Chapter 10

Putting It All Together—Your EI Plan of Action

IS THIS THE END OR JUST THE BEGINNING?

We hope you have enjoyed this exploration into the skills and competencies of emotional intelligence. We hope too that your experience with this book was not just turning one page after another, but rather that you took your time, stopping along the way to consider how the concepts we've discussed had meaning and value for you in both your professional and personal lives. It is our hope that the theory of EI provided, along with the exercises and reflections supplied, brought forth both good insight and good intention for you. Now it's time to convert these insights and intentions into action.

Back in chapter 1, we made the disclaimer that reading this book, in and of itself, would not make you more emotionally intelligent. No written material, training, or coaching alone can accomplish that. The work of growing your emotional intelligence is an everyday commitment. It requires practice, practice, practice. The ultimate goal is to have the skills and attitudes of EI become second nature to you, simply a part of who you are. It's not about doing emotional intelligence; it's about striving to be emotional intelligence. It's a worthy goal with real benefits for those who make such strides. But as with all worthy goals, it is not so easily attained.

LEVERAGING STRENGTHS AND GROWING IN AREAS THAT NEED DEVELOPMENT

Our challenge to you at the beginning of this book was to:

   Recognize, acknowledge, and celebrate your strengths with regard to EI. Leverage these gifts to their fullest potential.

•   Identify areas of EI in which you need to grow. Focus some energy on this by putting in place an action plan for development in these areas.

We hope you took us up on this challenge as you worked your way through this content. Did you come to recognize your gifts, those areas for which your emotional intelligence is already strong? And what about the more difficult task of acknowledging aspects of your emotional intelligence in need of growth-did you uncover some EI skills that would benefit from further development? It is common that after participating in a journey like this one you might be filled with good intentions for implementing some of the ideas presented. As you read through the theory and practice of EI framed here, you were likely thinking of how all of this related to your own life, how you might apply these concepts to the people in your life. Perhaps you began considering how to structure more self-awareness timeouts into your busy day or scripting an emotionally intelligent interaction with someone with whom you have an unresolved conflict. We hope you now sit with your head full of such good intentions.

Unfortunately, it is equally common that these good intentions never actually get fulfilled. Just as you close this book and put it on the shelf, your intentions often go with it. Shelving these intentions obviously will not get you where you want to go in terms of this content. Now is the time to capture your intentions, integrate them, and purposefully put them into action. We'd like to provide you with a structure for doing just that.

ACTION PLANNING

Action planning must begin with a clear sense of what it is you need to act on. Although there may be many situations in your life where you can see value in applying your EI to its fullest potential, we're going to suggest that you begin by identifying just one area for starters. Once you achieve success in this first, highest-priority area, you can come back and design an action plan to take on your next development opportunity. Our experience has been that people often fail to achieve their goals simply because they take on too many at once. We encourage you to focus on just one change at a time to maximize your success in this growth process.

Begin by considering these questions:

   What one aspect of your life would gain significant value from applying some of the concepts of emotional intelligence? This would likely be framed as some personal or interpersonal opportunity or challenge currently on your radar for which EI might support a successful outcome.

   What does a successful outcome look like in this situation?

   If this is an interpersonal scenario, who are the players involved?

   Which aspects of EI are critical to your effectiveness in this scenario?

   What specific behavioral action could you take to move closer to your desired outcome here?

Use this needs-analysis table to map all of this information (see Table 10-1). Feel free to modify this format to suit your specific style and/or needs as necessary.

With a target for action now identified and having initiated some thoughts on what effective action may look like, now you are ready to formalize an action plan. Action plans don't need to be fancy; they are simply a format to help you clarify and capture your intention and map your progress toward successfully carrying it out. Our suggested action-planning format includes these elements:

Table 10-1. Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work: A Needs Analysis

   The general area of EI in which the work is going to be done.

   The specific action you are committing to carry out.

   How you intend to measure the successful implementation of the action.

   A time frame within which you will carry out the action, including a date for final evaluation, modification, and reassignment as necessary.

   A clarification of why you want to implement this action, what value the action will bring for you in your life.

   An expression of your degree of commitment to fulfilling this action.

Use this action-planning table to map out your action plan (see Table 10-2).

