14

LEADING WHEN THINGS GET STICKY

’’May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.”

—Edward Abbey

There will be ups and downs, curveballs and fastballs, hurdles and pits, storms and sunny days. As a manager, you will have every analogy hurled at you. A theme that you have heard echoed throughout this book is that it won’t be easy to lead and inspire a team. Sometimes, decisions and routes will be crystal clear, but more often, the situations that you encounter and the circumstances that you face will float around in the murky gray of uncertainty. Every now and then, things just get downright sticky.

Unfortunately, management doesn’t come equipped with a magic wand that makes all of those sticky situations that you don’t like disappear with a slight wave of the hand. “If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it,” says children’s book illustrator Mary Engelbreit. In this chapter, I will help you reframe your thinking about those typical management trials and tribulations.

When talking with millennial managers, there were three scenarios that we heard time and time again as being prevalent and extra sticky. How do you manage your peers? How do you manage people older than you? How do you manage a virtual team? All of the tips that I have offered throughout the book apply to these situations, but I have some specific tips to help you navigate each sticky situation successfully.

MANAGING YOUR PEERS: FROM BUDDY TO BOSS

One day, they are your colleagues and buddies—the people you go to happy hour with, take coffee breaks with, and the people you may even complain about your boss with. Then, the next day, you’re their boss. Sticky. All of a sudden, you find yourself wondering what you should and shouldn’t say to your former colleagues—poking fun at your boss, complaining about the finance department, and chatting about clients over drinks no longer seems appropriate.

One of the biggest obstacles that millennials say they face is managing their peers. How do you go from friend to manager? How do you draw boundaries or command respect? This can be a touchy situation. Your coworkers and pals might be happy for you, but there also may be some questions there. Why did he get the promotion and not me? To make the transition from peer to manager, there are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Go all in. You are the manager. Just because you were given the promotion or the title change, doesn’t mean you automatically are seen as the leader. The first period of your transition is critical as your friends question your role and maybe even wonder how much they will be able to get away with. Assume your role with a humble confidence—an openness to ideas with a strong self-assurance in your leadership abilities.

2. Determine your boundaries. Right from the start, you must set clear expectations and boundaries when managing your peers. Millennial managers have a tendency to treat their team like equals and friends, and millennial direct reports are very open to this idea. It’s your job to make clear what is acceptable and what is not.

One millennial manager at a real estate firm recalled this story of a poor-performing millennial intern—Ivan—who did not have a clue about boundaries. One fateful morning, Ivan the intern texted his manager telling her that he would not be able to come into work … because he was still hungover. The millennial manager was infuriated. First, Ivan hid behind technology and texted her instead of calling—at a time when he already should have been at work no less. Second, Ivan had the audacity to tell his manager that he was hungover. The millennial manager alerted human resources about the reason Ivan the intern was not showing up for work and said that his pay should be docked—copying Ivan. Although his manager was about his age, Ivan did not see the boundaries—he crossed the line. Needless to say, Ivan did not receive an offer for a full-time position.

Drawing the boundaries and setting expectations need to fall in the manager’s court. For example, maybe as peers, everyone would go out for happy hours together, but now as manager, you don’t go or you only stay for a drink or two. It’s not that you can’t have fun as a manager, but what happens when your direct reports start talking negatively about the vice president on the second drink? Do you say something or do you let it go? Either way, you’re not in a spot to do much good for yourself. If you don’t say anything, your inaction is condoning their behavior. If you do say something, you’re the snooty manager who can’t relax. You lose either way, and it’s best not to put yourself in that situation.

3. Find the balance between power-hungry authoritarian and friendship-preserving pushover. Admittedly, millennials who are now managing their former peers are in a tough spot, and there are opposite ends of the spectrum that managers tend to jump toward. Your goal is to land somewhere in between. On one hand, some newly promoted millennials are excited to be in charge! To show their peers that they are now the leader, they take a more aggressive and commanding management style. They assert their power and give out orders to make it clear that they are no longer a peer—they are the BOSS. This usually breeds contempt and frustration amongst team members. Who does this guy think he is? He was doing the same thing I was doing yesterday, and now, all of a sudden he has all the answers?

