, 41, 106
resistance to suggestion that one has a problem, 16, 17
self-betrayal as cause of, 77, 78
and “something deeper,” 32
symptoms of, in organizations, 115
systematic distortion of oneself and others, 35–36
as technical term for being in the box, 16
view of reality distorted in, 49
Self-justification. See also Justification; Self-justifying images collusion and, 104
self-betrayal creates need for, 72–73, 77, 83
self-image and, 84–90
Self-justifying images. See also Justification; Self-justification carried with us in self-betrayal, 84–85, 93–94
collusion provoked by leaders’, 128
created in self-betrayal, 84
defense of, 93–94
example of, 85–88
feeling overwhelmed with obligations caused by, 153
as lies, 90
as perversions, 89–90
role in poor leadership, 127–128
seeing others in terms of, in the box, 88
self as focus of, 90
and ways of seeing others as objects, 88
Self-justifying thoughts and feelings. See also Blame; Blaming emotions/feelings created in self-betrayal, 72–73
liberation from, 145
Semmelweis, Ignaz, 18, 111. See also Childbed fever; Germ; Vienna General Hospital
comparison of two maternity sections, 19
concern about improving mortality rate, 19
policy requiring doctors to wash hands, 20
story of, parallel to organizations, 128–129
theory of, 19–20
Skills. See People skills
“Something deeper”
effectiveness of people skills determined by, 31
influence determined by, 48–49
as matter of being in vs. out of the box, 32
as symptom of self-deception, 115
Success due to being out of the box, 40–41, 61
System, need for to stay out of the box, 168
Team building, leadership and, 179, 182–184
Teamwork, poor, 112, 113 (figure)
Troublemaking, 112, 113 (figure)
Trust, lack of, 112, 113 (figure)
Vienna General Hospital, 18, 129. See also Childbed fever; Germ; Semmelweis, Ignaz
Semmelweis’s work in, 18–20
story of, parallel to organizations, 128–129
Ways of being, 36. See also Seeing others, two ways of
in box and out of the box, 36, 46, 47
distinction between, 46–48
and seeing others as objects vs. people, 36–37, 62
What-focus, 109