CHAPTER 5

Correspondence: Communicating to Leadership Externally

While most of the chapters in this book provide cases internal to a company—communication between coworkers or people within the same organization—this chapter focuses on examples and cases with external situations. Because various office politics affect internal communication, it is much easier to illustrate the principles introduced in Chapter 2 with an external message. In this chapter, we will consider a situation that involves raising the awareness of a company’s leadership about a problem with the company and requesting action on it. Application of neuroscience to messages can facilitate better communication outside of the workplace as well as within it.

Elements of Effective Claim Messages

As a private consumer or business customer or client, you often will need to communicate with someone in a company with which you are doing business. In a business setting, such situations may involve communicating with another company, such as supplier, about a problem your company is having with its processes or operations. In business communication circles, we refer to such a message as a “claim message.” This is a message that calls attention to a problem a customer or client has with a product or service and seeks an adjustment. Among Hamm’s¹ “five messages leaders must manage,” this is likely to fall under those of Results: articulating weak or poor results, but framing the message as a tool to improve results; and Corporate Culture: defining standards for success. When communicating with peers at other companies, the general expectation is that both you and they have high standards.

Such a message should include details involved in the purchase, use or application, recognition of the problem, and attempts to address it. These form the narrative of the experience. A claim message, also, may be relatively long compared to other kinds of messages because of the importance of these details. The details provide information to help the reader understand the entire experience, the related product or service, and how his own company may be responding to it. The clarity of the situation conveyed with those details is very important to helping the reader understand how to respond. One should not sacrifice clarity for conciseness.

The claim message can also include suggestions for addressing the problem, providing parameters of what the customer thinks is a reasonable response. Tact and diplomacy are also important within such messages, applying principles of reader perspective, or sensitivity to the audience’s perspective. Such messages may occur via e-mail, of course; however, they may involve hard copy print exchanges as well. Though the discussion that follows includes letter formatting elements, the principles of message development apply equally to both letters and e-mail. However, a letter may bring with it a different kind of response than an e-mail.

A business letter may have a certain impact depending on how it is presented. Letterhead adds a visual attribute—a fancy design or logo—that makes the message seem more official than if a letterhead was not included. Letterhead may also include a haptic (or touch or tactile) attribute if it is raised. These elements create a rhetorical effect. A message from an attorney’s office on letterhead stationery may seem a bit more intimidating than if there was no letterhead. Likewise, letterhead on a message from a hospital or doctor’s office makes the message seem more official. The letterhead seems to add ethos to the message. The letterhead seems to add credibility about the attorney’s, hospital’s or physician’s position of authority to the message.

The envelope in which the letter or document is contained can also contribute to the effect. Most people are used to receiving letters in letter-sized envelopes. We have learned through experience that a large envelope suggests that something important is inside. A letter that is delivered directly to someone’s office by the mail carrier and requires the recipient’s signature to verify delivery may also create a certain response from the reader or recipient that it would not have had without that element. The letter seems more official and, consequently, more important. The combination of elements associated with the message can enhance a message’s effect.

Analysis of a Claim Message

In this section, we will consider an actual message I sent to the leadership team of a major insurance provider after my wife and I experienced considerable frustration resolving some problems in coordinating our employer-related insurance benefits. I discussed the situation and letter in The Neuroscience of Multimodal Persuasive Messages,² but I treat it a bit differently here. While this example is a form of a claim message from an employee or customer to a provider, consider similarities it could easily have with a message from a vice president of human resources to an insurer upon learning of problems employees are having with the company’s insurer. While the vice president might omit some of the more specific details provided, he would compose a very similar message, though he might contact the insurer by phone to address the situation. Nevertheless, he would convey the problems, using a few examples of the difficulties employees are having.

While names of people and organizations involved in the situation and message have been changed (shown later in Figure 5.1) to protect the privacy of those involved, I left virtually all of the remaining details intact. As I composed the message, several attributes of neuroscience were on my mind, particularly mirror neurons, reward neurons, and plasticity. I also integrate consideration of attributes related to the hippocampus, encouraging the audience to recall past experiences.

In crafting the letter, I started with the rhetorical situation relative to the formula provided in Chapter 2. I then applied the formula within the message:

Situation

As I mentioned, my wife and I had experienced frustration at the inability to coordinate medical coverage between our respective employer-related benefits. Coordination of benefits occurs when multiple insurers are involved in possible coverage of members, and it is the act of contacting each insurer to indicate which insurance carrier is the primary insurance and which is secondary for billing purposes. My wife and I had insurance coverage for our family as full-time employees of our respective employers. While coverage was provided by different companies, the two companies were actually affiliated with each other. In spite of our efforts to coordinate benefits, the carriers constantly confused which was the primary and which was the secondary insurance; and we continued to receive bills for covered care.

