Sometimes clients get stuck at some stage in the financial planning process. Sometimes it is a prospective client who disappears after what you thought was a great first meeting and sometimes it is a longtime client who sits on a decision for months or does not follow through on some aspect of the financial plan. Regardless, it can be one of the most frustrating and time‐consuming parts of financial planning.

One of the most powerful psychological techniques that has been adapted for use by financial planners to help their clients take action is motivational interviewing.¹ Motivational interviewing has been used in financial planning to help clients make positive change without the professional confronting or lecturing about the problem behaviors.² Lecturing can only make the problem worse, so developing ways to prompt the client to make changes can be a powerful tool in getting them to make decisions and take action on their financial plan.

Exercise 39: Motivational Interviewing Exercise

Goals can be classified in two types: intrinsic and extrinsic.³ Extrinsic goals involve the pursuit of external rewards (e.g., money) for the purposes of obtaining positive evaluations from others (e.g., social status, popularity). They are focused on the external world. Research has found that the pursuit of extrinsic goals is more stressful and does not lead to the satisfaction of one's needs.^4,5 In contrast, intrinsic goals satisfy our psychological needs innately, because they are focused on what matters most. This includes values‐based goals such as autonomy, connection with others, personal growth, and competence.^6,7

It is not uncommon to find ourselves feeling stuck around an issue. Due to our ambivalence around making a change, our behaviors and values do not always match up. When this happens, it creates tension and leads to lower life satisfaction. We feel out of integrity. We feel like we are not being true to ourselves. What matters most to us is out of sync with how we are behaving. Rather than being rare, the disconnect between our values and our behaviors is quite common.

Here are some examples:

• We value adventure, but we haven't taken a vacation in years.
• We value autonomy, but we are financially dependent on someone else.
• We love a good challenge, but we find ourselves in a routine and stagnant job.
• We value family, but we often miss time with family because we are at work.
• We value generosity, but we are not giving the way we would like to.
• We value health, but we are not eating well or exercising enough.
• We value honesty, but we hide our true feelings from our spouse/partner out of fear.
• We value spirituality, but we do not engage in any spiritual practices.

Exercise 40: Well‐Done Exercise

The purpose of this exercise is to increase the client's motivation to engage in helpful financial behaviors that go against their natural programming.

• Take 5 to 10 minutes to imagine the following:
  • You are at the end of your life.
  • During your very last conscious moment, imagine that you are able to say “I did it! I accomplished my most important goals.”
  • Where are you?

  • Who is with you?

  • What is your financial situation?

  • What are you able to say “I did it” about? List the three most important things you were able to accomplish.
  • How would you answer a descendant who asked you how you managed to make that happen?

Exercise 41: Professional Relationship Forensic Audit

One of our greatest fears is the fear of not belonging. In our ancestors' world, those who didn't belong didn't survive, because without being valued by the tribe, survival was impossible. We still have that need, which permeates much of our daily lives. The fear of being marginalized is even more pronounced in the area of money, where feelings of shame, fear, and anxiety seem to be ubiquitous.

Imagine a situation where you are in your car, waiting in line to make a turn, when suddenly, someone cuts in line ahead of you without warning or without asking permission. Notice the feelings that arise even in this hypothetical scenario. Unfortunately, in many cases, people act out those feelings. It is called road rage.

Imagine now, being in the same line, that someone comes up beside you, with their blinker on, and with a pleading look that “begs” to be allowed to go in front and you let them in. You will have an entirely different feeling.

What's the difference?

In both cases, you are now one more car back. The person who cut you off, through their actions of pretending that you didn't exist, triggered that ancient “not‐belonging” fear. They, by their actions, have said “you are insignificant” or “as far as I'm concerned, you do not exist.” To our ancestors, such a slight meant a threat to our social standing and survival, and our ancestors would fight to regain their place. In the second scenario, our feelings are different because the person now in front of us identified us as the leader who had thumbs‐up/thumbs‐down power over their lives. By asking you, they have acknowledged your value as a human being, the safest place in tribal society. This may seem silly in today's world, but the part of the brain that is most involved in this drama has not received a programming update in thousands of years.

Assign a number from 0 to 5 to the following statements, where 0 = Not true at all and 5 = Totally true. Put yourself in the perspective of one of your own clients meeting with you in person at your office if you are a practicing financial planner or, if you are not, from the perspective of you as a client (e.g., of a CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.).

