Chapter 2


Communication: Establish the dialogue

Chapter 2 Communication: Establish the dialogue
  • The importance of listening in all its dimensions
  • The power of feedback when it is properly conveyed
  • How to deal with audiences of which we know little and how to establish dialogue even with large groups of people
  • The key distinction between cold (technological) and warm (personal) communication
  • Why communication with and among millennials is both so similar to and so different to communication within the older generation.

There are two big misunderstandings surrounding communication. The first involves the true meaning of communication. And the second is the total underestimation of the power of good listening.

What does communication actually mean? The biggest lie on earth, even before the careless words while one washes the dishes and says to his partner ‘Of course, I love doing this, darling’ is when a manager says: ‘I communicate.’ Normally by this he means ‘I tell’. Whatever decision might be taken this manager would then say ‘let’s communicate’, meaning that one would have to inform stakeholders about this decision. But this is not what communication is. Communication is a dialogue; information is a monologue. Communication is an exchange between people and organisations. It may lead to the adoption of the communicating partner’s views (dialectic communication) or simply create awareness about two different standpoints after having listened to them and really understood, hopefully expanding the understanding (dialogic communication).1 But it’s an exchange where both parties listen and speak.

You don’t communicate to somebody. Language is revealing. When I hear someone saying ‘I communicate to …’ I know this person doesn’t mean communication, but information. You communicate with somebody.

A new CEO learns to listen

Eva, a CEO I advised years ago, contacted me after her appointment. She sought advice for her communication strategy. She would start on 1 September of that year and the appointment was made public in June. So, she told me, she would run off her present job, hand over to her successor, take a summer break and start her new job. Her first question was about the ‘100 days of moratorium’. They are normally granted by the public to important people in business and politics before they go public with a statement on what they want to do – you may call it their strategy. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was the first to ask and get the 100 days. I told her that her staff, her investors and customers and even the regulator would be pretty upset if she only went to see them after three months. ‘You’re not Roosevelt and you have no New Deal to announce.’

‘But what can I tell them?’ she replied. ‘I must get an idea of the issues on my desk, the challenges of the company. I have to get to know the most important managers, the board, before I can say something meaningful.’ Of course she was right, and her remark showed me she took her job very seriously and didn’t want to shoot from the hip. I remember that moment very well, because it was then that what I’ve always been preaching about communication gave me a simple answer to her rightful question. If it is true that communication is a two-way street starting with listening and only then followed by speaking, this would be the answer to her riddle. She would start by listening.

So we set up a programme that would allow her to engage with her stakeholders even before she started her new job. Not telling them anything but asking questions. What’s wrong with our strategy? What’s the first thing I should do? What’s the most pressing short-term problem? Where should the company be in five or ten years? This would allow her to meet all the relevant people as soon as possible, showing them consideration and respect. And the most respectful thing we can do with our fellow human beings is to listen to them. Her first town-hall meeting was on her first day in the new job. And she introduced herself, said a couple of things about her persona and added: ‘It’s my first day on the job. Don’t expect me to tell you what will change and what I’m up to, it’s just too soon. Give me some time to address all important issues concerning the management of this company. First, I have to learn what our main stakeholders think about what should be done. And you, the employees of this company, are one of those decisive stakeholders. That’s why I’m here today, my first day as CEO. So, let’s use our time together, today. You know this company much better than I do. Now tell me: What’s wrong with our strategy?’ And for more than two hours she asked questions and got many answers. Some of them smart, all of them useful. She closed the town-hall meeting saying how much she appreciated the candour and that she would now continue her journey with the other stakeholders and by 1 December she would be able to answer questions. And she committed to holding a town-hall meeting on 1 December to share the strategy with the staff. In the meantime she would be happy to receive more input via email. And the story continues. But what matters at this point and time is to understand the power of real communication. This CEO became a very successful leader and now, retired, she is a mentor to many younger managers. Her success story was not caused by good communication, but it took off thanks to good communication.

I used this procedure many times afterwards. Some now call it ‘Emilio’s grid’. You can read more about it in Chapter 5, under ‘The stakeholder grid’.

What really matters is that to become a Listening Leader you not only have to excel in information, the next belt you need to achieve is the orange belt – you need to master communication. No need to despair. It can be learned by everyone – introverts as well as extroverts. Or would someone doubt that introverts can be good listeners? Well, a good communicative leader is mostly a good listener. That’s why I called him the Listening Leader.

Saying it with The Ramones: ‘You gotta learn to listen, listen to learn.’

But when do we need to communicate?

The purpose of communication

Communication is one of the four important milestones that lead to effective action and change. If you want to change things you need to communicate. Communication helps you to understand your stakeholders. If you listen to them you will be able to constantly adapt your working efforts to the needs of the stakeholders you are serving. And you may bring these stakeholders along on your journey. Whether it’s your boss, your internal customers in a company or the external consumer and client or a colleague. Communication allows us to both inform and to learn. And successful communication only occurs when both partners change after that process – either because they have learned something and can better understand the other person’s viewpoint or because what you learned will make you change the things you do and how you do them. So, there has to be the will to change, the openness to accept and to listen.

The Listening Leader uses good communication to become a better leader, every day. Practising good communication means establishing a dialogue, creating the prerequisite for a structured listening process, followed by sharing this input and helping to modify the company’s strategy accordingly. Only by knowing and understanding the needs of the stakeholders can the leader improve her own performance and that of her colleagues. She will understand where people need to be enabled to do a better job and decide to delegate and empower them in order to become agents of change. But you can only figure all of this out if you entertain a genuine communication, if you listen, and if you do something with it.

All relevant strategy experts, from Pericles to von Clausewitz and from von Moltke to Henry Mintzberg, note that strategy is a flexible thing, that you both need a vision of where you want to go and the adaptability to re-tune, fine tune, constantly challenge this strategy according to the context. And the ‘context’ is the stakeholders, normally summed up in ‘the market’, made up not only of the investors but of the peers, the customers, academia with its research, new talents on the job market or rules changed by regulators and legislators. The so-called perfect strategy followed through from A to Z as it was schemed and designed at the beginning, is normally simply the result of mystification in hindsight. The really perfect strategy is the one that leads to success. And this can only be obtained if you as a leader are open to accepting input for change. For this you need to master communication.