On the other hand, some managers jump to the other end of the spectrum to not come off too bossy or arrogant. They are so concerned with hurting feelings or preserving friendships that they never really take on a management role at all. They get lost in the collaboration and friendship zone, and don’t take on leadership responsibilities. Phillip Schreiber of the Holland & Knight law firm notes that millennial managers need to be wary of favoritism. This is not to scare you, but something you should be aware of. Schreiber says, “If the perception is that you are showing favoritism, you are at risk for discrimination claims, and you also can run into employee relations problems. It’s really about the perception a manager creates when working with his or her team.”

Your goal is to find a comfortable spot in the middle of power-hungry and pushover. This is where you will be most effective. Rocci Primavera, Director of Finance Development Programs, Abbott Laboratories, speaks to this idea of walking the fine line, “Teach with an informal, highly collaborative, and give-and-take style. Don’t unconsciously act superior in any way—perhaps trying to prove that you deserve your manager role.” Remember, you can be assertive AND nice. You can be friendly without being a friend.

4. Chat it out. If there are some people who are really struggling with your situation, you need to have a conversation. Maybe they are bitter or resentful or maybe they just miss your friendship. Talk about it. Set aside time for a one-on-one to hear what’s going on. This is when you want to do less talking and more listening. Ask a lot of probing questions, and it’s best to address the proverbial elephant in the room. Here are some ideas on how to start.

I can imagine it may seem a little different since I’ve become manager. I’ve noticed you seem a little distant, so I wanted to see what was going on.

Ever since I took on this new role, I feel as though you’ve been really short with me and wanted to see what was up.

Obviously, things have changed a little bit since I’ve become manager, and I wanted to hear your thoughts and see how we could best work together.

Try to empathize. Even if your colleague knows you are the better person for the job, they still may be bummed or discouraged that they didn’t get a promotion. Show that you’re on their side and that you want them to be successful so that they too can move up and take on more responsibilities.

5. Find a mentor. Is there a manager inside or outside of your organization whom you respect and admire? Use them as an adviser or mentor. You undoubtedly will have sticky situations that arise. In the past, you likely chatted through workplace sticky situations with your former peers that you now manage. Having a mentor gives you a great third-party, objective view of the situation, and you can play off their years of experience. They likely have faced very similar challenges and opportunities, and it’s nice to have a sounding board.

MANAGING SOMEONE OLDER THAN YOU: BUILDING CREDIBILITY

You have likely seen a few movies or read books where the young people think they know more than they do. They cast off advice from their elders and end up in quite a mess. To be honest, if you’re a millennial manager supervising older employees, they likely are skeptical of your performance. Thirty-four percent of U.S. workers say they are older than their bosses. Fifteen percent say they work for someone who is at least 10 years younger, according to a 2012 CareerBuilder survey, and the majority agrees that it can be difficult to work for someone younger than they are.¹

Think again about a few business icons of your generation—the individuals who started Facebook, Google, and Groupon. They are young. Especially with the technology surge, it’s not uncommon that more and more CEOs and leaders are closer to college than retirement. It’s more likely, but on the flipside, for your boomer employees, you might be the same age as their son or daughter.

In the first chapters, you looked at the different generations and came to understand how millennials are viewed by older generations. Xers and boomers don’t always see eye-to-eye with millennials—so what happens when you’re their boss?

Employees who are older than you want to see that you’re knowledgeable, action oriented, and have your stuff together. Tyler Micenheimer, a millennial and HR manager at PepsiCo, said he has learned a few things through managing employees who are older than him. “Credibility must be gained through interactions. You can say whatever you want, but you have to act and prove yourself or there is a credibility gap,” says Micenheimer.