• _____  1. When I call, you would personally answer my call.
• _____  2. If you couldn't answer, I would have an opportunity to leave a message on your personal voicemail.
• _____  3. In the voicemail message, I would hear your voice.
• _____  4. Typically, you personally (rather than an assistant) would return my call within 24 hours.
• _____  5. When I enter the building where your office is located, the dominant physical features I first encounter would consist of wood and/or stone, or artwork/furnishings that feature the same.
• _____  6. You would meet me at your office building's outer door.
• _____  7. Once inside your office, I would find hot and/or room temperature/cold beverages served in ceramic or glass containers available for me.
• _____  8. I could count on you to stop doing everything else (meetings, phone calls, emails, texts, Facebook, trolling the internet etc.) at least 20 minutes before our scheduled meeting or call so you would be focused on me and not distracted.
• _____  9. When I walked into your office, I would be free to choose where I sat.
• _____ 10. Once in your office, we would sit with nothing between us.
• _____ 11. Typically, you would not be taking notes but would be looking at me while we talked.
• _____ 12. The furniture in your office would have rounded edges.
• _____ 13. Your office space would be vetted or staged by someone familiar with interior decorating.
• _____ 14. Typically, you would avoid asking me questions during our time together.
• _____ 15. You would employ a variety of sensory tools to help explain important concepts or to show me that you understood what I was saying.
• _____ 16. Our sessions, if they were recorded and analyzed, would show that for the length of time we were together, 75% of the time you were listening to me, 20% of the time you were reflecting or summarizing what you heard me say, and 5% of the time you would be sharing your expertise and advice.
• _____ 17. That same analysis would show that you summarized what I said four times as often as you made a request for more information from me.
• _____ 18. We would start with my agenda rather than yours.
• _____ 19. I would get a surprise personal communication/interaction from you occasionally, just checking to see how I'm doing and letting me know you are thinking of me.
• _____ 20. Communications from you are almost always personalized.

• _____ Total Score (100 points possible)

Your total score represents the degree to which your interactions with your clients help reduce their anxiety and, at the same time, increase the likelihood that your meetings with them will have optimal results.

Nine Evidence‐Based Techniques for Overcoming Client Resistance to Financial Advice

In Psychology of Financial Planning: The Practitioner's Guide to Money and Behavior,⁸ we present nine evidence‐based motivation‐enhancing communication techniques that can be used with clients who are resisting our advice. The key is to critically evaluate your current strategy and consider the following nine steps. Before each statement is a detailed definition of the technique and how it can be used in practice.

Exercise 42: Simple Reflection

Like a mirror, this technique involves reflecting the client's statements and assertions with as much accuracy as possible. The planner should be selective about which parts to reflect to the client, often choosing the things the client says that are in support of the desired change, when offered by the client. Financial planners can reflect back a statement or an emotion that the client is sharing.

Exercise 43: Complex Reflection

With a complex reflection, the planner takes an educated guess about where the client is going. It can feel like trying to complete the client's sentence. If the guess is accurate, the client feels even more understood. If it is inaccurate, the client can correct you and get to the heart of the matter.

Exercise 44: Amplified Reflection

When a planner uses this technique, they will reflect an extreme version of the client's message. It's human nature to correct an exaggeration. Through the their tendency to correct the amplified reaction, the client often finds themself arguing in favor of making the desired change, rather than fighting against it.

Exercise 45: Double‐Sided Reflection

This technique can help the client explore the pros and cons of taking action. When the planner reflects both sides of the client's ambivalence, the client is liberated from feeling pressured to argue for the status quo.

Exercise 46: Shifting the Focus from What's Not Working to What Is Working

When a client is showing resistance to a financial planner's advice, sometimes it makes sense to shift the focus away from the impasse. When a person is hyperfocused on maintaining the status quo, it might be indicative of them being in a precontemplative state of change.

Exercise 47: Reframing

When we are feeling stuck, it can help to look at an issue from a different angle. With the technique of reframing, we are attempting to offer up an alternative meaning to a situation. By looking at an issue through a different lens, clients may be able to better receive new information and can generate new solutions.

Exercise 48: Agreement with a Twist

People relax when they feel others agree with them. They aren't as determined to prove a point and that makes them more receptive to what others have to say. This technique involves agreeing with the client and then adding a twist that will redirect the client away from resistance. In other words, it combines agreeing with the client and normalizing their experience, followed by a reframe. When the client feels validated, they are more willing to accept new ideas.

Exercise 49: Emphasizing Self‐Determination

Nobody likes being told what to do. When a financial planner notices signs of resistance in a client, it might make sense to honor and support the part of the client that is seeking to gain control and assert their independence. Clients who feel like they are in control and in charge of their choices will be less resistant to change.

Exercise 50: Arguing Against Change

This powerful technique may seem counterintuitive, but it can be quite effective when used at the right time and delivered skillfully. This is not like “reverse psychology,” which is used to trick people into choosing the thing they are resisting. This technique can take several forms, including “go slow” messages, which paradoxically, often make people want to move faster. The planner must be willing to support the client's choice to not make a change that could improve their lives, trusting that the client is making the decision they think is best for them at this time. If the planner perceives that the client is being motivated by external forces, like appeasing a demanding family member, this technique may guide the client back to their intrinsic motivation. Siding with the client's opposition to change can externalize their ambivalence in the opposite direction, with the advisor taking the side of the status quo. It may even help remind them why they decided to seek the help of a financial planner in the first place.