STRATEGY 5

Seek the Wisdom of Others

He who walks with wise men will be wise. But the companion of fools will be destroyed.

—Proverbs 13:20

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.

—Sandra Carey

A single conversation with a wise man [or woman] is better than years of study.

—Chinese Proverb

What Is Wisdom?

THE THREE quotations that open this discussion are powerful descriptions of the value of wisdom. Given the tremendous value that is placed on wisdom, this begs the questions: What exactly is wisdom, and what does it mean to possess it?

It is not uncommon to assume that wisdom is a function of age. And while it is indeed the case that many older people in our lives possess a great deal of wisdom, wisdom is not defined by the number of years you have lived.

One part of wisdom is knowledge—the things that we know. Everyone has experiences and, as we discussed in Strategy 2, we believe experience is the best teacher. These experiences—both direct experience and the indirect experience of others—naturally translate into knowledge. But acquiring knowledge alone does not make someone wise.

What differentiates wisdom from, say, education is that wisdom implies much more than just learning. Wisdom implies a practical application of knowledge, a level of maturity, and a measure of discernment. Essentially, wisdom combines knowledge with a seasoned ability to distinguish what is appropriate from what is inappropriate, which suggests that the other part of wisdom is judgment—the ability to exercise responsible insight. Therefore, wisdom is knowledge combined with good judgment. Wisdom can simply be thought of as a blend between “book smarts” and “street smarts,” or the combination of learning and good old common sense.

Figure 5–1. The path to greatness (Strategy 5).

Knowledge + Judgment = Wisdom

This is why we are not convinced that just because someone is young that they are not wise. We believe that age significantly contributes to wisdom, but we also believe that wisdom begins to manifest itself at the very moment a lesson is learned. Seeking the wisdom of others is not confined to learning from people who are older than you, or even from those with more experience. Thinking in this way is inconsistent with the fifth strategy for Black Faces in White Places. It is not that other people have better experience, but rather, they have different experience. Accordingly, you can learn from their experiences and they can learn from yours.

Wisdom is ultimately found by cultivating and following your instincts. As Oprah says, “Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself.” It is reflected in your gut feelings, your hunches, your personal intuition, your “third eye,” or your “sixth sense.” Wisdom is your inner voice. As written in the classic Chinese text, Tao Te Ching, “Knowing yourself is true wisdom.” That is why Strategies 1, 2, and 3 are particularly foundational to Strategy 5. The search for wisdom is the search for knowledge of self, and it is a natural extension of the self-determination that we discussed in Part I. (You will also recall in Strategy 3 that “intrapersonal intelligence,” or being “self smart,” was identified as one of the God-given gifts or intelligences.) You can seek the wisdom of others, but true wisdom can only be found within.

The Five Tenets of Seeking Wisdom

We have identified five tenets of seeking the wisdom of others:

1. There is always something you can learn from others. Your experience and knowledge base will be bolstered regardless of who is the teacher. We can learn much from younger, older, less experienced, or highly capable people. Observing or listening to the experiences of others can demonstrate what’s good or bad, informing decisions about what you would or wouldn’t do. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”

2. The more you learn, the more you will realize what you do not know. The possibilities for exposure and experience are limitless and the body of knowledge in our universe is infinite. We could spend a lifetime and still only scratch the surface on what there is to learn. While humbling, this fact should motivate you to seek the wisdom of others. In doing so, you move beyond what only you are able to learn; you also benefit from what others have learned. This tenet was captured by Albert Einstein’s famous quote, “The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know.”

3. Greater wisdom is often found in failure than in success. A tremendous amount of wisdom can be gleaned from our failures. Take Newark Mayor Cory Booker, for instance. Booker lost one race in 2002 against longtime incumbent Sharpe James before becoming mayor of New Jersey’s largest city in 2006. “I learned more lessons in my loss than in my victory,” he told us during an interview. “It’s one of the professors you can find in life—mistakes and what some people call failures.” While it can be difficult to do, time spent analyzing failure for lessons learned is time well spent. Author William Saroyan once said, “Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success.”

