7

COMMUNICATE: JUST SAY IT

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

—George Bernard Shaw

“The less people know, the more they yell,” marketing guru Seth I Godin wisely states.¹ Lack of communication is the cause of 80 percent of workplace conflicts. Communicate, communicate, communicate. The foundation of any good working relationship—or any relationship for that matter—is built on trust and communication. You cannot have one without the other. The traditionalists’ view of “no news is good news” is long gone with our hyperconnected workplaces. Robert Half International and Yahoo! HotJobs polled more than 1,000 millennials and found that more than 60 percent wanted to hear from managers at least once a day.² Millennials are all about communication and feedback. Communication is a key part of being transparent and collaborative—two core values of your generation. Here’s the catch, the majority of the millennial managers we spoke with said “having difficult conversations” or “delivering tough feedback” is their main weakness. Senior leaders echo this sentiment and feel that millennials struggle in this crucial area. Anne Price, Global Marketing Capabilities Director, UPS, thinks that millennials need to boost their “managerial courage to have critical conversations and deliver difficult feedback.” As you move through your career, holding people accountable through constructive conversations will become increasingly important. It’s an essential skill that you can begin honing now.

Never underestimate the power of direct and sincere communication. Think about it. How many times after holding that dreaded critical conversation with a friend or family member have you thought or said, “I’m so glad we talked.” How many times have you wished at work, “Well, if I had only known what was expected of me”? Likewise, when it comes to being in a relationship, have you said, “I wish you would have told me how you were feeling”? It’s all about communication. The people on your team are not mind readers. As a millennial manager, you can set an example by having a conversation—listening, talking, and exchanging ideas—to set a foundation of trust and communication.

Communication is a hefty topic, and this chapter will cover two overarching themes when it comes to communication as a millennial manager. First, you need to communicate expectations, goals, and the structure in which your team will thrive. Second, you need to provide feedback. This is such an important section; the contents in this chapter alone could determine your fate and success as a leader.

ESTABLISHING YOUR EXPECTATIONS: THE BLUEPRINT

The first element to consider: don’t assume anything. Establish your expectations right from the start. This is your blueprint for success. At work, there are the written rules, unwritten rules, and everything in between. For your team to be effective, you must have boundaries, direction, and something to shoot for. In the words of Yogi Berra, “You have to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there.” If that was confusing to you, then you read it correctly!

You’re not telling them exactly what to do; you’re providing a structure in which they can operate. Bradley Aldrich, millennial manager and Of Counsel, Wolfe Law Group, says, “I now make sure that I am very clear with expectations and directions because I remember that was one of my main frustrations as a lawyer just starting out. It’s tough when you are criticized for something you don’t know.”

I’m sure at this point in your career, you have been on teams that didn’t seem to have clear goals, and the individual contributors all seemed to be on different pages—or maybe even in different books. As a member of a team, you know how that feels, and you don’t want to create that disjointed dynamic for your team.

This reminds me of the “first day” for a teacher. The cardinal rule for teachers is to not start the school year off too easily because then it’s very difficult to regain control and instill a stronger sense of discipline. Although it’s not childhood discipline that you’re instilling, it’s a similar idea with your team. To begin, draw a hard line on what’s acceptable and what’s not. For example, if status reports are due by 5:00 PM on Friday, then set that hard rule. If you need to make an exception down the road for a dedicated employee, then you can choose to do that down the road. If you allow late reports from the start, it will be hard to reign that back in.

Let’s look at an example from JB Training Solutions. We never miss a deadline (remember CHALANT?). If we tell a client that we will have something to them on Friday, then we send it to them on Thursday. Friday would be late to us. Even if we know we can have that proposal to them by Thursday, we tell them Friday, so that we can underpromise and overdeliver. It also helps with any unforeseen stalls in the project timeline, so we have some wiggle room and will never be put in the position where we can’t meet—and even beat—a deadline. This is an expectation that I articulated to our team, and I drew a hard line. If you have your team live and breathe these ideas and expectations, then you soon won’t have to talk about them. They will be ingrained in your people, and they will uphold them as their own personal values as individual contributors of the team.

Do you remember your self-reflection where you identified your principles, values, and motto? Communicate that with your team. It’s a great way for them to gain insight into what you’re all about and how everyone can best work together. Employees appreciate that glimpse into your mindset and your values. You’re not micromanaging and telling them exactly what to do; you’re just giving them the boundaries for how they can succeed.

ILLUMINATING THEIR ROLES: “SHOW ME THE LIGHT”

In laying out the expectations, one fundamental thing you can do is share the individual’s job description and go through it together. Hopefully, you have job descriptions! If you don’t, write down bullet points of their main job duties. Walking through the job description lets employees know exactly what is expected of them. Your millennial employees will especially love this information and structure—it’s like a college syllabus or those infamous CliffsNotes. You are showing them the light!

When I started at Leo Burnett right out of college, I was hired to be on the media team. Quite honestly, I had no idea what that was or what I would be doing. My manager helped clue me into how the organization functioned and how our team fit into that structure.

You also need to be cognizant of client or customer names, senior leaders, acronyms, or insider lingo that you’re throwing out to your employees, especially if they are new. It is extraordinary how quickly a company, division, or even an individual team develops its own internal language that no one else is able to speak. I remember sitting in my first meeting on the McDonald’s account when I worked at Leo Burnett. Someone said, “Hey Brad, we need to work on that QPC EVM promotion for JFM. We’re trying to reach the HCM SHUs, so get me your POV ASAP no later than COB.” I quickly asked for an English translation:

QPC—Quarter Pounder with Cheese

EVM—Extra Value Menu

JFM—January, February, March

HCM—Hispanic Consumer Market

SHUs—Super Heavy Users

POV—Point of View

ASAP—As Soon As Possible

COB—Close of Business

Sure, your new employees would eventually figure it out on their own, but easing them into the transition goes a long way in getting them up and running.

When going through the job description, make it clear that a job description is the baseline—it’s the minimum and a broad outline of what the employee is expected to do. I would tell my new employees that what is listed on the job description is roughly 50 percent of what they would be doing. The other half would be things that come up in the course of the business day. Explain that you know your employees can tackle these responsibilities, as well as look for other ways to go above and beyond in their position. Push them to bring their own personality and strengths to the position.