The purpose of good communication is to help you become a better leader and perform better, for yourself and for your employer. As you will have become stronger through the input of your stakeholders, your decisions will be more likely to be accepted by them, because they will recognise themselves and their own input in them. They will own your strategy as much as you do.

And for your stakeholders, being involved and co-owning a decision will make them more likely to grant you the license to operate, to grant you the legitimacy as a leader. If your stakeholders, your staff, your colleagues, your clients truly communicate with you they might be ready to accept you and accompany you along your journey, faithfully, critically and motivated.

And now, how to go about communicating? There are many different ways to entertain a dialogue so let’s look at the most common ones in the business environment.

Why the CEO matters

The top manager heading the company is where all the interests converge or collide. The CEO is the last resort for the balance between the stakeholders’ demands. She is the symbol of the appropriate balance between the stakeholders. She is responsible for exactly this equilibrium between the different interests. If she manages it to the satisfaction of both the stakeholders and the company she is successful and the company thrives. She has to be able to relate to all interest groups, to be empathetic with them. She is the Ombudsman of the stakeholders, the Court of Last Appeal. And she might lose her job if she loses their support.

It is therefore in the best interests of the CEO to lead the pack in terms of communication. Peter Záboji, a successful leader and CEO and then teacher at the INSEAD business school briefly wrote: ‘Modern leadership is mainly communication.’2

And a talent interested in a job should carry out a thorough check on whether the CEO is a Listening Leader. There are many ways to find this out. Look at the company’s website and their annual report. How often is the customer mentioned? How many figures and how much information is provided on the performance of the company relative to customers? Is there any information on employee engagement?

Look for key performance indicators in the company’s publications. I don’t believe blindly in Robert Kaplan’s ‘You can only manage what you can measure’, but most of those who are sceptical of what they – wrongly – deem ‘soft-factors’ do. And if you look at the shareholders’ KPIs you’ll find whole books on how to measure profitability. So, let’s take them at their word: where in your publications do you address employees, customers and society, next to the investors?

Why is it so important to read about facts and figures on the communication between the company and its stakeholders? Because talk is cheap and verifiable facts are the best way to establish a basis of trust on the earnestness of the communication by the company. If this communication is earnest it will be based on true listening. The CEO has to prove that he’s honest about listening and only reliable and verifiable data will show his or her commitment. Verifiable and verified, ideally by an independent auditor, like with the financial reporting.

‘Warm’ and ‘cold’ communication

I distinguish between warm and cold communication. Cold communication is technical, electronic or printed. It is an intermediated form of exchange, occurring through technical tools. The weekly conference call is cold communication. You can share information, you can ask and answer questions but you’re not in a room with someone. One could say that normally cold communication stimulates only one sense, hearing or seeing, in our case listening to a person in a conference call or reading a text.

Warm communication is personal, physical. It appeals to two senses, sight and hearing. It allows for many more dimensions of communication that cannot be fully deployed in the cold communication: pauses, body language, tone of voice, volume of voice.

Both are potentially interactive and immediate (otherwise they wouldn’t be called communication).

If one wants to qualify them I would say that warm communication is generally better than cold communication, because it can convey more emotions, it comprehends body language and is a holistic mutual listening experience. It is more personal. For large numbers, though, cold communication is generally the only fast way to go about having a dialogue.

Communication should not be a lonely event. It should become a habit, a constant exchange. The dialogue with stakeholders has a purpose as we have seen. So it’s about a journey. And journeys allow for different means of transport: on foot, horseback, or by car, train, ship and airplane. A successful journey will integrate as many elements of warm communication as possible into a communication campaign. Even if cold communication might prevail, be as personal as possible. It may help to remember that a ‘warm-hearted’ person is more likely to be accepted than a ‘cold-hearted’ one.

Can you entertain a trusted dialogue with a large audience?

Personal communication has to occur in a place, in a physical location. So, the first limit is the space available. Even if you could use a stadium fitting 150,000 people you would have a limit to the people to communicate with. And, honestly, I can’t imagine true communication in a large stadium. Consider that the largest of these buildings is the 1st of May Stadium in Pyongyang. You might agree with me that the North Korean propaganda wouldn’t qualify as ‘communication’.

Next to the space you also have the issue of the number of people you want to communicate with. I used to think that good communication was possible in town-hall meetings. I must say, experience has taught me this is not fully true. You can do it as an exercise of gathering opinions, as Eva did. You can entertain a rudimentary dialogue, you can exchange views, can ask and answer questions. You can make instant polls, let the audience co-decide on what you want to discuss, using votes by hand or tele-voting. Inserting elements of dialogue is always better than just informing.

What is possible with a larger crowd of people is to create a connection. Through appeals, rhetoric questions, closed questions (those whom you can only answer with ‘yes’ and ‘no’), you can narrow the gap between you and the crowd getting simple answers through a vote, a clap of hands. But, honestly, how likely is it that you have to address 150,000 people and wish to engage them in dialogue? Well, should you be Kim Jong-un and rule North Korea, I apologise for not providing you with the answer. This book you’re reading wasn’t written for you, Mr Jong-un. The normal reader of these lines would rarely have the challenge of entertaining a dialogue with thousands of people on a hill or in a stadium.

The fact is, in larger groups you will not have a frank debate where everybody feels in a safe enough environment to air the full truth. It is difficult to make a statement that is not mainstream in front of hundreds of people. But it’s this comment that would make the difference, just because it isn’t mainstream. So, let’s just accept that an honest and candid exchange is difficult and almost impossible in large groups.

An icon of listening, the author, coach and researcher Nancy Kline has said that, according to her vast experience, 12 people constitute the largest number for an honest exchange: ‘Twelve is as big as you can make up a group and still expect it to be safe enough for people to say what they think. Organisations that gather 200 employees to announce policy changes and then open the floor to questions and comments from the audience are, in effect, not holding an open consultative forum at all. Most people will not stand up to speak in a group of colleagues that large.’3

It may not be a coincidence that at the Last Supper the party was made of 13, exactly one too many (Judas) for trustful communication …

Once we have established that neither the stadium nor the town-hall meeting with 200 employees allow for good communication, there are still enough opportunities to engage in at least the effort to communicate warmly with your audience: staff meetings, one-on-ones, investors’ roadshows, client meetings, open-door days.