4. When you seek the wisdom of others, you develop your own. The objective of seeking the wisdom of others is not to blindly adopt their perspectives. Instead, you build up your own, personal encyclopedia of knowledge and judgment. You must filter the experiences of others to draw your own conclusions and cultivate your inner voice. “We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us,” said writer Marcel Proust.

5. Do not just seek the wisdom of others; also impart your wisdom on others. Your experiences—whether they are successes or failures or things you have learned from other people—can add value to another person’s life and perhaps help them avoid a pitfall or achieve a goal. Never forget these words of Aesop: “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” We will revisit this tenet at the end of the chapter when we discuss your responsibility to mentor others.

Developmental Relationships

There is an entire continuum of what we call “developmental relationships” that naturally facilitate the exchange of wisdom.

A developmental relationship could take the form of a peer who comes into your life and inspires you to pursue your dreams. It could be a teacher who helps prepare you for your future. Or it could be a mentor who provides personal and professional support throughout an entire lifetime. The beauty of these and other developmental relationships is that both parties grow wiser as a result of their interaction.

The overarching personal and professional benefit of developmental relationships is not just the opportunity to seek the wisdom of others, but rather, to ultimately cultivate your own wisdom and discover your inner voice. The development of wisdom can help you avoid preventable detours and minimize mistakes. An important by-product of this experience is that it potentially helps you develop into a better person. We believe this is an important aspect of the human experience.

In the professional realm, developmental relationships:

Enable you to seek the knowledge of others who have learned the game and, perhaps more important, played the game effectively, and therefore can teach you to do the same. You need others to teach you to identify the key players in your game, including the decision makers, gatekeepers, and influencers that we discussed in Strategy 3.

Allow you to seek the experience of others who understand the unspoken rules of the game, the subtleties, and the informalities, so that you, too, can “read between the lines.”

Facilitate your ability to seek the assistance of major players in the game—people with more power, influence, and connections than you possess. These individuals can help you overcome barriers to reaching the upper echelon of your organization or field, and eventually put you in a position to redefine the game and pave the way for others.

Professional developmental relationships offer support in two areas: (1) career support that improves your skills and abilities or advances your professional agenda, and (2) psychological and social support (or “psychosocial” support) that helps you process your emotions and build confidence.

Career support can take the forms of:

Teaching new technical or functional skills

Coaching on career decisions

Offering problem-solving advice

Advocacy for promotions

Providing visibility with coworkers and key individuals

Psychosocial support includes:

Affirmation and building self-esteem

Friendship and confidentiality

Encouragement and motivation

Empathic listening and feedback

Counseling and emotional support

The continuum of developmental relationships is shown in Figure 5–2. The level of experience or support associated with a given role increases from left to right across the figure. Along the top of the figure, roles providing career support are shown. Along the bottom of the figure are roles providing psychosocial support. Roles that provide both can be found in the middle. Note, however, that “role model” does not appear on the continuum in Figure 5–2. That’s because anyone, at any level of experience or support, can be a role model. Even a stranger could be your role model. It’s not that role models “support” you directly per se. Instead, they indirectly model behaviors or characteristics from which you may learn, or accomplishments to which you may aspire.

Figure 5–2. The continuum of developmental relationships.

These roles are not necessarily separate and distinct. There is tremendous overlap between each of them. For example, a coach can be a teacher, a peer can be a counselor, and a teacher can be a guide. We offer the continuum to paint a complete picture of the range of support that developmental relationships can provide and, conversely, the range of needs that developmental relationships can address.

THE NINE ROLES OF A MENTOR

As you can see in Figure 5–2, “mentor” appears at the far right of the continuum because mentors represent the highest level of experience and support for a “protégé.” But the role of a mentor is not a singular one. Mentors often provide several types of support that are encompassed by the nine roles of a mentor, described in Table 5–1.

Going forward, our references to “mentor” are a proxy for one or all of these nine developmental relationships. A mentor could fulfill just one or any combination of the developmental roles. A mentor could simply be a guide. Or a mentor could be a guide, teacher, sponsor, counselor, coach, and role model (although it is rare for a mentor to fulfill all of these roles, as we will discuss later). In this book, mentor generally refers to anyone who seeks to impart their wisdom to a protégé.