For example, at JB Training Solutions, Allison Lackey is our Manager of Communications. One of her responsibilities is to market our services and engage our clients and professionals. We didn’t tell her how to do that. Outside of her Communications degree, Allison minored in theater, and two of her strengths are connecting with people and being on camera. To engage our audience, Allison ran a series of interviews and YouTube videos that gave viewers insight on workplace issues. It was a creative and interesting idea, and it was Allison who brought her unique strengths and ideas to that bullet on her job description.

Then, take your communication a step further by sharing the job description of the next level. Now the individual will know what they need to do to get ahead; they can push themselves to tackle stretch assignments that would prepare them for promotion. For example, Juan is an assistant account executive at an advertising agency, and he aspires to be an account executive. His manager shared how Juan will have to be a strong communicator and project manager to serve as the main contact with the client as the account executive. Juan set a personal goal to listen and learn from his boss on how he interacts with and works with the client. He even asked if he could sit in on some important meetings, just to be a sponge and begin learning how to lead a strong client-agency partnership. Juan’s boss is giving him a leg up by showing him the skills he will need to make that next step. This may seem a little premature, but employees appreciate this insight and challenge for how to get ahead.

When coaching employees, a Senior Vice President of Human Resources at a logistics company advises, “Take a step up. You don’t get promoted for keeping the lights on.” Let your employees know that doing the bare minimum won’t help them get ahead. Especially if you’re managing other millennials, they value this straightforwardness and transparency. Maybe they won’t ask for that promotion after just three months!

Millennials thrive with structure, and this fundamental acquaintance with the job and their responsibilities will go a long way in getting them started off right. Think of it as chalking the field and outlining the space in which your team can play.

You should also acquaint new team members to your company, clients or customers, and the industry. Of course, they can research it, but it’s much more effective if you transfer some of your knowledge than having them struggle to pick things up during the first few weeks. Unless you tell them, your employees will find out the hard way that a particular client hates phone calls before 10:00 AM or that they shouldn’t wear jeans on CEO-walk-through Thursdays. You will find that your employees’ results also reflect on you as a manager. While waiting for meetings to begin, tell your employees about competitor X, and over lunch, fill them in on how the company direction has changed over the past five years.

This takes time, but again, your team will be up and running faster if you take a few extra moments on the front end. That’s a theme that you will hear often. These tips and pieces of advice will take extra time. I recognize that millennial managers are often “middle managers.” You have a team, but you also have individual responsibilities, and you have a boss as well. Sometimes, it can be hard to take a step back and sacrifice time to prepare, coach, and lead your team. However, it is worth it. If you have 37 things to do, you can complete all of them—and more—with an effective team. You have to keep thinking in terms of ROI—the return on investment—in your management. You can accomplish more as a team, so what you put into developing and building your team will pay off in business results—and likely job satisfaction for you.

Describe Their Duties and Responsibilities

After reviewing the higher-level job description, discuss and describe their upcoming duties and projects. If you have a new employee, give more information and provide more structure at the beginning. For all employees, go through a project list in priority order and determine specific deliverables and key dates. In the case of some employees—maybe an Xer or boomer—a deadline may be all the structure that they need. For millennials, you may need to establish a couple of key checkpoints to ensure the project is moving along smoothly.

With a running to-do list, it’s helpful to your team to know what the priorities are. It’s your job as a manager to keep your team focused on what matters most. As we all know, priorities often and quickly change. “A” list items can become “C” list items and vice versa after a short executive meeting. Do you take the time to communicate that to your team? Do you keep the team members in the loop on the goals of the larger organization? Again, the more they know, the better they can make decisions and solve problems.

I remember talking to a new hire—Lucas—during one of my workshops. He was working in marketing at a fast-paced consumer goods company. He talked about a project that he was cranking on and investing extra hours in. Lucas was so excited to present the finished product to his boss, and then his boss said, “Oh, I guess I forget to tell you, we decided that initiative didn’t fit into our strategic plan.” Lucas was devastated—all of that work for nothing. Likewise, your employees want to be working on and contributing to meaningful work, so tuning them into changing priorities will keep them engaged and connected.

As a millennial manager, this type of communication appeals to your values of building a relationship and fostering the growth of your people. However, you may be feeling skeptical and thinking—do I really need to take them through a job description? Shouldn’t they already know what to do? Isn’t this type of instruction coddling and similar to holding their hands? If so, then take a step back and orient yourself—this is just at the beginning of the partnership. At first, you will provide more direction. As you move forward, you can empower your team to create its own project list and deadlines. To keep things running smoothly at the start, you can put forth the projects and priorities with the goal of weaning your team off of this structure as the members get more acquainted with the business. One of our clients provides an agenda for its new employees the first week of work. Within a few months, those employees come to meetings with their own project lists and to-do’s.

Pinpoint Check-Ins

Caitlin Harley, millennial manager and senior research analyst, has a “See one, do one, teach one” management approach. Harley said, “I’ve had ‘sink-or-swim’ managers in the past, and they expected me to get it after they told me just one time. These types of managers make me inclined to offer more support along the way for my team.” I touched on this idea previously, but pinpoint specific check-ins for large projects and put those dates on the calendar.

For example, if you have a project that you would like Lisa to complete in two weeks, schedule a midway point to check in—especially if this is the first time she is working on the project. Managers often have this fear of being a micromanager. We hear things like, “I want to be a hands-off manager. I don’t want to tell them what they have to do.” Your gen X employees might appreciate this dynamic, but the truth is that millennials love more structure.

If you’re a new manager, most team members like the check-in points to ensure they are completing the project to your expectations. When you have your meetings, don’t tell them exactly what to do, but let them know if they’re on the right track or if you’re expecting something a little different. Ask more questions, and listen more than you talk. Courtney checks in with me when we are developing a large proposal. She will run through the big idea of how she thinks we can present the information. Once we’re in agreement, she can throw herself into the details and ensure we have a fine-tuned, sharp offering. As a manager, it’s tempting to instruct your team to do something exactly the way that you would do it, but great work can come from unique ideas and perspectives. Be careful that you are offering guidance and support and not being overly instructive during these check points.