And how do you reach out to more than 12 people if you need to? Split up the groups and cascade. Involve colleagues, peers, other managers of the organisation to build dialogue forums with smaller numbers, in workshops, for example.

The effectiveness of warm, personal communication is so superior that these efforts will be honoured. Just think of yourself: how much more involved would you feel after a small meeting with the CEO attended by you and a handful of colleagues instead of being one of 200 persons sitting on a chair in a town hall?

Now, this is a challenge for leaders of big organisations. But it can be handled – with a mix of warm and cold communication.

On true listening

My team at Allianz organised a wonderful semi-private farewell party for me in 2015, a couple of weeks after the official farewell reception. It was very touching. I was quite tired since my wife had to attend another event and I had my three-year-old son with me, who had enjoyed being spoilt by my former colleagues but was definitely ready for a well-deserved sleep. I said goodbye to the guests and shook hands with Jutta, a very important staff member whom I had worked with very closely and who was the perfect balance to my tempered leadership. A very quiet lady with a pretty narrow emotional volatility bandwidth, very reflective and with superb judgement, but also very thrifty with words. She just looked at me and her face started beaming, with a blissful smile, one notch above the Mona Lisa. She nodded slightly. I just took it as a message of gratitude for all the good and bad times we had worked together, solving some delicate questions by complementing our different approaches and characters. And I said: ‘It was good working with you. Thank you.’ And she kept on smiling and we parted.

The day after we had to speak about a very interesting job move she had been offered within the company. I was acting as sparring partner before she met Xavier, the local CEO for their final discussion for the new job. I recommended she consider that the CEO and she spoke two different languages. Jutta’s language is the language of rationality, of a job description, of clear goals and KPIs and of sound expectation management. I knew her very well and I knew she would base her decision and her questioning of the CEO on what was expected of her and how one would measure her success. But I also knew Xavier very well and he is a leader who appreciates personal and corporate loyalty, he is used to working with ‘buddies’ and he actually had used this term twice in my conversation with him on Jutta. He said: ‘I think Jutta can become my buddy and she would become part of the leading team, the buddies I want to manage this subsidiary with.’ So, I suggested to Jutta that she might find a compromise in her discussion with the CEO, between her quest for the precise job framework and Xavier’s need for a reassurance on her trustworthiness as a loyal member of the top-team. I told Jutta: ‘You see, people speak different languages. You are not a wordy person and you very rarely express any emotions with words. But yesterday, for example, when we said goodbye at my farewell party, I interpreted your facial expression as a sign of gratitude for our long cooperation. I may be wrong, but I feel that you express your emotions like this and not verbally …’

There was silence. Then she cleared her throat and said: ‘You were absolutely correct.’ She paused and repeated: ‘You are absolutely correct.’

People speak different languages and with a little mindfulness we can learn to listen to these different idioms and understand and respond to them.

Before we get deeper into the different dimensions of listening, let’s pause for a second.

What are the most important practical goals of good listening for a Listening Leader, next to earning the name?

There are two. First, to learn. To truly understand. Managing the process of listening allows us to learn and integrate the input into action, or strategy. It enriches and improves the quality of the management action, makes it more sustainable, grounded on more solid pillars, a stool with an additional foot.

Second, to become aware of the importance of listening for the greater good of the company and of society with accepted market mechanisms. This may grant the company the license to operate – and therefore thrive.

The most important thing about listening is another, however: Good listening is a wonderful experience. If you are even only minimally interested in people, good listening will open doors, will establish trust, it will expand your knowledge and your feelings and can lead to pure bliss. But while this truly matters for our lives, it would be an unlikely reason for your boss to be happy hearing that you read this book. Unless your boss already is a Listening Leader.

Richard Sennett explains that good listening skills are about ‘closely attending to and interpreting what others say, before responding, making sense of their gestures and silences as well as declarations.’4 I like this definition – it’s as good as it can get in one sentence.

The different dimensions of listening

We have many ways to express our thoughts and emotions, from speaking to grunting to rolling our eyes to angrily waving our arms to shouting to … being quiet. And if all these efforts aren’t to be in vain, we better swap position and rather than just sending these signals, we should start learning to read them. Learn to listen. The first thing you need to know about good listening is summed up wonderfully by Anne Scoular, the Southern Star of Business Coaching (she’s from New Zealand, after all). Answering the question ‘How do you listen better?’ she answers: ‘Step 1: stop talking!’5

Quiet, or the sounds of silence

When I was a young reporter, one of my mentors, a great journalist and an even better novel writer as well as a man of broad knowledge and deep wisdom, Franco Mimmi, taught me a powerful trick. I had told him how scared I was to interview experienced statesmen, mature central bank governors, long-standing CEOs while I had barely started to shave every second day. He told me the story of the Greek philosopher Zeno, who said: ‘The reason we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may hear more and speak less.’ As practical advice for interviewing the alpha-wolves in politics and business he said: ‘Use silence. Let them talk. Dare to pause. Don’t be scared of the void. They will tell you everything.’ He was so right.

What was only a ruse to get my journalistic story later turned out to be a powerful means to truly learn from the other. To allow for a true sharing of knowledge, of emotions, of experience. The tool remains the same. The purpose is different from the journalistic one, slightly on the verge of being a trap for the speaker. Instead of simply becoming a trap, the higher value of silence is to lead to the contrary, to building trust. So practise it. As short as your tongue may be, you will technically be able to bite bits off the tip enough times to learn the lesson. Quiet will not let you down. Or, as Nancy Kline puts it: ‘Consider how long you think you could bear to be quiet and let someone think out loud. With only the occasional benign murmuring and nod and smile of understanding from you and the occasional question requesting even more thoughts, a person in your presence might just turn into a genius – at least, for that moment.’6

Do not interrupt

Chatty cultures such as the Italian allow for frequent interruptions in conversations. When Irish men sit in a pub the different layers of a conversation are like a complex cobweb that everybody weaves, still able to follow somewhat of a red thread. As the poet and good friend James McCabe, an Irishman living in Germany, once acutely observed about Germans in a pub: ‘They may be drunk like pirates after a bounty but they will wait until Otto has finished to lull his sentence before Franz burps out his wisdom. Everybody will listen to Franz before Fritz will share his fundamental views on that questionable penalty in the last football derby.’ This is something peculiar about the German language where the verb comes last in – sometimes enormously long – sentences. So, if you want to know whether the protagonist of a story told in German has died or survived you literally have to wait until the last word of the story. This is how I, an extroverted Italian boy moved to Germany, learned to listen. It suddenly convinced me that not interrupting wasn’t such a bad thing in other languages, too. Interrupting is rude, of course, but it mainly is stupid. Because only a conversation where everybody has the opportunity to fully vent their thoughts with no interruption is a respectful conversation. Respect allows for the unthinkable to be expressed, without fear of derision. It will allow that one single contribution to emerge that will change the whole game in your business.

