Paul: John, you look frustrated or annoyed, I can’t tell which. Are you having problems with the project team? Establishes coaching context; no negative judgment; positive intent and questioning.

John: Is it that noticeable? I guess it is written all over my face. I’m both frustrated and annoyed! Yes, the project team is having difficulties, and the real problem is the client. Hidden, transparent thoughts come to the fore; reasoning explained.

Paul: How is the client being difficult, and how is that affecting the contract? What’s going on? Further expanding the reasoning and positive intent through questions.

John: Johnson keeps changing his mind. I have had clients change their minds, and I know how to manage such situations and keep the client happy. What’s making this difficult is Johnson keeps blaming me and the team. I’ve tried using change reports and showing him that everything we are doing is in line with what he shared in the last meeting. Unfortunately, he comes up with all these “far out” ideas in between the meetings and I’m having trouble managing that behavior. Further expanding the pool of knowledge because he feels safe.

Paul: Interesting. You say he doesn’t respond positively to change reports or being reminded of what he said before? Can you think of a way to move him forward, not making a big deal about him changing his mind, while still keeping everything within the scope of the project? Powerful question to get John to see beyond his “stuck” point.

John: That’s my point. That’s what I keep trying to do. I’m stuck. Natural resistance and acknowledges he is stuck and might need help. Is now open to more listening and alternatives.

Paul: Remember about two years ago—I know it was a while back—you were assisting me with Jane Morgan? She was a real pain, remember? Creating a future scenario with a similar story. Captures John. Puts John in another place beyond being stuck. Suggests other pathways.

John: I sure do. I can’t believe how you kept your cool from meeting to meeting. Let me see. I remember you stayed positive. You always complimented her on her great ideas. Oh, wow, I remember now; you kept saying, “Oh, I see you have done some additional thinking from the last time we talked.” John begins to see the connections and possibilities. He starts to reframe his situation.

Paul: That’s right. I never demonstrated any frustration. In fact, remember that one time when she did a complete 180 and I said, “Wow, what creative thinking!” I saw you trying to hold in your laughter. Further learning added to the pool of knowledge.

John: Yep. And, I get your point. She loved the compliments. Homing in on the learning.

Paul: And, quite frankly, her additional ideas and thinking had merit from time to time. So, it was important for me to listen and figure out how her newest idea could be easily done or whether it required an additional adjustment to the contract. Suggesting alternative reaction to the situation and thus alternative action other than frustration.

John: Yes, I see what you mean. Clear acknowledgment from coachee.

Paul: A question I like to ask myself is, “How can I build a bridge between what the client now wants and what we had previously agreed to?” That tends to put me in a problem-solving frame of mind, and I can take the client along the path with me. Coach offers a helpful tool and helps coachee see how that can be used in this future scenario they are building.

John: Yep. That is probably something that will work with Johnson. Coachee has reframed and can see himself trying this out. Coachee has moved beyond being stuck into choice and declaration.

Paul: I think it will. What I have found, John—see what you think about this—is that most people just want to be heard. Some clients can get all their thoughts out in one swoop and one neat contract. Others need you to stop and help them catch up at every meeting. How might you incorporate this in your next meeting with Johnson? Coach makes a specific request now that coachee sees the picture. Coach further expands on the rationale and the consequences of the new behavior. Coach also engages coachee and asks a question to keep coachee on the path with him. Coach is holding coachee’s agenda and encourages him to continue to play out the steps and action. This further solidifies that the behavior will be tried and practiced.

John: As you said, sometimes it just means making a minor adjustment, and other times I might need to say, “I really like that idea and I believe it will make the product stronger. It will mean two more weeks of production that I will need to add to the contract. Is this OK with you, or would you like to rethink how we might go about this?”

Paul: Exactly. That’s how I would handle it. Is this helpful? How might you take this and apply it to reduce your frustration and get closer to the result you are seeking? Getting agreement and establishing accountability.

John: I’m meeting with Johnson on Friday. I’m definitely going to try it. It should work until the next frustration comes along! Thanks, Paul. Choice, open declaration of action, and accountability.

Paul: Sounds good. I’ll come by on Monday to find out how it went. Given that I have not worked with Johnson before, maybe you can share some additional tips with me! Sealing the accountability and re-establishing the trust of mutual learning.