SETTING PUSH GOALS: INFILTRATING FUN

It sounds obvious, but you would be surprised by how many new managers do not set strong personal or team goals. First, setting goals can be boring. Second, setting goals, especially team goals, can be difficult. What do you measure? How do you measure it? What constitutes success? And what are the priorities? You can set a successful path forward by developing what I call PUSH goals. At the heart of a push goal is a goal that pushes you past mediocre or pretty good into the realm of great and excellent. A PUSH goal is not easy to achieve. To break it down, a PUSH goal is Passionate, Urgent, Specific, and Hairy.

Passionate—You must have passion and excitement in your goals! If you don’t, they’re just goals—boring and lifeless on the wall, sticky note, or little black book tucked deep in your desk drawer. Passionate goals are ones that will make a difference on your team, to your people, and to your organization. Just reading it gets you fired up!

Urgent—Let’s make it happen now! Let’s set this in motion now! Goals should be timely and relevant. Is there a need here? Is it important and necessary? Likewise, can you give an important responsibility a sense of urgency?

Specific—This is the heart of a good goal. Can it be measured? How will you measure it? How will you achieve it? By making a goal specific, you paint a clearer picture and path toward achievement. A little upfront work on the details gives you the leg up on conquering it.

Hairy—It’s HAIRY! It’s not easy. It’s a little difficult and will push you and challenge you. You will probably get a little messy wrestling around with such a big goal, but there is no way that you won’t grow, develop, and learn just from tackling it.

Goal setting seems like one of those “duh” topics—everyone should know how to set good goals, right? At this point, you’ve experienced a couple decades of New Year’s resolutions. How has that worked out for you? The fundamental error in the majority of goals is that they are not PUSH goals. Just consider the most popular New Year’s resolutions from 2011 according to a study by Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management.³ The most popular resolution was “to lose weight” followed by “exercise more” and then “achieve professional growth and be a better person.”

Let’s break that down. “To lose weight” doesn’t stand up to the test at all. I guess it’s a hairy goal, but it’s not passionate, urgent, or specific. Why do you want to lose weight? How will you lose weight, how much will you lose, and when will you lose it by? Think about how you can make that a PUSH goal. How about this?

To lose three pounds each month by working out three times a week and fitting into my skinny jeans by June 15th.

Is that a little more passionate (skinny jeans!), urgent (working out three times a week), and specific (by June 15th)? Put that all together and you have one hairy PUSH goal! It’s easier to hold yourself accountable and stay excited about this second version of the same goal.

Let’s take a look at a few weak management goals I have seen:

1. To be a better manager

2. To be more assertive

3. To have more fun at work

Boring! Even the goal that mentions fun is boring. How can we make these PUSH goals? For the first goal “to be a better manager,” think about how you would like to improve in this vast category. Do you want to be more responsive to needs, challenge your team more, or provide more feedback? Choose a key area that you would like to focus on and bring passion, urgency, specifics, and some downright hairiness to it. Some examples could include:

1. To develop my team members by having a ”Wise Up! Weekly” fun and educational session every week for the next six months

2. To enhance engagement by holding a 15-minute check-in with each employee every month, helping employees be amazing at what they do

3. To improve morale by incorporating a five-minute team-building activity at each weekly meeting this quarter, bringing a dose of inspiration for our mornings

What do you think? More passionate, urgent, specific, and hairy? Absolutely! These are great personal PUSH goals. Once you talk through these goals, write them down and plaster them wherever they would serve as a good reminder. When it comes to setting goals, the author of Working Smart, Michael Leboeuf, urges, “When you write down your ideas, you automatically focus your full attention on them. Few if any of us can write one thought and think another at the same time. Thus a pencil and paper make excellent concentration tools.” Millennials, you can also type them out.

You also want to share these techniques with your team and encourage them to establish PUSH goals for themselves. In addition, you can set goals as a team. At JB Training Solutions, we set goals for the year, but we break those down into quarterly goals that keep us focused. This also makes our high aspirations and long-term goals more urgent. What happens when you set a goal that has a year-long time frame? You often lose sight of it and wait until the last two months to get started! The key for setting team goals is to set them—as a team. It’s hard to be passionate about a goal that someone else gives you. Brainstorm ideas together and really push each other to arrive at goals that inspire, motivate, and focus everyone.

Now, when talking about PUSH, especially with your millennial employees, you will need to clarify the P—Passionate. Some people may be stumped right away when trying to think about a work goal they’re passionate about. And, of course, you don’t want them to be stumped right from the beginning. Think about it. For your employees, work could be “fine,” but are they really passionate about increasing productivity, hitting quarterly goals, or boosting shareholder value?

Passion is a word you may tend to reserve for your extracurriculars, friends, or family—“I am so passionate about running!” or “I absolutely love international travel. I just can’t get enough” or “I just love, love, love my niece and nephew. They are to die for.” Does that parlay to running the logistics for an event your company has coming up? “I just love, love, love all this paperwork! I just can’t get enough of these contracts. These spreadsheets are to die for!” There is a myth out there that you should absolutely love your job, every single day and every single minute, and your generation, especially, has bought in to this idea. I absolutely love what I do—traveling the country and training employees on how to become better leaders and managers, but there are some parts that I dislike—airline delays and missing dinner with my family, losing my voice, expense reports, and dealing with other logistics. But I still wouldn’t change this job for the world.

Maybe your employees are not passionate about every single part of their job, but help them think about how they can bring their passions to their roles and their goals. Maybe they’re passionate about people, building relationships, or supporting the company’s values. Help your team and your millennials tie their goals to those things they’re passionate about. I always found that SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely) goals could get pretty cold and calculating: To increase gross profits by 14 percent by December 31, 2013. The passion in PUSH goals invigorates a normally cold and uninspiring goal.