Proper feedback

If you want to know what feedback is useful for, play a round of Chinese Whispers with your team. The rules of the game are simple. You are only allowed to repeat to the neighbour on your right what you heard from the neighbour on your left. You have only one chance to say what you heard. No discussion is allowed. You start by whispering a couple of words into the ear of the first team member and this goes on until the words have reached the last team member who is then allowed to loudly repeat the words. I play this regularly with my students and the results are appalling. You start with the gentle words ‘nice lady’ and you end up with the serial killer’s confession ‘sliced baby’. How come? Because the rules of the game cut out the feedback, that wonderful mechanism by which we check that we have heard what was said.

Feedback is not forced upon anyone if it is to be effective. It may be offered but it has to be wilfully and consciously wanted by the recipient. If someone is not interested in your feedback you may as well keep it to yourself. And if you want to grow, ask for feedback.

Feedback has to be specific and focused on a behaviour, an event, or on something that has been said. It is not a judgement of a person, rather it is a reaction to a singular thing.

If you want this feedback to be heard, it’s advisable to keep the ratio of positive and negative feedback to three positives for each negative.7

What is a bad listener?

Danuta is an incredibly intelligent equity partner at a management consultancy in Poland. While she successfully managed one key client, she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t able to win new business with new clients, despite having a compelling corporate proposal. I was also perplexed. Danuta had been very engaging in our delightful first meeting. She had told me about her interesting life and career and what she wanted to achieve. However, once we started our coaching, it became clear that Danuta didn’t listen. She was talking at potential new clients, telling them all about herself and her company but it was all one-way traffic. She didn’t ask these potential clients about themselves and their business, their challenges, desires and needs. She was too busy talking to listen, find out and then think how she could help. Once she’d finished talking to me, I started to ask her a question and she interrupted halfway through, assuming she knew what I was going to say. She didn’t. And she was too busy talking over me – answering a question I hadn’t asked – to notice. So once she’d finished speaking, I tried again. And it happened again. I began to understand how her potential clients must have felt. And as her coach, I could give her honest feedback of how I was experiencing her and how others might be too. This wasn’t the way to build rapport, trust and great professional relationships. Listening is.

The ‘active listening’ trap

Beware of cheap shortcuts. There are a lot of good pieces of advice you can find on listening: nod frequently; sum up what the other person said, paraphrasing it, showing that you listened and understood; show interest with your full body – don’t lean back, don’t put your feet on the table (yes, I read that advice and it was not in a survival guide for jail or a manual for opium caves). They sometimes come under ‘active listening’. Nothing wrong with it except for the bitter taste in my mouth that they are ‘tricks’ to pretend to listen. From good coaching practice we know, for example, that paraphrasing is not necessarily the best thing to do: if someone uses one specific word, she means that word and not a synonym. Paraphrasing then only shows that you can find other words for a term. A good skill, but not evidence for good listening. Just imagine talking to your boss and he practises all of those ‘active listening’ tricks. Wouldn’t you probably notice and find this to be highly annoying because it feels instrumental, mechanical, schemed, not sincere?

As always, there are no absolutes.

If there is really no listening culture or if Mr Talkative suddenly applies one of these techniques, it might turn into a useful exercise, as artificially as it may have been performed.

The listening monster

I once almost craved to disappear into the carpet of a boardroom by a sense of shame never experienced before. It was after a tough preparatory session with Tony, an enormously assertive manager with a consultant background. Great in most disciplines, but definitely not in listening. Now he had been promoted to a top position and he needed to lead a very senior team whose support he depended upon. We discussed the importance of listening and he made pages of notes, asked many questions and seemed to have grasped the gist of why listening would help him grow in the organisation. The next day he had his first meeting with the top team. Igor was asked to inform everyone on the latest developments in an important market. The operations were loss making and the grapevine had already given up on Igor, thinking him likely to be fired, in spite of being the big CEO’s darling. Igor starts to give his update. And Tony suddenly, and, at least to my observation, abruptly turns his chair towards Igor, throws his right elbow onto his knee and leans his head on his fist intensely looking Igor in the eyes. He seems to inhale every word Igor spells out, he nods vigorously, smiles profusely at Igor and the more he applies the lessons of the previous day the more I sweat blood. I’m really embarrassed. Tony’s posture is so ridiculously exaggerated and artificial that not only Igor, the whole team simply must feel that Tony is only pretending to listen, an attitude even worse than distracted dozing. I knew I was responsible. I was Dr Frankenstein and I had created this Listening Monster, this Fake Listening Robot. It would turn into a disaster. I wanted to melt into oblivion. At some point the good Lord had mercy on all of us and the meeting ended. I tried to sneak out of the room when Igor came to me and asked if he could have a word. I knew my days were numbered. He would figure out that I was the cause of such a fake freak show and would bite my head off. But Igor beamed. ‘Have you seen? Can you believe this? For the first time in my life I have seen Tony really listening!’ What had happened was clear, at this point: Igor hadn’t noticed the exaggeration, he simply experienced for the first time not being interrupted by Tony, not being corrected and flooded with the consultant jargon Tony normally used showing off his superior intelligence. It was such a novelty that Igor didn’t perceive the clumsiness of the listening exercise. And no one else had, either. It did the trick.

