Index

ABCs of life, 59–61, 80, 103–04 120–21. See also Activating events

Activating events, 59–61, 80, 103, 120

beliefs about, 60

consequential response, 60

Adversity, overcoming, 71–80

brain training, 75–76

emotional brain, 76

focusing on goal, 74

motivation, clarity for, 77

optimistic achievement, 77–80

sacrifice, 72

self-awareness, 76–77

vision, expression of, 77

Agreement, empathy, distinguished, 87–88

Amygdala, 42–43

Anger, 110–111, 113

managing, 64–66

pleasantness, mixing, 65

postponing response, 64

reframing, 65

Anthony, Susan B., 135

Anxiety, managing, 66–67

Anxiety inventory questions, 66

Behavioral strategies for managing emotions, 56–57

Beliefs, self-defeating, 60–64

Blockers of feeling, 97–99

Bolton, Dr. Robert, 97

Brain, 76, 120

emotional override, 39–41

training of, in overcoming adversity, 75 76

Bridges, William, 104

Burnout, depression, managing, 69–70

Change, 102–9, 120–21

emotional intelligence and, 52, 102–9, 120–21

motivation for, 121

Choosing battles, 65–66

Clarity, motivational, in overcoming adversity, 77

Coding messages, 92–93

Cognitive programming, 69

Cognitive strategies, for managing emotions, 58–59

Components of emotional intelligence, 10–12

Confidence, 25–34

Conflict, 109–16

resolving, 111–16, 121

Confronting emotion, 36

Cooperation, 114–115

Covey, Stephen, 86

Depression, managing, 69–70

Derailment, 6–10

success, contrasted, 3–10

Discussion of problems, deflection through, 93–94

Disruptive emotions, 43–48

Distortion, in listening, 96

Distractions, for listeners, 95

Ellis, Dr. Albert, 59–61

Emotional intelligence, 71–72

ABCs of life, 59–61

action planning, 143–48

activating events, 59–61, 80, 103–04, 120

amygdala, 42–43, 125–28

behavioral strategies, 56–57

brain, training of, 75–76

change, 102–9

cognitive strategies, 58–59

components of, 10–12

confidence, 32–34

conflict, 109–16

disruptive emotions, 44–48

dissonance, 126

emotional understanding, 49–50

emotionality, 37–38

empathic listening, 89–96

empathy, 83–84

feeling blockers, 96–99

gatekeeper, emotional, 41–42

goal achievement, optimistic, 79–80

job description, living beyond, 27–28

Johari Window model, 29–32

leadership, 123–24

leveraging strengths, 142–43

motivation, clarity for, 77

optimism, 78–79

override, emotional, brain and, 39–41

reaching out, 84–86

reactive behavior, 44–48

relational thinking, 28–29

relationship management, 101–2

resonance, 126–29

self-awareness, 21–23, 76–77

self-concept, Johari Window model, 29–32

self-defeating beliefs, 60–64

self-esteem, 32–34

self-management, 17, 54–56

social awareness, 99–100

success, derailment, contrasted, 3–10

teamwork, 116–20

understanding, 11–12

visionary leadership, 135–36

Emotional self-awareness, 13–24, 49, 54, 111–13

defining, 16–17

in overcoming adversity, 78–79

performance and, 18–19

steps toward, 20–21

Emotional understanding, 48–49

Emotionality, 37–38

Empathic listening, 89–96

practicing, 99–100

Empathy, 83–84

agreement, distinguished, 87–88

Expectations, realigning, 65

Extrasensory perceptions, 34

Feedback, seeking, 32–33

Feeling blockers, 97–99

invalidating responses, 99

judging responses, 98

sending solutions, 98–99

Feeling vocabulary, developing, 23–24

Ferguson, Marilyn, 105

Focus upon goal, in overcoming adversity, 74–75

Forgiving of self, 69

Garfield, Dr. Charles, 28

Goal achievement, 71–80

brain training, 75–76

emotional brain, 76

focusing on goal, 74–75

motivation, clarity for, 77

optimistic achievement, 78–80

sacrifice, 72

self-awareness, 76

vision, expression of, 77

Goleman, Daniel, 11, 16, 31, 78, 119, 128

Guilt, 67

facing feelings of, 66

managing, 66–68

shame, differentiating, 68

taking responsibility for, 68–69

Gut feelings, 34

Hunches, 34

Ingham, Harrington, 30

Inspiration, 124–40

amygdala, 125–35

co-creation of vision, 138

congruent messages, 133

connection to vision, 139

creation of vision, 140

dissonant influence, 126–27

emotional contagion, 130–31

emotional needs, 138

empathy, 133–35, 140

as influence, 123–24

leveraging power of vision, 137–39

messages sent, mastering, 140

mood, managing, 139

positive feeling messages, 132

resonant influence, 126–35

self-management, 129–30

tailoring to individual, 121

toxic leadership, 124

values alignment, 137–138

vision enrollment, 136–38