Get to know the style of those who you are managing that are older than you. Note that they may not be as excited about collaboration and doing everything as a team. For example, according to CareerBuilder, sixty-six percent of workers ages 55-plus prefer to skip the process and dive right into executing workplace projects.²

With this perspective in mind, we have some ideas for you.

1. Know your stuff. They’re skeptical. They think you’re young and don’t know much. Prove them wrong. Study up. Knowing your stuff gets down to preparing, researching, learning, and being a sponge, so you’re ready to lead your team forward. If you don’t seem knowledgeable or on your toes from the start, your employees’ suspicions will be confirmed—you’re too young and inexperienced for the job.

Now, that doesn’t mean you’re a know-it-all or that you have an ego bigger than your boots. Micenheimer says, “There is a fine line between being assertive and being cocky.” Older generations would have a hard time deciding which is worse—a clueless millennial or a know-it-all millennial. Know your stuff; don’t flaunt your stuff. You can ask questions and request insights from your team. Knowing your stuff is also different from knowing everything. You want to maintain that humility—leaders who can’t admit that they made a mistake or won’t change courses don’t make it very far.

2. Respect their experience, but don’t be intimidated by it. Admit it; they have more experience than you. Your older employees have some amazing insights and breadth of knowledge brought to them by their years at work and in life. See it as a value and not a threat. Lauren Dufour, millennial manager at Discover Financial Services, manages some employees about twice her age. Dufour advises, “What helped me was showing that I was on their side. Getting their buy-in went a long way. I also asked those experienced professionals to teach me; it built rapport and helped me to get up to speed a lot quicker. Anytime you have a new manager, it’s nice to have someone who remains modest and willing to learn.”

One of the biggest beefs that we hear from older employees is that millennials have no regard for their experience. That’s when they start thinking that “you’re a little know-it-all” and an “entitled kid.” Show that you respect the perspective that they bring to the table. Future conversations will go more smoothly, and your relationship will be stronger.

Although you want to give them respect, you also don’t want to be ruled by “the way things have always been done” or “that has never worked before.” As the leader, you have to push back when experience is keeping the team’s perspective narrow and close minded. You bring a new perspective to the table and, as a leader, you don’t want new and fresh ideas to be squashed before they are even thought through. If you find that an older employee is often jumping in to voice a negative opinion or push down new ideas, here are a few phrases you can try out:

“Ella, we value your experience and knowledge when it comes to this topic, but at this point, we really want to open our minds to new ideas and things we haven’t tried before. I ask that everyone refrain from critiquing ideas in our brainstorming stage.”

“Letty, at this time, we want to focus on solutions instead of the challenges of our strategy. I know that you have great experience in this area, so I know you can add solid perspective when it comes to getting through this.”

“Vince, I’m so glad you have already had an opportunity to go through this situation. Since this is new to some of us, I know you will help us get through this with flying colors. I know you’re skeptical right now, so why don’t we set up some time to talk in depth.”

3. Have confidence. Remember, you’re in your position for a reason. If older employees are skeptical of your position and authority, they’re looking at your words and actions to either confirm or deny these preconceptions. Use powerful talk and confident body language when leading meetings and communicating one-on-one. Don’t make age an issue. Often, millennial managers are the ones who are more worried about the situation than their older direct reports, so they tiptoe around issues and don’t assert their authority. Being wishy-washy or indecisive is a sure sign of immaturity to an older worker. It’s not a bad idea just to be the boss. Xers and boomers are accustomed to having a leader. Trust your decisions and communicate them confidently.

4. Share information and experiences. You share your skills, and have older employees share theirs. Think of it like a reverse mentor relationship. Prevent the brain drain by helping your older workers unload all the information and skills they have learned over the years. Nancy Harris works at a global energy company, and she shares, “As a manager, it’s important to learn from everyone on your team, regardless of years of experience, everyone has something to offer.” Harris goes on to say that it’s crucial to listen and learn from all. Maybe your boomer employee wants to learn the latest on marketing via social media, and you want to learn about the pros and cons of the last billing systems change. Now you’re both gaining skills you need to be most effective.