Reading the speaker

Body language is an art in itself. There are entire books, some of them with very funny illustrations and photos, on body language. The funniest are the Italian ones. Few people know that less than 10 per cent of the people of the freshly united Kingdom of Italy in 1860 spoke Italian. Before 1860 there was no Italy as there were no Italians speaking one language. The people spoke Neapolitan, Venetian, Piedmontese, Sardinian, Sicilian and so on. And they could barely understand each other. To this day I wouldn’t be able to understand one single sentence in Sardinian. On top of it, my home country had been a patchwork of city states, regions, dukedoms and kingdoms which had been governed by Arabs, Spaniards, Germans, Austrians and French rulers before becoming a nation-state. This explains why we Italians speak with our hands. It’s to bridge the language gap with the authority, represented by foreign rulers. Or with our fellow countrymen speaking remote dialects and languages.

This early training in body language has made me aware of the many shades of non-verbal expression.

Having had to attend family ceremonies and events at a very early age – and not necessarily enjoying them – I once played a game with one of my siblings. We were simply speaking about football but our faces made expressions of awe, we put our hands in our face and into our hair, we gaped at each other and immediately people around us would stop to speak and look at us, their faces mirroring our own expressions of an impending catastrophe. We then laughed out loud and made fun of the uncles and aunts who were scared by our apparent tragedies. My ears still hurt from my father’s slap. The exercise had been a success though. It taught me the power of body language.

Neurology’s progress in the last decades has allowed us to better understand how to read facial expressions. If our eyes wander while we speak, it may show that we are trying to remember something (looking to the upper left) or that we are trying to imagine something out of the blue (eyes looking to the upper right), if they turn to the left we try to remember something we have heard, to the right if we try to construct a sound never heard before. If our eyes are pointing down to the left we are just asking ourselves something; if they are eyes pointing down to the right we are experiencing feelings. Entire books have been written on these subjects, all inspired by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, the founders of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

What is important for the Listening Leader is the awareness that we basically have three ways of thinking: the visual way, the auditory way and the feelings way. Most of us have a preference. We can either see a memory, we remember a scene, a picture of people sitting around a table, how they were dressed, whether it was a day with summer light or with a grey sky. Others may remember perfectly well the music the radio played on a certain day, the voice of the grandfather, the sound of pans and dishes in the kitchen while others again can tell you exactly how they felt on that day, whether they held the hand of their sister or whether coffee was served, freshly brewed with a mild aroma.

Knowing about these thinking patterns allows us to read the other much better, to ask different people different questions, eliciting the best expression of their thinking and thereby reaching a much higher level of listening sophistication. If you know what language they prefer you’ll be able to allow them to express themselves in the most perfect way and you can get the most out of the other.8

If you want to know whether you are a good Listening Leader, a simple exercise will do. It comes from the Bible of Leadership of General Electric, later published for the benefit of a larger public under the wonderful title of Love ‘Em or Lose ‘Em. The exercise goes as follows: ‘Stop now and write down three or four things you learned from your employees this week. It could be process improvement ideas they have, a customer (or family) challenge they face, or a team issue they struggle with. If you can’t list three or four things you learned, you probably have not been listening carefully enough to your employees.’9

Good communication and its impact on business results

Managers have tasks to accomplish and they have to perform according to their targets. Depending on the company they work for and the job they have, reaching the objectives may be a constant challenge, often frustrating and for some, simply threatening. Why should someone under this pressure consider any additional efforts in better communication instead of ‘just getting the job done’?

Because good communication allows you to get the job done and to increase the performance of the organisation, thus allowing you to over-deliver on your targets.

Bain & Company found out that the answer to a very simple question would allow a company to predict its profitable growth.10

The question is: ‘Would you recommend us to a friend?’ The customer rates his answer on a scale of 0 to 10. Those who answer 0–6 are detractors, 7 and 8 are neutral, 9 and 10 are promoters. So, you take the percentage of customers who are promoters and subtract the percentage who are detractors and you get the net promoter score (NPS). The top companies have an NPS between 50 and 80 per cent. Most average between 5 and 10 per cent. Others again have a negative NPS, which means they lose customers every single day and cannot sustain growth even by aggressively buying new business, a rather expensive exercise. Many excellent companies are run using NPS as the key performance indicator for the stakeholder customer, from Allianz, Apple, Lego, Philips to Progressive and many more.

The system allows us to look at the whole value chain of a company and identify all the moments of truth, all the factors that have an influence on the willingness of a customer to recommend the company. The simple fact that an insurance agent takes a call while he is advising another client personally, will never allow him to score a 10, as good as his piece of advice was. Being interrupted by a phone call in the middle of a conversation about your old age provisions is highly irritating and this irritation will never be mended in the whole insurance relationship from underwriting to payment.

NPS analyses allow us to sustain an enthusiastic customer experience – for big business and small companies, in all industries, in retail as well as in business-to-business propositions. Enthusiastic customers and promoters speak about their experience and become contagious new business generators. Everybody would concede that this is a fair way to grow.

At Allianz we have found a strong correlation between good communication and profitable growth. To investigate further we have worked closely with Bain and the media analysis institute Media Tenor, to relate good internal and external communication and profitable growth.

While carrying out this project we found out that bad communication habits and low scores given by the employees to their managers were clearly measurable in the laggards, companies losing market share and reducing the sustainable profit pool. Good communication habits and an engaged workforce were clearly seen in the loyalty leaders, companies gaining market share and being more profitable than the market. More details can be found in Chapter 7.

Let’s summarise: It’s a smart business move to invest in better communication and learn to listen.

Let’s now look at how good communication can help drive business results.

Communication allows us to know, understand and reflect upon stakeholder interests – and to take them into consideration for our decisions. Business success, broadly speaking, is the result of striking the right balance between the enthusiastic stakeholders (‘Only the NPS 10 counts’) and the company’s interest in sustainable, profitable growth.

Why can’t we simply go all the way and take the input of stakeholders at fair value and just do what they tell us to do?

To make a point, sometimes it’s useful to stretch arguments, or to create hyperboles, exaggerations. So, let’s imagine what it would mean to blindly follow the stakeholders’ wishes and to do this. Let’s take extremes, what I call the hyperboles of creating stakeholder enthusiasm.