Let’s add some passion and purpose behind this cold SMART goal: To increase gross profits by 14 percent by year end, helping more and more companies have stronger leaders and better managers. This connects a monetary goal with a larger purpose or mission. This is especially important for millennials. Your generation may not be inspired by just making another sale or meeting a deadline, but you may be inspired by helping make a customer’s life easier or being part of a successful team. For example, when writing this book, Courtney set goals for herself to keep her on track. One of her PUSH goals was “To write 15,000 words by July 20th, infiltrating fun anecdotes and personality to create a book that

I am truly proud of.” You could see how that’s more exciting and inspiring (and thus more likely to be accomplished) than “To write 15,000 words by July 20th.” That’s just downright depressing.

Furthermore, one of my favorite aspects of goal-setting is celebrating once they are achieved. Goal setting and achieving can be incredibly inspiring. Celebrations include team lunches, outings, or surprises. One of my favorite celebrations was after a particularly successful and hardworking quarter. I hid spot bonuses around the office—there is nothing better than stumbling across a few greenbacks to keep everyone laughing and energized! Now, maybe you don’t have the budget or resources for bonuses, but there are countless creative ways to celebrate. Have a lunch potluck, “early dismissal,” or a recognition round-up of sorts.

At JB Training Solutions, a lot of work goes into gaining a new client. When we began working with Kraft, we celebrated with a Mac ‘n’ Cheese, Oreos, and Crystal Light party. It was inexpensive, a ton of fun, and it made us feel even more connected to the brand and our new client. Make sure you take time to celebrate and enjoy before jumping to the next challenge. “Celebrate what you’ve accomplished, but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed,” suggests Olympic soccer player Mia Hamm. Keep challenging yourself and your team members to PUSH when it comes to your goals.

COMMUNICATION STYLES: MEETING IN THE MIDDLE

Communicate expectations, communicate responsibilities, and communicate goals. Now, let’s talk about more talking—this time about communication styles. Chat openly and candidly with your employees about how you like to work. Are you more of an analyzer who likes to think through decisions after reading the fifty-page report or do you like to receive an executive summary and make a quick decision? Do you prefer writing the presentation or delivering the presentation? You have your unique style, and your employees appreciate having insight into the way you like to work and your expectations. However, good managers learn the style of each of their employees and adjust their style accordingly. In Chapter 9, “Navigate: Managing Through the Unknown,” you will learn more about adjusting your style and navigating different personalities on your team. Ideally, you and your employees will meet in the middle—you each will adjust your style a little to form a great partnership.

Case in point, Courtney and I are nearly complete opposites when it comes to our communication style. This dynamic is either a complete disaster or a raging success. If you understand each other and recognize differences, it’s a great working relationship because one person’s weaknesses are often the other’s strengths. By talking about our differences, we are able to compromise. For example, Courtney gives me the topline information on projects, and she leads with conclusions and recommendations. She knows she will lose me the second she gets in the weeds with too many details. Likewise, when I give Courtney a project, I debrief her and then give her time to think, process, and brainstorm on her own before we talk through it. I talk to think; she thinks to talk. Talking about these preferences and communication styles with your employees is important and goes a long way in building a strong relationship. After talking, you likely will find—just like the generations—they’re not better, they’re not worse, they’re just different.

GIVING FEEDBACK: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

The second overarching theme under “Communicate” is feedback. Business consultant Ken Blanchard says, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” Just like those Wheaties, feedback and constructive criticism are critical for the growth and development of your team.

Feedback, constructive criticism, and critical conversations. I have a feeling that a little anxiety is setting in just reading those words. In all of our interviews, we discovered that millennial managers think the hardest part of their job is “having difficult conversations.”

You want to build strong, close relationships with members of your team, so you might struggle when it comes time to give constructive criticism. You may have thoughts or questions like, Will they take it okay? Will I hurt their feelings or discourage them? Will they be mad at me? We heard from numerous millennial managers that drawing the line between being someone’s friend and being someone’s boss is difficult. You don’t want to be the big, bad authority figure who is too far removed from your employees, but on the flipside, you need to maintain a level of influence. I think that’s a shift in verbiage that could work for you: As a millennial manager, you want to have influence over your team instead of having authority over your team. The bottom line is, if you want the best for your employees and if you want them to excel, then you have to give them direct and sincere feedback.

To help put this tough topic into perspective, I will tell you the infamous spinach story. The fundamental truth of feedback lies in the form of a spinach salad. Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of getting a little morsel of spinach from a salad wedged between your teeth? Now, we ask: If you had spinach stuck in your teeth, would you like someone to tell you about it? Or would you like to go the ENTIRE day smiling and carrying on with spinach stuck in your teeth, just to go home, look in the mirror, and discover that you have looked like a fool for the better half of the day? Would you want someone to tell you? Of course, you would want to know!

Now, think about the other side. Isn’t it a little difficult or awkward to tell someone they have spinach in their teeth? You’re not sure what to say or how to say it. A CareerBuilder survey reveals that professionals have a tough time being direct and forthright with colleagues and managers when it comes to having something stuck in your teeth:⁴

66% of colleagues at your same level say they would tell you.

60% say they would alert a lower-level worker.

Only 49% would tell a higher-up.

It’s not easy. Seeing the spinach in someone’s teeth can bring on a plethora of questions. Should you tell them in the middle of the meeting and direct everyone’s attention to their green culprit? Or should you let them continue grinning that green grin and tell them individually after the meeting? Or should you make little hand motions when no one is looking, hinting that they have something in their teeth? The fact is, it doesn’t really matter. The person with the spinach just wants to know! This is like feedback! It may seem a little awkward or difficult to deliver, but people want to know.