Similarly, our references to “protégé” are a proxy for any individual who seeks the support of a mentor, like a student working with a teacher or a player who works with a coach. In this book, protégé generally refers to anyone who seeks the wisdom of a mentor.

Next, we will specifically discuss mentoring and the power of mentor/protégé developmental relationships. Again, we focus specifically on these relationships because they can encompass the entire continuum of developmental relationships. We conclude the chapter with game-changing strategies for protégés and mentors, as well as techniques to help you maximize your efforts to both seek wisdom from others and impart wisdom on others.

Table 5–1. Nine roles of a mentor.

Mentors and Protégés

For centuries, mentors have been a part of life inside and outside of organizations. The term mentor is derived from the name of Odysseus’s wise friend, Mentor, whom the Greek king entrusts with his son’s development to become the next king when Odysseus goes off to war. It is a time-honored role in the personal and professional development of others. Some examples from African-American history include the mentorship of Martin Luther King Jr. by Dr. Benjamin Mays, the former president of Morehouse College. Subsequently, Dr. King mentored a young John Lewis, who was the leader of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee during the Civil Rights Movement. In more recent years, as a student at the University of Denver, former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was mentored by the political scientist and international relations expert Josef Korbel (who happens to be the father of former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright). When Rice entered public service another mentor, Brent Scowcroft, brought her into the National Security Council. Scowcroft has been a key adviser to Rice throughout her career.

If you are a science-fiction fan like us, you are familiar with the mentor-protégé relationship between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker (and later Yoda and Luke) in the Star Wars movies, or the relationship between Morpheus and Neo in The Matrix trilogy. In the African historical context, the elders of West African villages mentor young people to prepare them for adulthood. Either through rites of passage or other ceremonies, young men and women aren’t allowed to become “adults” without someone showing them the way.

FORMS OF MENTORING

In its original incarnation, mentoring was a one-on-one activity. Traditional mentoring takes place with one mentor and one protégé over an undefined period of time. Typically there’s a more senior person imparting wisdom and knowledge to someone younger and less experienced. The goal of these relationships is to assist the protégé in developing skills for future success. Randal recalls his experience:

One of my early and very influential mentors was Rey Ramsey. I met Rey at a conference where he was a panelist and I was an attendee. I was finishing my graduate studies at MIT and attempting to launch BCT Partners, [and] Rey had recently left his position as the president of the Enterprise Foundation to establish One Economy Corporation, the social enterprise he cofounded and continues to run. One Economy and BCT were focused on doing very similar work to bridge the “digital divide”—the gap between those who benefit from information technology and those who do not.

During one of our early encounters he said, “I love the work you’re doing and I love what you stand for. I’m willing to help you in any way I can because I want to see you succeed. As a community, we need to support one another.” I will never forget those words that Rey spoke to me.

Today, there are many variations on this theme and many types of mentoring relationships. Here are a few:

Transition Mentoring. This term defines both the duration and the intent of the relationship. In transition mentoring, the relationship occurs during a particular time in a protégé’s career, such as when someone is entering into a new organization or even a new department or division. The intent is to help the protégé become acclimated to the culture, politics, and paths of advancement within the organization.

Group Mentoring. Group mentoring is when one person mentors several protégés as a unit. Conversations and meetings may take place as a group and be subject to group dynamics. It takes a very skillful mentor to manage this type of relationship, but if mentors are in short supply, this arrangement may serve the need, especially in situations where some mentoring is essential to success (i.e., transition mentoring or mentoring in a youth program). It may also facilitate peer support.

Team Mentoring. When a small group of mentors works with a group of protégés it is called team mentoring. In this situation, the team of mentors coordinates its efforts to meet the developmental needs of the team of protégés.

Peer Mentoring. Peer mentoring refers to a relationship between peers where one is more experienced than the other. The purpose is for the mentor to help the protégé adjust; in this case, the mentor serves primarily as a resource for answering questions, resolving problems, and providing advice. Some school systems have set up peer mentoring programs between older and younger students and provide training to help both parties function effectively in their roles. Some corporations have peer mentor programs for new hires.