We had made several phone calls—to both insurance companies and to billing offices—to try to correct the situation; but our efforts seemed always to fail. Our experience is detailed, for the most part, in the letter. A staff member at a billing office shared with my wife an experience she had with her family that was similar to ours. She even provided what she thought was happening to cause the errors; as someone who is experienced with billing processes, we assumed she understood what was probably happening better than we could. I decided to contact the leadership team of the main insurance carrier for several reasons: Not only was I frustrated at the amount of time it was taking to correct the issue, the companies were affiliated with each other. So, coordinating benefits between the two companies should not have been that challenging. Also, considering that our experience was not unique and the issue may be internal to the companies, I felt that the leadership team needed to be aware of the experiences involving multiple units within its entities. Management may not be aware of specific issues personnel at lower levels are having if those people are trying to address it themselves without alarming management at higher levels.

Desired Action or Response

At minimum, I wanted to be able to correct the issue that was causing the problem. Why were we still getting these bills when they should have been paid by insurance companies that are affiliated with each other? Why was there so much confusion between two affiliated companies?

Additionally, my wife and I wanted them to understand the inconveniences the situation caused us relative to time and effort. We spent a lot of time on the phone with the various people involved. We both work full time and manage a busy household. It seemed quite a bit of our valuable and scarce time was spent on the phone trying to address this issue.

Here are some issues we considered in our communication.

Audience’s Needs

I was not able to ascertain the leadership team’s e-mail or phone contact information on the company’s website. The only contact information I could find there was the address of the headquarters. So, I decided to write a letter detailing the situation and problem. In business writing pedagogy parlance, the letter would be considered a claim letter.

The letter was addressed to the president of the company and was copied to several relevant vice presidents, since multiple units of the business seemed to be contributing to the problem. Had I ascertained that only one unit was involved, I would have addressed only that vice president. As such, the audience is most of the company’s leadership team, and the purpose of the message is to address a problem with coordination of benefits. The excerpted message is provided in Figure 5.1. You will note a lengthy narrative; however, that narrative has a purpose—to help the readers clearly understand the experience and engage neural phenomena.

Figure 5.1 Example of a claim letter requesting action

Discussion

I sent each copy of the letter illustrated in Figure 5.1 to the recipients in a U.S. Postal Service Express Mail envelope. It is a little larger in size and of a heavier stock than standard paper or standard envelopes. I did not fold the paper containing the message and enclosures. The pages of the message and the enclosures were paper-clipped together inside the envelope.

As I indicated, the message is longer than most would perceive acceptable for a business message; however, it represents several months of experiences and the details are important to help the reader understand the situation. Consider, though, that the main point is conveyed in the first paragraph and the remainder of the message is the detailed explanation of it. In this respect, it applies elements of lean communication. Again, a vice president of human resources would likely omit some of the thicker details in a business-to-business message. However, the narrative helps establish the frustration we experienced, and that is important to convey. I introduce the topic and purpose in the opening paragraph—standard in any business writing situation.

I also make an immediate connection to the company’s values and philosophy. This is my first integration of neuroscience, and it will appeal to the audience quickly. Leadership is always concerned about how the company is meeting its corporate mission, philosophy, and values. In some executive-level settings, presentations must begin with an explicit reference to the topic’s positioning within the company’s mission and philosophies; that is how important those elements are to a company’s leadership. This appeal combines both pathos (emotion) and logical reasoning that is based on neural plasticity associated with leadership development. Leaders learn how to use these terms in communication, and they learn to value the concepts. I have immediately engaged a value of my audience.

In the second paragraph, I provide a “good feeling” message, referring to previous experiences with the company and offering some element of reward—success in the past. Usually, when something about us or our work is critiqued, a critique that includes some positive elements of us or our work is likely to be better-received and seem less like an attack than one in which only negative attributes of us or our work are presented. It reflects some objectivity in assessing our work, helping to establish the speaker’s or assessor’s own credibility. It, also, feels better knowing that we did something well. I call attention to the specific issue, again, referring explicitly to the company website. This shows that I have researched the company. There is a mirroring dynamic here. Leadership was likely involved in developing the statements. As educated professionals, they probably do quite a bit of research online themselves. I have shown that I am researching the company and reading their statements. I mirror their actions and values.

Paragraphs 3 through 5 outline our negative experiences, alluding explicitly to hospital billing departments having a problem. This suggests an issue with customer service and, possibly, communications; so those officers are paying close attention to this part of the message. This review of incidents is also a logical appeal, drawing on reward neurons of the audience. If others are experiencing and noting a problem, this is bad for the company’s reputation. Consequently, an effect on the amygdala also occurs; the company leaders fear the implications of a bad reputation. Many will be aware of reports about other leaders and executives who have been fired or had to resign because of an event or operational problem that resulted in compromising the company’s reputation, especially if the executive was aware of the problem and did nothing about it. The leadership team knows it will be held responsible for repercussions related to this problem. Generally, if we understand that we will be held responsible for something bad happening, to the point of losing our job, we try to address the issue quickly to eliminate or minimize the potential problem.