If your employees are making mistakes or could be doing something better, they want to know sooner rather than later. One of our clients shared a story about a tough time delivering feedback to a new employee—Willie—who was wearing a hoodie. Hoodies were not allowed at this company. The human resources department didn’t know what to do, so for a while nothing was done. Every day, HR showed up hoping that Willie wouldn’t be wearing another hoodie. Another hoodie! Day after day, Willie showed up in a hoodie—Purdue hoodie, Wisconsin hoodie, Illinois hoodie. HR stalled—Willie couldn’t possibly have any more hoodies left to wear! Indiana hoodie, Ohio State hoodie. HR was scared—it looked like Willie had a reservoir of hoodies that included the entire Big Ten conference. If he moved into the SEC conference, HR knew they were in trouble. Finally, a brave HR representative talked with Willie and told him that hoodies were not acceptable at the office. Do you know what Willie’s response was? He was mad! Why was he frustrated? Because he had been wearing hoodies for two whole weeks and no one told him it wasn’t acceptable! Why didn’t someone tell him on day one to save him the embarrassment of walking around for two weeks breaking the policy? He wanted to know!

As millennial managers, it can be tough to get in the habit of delivering constructive criticism. You may be afraid that the person will take it the wrong way or get emotional, defensive, or discouraged. You must ingrain this idea in your mind—feedback is for the employee’s own good. Again, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.”

Think about your favorite teacher, mentor, or coach. Was that person a pushover? Did any of them let you get away with everything, or did they hold you accountable and challenge you? Did they expect great results, and let you know when you weren’t cutting it? I’m guessing so. Most memorable mentors are those who really pushed us and didn’t let us get by. Often, we learn the most from the people who are the toughest on us or expect the most from us. Be that manager. Don’t settle for mediocrity. “Good is the enemy of great,” says Jim Collins, author of Good to Great.⁵ You don’t want to fall into the trap of saying, “Oh, Trevor is pretty good, and he’s doing just fine. I would hate to say anything to mess things up.”

Courtney will never forget her middle school English teacher—Mrs. Stanley. Mrs. Stanley was tough. She didn’t let anything slide. You better mind your split infinitives, comma splices, and dangling participles or the red pen would adorn your paper. She even had a penny jar, and you would have to pay up for using incorrect grammar, such as “Can I go to the bathroom?” instead of “May I go to the bathroom?” “I don’t know, CAN you?” Mrs. Stanley would ask. Courtney says she thanks Mrs. Stanley practically every day (not every day) for being tough and ingraining such discipline when it comes to writing and grammar. I have Mrs. Stanley to thank as well; I never send off an important e-mail or proposal without having Courtney check and proofread it. Indeed, Courtney is the one responsible for all the commas (and more!) in this book because I never had a Mrs. Stanley. Mrs. Stanley gave constructive criticism all the time because she wanted her students to be great. She knew being easy on her students would not prepare them for high school or college. She wouldn’t be doing anyone any favors. She challenged students, pushed them, and even had them believe they could be authors one day. That is the type of manager you want to be.

I hope the spinach story, the hoodie hindrance, and the Mrs. Stanley message are hitting home and helping reframe how you think about the topic of feedback. To prevent you from fearing feedback or avoiding it altogether, I have very specific tips for millennial managers. From our interviews, I know this is an area in which millennial managers really struggle. Do you remember that liability of the millennial generation of “lacks skills for dealing with difficult people”? Although it isn’t the case for all millennials, in general, you had protective parents who often swooped in to rescue you from difficult situations or people. Now that you’re managing a team, you probably realize there are difficult people everywhere! “Mom!” Fortunately, you will gain the skills and tangible tips to deal with even the stickiest situation. First, I will cover the different types of feedback, and then I will share advice for delivering each type of message.

There are three different types of feedback that you will deliver to your employees:

1. Day-to-day feedback

2. Informal, regularly scheduled feedback

3. Formal review

Day-to-Day Feedback

Day-to-day feedback happens—you guessed it—daily. This is the best enforcer of behaviors—to let someone know how they did right after the fact. Think of it as on-the-spot coaching. Often, we associate feedback with an annual review. Feedback should be day-to-day, and it doesn’t have to be formal, written, or have any numbers assigned to it.

For example, if you notice that Gus is consistently speaking out of turn at meetings, pull him aside and mention it to him privately, and let him know how his behavior is being perceived. Likewise, if Milo did a great job on a sales call, let him know right after the call and point out specific instances that were impressive.

Feedback really loses its luster when you mention it a few weeks down the road. “Hey Milo, do you remember that sales call you made about three weeks ago? No, not that one. No, not that one. Maybe it was with ATAD Payroll? Yes, right, so you think you remember? Well, I thought the way you handled it was really good. Nice job.” To increase your effectiveness, try to get into the habit of giving immediate feedback. Your millennial employees will especially appreciate it. This establishes a firm foundation of trust and communication that you want to build as a millennial manager.

Although day-to-day feedback is informal, you still want to be very specific. If your direct report did a good job at the meeting, let her know—specifically. How many of you would say, “Good job at the meeting, Brittany!”? Sure, that’s fine, but Brittany doesn’t really know why or how she did well. Instead, tell Brittany after the meeting, “I was really impressed with you in the meeting today. You had a great idea, and you supported your perspective with two different data points. Our department really focuses on the numbers, so I know our department head appreciated your insights and could relate well.” Now isn’t that better? Doesn’t Brittany know what she should try and do again next time? Being specific is the key to good feedback.

Now what if Brittany didn’t do well at the meeting? That’s a little tougher, right? Remember the spinach. She wants to know! As a millennial manager, you want your team members to grow, develop, and be the best that they can be. Well, they won’t get there if you hold back all of your constructive criticism and shield them from the areas they need to improve.

You want to make sure you deliver the feedback in private and in person, especially if you’re offering constructive thoughts. As tempting as it may be to hide behind e-mail, all constructive feedback should be delivered face-to-face. You never want to give feedback via e-mail. You can’t be sure how Brittany will read it, and it’s too easy for the message to be misconstrued. For those of you who manage remote employees and you can’t talk in person, you can use the phone or a video conference.

Be Direct and Specific

When delivering constructive feedback, be direct and specific. If you’re too vague or general, Brittany doesn’t know how to improve. For example, “Brittany, I was disappointed in your presentation today. I expect better next time.” Brittany is left with, what did I do wrong? What could I do better? Was it my intro? Did I talk for too long? Was it too short? Was I like saying um and like too much? Did I have poor body language?