Note that this action-planning form includes two components that are not always found on such forms: what the effort will achieve and what your commitment level to that achievement is. We feel these pieces are essential to a viable action plan.

Asking yourself what this effort will achieve allows you to clarify for yourself the “What's in this for me?” question. Throughout this book we've suggested many things that could and perhaps should be done with regard to EI to enhance your performance, your relationships, and perhaps even your life overall. But just because we say that these are important things to do doesn't necessarily mean you should do them. The actions you commit to must have meaning for you and add value to your life. You are the only one who can fully determine what those action commitments need to be. Think carefully about the behavioral changes you are about to commit yourself to. What will the achievement of these acts bring to your life? How will they make your life better overall? Are they compelling enough for you to devote the energy and focus required to see them through?

Table 10-2. EI Development Plan of Action

Our suggestion that you cite a commitment level on a scale of 1-10 stems from the importance of doing a little reality check with regard to goal setting. We have no doubt that your life is quite full, even overflowing perhaps, with things calling for your attention. Through this action-planning process, we are encouraging you to add yet another thing on which to spend your limited focus and energy. How do you prioritize this work in the midst of all else that is calling for your attention? We suggest that you place a value on your degree of commitment toward fulfilling this action, toward making it a part of your everyday routine even if it means that something else gets bumped or otherwise suffers a bit of neglect. Is your commitment level a 9 or is it a 6? In our minds, if you assign anything less than an 8, you may as well forget about it-it's just bound to get lost in the shuffle and there's no sense in even pretending otherwise. Be honest with yourself and your situation. If your commitment level is below an 8, maybe you've chosen the wrong area of focus. Go back to your “What's in it for me question?” and re-evaluate just how important that outcome is for you. Is there an action you could commit to that might bring greater value and warrant a higher degree of commitment?

These two points-what your proposed action will bring to your life and how committed to that action you deem yourself to be-comprise key pieces of the internal support mechanism that you build in support of your desired growth around EI. In clarifying why you want something and how committed you are to getting it, you're establishing an emotional connection with your goal, as discussed in chapter 6. This connection is critical to your success with this development process.

But an internal support mechanism alone is not enough; you need to establish an external support mechanism as well. Once you've locked in your own internal commitment and dedication to achieving your development goals, go out and seek others to lend their support to you in this endeavor. Choose people you trust, respect, and who you know care about you, tell them what you intend to work on in terms of your growth and development around EI, and enlist their help as allies in this process. Invite them to keep an eye on you, reinforcing you when you're on track with your intended actions and calling you on it when you slip off course a bit. This is a difficult course to navigate alone regardless of how truly self-aware you may be. Feedback, encouragement, friendly nudges, and positive acknowledgment from others are critical to your success in achieving the growth and development you seek. Who can you invite to join you in this journey?

One Last Glimpse into the Classroom: The Journey

At the very beginning of each of our EI training courses, we go over basic items by referring to a list of “frequently asked questions.” We frame these as primary things the participants have on their minds with regard to how our day's exploration of emotional intelligence may go. We humorously suggest that the most frequently asked question among participants is: What time will we be done today? This often wins us a chuckle from the group. It is 8:30 a.m., the course has just begun, and people already want to know what time we'll be wrapping up! The next, closely related question is then: What time is lunch? We are, of course, establishing some basic expectations for the class. And the third frequently asked question in our course on emotional intelligence: Will there be a group hug? Of course, by now, we truly hope that our participants (and you!) realize that group hugs and the like are not what emotional intelligence is all about. Finally we raise the question we all really need to ask of ourselves: Is Jeff emotionally intelligent? Is Karl emotionally intelligent? The answer for us, of course, is that we are both on the journey-somewhere between Social Awareness 101 and our PhD in Advanced Empathy Skills. We often teach what we need to learn. Sometimes knowledge is in our heads more than our hearts, our hands, and our feet. C.S. Lewis once wrote: “My imagination far exceeds my obedience.” That's one thing we can say with certainty. We are all on this journey. Once you understand what the journey is all about, you will begin to recognize and meet other people who are also on the journey. Their place in the journey will rub off on you, and your place in the journey will affect them. Together, we will discover the contagious effect that we can all have on each other's growth. Welcome to the journey!