What would make the individual stakeholder happy and the company bankrupt? A product for zero price with top-notch quality would enthuse the customers. Paying out the whole turnover of the company as dividend might please the investor. Paying 100 per cent taxes on profits would make the Chancellor of the Exchequer rejoice. And wouldn’t the employees cheer at the announcement that everyone gets five times their present salary and has to work only five hours a week? Everybody would be happy – for a moment – and a moment later the company would be bankrupt.

And, for the sake of argument: What might make the company happy and still drive it to failure, as well? Never paying any dividend, angering the investors, charging high prices for low-quality products, driving customers away, excelling in tax avoidance or even tax sheltering, not really amusing the taxman and so on.

So, matching the best possible outcome for stakeholders with the best possible outcome for a company is the difficult trick. And this is only achievable if the whole organisation interacts smartly with stakeholders, considers their input, weighs it against the general good of the company and adapts the company’s strategy and behaviour to what has been heard from stakeholders, thereby continuously reinventing itself. And explaining what it does, creating transparency. There will always be acceptance for a company making good profits if the stakeholders benefit from the company’s deeds.

So, you need transparency (see Chapter 1) and you need to constantly communicate with your public.

How a company can make best use of stakeholder input

The power of senses is known to all of us, even to those who lack one or more.

The cultivated illiterate

I was on a safari recently and there were six of us sitting in the jeep, some with binoculars, some without. Two of us had a PhD, one had an MBA, two were renowned experts, the last an illiterate. It was a quiet morning, very early and the zebras were pasturing not far from a flock of gnus. We all screened the horizon for predators, the grass slowly waving from a light breeze. One of us looked towards a small group of antelopes on the left, who stopped grazing and looked to our right. This friend slowly lifted his head and smelled the air, felt where the wind was coming from. He turned further to the right and whispered ‘lions’. The rest of us couldn’t see anything. After some time each of us saw that imperceptible reddish-yellow spot under a bush a couple of hundred yards away. Lemeira, the illiterate, our Masai guide, had given us another listening lesson.

Hearing the weak signals of the market and the stakeholders is as important as drawing the right conclusions from an attentive antelope to the direction of the wind. The experience evaluates these facts and the conclusion is that there must be lions to the far right. Listening has become a necessary survival skill in modern economy.

Going on a safari may seem the easier exercise in terms of organising the private listening to the weak signals of the predators (just have a good local guide on board). What do you do in a company to build a listening organisation?

As well as the traditional listening tools of classical business administration (such as market research) and the modern ones (datamining) there are a couple of tools I consider superior because of their trustworthiness.

Ombudsman: The Swedish idea

The Swedish Parliament first instituted an ombudsman back in 1809 to guarantee the application of laws. Ombudsman means representative, proxy, attorney. In business it refers to independent people that oversee the fair application of rules, who guarantee the stakeholders about the proper steps being taken by the organisations they oversee.

Take an excellent and impeccable professional with a clean ethical track record, maybe a judge or a scholar, ideally with grey hair, and make her look at complaints with the eye of the objective observer. Let the ombudsman (who could well be a woman) get an opinion on the dilemmas between the company’s and the customer’s (or any other stakeholder’s) position. Let her be the steward of rules and values.

Here, again, everything stands and falls with the (communicative) qualities of that person. Is it just a bureaucrat, simply looking at paragraphs and their honest implementation? She may well comply with her duties but she is not a Listening Leader, she is not truly communicating.

What does it take for her to step up? She has to listen beyond the rules. Is there a legitimate point in a complaint? Is there a formally correct but emotionally wrong procedure that can be considered fair but also belittles the stakeholder and therefore makes him a detractor of the company?

An ombudsman that looks behind, that questions and challenges, is a precious ombudsman to the organisation that employs him or her.

This can be ensured by having one or two meetings a year, where the ombudsman convenes the departments most concerned by the complaints and listens to their point of view, gathers an impression of the leadership quality deployed in that area. Is the manager defensive? Is she understanding? Does she come up with alternatives to handle processes?

Organisations can improve enormously thanks to a good ombudsman. That is, if both the organisation and the ombudsman listen carefully.

John Smith, board member

Are you just an interested reader, maybe a civil servant who has no professional interest in business and whose role in the economic environment is simply being a customer? Well, you may aspire to become a board member of a stock-listed company. No need to take an MBA or practice management. Just by having a bank account with, let’s say, Commerzbank in Germany. Or simply by using software from Oracle. These companies are just two out of hundreds of companies who have established a customer advisory board.

It basically is a high-level sounding board, a focus group. These boards work well if the prerequisites of communicative leadership are applied:

  1. Customer advisory boards should be made of up to 12 customers. Some companies have bigger boards, I would advise against: a trustful discussion is only possible in a group not larger than 12 people.
  2. Discussions in such boards have to be relevant for all participants and focus on the experiences of customers with the company and the products of the company.
  3. Understand the business of your customers and their real-life situations in using your products. This may allow you to change your products or discover new ones for new customer needs. That’s why you should be very attentive to their issues.
  4. Your role as a company is to be there to listen. Don’t use it as a sales opportunity – this is a listening opportunity. The talk is the customer’s one, not yours. Make sure at least 80 per cent of the air-time is taken over by the customers, not by the company.
  5. Be prepared to change your products and services and even adapt your strategy if there is relevant input from your customer advisory board.

A customer board can be an excellent way to integrate the other listening activities and provide the company with a picture as full as possible on the customers’ views. It is also the opportunity for John Smith to take an active role in the life of the company providing him with important goods. It involves the participants and engages them in real discussions, which results in a much deeper understanding of customers’ opinions, compared to blogs, tweets and posts on social media. They allow discussion of the inputs coming from other sources and complete the picture.

ESG boards – an opportunity to overcome greenwashing

I know I’m biased, but every time I read the term corporate social responsibility (CSR) I become suspicious. Is somebody trying to put lipstick on a gorilla? Generally said, I’m even suspicious of simple donations by a company. If it’s a stock-listed company I always ask myself: who’s paying for this donation and who gets the benefit? Clearly the money of a public company comes from money not spent on salaries or lowering prices for customers or money from the shareholders. Is this money benefiting any stakeholder of the company or a group of people totally unrelated to the company until that moment? Is this money serving the vanity of a hired manager to shine in the public light? Remember, it’s not his money, it’s the company’s money.