It’s much more constructive if you say something like, “Brittany, I wanted to talk about your performance at the meeting today. You had to present ten minutes on your area, and I felt as though you were ill prepared. You were fumbling for the necessary materials, you couldn’t read your notes, and it reflected poorly to the client. I expect everyone on the team to be prepared. What was going on today?”

During feedback, you want to create a dialogue. It’s not one-way direction and reprimand; you want to try and ask questions to get at the root of the problem and see what is going on. Sometimes, our instinct is to jump to the worst conclusion, but you always want to give your employees the benefit of the doubt—until they prove they don’t deserve it! You could be so frustrated at Brittany’s performance at the meeting that you jump to thoughts of “I just can’t believe Brittany blew off this meeting. She didn’t even prepare one bit! She must not respect me, and she doesn’t even care about our client.” Instead of jumping to these hasty conclusions, think, “Why would a reasonable, rational person do this?” Maybe Brittany has been swamped working on other projects; maybe she wasn’t clear on directions; or maybe she’s just having a tough week. Now, we’re not saying excuses are okay. Excuses do not legitimize poor performance. However, asking these questions helps you approach the conversation without the hostility or about-to-explode frustration. You may be amazed that many times situations like this come from a lack of clear expectations. Your rational perspective sets the stage for a much more productive conversation.

The bottom line is you must have the conversation. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Of course, I’ll give Brittany the benefit of the doubt and just assume she will never do that again. You follow that line of thinking and say to yourself, “Oh, Brittany is having a tough day, and her performance at the meeting was poor. But I’m sure she’s swamped, and I’m sure it won’t happen again. I would hate to tell her something to demotivate her.” That does you no favors and Brittany no favors. One of the best things you can do as a leader is to hold your team accountable.

Hold your team accountable. You are the person who helps people do the things they said they were going to do, and you are the person who helps people do the things they didn’t even think they could do.

The other critical point is that the more you give feedback, the less awkward it feels—for both parties. The first few times may be a bit uncomfortable, but once you do this on a consistent basis, it’s smooth, effective, and much easier. The discussions become much more conversational and much less dictatorial.

Millennials especially LOVE feedback, so day-to-day feedback is exactly what your generation craves. Keep communication levels high, and make sure you’re recognizing employees for the good things they’re doing and holding them accountable for the things they can improve.

Informal, Regularly Scheduled Feedback

Outside of day-to-day feedback, you want to take about fifteen to twenty minutes every month to sit down and chat with each of your direct reports. If you have a new employee, sit down with that individual once a week for a month and then move to monthly meetings. I know you don’t have any time! But if you have a high-performing team, you will have more time, and regular feedback is one of the best ways to get your team there.

This is exactly what I did when Courtney joined JB Training Solutions. We chatted every Friday for the first month. Since then, not a month or two goes by where we don’t sit down and have an informal feedback session.

Importantly these meetings are about your direct reports and how they are doing at work. These are not status meetings or get-togethers to discuss projects. It’s not, “How are things going on Project Thunder?” but instead, “How are things going for you at work?”.

This type of feedback is a two-way conversation, and as a manager, you should be asking a lot of questions and doing a lot of listening. You should also let your employee know how he or she is doing and offer any support for development. Here is a sample outline for the meeting:

I. Ask how everything is going. You may need to ask a few probing questions:

a. What’s going well?

b. What can be improved?

c. What do you enjoy doing?

d. Are there any blockers getting in your way right now?

e. Is there anything I can be doing to be a better manager?

II. Give a few examples of things that your employee is doing well.

III. Give two or three examples of things that your employee could work on.

IV. Offer development opportunities and any coaching advice.

This structure will give you a solid guideline for these monthly meetings. Try not to let a month go by without chatting one-on-one with your employees. The truth is that when the fifteen minutes are done, you will be so glad you talked. In these short conversations, you can dispel small problems before they become bigger issues for your team. Conflicts often stem from misunderstandings or differences in communication style, and a simple conversation can get you through that.

The quotation from the book, Crucial Confrontations, captures this idea, “Rare is the sudden and unexpected emotional explosion that wasn’t preceded by a lengthy period of tortured silence.”⁶ If you don’t talk about problems, they build up, build up, build up, and EXPLODE!

After you have this short talk, you’re usually reminded that this team member isn’t evil; she’s just different and she may do things a little differently than you. She walks away thinking you’re not so bad after all as well. By talking about issues as they come up, everyone can keep problems away from the explosive stage. To uphold a value of millennial managers, these routine, honest conversations go a long way in building a great working relationship.

Formal Review

We won’t spend too much time on the formal review because you likely have a certain form or process for your company—this is where the numbers often come in! Most companies have a formal annual or semiannual review. The most important point is to not wait until the annual review to deliver your feedback. There should be no surprises at the annual review. The worst thing you can do for the individual and your team is to recognize improvement areas in June and just say, “Oh, I’ll tell Edwin in December at his annual review.”

Putting together formal reviews takes time and preparation. It’s an investment in your people to give them a clear picture of their performance. You have to spend time writing, preparing, and practicing what you will say and how you will say it. In the formal review, you want to include a summary of strengths and areas of improvement. You also want to set a development and action plan. How will your employees develop over the year? What are their career plans? What do they see as their goals and challenges? You also want to ask check-in questions, such as “How can we keep you happy and fulfilled here?” This will give you valuable insight into keeping your all-stars engaged and contributing.

It’s the little things that count when it comes to evaluation day. On the day of the review, give your employees some time to read the review on their own so the information can be digested. Then, talk through the review in a private room. Your employees are likely a little nervous as they have been thinking about this day for a while. To show how important you think the session is, eliminate interruptions. As a manager, you don’t want your employee to think that the person on the phone or the person e-mailing you is more important. Hold your calls and meetings for a few minutes, and dedicate your full attention to your employee.

If you have a poor performer, you can’t be afraid to reflect that in the review. Even just for legal reasons, poor performance needs to be documented. One of our clients told us about a poor performer and aggressive employee that the company wanted to fire. Management put together its case, but when they looked at the employee’s evaluations from his manager, they all said “meets expectations.” None of the written documents supported the fact that this employee deserved to be terminated. In this case, the company might be at risk because the evaluations seemed fairly glowing.