Intuition, 34

Invalidating responses, as feeling blockers, 99

Inventory of anxiety, questions, 66

Irrationality of worry, recognition, 66

Johari Window model, 29–32

Judging responses, as feeling blockers, 97

Lack of self-awareness, emotional, 17. See also Emotional self-awareness

Leadership, 123–40

amygdala, 125–35

co-creation of vision, 138

congruent messages, 133

connection to vision, 139

creation of vision, 140

dissonant influence, 126–27

emotional contagion, 130–31

emotional needs, 138

empathy, 133–35, 140

as influence, 123–24

leveraging power of vision, 137–39

messages sent, mastering, 140

mood, managing, 139

positive feeling messages, 132

resonant influence, 126–35

self-management, 129–30

toxic leadership, 124

values alignment, 137–38

vision enrollment, 137

visionary, 123–40. See also Vision

LeDoux, Dr. Joseph, 42

Lewis, C.S., 148

Listeners, distractions, 95

Listening

distortion in, 96

empathic, 89–96

practicing, 99–100

Listening skills, 100

Listening to feelings, 69

Log of self-awareness, 23

Luft, Joseph, 30

Manipulative tool, worry as, 67

Maxwell, John, 84

Meanings of words, variability by individual, 92

Mission, 33–34

Modeling emotional intelligence, 121

Motivational clarity, in overcoming adversity, 77

Obsession, 66

Optimism, 121

Optimistic achievement, 78–80

Out-of-control emotions, 9

Overcoming adversity, 71–80

Perspective, 22

Plan of action, emotional intelligence, 141–48

Proactiveness and, values, living, 33

Problems, discussion of, deflection through, 93–94

Professional help, seeking, 70

Purpose, developing, 33–34

Reaching out, 84–86

Reactive behavior, 44–48

Reflection

on emotions, 22–23

on results of interaction, 99

Relational thinking, 28–29, 70

Relationship management, 101–2, 106–9

Resentment, 111

Reward, 72

Sacrifice, in overcoming adversity, 72

Seeking professional help, 70

Self-awareness, 13–24, 49, 53, 111–13

defining, 16–17

in overcoming adversity, 77

performance and, 18–19

steps toward, 20–21

Self-awareness log, 23

Self-concept, Johari Window model, 29–32

Self-defeating beliefs, 60–64

Self-esteem, 32–34

Self-forgiveness, 69

Self-management, 17, 49, 54–55, 113–14

Self-talk, 70

Seligman, Dr. Martin, 78

Senge, Peter, 138

Shame

guilt, differentiating, 68

managing, 67–69

Signals to act, emotions as, 38

Small successes, creation of, 70

Social awareness, 81–100, 114–16, 121

coding messages, 92–93

discussion of problems, deflection through, 94–95

distortion, in listening, 96–97

empathic listening, 89–96, 99–100

empathy, 83–84

feeling blockers, 97–99

listeners, distractions, 95

listening skills, 100

reaching out, 84–86

reflection, on results of interaction, 100

word meanings, variability by individual, 91–92

Solution-sending, as feeling blockers, 98–99

Strengths, leveraging, 142–43

Stress-management, 70

Success, 4–6

derailment, contrasted, 3–9

Teams

building, 121–22

emotional tone of, 122

member appreciation, 122

membership, 122

optimism, 122

process, 122

Teamwork, 115–19

enhancing performance with, 118–20

process of team, 117–18

Transition, 104–6

Triggers, finding, 64

Trump, Donald, 117

Unmanaged emotional behaviors, 9

Variability of word meanings, by individual, 91–92

Vision, 124–40

amygdala, 125–35

co-creation of, 138

congruent messages, 132

connection to, 139

creation of, 140

dissonant influence, 126–27

emotional contagion, 130–31

emotional needs, 138

empathy, 133–35, 140

enrollment in, 137–38

expression of, in overcoming adversity, 78

as influence, 123–24

leveraging power of, 137–39

messages sent, mastering, 140

mood, managing, 139

positive feeling messages, 132

resonant influence, 126–35

self-management, 129–30

toxic leadership, 124

values alignment, 137–38

Word meanings, variability by individual, 91–92

Workplace issues, 101–22

anger, 111, 114

brain, 119

change, 102–9, 119–20

motivation for, 120

conflict, 109–16

cooperation, 114

inspiring performance, tailoring to individual, 121

modeling, 121

optimism, 121

relationship management, 101–2, 106–9

resentment, 111

self-awareness, 111–13

self-management, 113–14

social awareness, 114–16, 121

teams, 121–22. See also Teams

teamwork, 116–20. See also Teamwork

transition, 104–6

Worry

irrationality of, recognition, 66

as manipulative tool, 67

with purpose, 66–67