I admit that sometimes I take too radical a view, but I remember a very shrewd politician, the late multiple Italian Prime Minister Giulio Andreotti saying: ‘Suspecting ulterior motives is a sin, but you’re mostly right.’ I felt that was a respectable view when your gut tells you something may be wrong. My time served as a journalist left me with a natural suspicion for greenwashing and whitewashing, when soothing PR messages of responsibility for the environment accidentally meet that same company’s reproachable deeds in pollution.

On the other hand I know that well-practised CSR can be a very important factor for the engagement of the employees and a factor increasingly important for the recruitment of talents. It is one of the four pillars of stakeholder acceptance. A company that wants to retain its license to operate has to respond to the demands by society. It has to be an accepted and welcome corporate citizen.

Good CSR should be:

  1. Explained by the company: what is the purpose, what is the strategy, what are the principles of CSR?
  2. Linked to the core challenges of the company and its industry.
  3. A further listening device: to listen to society, non-governmental organisations, neighbours, the public at large.
  4. Eligible to generate output that will impact the strategy and the business practices of the company.

Best-in-class companies are those who say what they think, listen to what the stakeholders say and do what makes the best possible sense for the company and its stakeholders. In other words, where CSR helps changing the company and improves it.

This is why I like the opportunity Environmental Societal Governance (ESG) boards can give. Some companies have already established ESG boards. The idea being to establish a body with the following characteristics:

  1. Representing the top managers responsible for the business, not (just) the corporate communications people.
  2. The ESG board establishes the environmental, societal and governance principles that the company will adopt and makes them public.
  3. These principles are binding for all business units of the company.
  4. This board engages in a permanent dialogue with external and internal stakeholder groups in order to listen to their concerns, proposals, best practices followed by other corporations.
  5. This board is empowered to drive business decisions (within the proper corporate governance), and feed the input of the stakeholders into the strategic process of the company.
  6. Every year the work of the ESG board is made as transparent as possible (some conversations need to be kept private, sometimes, because the external partners want this, not the company). Changes in the strategy of the company coming from the ESG board’s work have to be made transparent as well as any other impact the ESG dialogue has had on the company and its stakeholders.

An ESG board is a modern and efficient way to channel the very diverse impulses coming from society and to challenge the status quo of the company. It may be because of diversity-related issues, concerns for the remuneration of the management or the carbon footprint of the company. These concerns have changed in the past and will continue to change in the future. Only a dialogue with stakeholders allows you to listen into society and not rely solely on media or research – as important as these outlets are in order to grasp trends and fundamental changes in society that may affect the company.

The importance of integrated reporting and of putting your money where your mouth is

We have seen some examples of how to set up a stakeholder (listening) governance that basically allows three things:

  1. To listen to the stakeholders and enter into a true dialogue
  2. To be ready to use this input to change your strategy and business
  3. By involving and empowering the stakeholders this dialogue allows the company to constantly earn a license to operate.

As outlined in Chapter 1, companies providing first-in-class information produce either an integrated report (One Report by Bob Eccles and Mike Krusz of Harvard mentioned in the previous chapter) or they at least publish their performance against the four stakeholders in different reports.

What really matters is the question of whether management compensation is linked to those stakeholder KPIs. The company is credible if as many people in the company are compensated according to the feedback of the stakeholders as condensed in a key performance indicator. That’s not something I need to ask at a shareholder meeting. I want to read this on the company’s website: how much of the top managers’ compensation depends on customer enthusiasm, employee engagement, investors’ return and societal acceptance?

So, where do I put the little parcel with the stakeholders’ input every day?

What do we do with all the input by stakeholders? Is there an address where the parcel is to be delivered with the daily or weekly input by stakeholders? If you want to get into action mode and shape the change there are three natural recipients for your input in your company:

  1. Your own team: The dialogue with stakeholders doesn’t occur in a void, somewhere in the atmosphere, separated from your everyday work, or in some debating society or Viennese cafè. It’s in the daily interactions with our business partners. It’s in your team, then, that this input by stakeholders is analysed and used to constantly improve your performance. Use your normal interactions with your staff to address this listening exercise. Is there a presentation on a new project? It should start with an evaluation of the EMMA of stakeholders (see Introduction). Are you discussing the mid-year review with your direct report? Let her start with rendering what the biggest learnings by stakeholders were in the half-year and what she did with them. Get your people used to always putting themselves into the ‘victim’s shoes’. Discuss strategy regularly with them as you should do with your own boss. Where are we in reaching our objectives? How has the context changed? How can we change ourselves or the context in order to create enthusiasm in our stakeholders, so that they recommend us to friends and family? Never forget the ultimate goal, success and acceptance, which is to increase profitable growth by recommendations from our customers, increase our attractiveness as an employer by becoming a great place to work, grow our market cap because investors like to buy our shares as recommended by the over-performance, gain and retain the license to operate by society, when citizens and institutions recommend us as exemplary responsible corporate citizens.
  2. All the others in the company: Most important is the C-suite. Where that address is, you know. But it may not be the right protocol in your company. Normally the recipients for the input by stakeholders are known, though. In most companies data on customers is managed by the marketing department. Normally, input from investors is dealt with in the investor relations department and in the CFO office. Employee and applicant’s input related to the company is usually processed in the human resources department. Societal issues may have Public Affairs, Governmental Relations (lobbying), ESG office, CSR, legal department as their natural haven. This is an old silo approach, though. More and more often this input is broadly shared within the whole company on corporate social networks, in team-rooms and so on. Beware: sometimes these electronic ‘containers’ are so fragmented that the big picture gets lost. If this is the case, address it in the company. The company has an interest to gather this input and should make it easy to find the proper address (Ombudsman, Corporate Communications, CEO office) where all this information can be sent.
  3. The report: If your employer publishes an integrated report, it will address the performance of the company towards all four stakeholders, along clear KPIs, benchmarked against the competitors. The team compiling the report should be grateful for your input. It may be a fact, a figure, but it also may be a compelling story about an important failure from which you and your team have learnt, a complaint you managed successfully or unsuccessfully. Share your experience – it’s an episode of a saga that should keep your stakeholders awake reading until the sun rises.