Phillip Schreiber, partner in the labor and employment practice at the global law firm Holland & Knight LLP, says that there are two main reasons you should document an employee’s poor performance. Schreiber says, “First, you must have documentation because of legal reasons. If you need to terminate an employee for performance reasons, but there is no formal documentation of poor performance, then you are putting yourself at risk of being sued by that employee. Second, the documentation is a guide that the employee can refer to and use to help him or her improve and meet the employer’s expectations. After a few weeks, the details and specifics of verbal constructive criticism tend to fade, but the employee can reference a written document as often as needed.”

Remember the spinach. You’re doing no one any favors by sugarcoating performance. Make sure you’re forthright and frank; glossing over poor performance will only put you and the company in a tough predicament. Schreiber adds, “The documentation need not be overly formal in tone. Managers may use informal language in conveying, with specificity, what the manager’s expectations of the employee are, how the employee is not meeting those expectations, what the employee needs to do to meet those expectations, and a reasonable time frame in which the manager would like to see those expectations met.” Be direct and sincere, and you may be surprised with how receptive employees can be.

I found myself in this exact situation with an intern—let’s call him Anthony—who was working at JB Training Solutions. This intern was goofing around, heading out early, and producing average work—all in the first week. My initial thought was to fire him. This guy seemed like a lost cause. I talked about it with Courtney, and she convinced me I should talk to him. She said we probably shouldn’t be the company known for firing interns. Sound advice.

However, I was dreading having this conversation with Anthony. You know which one I’m talking about—the Dad conversation, “Son, you need to show up earlier, have a good attitude, proofread your work, etc.” So I took him to a popular workshop that we deliver called “The Right Start.” It’s for interns and new hires about how to make a successful transition from college to work and covers critical topics like communication styles, time management, initiative, and business etiquette—perfect for my slacker intern! The entire time I was delivering the workshop, I kept looking at Anthony and thinking, Yes, this point is for you! I hope you’re taking notes!

On the ride home, I knew I had to have the conversation with him. I couldn’t avoid it any longer. I proceeded to tell Anthony about how his performance was poor—he’s missing deadlines, showing up late, and not taking initiative. We had a heart-to-heart conversation, and he ended up thanking me! He said, “Thank you so much, Brad, I had no idea. I really appreciate this feedback.” From that point on, Anthony was a new intern. He took the extra effort, pitched in on all projects, and produced creative work. At the end of the summer, when I asked him about his favorite part of the internship, he said it was that conversation we had on the way home from the workshop! I couldn’t believe it! I had been so worried about that conversation. I had stalled and pushed it off, and I was worried about how he would take it. I almost fired him because I didn’t want to have the talk. Then, I found out that was the most memorable part of his internship.

I hope these examples give you the courage to say what you need to say or address a tough topic that needs to be addressed. Your employees want and need to know.

Now when it comes to giving any type of feedback, there are certain things you want to keep in mind. These tips are relevant for day-to-day, informal regularly scheduled feedback, and formal reviews.

Let your positive intentions be known. Let your employees know that this is all for their benefit. You want them to learn, grow, and excel.

Focus on the issue, not the person. By focusing on the issue or the behavior, you decrease the chances of the individual taking your comments personally. For example, say “Production is poor” instead of “You are slow.” Focus on the issue by stating, “I’ve noticed your business writing often contains a lot of typos” instead of “You are sloppy.”

Own what you say. Use “I” statements to own what you say. You don’t want to say “Everyone agrees that you have a bad attitude” or offer hearsay, such as “I’ve heard through the grapevine that you really haven’t been working when you’re working from home.” Instead, consider this, “I’ve noticed at meetings that you don’t participate as much, and when you do, you’re sharp and curt with your responses. Is anything going on here?” Focus on “I” statements by saying something like, “Alex, I have noticed that during your work-from-home days you’re difficult to reach. I’ve also noticed that you don’t finish the projects that were assigned for that day. I know this perk is important to you, so help me better understand what’s going on here.”

You want to provide observations not interpretations. For example, “I’ve noticed you now only make ten sales call a day when you were previously making 35 a day.” Instead of “It seems like you’ve been procrastinating and getting a little lazy with your calls lately.”

Be direct and be sincere. Millennials, especially, will listen if they know your intentions are true. Furthermore, there is no good in tiptoeing around the issue—just say it. An example of tiptoeing would be: “Well, Ben, I’ve noticed that maybe, you’ve sort of been slacking, er, not performing that well when it comes to updating your reports. I mean, you’re doing a great job in the majority of areas, but I feel like your performance has maybe, just a little bit, possibly slowed down when it comes to this reporting thing, do you know what I mean?” No, Ben has no idea what you mean.

That wishy-washy, indirect feedback doesn’t help anyone. Be direct and assertive. Use powerful talk to own what you say, and try to eliminate those filler words, such as maybe, kinda, sort of, possibly, um, ah, like, you know. In addition, be careful with words that might make the person defensive. “Always” and “never”—seemingly innocent words—fall into this category. What happens when you tell your significant other, “You never do nice things for me anymore”? The person is on guard! The defenses shoot up as the offended party tries to rattle off a few instances when he or she did nice things for you, and your entire point that you haven’t felt valued or appreciated lately is lost. That’s the same reaction you likely will get if you use “always” or “never” with an employee. “Tommy, you never show up on time” or “Jeanne, you always cut me off in meetings.” These are hot-button words that will not get your message across effectively. Thinking through the actual words that come out of your mouth is an important step in preparing for the best.

Be prepared with specifics. Take the guesswork out of feedback by giving employees specific examples of their opportunity areas. What is the first question you ask when someone gives you constructive criticism? Naturally, it is, “Can you give me an example?”