Reverse Mentoring. Sometimes a younger person mentors someone older and generally more senior in an organization. This kind of relationship often stems from the idea that senior employees can learn from younger, more technologically savvy ones. We think mentoring is a two-way street and this kind of exchange should happen in traditional one-on-one mentoring relationships.

Formal vs. Informal Mentoring. There are formal mentor programs in organizations and, of course, informal arrangements. We define informal mentoring as the kind of pairing that emerges naturally, either inside or outside an organization. Formal mentoring, however, is a structured program developed inside the organization. Table 5–2 summarizes the distinctions.

Table 5–2. Informal vs. formal mentoring.

Informal mentoring has taken place within organizations forever. But the challenge has been providing equal access for all. Informal mentoring takes place in the so-called “old boys” network, and it tends to exclude women and people of color. Formal mentor programs are a way to get beyond the exclusivity of informal mentoring.

Both informal and formal mentoring relationships can be effective, but formal arrangements tend to be more challenging to develop because you are brought together by a third party. If the organizers of the mentoring program do their homework, they can create pairings that extend beyond the confines of the program. Even after a formal mentoring program is over, the mentor and protégé may want to continue the relationship. That is an excellent outcome of a formal mentoring program.

Managing vs. Mentoring. Managers are not mentors. In fact, the roles are quite different. We don’t recommend that your manager or immediate supervisor become your mentor while you still work for them. These roles differ along four dimensions: the period of the relationship, the focus of the relationship, the commitment of the parties involved, and the type of feedback that is given, as shown in Table 5–3.

Having your manager as your mentor may create conflict—especially if other workers view your relationship with the manager as favoritism or if the manager is asked to recommend people for promotions or identify people who could be let go in a downsizing. So, resist the temptation to just call your immediate supervisor or manager your “mentor.”

Table 5–3. Manager vs. mentor

However, a former manager, someone you worked with previously and already have an established relationship with, might be a great mentor.

Game-Changing Strategies for Mentors and Protégés

Now, let’s review separate game-changing strategies for protégés, mentors, and both.

FOR PROTÉGÉS

Develop a “Personal Board of Directors.” A board of directors is a group of people who help a CEO think through strategic issues and make difficult decisions. Protégés should create their own personal “board of directors” or “board of advisers” as another way to seek the wisdom of others and leverage various developmental relationships in their lives.

Identify the Right Mentor for the Right Need at the Right Time. Figure out what type of mentor you will need for different points in your career. This is what we call strategic mentoring, or seeking the right mentor for the right need at the right time.

David Thomas and John Gabarro, in their book Breaking Through, explain that minority managers who did not make it to the executive ranks often had the wrong mentors for the levels they aspired to in the organization. The mentors were helpful, but only to a certain point. The minority managers kept the mentors as their primary mentors because they felt comfortable with them, but this may not have been the best strategy because they needed mentors at higher levels as they rose through the organization.

Conversely, Thomas and Gabarro also found that successful minority executives had different types of mentors at different points in their career. Early in their careers they had a mentor at the functional/departmental level. During mid-career they had a mentor at the upper levels of management. Later in their careers they had a mentor at the executive level. Understanding that you need different kinds of mentors at different stages is critical, so be open to mentoring relationships with people who have the wisdom you require for your career aspirations.

Be Yourself. We have seen young African Americans come into organizations and try to be someone they are not. It is challenging to enter a place where the culture is strong and be tempted to completely abandon your own identity and assume the dominant culture. This is more challenging if you are still in the stage of your life where you are learning about yourself and establishing your identity. We encourage protégés who are Black Faces in White Places to see your ethnicity as an asset and not to assimilate. When you remain true to who you are, you adapt what you know for use in this new place.

FOR MENTORS

Overcome Network Obstacles. Network obstacles are the circumstances that prevent protégés from having a network that supports their career aspirations. A central role for mentors, particularly mentors to African Americans, is to facilitate a protégé’s efforts to overcome these obstacles.

Strategy 4 described how new hires, women, and by extension, members of minority groups may need to “borrow” social capital and relationships from more established people in the organization. Along these lines, mentors can help protégés overcome network obstacles by facilitating access to informal networks and influential contacts that would be difficult to establish otherwise. Because minorities sometimes prefer to interact with other minorities, you should also encourage your protégé to interact with minorities and non-minorities.