Things to remember from Chapter 2, Communication

  1. Management today is mainly communication.
  2. Communicating means listening and speaking.
  3. Stop talking, be quiet and listen.
  4. Do not interrupt.
  5. Try to privilege ‘warm communication’.
  6. Consider creating a customer advisory board.
  7. Consider an ESG board.

A millennial’s view on inter-generational differences in how we communicate and their impact on corporate culture A millennial’s view on inter-generational differences in how we communicate and their impact on corporate culture

The concepts of effective communication are the same as they have always been – listening, using empathy, constructive criticism. The shape that effective communication has taken over time has changed significantly (see Figure 2.1) and is changing at an incredible pace now.

One of the big changes, which reflects a societal shift, is the rise of informality and the breakdown of hierarchical barriers. Not only is there a clearly declining use of the formal address, the German Sie and the Italian Lei, but the boundaries on what is acceptable to say to others are also coming down. Like it or not, this is a development that is here to stay and so we must all adapt. While it may raise issues around respect and hierarchy, the resulting authentic communication and open exchange between different seniority levels can greatly benefit companies. Needless to say, this exchange has to be actively encouraged by creating a safe and informal environment in which junior employees are exposed to senior managers and a conversation is encouraged. Many companies are enabling this through open-plan offices and company retreats, which are a good start. But if the company culture is one encouraging formal inhibition, none of these strategies succeed in their goal.

Figure 2.1 From physical to digital in 70 years – communication patterns

Figure 2.1 From physical to digital in 70 years – communication patterns

This mobile and flat hierarchy environment is one of the attractive features of start-ups for young people. Because of the enthusiasm for the product and common goal that transpires in them, employees feel actively involved in their success. The open communication culture enables them to voice their opinions and shape the company. And isn’t that what all companies want when they speak of engaging employees?

Start-ups cater for some millennial needs

You might think: But people who go into start-ups are fundamentally different to those going to work for established corporations. Not necessarily. Of course, whoever founds start-ups is bound to be entrepreneurial. But employees who join at a second stage are no more so than employees of bigger, older companies. Reasons for joining a start-up include the flexible career progression, rapid learning curve as well as a high number and range of responsibilities. Yet this is not a separate world to the corporate world. Employees of start-ups are not bound to stay there. They might very well enter the corporate world and it is this impact that deserves a closer look.

For many millennials entering the workforce today, working in a start-up is very likely to be one of the first work experiences. This means some of their expectations are shaped there. Since they tend to be comfortable in the dynamic environment of those companies, they will look for that in later employers. While bigger companies can offer certain things these smaller ones cannot, such as formal training, a better salary and benefits package or a larger visibility and prestige, they often fail to offer the very characteristics millennials crave the most, especially when they have had a taste of it somewhere else: a sense of community and a platform for cross-sectorial, cross-hierarchical and cross-departmental communication.

Millennial coach and TEDxter Patrick Boland enlightened me to the statistic that by 2025, 75 per cent of the global workforce will be composed of millennials.11 So if big companies want to still be relevant or even active, they should adapt to this generation’s needs and preferences.

Increasing warmth of digital communication: social media

Now let’s take a look at how millennials communicate. You might be tired of hearing about social media, but unfortunately or fortunately, they are here to stay. Actually, the drive behind them is here to stay. As we know, technology is moving incredibly fast, so social media might just be one of the major manifestations of these drives and new ones will follow.

More conventionally, communication which occurs through technology is of a colder nature, as explained in this chapter. The way in which millennials (and even more so, the Generation Z) use social media, however, might well be a way to make non-physical communication warmer. Through them, a more rounded set of interpersonal communication characteristics can be used, from voices, face expressions, body language, arguably even emoticons, memes and gifs to music, links and shares. While never an alternative for face-to-face communication with regards to the many impactful subtleties there involved, they could, if used in a certain way, make the nowadays necessary virtual exchanges warmer and therefore better.

Enterprise social networks

What happens when social media meet the work environment? They can give a new dimension to intra-organisational communication. But an enterprise social network left alone cannot do all the work. No matter how well equipped with features, if not used correctly and with the right spirit, it is of no value to a business. It needs to be used as an enhancer of communication and driven by a company culture thriving for connectivity. Employees of older generations should not be left out. Millennials can drive the initial take-up, lead by example and so show and teach other employees what can be achieved with these media. One of the most wonderful outcomes of a successful implementation is a more widely shared knowledge across the company. Now, with the help of tags and search function, I might find out that a team on the other side of the world is interested in the same topic as my team for a different project. Maybe they can teach me something they have learned working on it, or maybe we can share the workload. What results is the breaking down of silos, which is such an important element of the current and future successful company.

Social media for improved customer service

Another way in which social media impact the business world is in the realm of customer service. We, as customers, want companies to listen to us, to our ideals, ideas and comments. In some industries and smaller companies, my comment might reach the higher ranks of leadership. Traditionally, that’s where a reaction can occur and subsequent change can happen. Just like when you tell a waiter to call the manager to complain about something, or the chef to compliment a dish, social media are our vehicle to reach the leaders and be heard. And the great thing is that leadership within customer service is now increasingly being shared throughout the hierarchical ranks of companies. These media can be a vehicle for employees to become ambassadors of the brand, to listen, to respond. One example is Dutch airline KLM’s response to the challenge of the Iceland volcanic ashes crisis in 2009. A little while before social media customer service became the norm, KLM, overwhelmed by calls and emails by angry customers stranded all over Europe, set up a social media room to answer to the complaints and frustrations which were being aired on there in a matter of hours. Fuelled by the common goal of providing good service to their customers, KLM employees volunteered to help answer the comments day and night throughout this crisis. Instead of waiting for hours on hold to be able to speak to an operator, customers were able to receive a response to their queries much quicker. This was a successful mitigation of a potential customer dissatisfaction catastrophe. Now most companies have social media departments, and some, including Nestlé, Cisco and Mastercard, even have a social media listening room.

Let’s open our approach to how communication occurs within business, invite in the informal format adopted by innovative company cultures and discover how it can be enriching. Then let’s re-evaluate our current channels and habits of interaction: what to keep, what to adapt and what to toss.

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