For instance, one of our clients wanted to give a new hire feedback on being more detail oriented when it comes to business communications. Her feedback went something like this, “Taylor, I have noticed that your e-mails to our clients aren’t as polished as they can be. For instance, last week you copied me on a couple e-mails that didn’t have subject lines or your signature. I also noticed that you forgot to send the attachment. I know these seem like small things, but we want to be buttoned up and polished in all of our communications with our customers.” In this example, the manager told Taylor about the issue and gave two examples to support that statement. Always be prepared with evidence. Your feedback really loses your thunder if you can’t think of examples, “Well, Taylor, er, well, I can’t really think of any examples right now, er, when you weren’t detail oriented, but believe me, you haven’t been focusing on the details. Trust me on this one.” That’s not very effective.

Specific examples also help for those finer feedback points that may be tougher to explain. “Landon, I would like to see you take more ownership of your responsibilities.” Landon is thinking, “Huh? Ownership? What does that mean? I think I own my stuff—unless it’s not mine. I don’t own that. Am I supposed to? Huh? What?” To elaborate, you can say, “For example, let’s talk about the proposal you wrote this week. We had to go through four rounds of revisions, and I feel as though you rely on me to perfect the proposal or catch any inaccuracies. When you give me your final draft, I want you to be 100 percent confident that it is perfect and the absolute best it can be. Taking that kind of ownership is an example of something I would like to see more of. Does that make sense?” Try to have three examples to support your statements when delivering feedback. In a particularly tough session when our client—Chanda—was delivering some direct feedback to a poor-performing employee, she knew she had to be armed with a lot of examples. She was communicating that the employee needed to take more initiative in his position, and she didn’t want him to get hung up on some of the buzz words. What would taking more initiative look like? What would “going above and beyond” look like? Sometimes, managers can throw around words and phrases like “upping your game” and “taking it to the next level,” and employees can walk away not really knowing what needs to improve and how they can get there. For the poor performer, Chanda gave examples for his position. “One example of taking more initiative would be to create a marketing plan to tell our clients about our new workshops. Another example would be to update our media list as those names change so quickly. Taking initiative means anticipating needs such as these without me telling you to do it.”

Avoid the Feedback Sandwich

You also don’t want to communicate through the infamous feedback sandwich. “Garrett, great job at the meeting today! I’m concerned that there is $20,000 missing from your budget. By the way, nice pinstripes.” Now that’s a little exaggerated, but I’m sure you have found yourself in the position of “softening” your feedback. You get worried, and you want to couch it and make it come off a little easier. However, that likely won’t change any behavior, and your direct report may never even realize you were trying to squeeze in some constructive criticism. Garrett walks out thinking, Yeah, these are pretty nice pinstripes.

Our advice is to not give meaningful positive feedback and meaningful negative feedback at the same time—unless it’s the annual review. Because what does everyone typically remember when you hear both good and bad? Everything after the “but.”

“Lisa, you’ve been doing an amazing job with us this year. You blew us out of the water with your creative idea for achieving third-quarter goals. Then you delivered an impressive and information-packed presentation to our clients. Our clients even commented on your job well done. But I did want to talk about how your attitude is hurting team morale...”

Do you think Lisa will remember anything before the “but”? No. You can have a soft, short buffer, such as “Lisa, overall, we’re really pleased with your work here. Today, I wanted to talk about your teamwork skills and the influence of your attitude on the team.”

As a millennial manager, you have to remember that you can be assertive AND nice. You can be assertive and nice. Are you doing more of a service to tell your employees the truth or shield them from the truth? It’s best for their professional development if you tell them how it is—sincerely. Anne Price called it “managerial courage.” If you show the courage to address difficult conversations, you will be respected. Remember the spinach, recall the hoodie story, and please don’t forget Mrs. Stanley. Thinking of these examples reinforces the point that employees and managers alike want to know about their performance—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Awareness is the only way for employees to grow and develop.

Just Listen—Receiving Feedback Openly

You have learned at great length about giving feedback, but there is another side to this form of communication—listening. You also want to receive feedback openly. Typically, we think of feedback going from a manager to a direct report, but it is important that employees also have an opportunity to give their manager feedback. As we said throughout, feedback is really a dialogue, so listening is a key skill for managers. And as a millennial manager, I know you want to know!

When receiving feedback, listen openly and try to embrace it. Ask probing questions to try and get your employees to open up. When Courtney started working for JB Training Solutions, she was very hesitant to give me (the boss!) feedback, so I would ask her a lot of questions. How can I be a better manager? How is the work environment? What projects do you like working on? Is there anything I can be doing to challenge you more? Is there anything I can be doing better? What else? What else? One time, I even had Courtney come with three specific things that I could do to improve. I let her think about it in advance, and I said she could have no less than three things. Again, it’s tough to give your boss feedback, so the easier you can make it for them, the more likely they are to tell you the feedback you need to improve.

Furthermore, since this is so difficult for employees, it’s much more important that you do not act defensively or negatively. If you do, you can guarantee, your employee will not utter another word again. Hear them out, and soak it in. If you receive feedback, then you have to act on it. You’re an obstacle remover, a problem solver, and a dutiful messenger. If you can’t act on the feedback, you follow up with that employee and tell them why you can’t. If you don’t act or respond, then there is no reason why your team would give you feedback down the road. In the words of Colin Powell, “Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.”⁷ Listening and acting upon feedback is just as important as delivering feedback. It’s a two-way dialogue that builds trust and breaks down challenges.

Just Say It

Communicate. There’s a lot to think about in this chapter, but trust and communication are the foundation to a strong relationship. Communicate expectations, communicate goals, and give and receive feedback. I know as a millennial manager, it’s easier to avoid and push back tough decisions or conversations. Oh, I’ll talk to Viola tomorrow, or, Oh, it’s a Monday; I don’t want to taint the rest of the week. Or Oh, it’s Friday, and everyone is in the office; it will be awkward to have a one-on-one. I guess I’ll have to wait until next week. Yes, I have played that game way too many times.

Patti Grace, U.S. Director of Learning and Development for OmnicomMediaGroup, says “Genuinely open yourself up and ask for feedback and advice often from senior leaders, and embrace this as a huge learning opportunity. Constantly work on fine-tuning and communicating expectations and delivering feedback … people will look to you for advice. You are in a position to make a lasting impact.” Just do it. Talk. Communicate. Listen. It’s never as bad as you think. Communicate, communicate, communicate.