5. Try to see the whole picture. Significant others, children, college tuition, aging parents, retirement, and more—oh my! Flexibility, rewards, and recognition may take a different form for your older workers. Maybe to celebrate a job well done, you usually call a team happy hour—but your Xer employee can’t attend because he has to pick up his kids or your boomer just wants to beat traffic and get home to enjoy dinner with her husband. Sometimes, millennials are more likely to check into e-mail in the evening, but maybe your boomer employee draws the line. Take these different styles and situations into account when making decisions. You want to be inclusive and not everyone is drawn to your millennial management style.

Having a diverse team representing different skill and experience levels puts you at an advantage. Make the most out of your team and individuals by adjusting your style, respecting experience, and stepping up to be a confident leader who is willing to learn and willing to lead.

MANAGING VIRTUAL TEAMS: WORKING TOGETHER WHEN APART

It’s time to work together—even though you’re apart. The workplace is becoming increasingly mobile, so managing remote employees is starting to be the norm. Currently, twenty to thirty million people work from home at least one day a week.^[3] As millennial managers, you support this trend and you will push for it to be even more prevalent.

Although most of the CONNECT tips still apply when managing a remote team, there are a few specific things to consider.

1. Set crystal clear expectations. Work with your employee to determine work hours, communication schedules, boundaries, conference call and feedback protocols, and more. To set the partnership up for success, be as direct and clear as possible. Don’t assume anything. Develop an operating agreement for your team to serve as a guideline for how everyone can work together successfully even though you’re not all in the same location.

2. Resist the urge to micromanage. This is especially true for any Type A personalities, who find it unsettling to not actually see the progress or work getting done. Distance may tempt you to check in more often, but your employees will actually value and grow from their independence. Telecommuter Jayme Muenz said: “I communicate with my manager mostly via e-mail and have biweekly one-on-one meetings over the phone. My hands-off manager allows me to be autonomous and confident in what I do.”

3. Be creative with recognition and appreciation. You already know how important recognition and appreciation are to building an engaged team. To show appreciation for a job well done, pick up the phone to call for no other reason but to say thank you and chit-chat for a few minutes about how your employee is doing. When working remotely, receiving something tangible can go a long way. Send a handwritten thank you note or put together a small package of some of their favorite things (York peppermint patties, Starbucks card, and Purdue football bobble head) as a token of your appreciation.

As a fun way to help a remote employee feel connected and recognized, send video messages to say thanks or to celebrate fun occasions. Send a “Happy Birthday” video from the team. If you have several remote employees, make a “traveling award” that is mailed each week to an employee who has gone above and beyond. These seemingly silly gestures will help the team feel connected, and it will promote a culture of engagement.

4. Give and receive regular feedback. Making time for feedback can be especially difficult when you are managing remotely. Feedback still can be a daily occurrence, but it doesn’t have to be formal. If a coworker did a great job on a sales call, let her know right after the call and point out specific instances that were impressive. If there was a mistake in the weekly report, let her know immediately. Call or video conference her; you never want to give constructive feedback over e-mail. Ideally, you can deliver the individual’s formal reviews in person.

5. Make some face time. At least once a month, organize a conference call with the entire team. If possible, use video conferencing. If fiscally possible, get the whole team together at least once a year. Use this time to focus on team building and getting to know one another in addition to discussing business matters. This will go a long way in working together successfully even though you’re apart.

LEADING WHEN THINGS GET STICKY

“Adversity is a fact of life. It can’t be controlled. What we can control is how we react to it.” There will be difficult situations and tough decisions that you will face every day. The going will get tough. This is where you find out what you’re really made of. This is when you define yourself and your leadership legacy. “If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” If you uphold the lessons you learned throughout this book, and you CONNECT, you likely will navigate your way toward an effective resolution and positive opportunity. Step up when things get sticky.