Monitor Stereotyping of Your Protégé. In some cases there may be an expectation that an African-American employee may only be able to perform up to a certain level and can’t handle more complex or creative work. Monitor your protégé’s work assignments and make sure they are appropriate and challenging and that others are not stereotyping her into certain types of jobs or projects.

FOR MENTORS AND PROTÉGÉS

Address the Issue of Race Directly. A potential barrier to mentor/protégé relationships that cross racial and ethnic lines may arise when one party prefers not to discuss race while the other party prefers to discuss race. Studies have found that this situation creates tension and feelings of frustration or disappointment as a result of the perception that the topic is being avoided or even ignored by one party, despite the other party’s desire to discuss it openly.

To alleviate this problem, consider having an explicit conversation with your mentor or protégé as to whether race is an open topic for discussion. This will clarify expectations and put everyone on the same page—hopefully avoiding the potential pitfall.

Learn about Each Other’s Culture. One of the benefits of mentor/protégé relationships is the opportunity for mutual learning about each other’s culture. Diverse mentor/protégé relationships are yet another way to move beyond your comfort zone, as discussed in Strategy 2, and to promote personal diversity, as discussed in Strategy 4. However, this kind of mutual learning does not happen by accident.

Deliberate steps must be taken to explore each other’s upbringing, background, experiences, perspectives, and values. This means dedicating time to have these conversations, and displaying a willingness to share your cultures and to learn about the cultures of others without prejudice or judgment.

Become Both a Mentor and a Protégé. We began this chapter by identifying five tenets for seeking the wisdom of others. The first tenet is that there is always something you can learn from others. Conversely, there is always something you can teach to others. That’s why the fifth and final tenet is to not just seek the wisdom of others, but also to impart wisdom to others.

Much like networking and relationship building, mentoring is just as much about giving as it is about taking. It is therefore important to seek out opportunities not only to be a protégé of others, but also to be a mentor to others. A college student can mentor a high school student. A young professional can mentor a college student. An executive can mentor a young professional. You can be a mentor at almost any stage of your career.

Mentoring is not just an opportunity; it is a responsibility. No one succeeds in life as a result of their abilities alone. Whatever successes we enjoy are due in large part to people who have helped us. We therefore have a responsibility to do the same for others. Always remember: “Each one, reach one. Each one, teach one.”

Seek the Wisdom of Elders. It is an African tradition for young people to seek the wisdom of the elders in their community. As a society, we must never lose our respect or our reverence for our elders. They are the beacons and pillars within our families and communities. We’re talking about parents, neighbors, business owners, clergy, educators, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, great-great grandparents. Unlike segments of American culture, in African culture elders and senior citizens are held in the highest regard.

Elders should be cherished while we are still blessed to have them among us. They should be regularly sought out for advice and counsel. Their sense of history, wealth of knowledge, and experience is an invaluable resource that we should continually tap into. Moreover, we must create more forums, more mechanisms, and more creative ways to capture their wisdom and promote exchanges across generations. In fact, Randal sits on the board of the National Visionary Leadership Project (NVLP), founded by Dr. Camille O. Cosby and chaired by Dr. Johnnetta B. Cole. This is exactly the work being done by NVLP.

A FINAL WORD ON OUR SPIRITUALITY

Finally, we offer our reflections on how spirituality and seeking the wisdom of others plays out in our lives: We find power in seeking the wisdom of God. We accomplish this by studying His word, reading scripture, practicing meditation, and performing prayer. It is found during our quiet moments when we are able to invoke His presence, hear His voice, and heed His calling. Don Thompson, president and chief operating officer at McDonald’s, follows a similar practice to ours. During an interview with us, he commented, “I’m on my knees a lot. I definitely will pray about certain things when I’m wondering, ‘Lord, which way should I go? How will this thing work out?’ And inevitably I have never been led astray.” We’ve advised others seeking our advice to seek His wisdom by soliciting the advice of their pastor, imam, priest, rabbi, or other spiritual leader. We seek God’s counsel on a daily basis to guide us on personal and professional matters. For us, God’s wisdom is the ultimate wisdom.