In paragraph 6, I acknowledge the billing department staffer’s speculation about a cause, linking it to our experience as well as linking it to the company’s values and philosophy. In connecting our experience to the company’s values, I draw on logical and pathetic appeals based on reward neuron dynamics and plasticity of leadership’s values. In leadership’s experience, they have emphasized these principles internally and are used to expressing action relative to those values and philosophies. These are terms they use on a regular basis, and an outsider is calling attention to them. I am mirroring their language. Further, the staffer’s speculation offers a reasonable cause. She has experienced the coordination problem with a number of patients’ accounts and has observed a pattern emerge. One can draw a logical conclusion about what is happening based on such observations. It is reasonable, further, to understand that a computer system may be programmed to list names alphabetically, contributing to the problem in this situation. Consequently, the information officer understands that he may need to look into this possible issue with the information system.

Paragraphs 7 to 10 are where I actively and explicitly engage mirror neurons—facilitating connections between me and the audience. I refer to my own experiences in a leadership position; so, they understand that I, too, have “executive-level” experiences and concerns. I can empathize to some degree with them. Generally, we react differently to people who understand our own situation and concerns than we do to someone whom we understand has never experienced what we experience. The reader may understand that I am trying to help them rather than attack them. I also link my education to theirs; I learned from researching their background on the company website that all have an MBA degree, as many executive officers do. MBA education often includes case studies based on real situations. A professor may be aware of the actual action the company took and the outcome of that action and share it with his or her students. I acknowledge my experience in a leadership training program, which most of them have experienced. My message here is that I am not dramatically different from them with respect to our leadership backgrounds. I appeal to them on a personal level as well as professional; leaders are human and have a personal life. From their own experiences as a customer, they would understand the frustration such errors can cause. They understand the importance of one’s credit rating; so, they can mirror and empathize with my frustration. In this sense, I switch the perspective—they can mirror me as a customer concerned about their credit rating.

In paragraph 10, I try to engage reward neurons, but I do not know how the readers will respond to it. By mentioning that I will share their response with my students, I hope that they perceive a potential reward by acting on the situation and corresponding a certain way, making them look favorable. As I note, they likely experienced that discussion in their MBA programs—hearing about how a company responded to a specific case as part of a case study follow up. If the company responded well, the students probably felt it made the company look good. As a case study, they would want students to have that same reaction; their response may help the company to look good. This would be of particular interest to the marketing officer; marketing becomes a challenge when the company’s reputation is suffering.

In terms of delivery, again, I sent this as a letter. There is a multimodal effect related to spatial, tactile, and visual appearance. While I did not include letterhead, I use bold in a few paragraphs; and I sent copies of it in 9” × 12” express mail envelopes to their offices. The bold typeface integrates a visual attribute beyond “normal” typeface. That would get their attention and emphasize particular information. Also, the envelopes would stand out from other mail they may receive, taking up a bit more space than standard letter envelopes. The envelope size design also gave it a more important look than a regular envelope and feels differently than holding a standard-sized envelope.

Further, I included my business card. This draws on plasticity associated with “official” business practices and elicits mirror neurons. Sharing of business cards is a frequent practice as part of a formal introduction. I am mirroring a standard practice they are used to experiencing.

The letter may seem more important, too, coming from a large envelope that included the visual stimuli associated with the words “Express delivery” and other colorful text on the envelope’s design. So, the letter is accessed just after experiencing the envelope’s size, eliciting the perception of importance. Finally, the contents of the envelope involved no fewer than seven pages and a business card; it feels thick. I did not use the larger envelope just to create a rhetorical effect; it would have been impractical to try to fold all of the pages involved into a standard letter mailing envelope. The thickness of the message packet may also create the perception of importance relative to the visual and tactile attributes associated with size.

So, it may have been better to send this message as a letter than as an e-mail. Consider that an e-mail of the same message would have included a number of attachments that may or may not have been delivered well because of technological issues, and the message may not have seemed as important as just another e-mail message.

Result

About a week after sending the message, I received a phone call from someone who introduced herself as the president’s assistant. She acknowledged that the leadership team had received the letter and had talked about it at some length. The president gave it to her and asked her to pursue the situation.

Over the course of several weeks, the situation was corrected, and the assistant encouraged us to continue to contact her directly to address future similar billing issues. Eventually, I received a letter from one of the VPs, in which he indicated new steps the company was taking to assure such a situation would not happen again. We successfully attained our desired result.

Even as we received new bills for services other than those mentioned in the letter, we maintained contact with the assistant to address any bill we perceived to have not been properly handled, and she responded to each situation directly. The president’s assistant had become our direct contact within the company.

Conclusion

What seems to be an entirely “print” business document or message was, actually, multimodal, depending on certain attributes of the format of the message as well as the media associated with delivery. The rhetorical effectiveness of these messages can be affected by decisions regarding such format and delivery features.

Case 5.1 provides an opportunity for your response in regard to another, similar situation, also based on a personal experience. I change details of the situation to develop a workplace-related case.

Figure 5.2 is a variation of the letter that I wrote to the chief operations officer of the home improvement store. I have changed the details pertaining to the personal experience toward applying details of the case study above. My letter brought a similar result as that of the example earlier in this chapter.

Figure 5.2 Example of claim letter seeking adjustment