CHAPTER EIGHT

ABC of Remote Communication

WHEN SARA ROBERTSON first entered the workforce, it looked very different from the world she operates in today. She left Scotland for the States for a summer during university to sell children’s books door-to-door. It was early in the advent of mobile phones, and UK mobile phones simply didn’t work in the US. The technology was different.

Since her team couldn’t easily call or text each other, there had to be a clear plan in place and check-in points with voicemail-box systems. Sara would go to a pay phone (remember those?), dial a number, and receive or leave messages. “There was a rhythm to it. You would check in, and everybody would know the plan and objectives. You could go a whole day or a whole week without really talking to each other.”

Sara noticed that when mobile phones worked, the group lost their ability to organize themselves. “It was because we could communicate all the time that we became less organized and less thoughtful.” The always-on, always-there technology we have now enables people to do things without thinking. And as Sara said, “Remote work requires a lot of thought. The lack of limits prevents us from making good decisions.”

With all our various forms of communication—from phone calls to Zoom, email to WhatsApp, Instagram snaps, TikTok, and LinkedIn—there’s an assumption that more communication must be better. Right? Or why would we be frantically checking our phones all the time?

But what if more communication isn’t necessarily better communication?

THE ELEMENTS OF COMMUNICATION

Think about some of the messages you have received in the past week. The news articles you scrolled through while waiting in the grocery line, the photos you liked on Instagram, the conversation you had with a classmate while waiting for yoga to start. Maybe you laughed at a joke and then sent a cry-laugh emoji. Or you sat through a webinar and a calendar notification popped up for your next meeting.

These may all seem different, but ultimately they all share common elements. Let’s unpack them.

The Communicators: Individuals, Groups, and Systems

Regardless of the medium, there are essentially three types of communicators—individuals, groups, and systems—who can send or receive messages.

You may type an update into a project management tool (individual → system), and then the next morning you might receive an automated compiled update to you (system → individual).

Or you may have a one-on-one chat with your manager (individual → individual) or receive an announcement on a benefits change from your HR team (group → group). Or maybe you gave a presentation to your key stakeholders (individual → group).

Interactions: One-Way, Two-Way, Project-Based

Now that you’ve thought about who is sending and receiving the message, it’s time to reflect on the intended interaction.

One-Way Communication

One-way communication is where one communicator shares information with a person, group, or system that does not need further discussion—for example, alerts, project status updates, or vacation announcements.

Two-Way Communication

Two-way communication is where information is being reacted to by one or more communicators, each sharing new perspectives or information. This might be a Q&A session on a new policy or providing feedback on a deliverable.

Project-Based Communication

While both one-way and two-way communication can happen in project management, communication about a project can be more robust and therefore deserves its own mini-category. In this type of communication, it is helpful to think about all communication tied to getting the work done—such as project planning and prework for meetings and brainstorming sessions.

Transparency: Explicit vs. Implicit

Within communication, there will be elements that are explicit and implicit.

Explicit Communication

The core of the message is stated clearly, leaving no room for doubt or misinterpretation.

Implicit Communication

It’s the opposite of explicit. It’s the negative space. The message is often implied or assumed. It might include reading between the lines or picking up on body language.

As Andrew Gobran of Doist put it, “Explicit is easier to define. It is what you see in front of you. You hear it, and you read it. It’s stated clearly, leaving no room for doubt or misinterpretation. Implicit is the nonverbal, nonwritten aspects. It can be your tone, body language, all of those things. It’s fascinating to think about in the context of remote work because implicit communication is very nuanced and difficult to pull off when you lean toward a more asynchronous written format.”

Timing: Synchronous vs. Asynchronous

Synchronous Communication

Synchronous communication happens in real time. Not limited to face-to-face interactions, synchronous communication can also include Zoom, back-and-forth convos on Slack, email tag, or phone calls.

Asynchronous Communication

Asynchronous communication is slower by design. It is communication where two or more communicators are not participating simultaneously. The responder is empowered to communicate later. While the tools may look the same, like email or Slack, the expectations are different. The recipient can respond when it’s convenient.

The difference between these two definitions can be summarized in two words: now and later.

For ages, these concepts have been around, from carrier pigeons to letters (asynchronous) to town hall meetings (synchronous). As long as we have had communication, we have created ways to share information both now and later. However, because advancements in technology have changed the work landscape, we now have even more choices in the tools we use to communicate—making the means just as critical as the message.

EXERCISE: Putting It Together

We just threw a lot at you. Let’s put it into practice.

1. Choose two types of communication you received recently: one clarifying, one confusing.

2. Imagine the scenario: What happened? Where did the communication happen? What was the message?

3. Reflect and identify the following (table 8.1):

TABLE 8.1 Elements of Communication

4. Think about its effectiveness: What went well? What was frustrating? How could the elements have been changed to make it more effective?

UNLOCKING THE ABC OF REMOTE COMMUNICATION

Of all the elements of communication discussed, there’s one aspect that can truly unlock the power of remote work: synchronous versus asynchronous communication. This is the cornerstone of remote work that we call the “ABC of remote communication,” an acronym to remember: asynchronous before calls.

This shift requires behavioral changes in individuals and teams. It is more nuanced than having great written communication skills (though that helps!). It’s about knowing when, how, and why this all matters.

Better communication with fewer meetings sounds like a dream come true, right? First, let’s take a real-time assessment of where your communication stands today.

EXERCISE: RW Team Communication Assessment

Reflect on your current types of communication (one-way, two-way, and project-based) and determine whether you’re primarily using async or sync communication today. (Remember, back-and-forth emails are still sync if you’re expected to respond now, not later!)

Then rate the effectiveness and reflect on why (table 8.2). At the end of the chapter, we’ll help you make changes for the better moving forward.

TABLE 8.2 RW Team Communication Assessment—First Take

Views from the Field: To Sync or Async, That’s the Question

Let’s take a look at a few experts’ opinions on when they opt for each format.

When to Go Asynchronous . . .

Planning and Coordination

“Asana is about coordination. What are we going to do? When are we going to do it? You have clarity on what needs to happen. . . . If you’re spending meetings on that, that’s a waste of time.” —ALI BRANDT, PRODUCT LEADER

“Asynchronous is helpful for laying out a plan and milestones. Those things take time to digest. They can’t understand it in a purely auditory form.” —STEPH YIU, WORDPRESS VIP

Getting Things Done

“People are free to work on their own time and then come together for collaboration, frequently, but in small bursts.” —JACLYN RICE NELSON, TRIBE AI

“We never have scheduled calls on Wednesdays unless it is an emergency. . . We do this to protect our team from the calendar creep of meetings and optimize a state of flow.” —KEN WEARY, HOTJAR

Thinking, Reflecting, and Reasoning

“By default, written text is your friend. Unlike on a call, it gives each person time to think about something before responding. Async can also be spoken audio or a video using Loom or Yac, or even Slack. You can drop a video recording. It’s so powerful, especially when people are working in different time zones. You’re not interrupting whatever they’re doing. They can answer you asynchronously later.” —PHIL FREO, CLOSE.COM

“Collaboration can also happen asynchronously. I think sometimes you need to let ideas sink into your mind. We often see our best ideas come when you’re taking a shower or a walk in nature. That is still a collaboration because maybe you’ve been inspired by a conversation or something you read. And then when you’re walking somewhere, all of a sudden those ideas merge.” —LAÏLA VON ALVENSLEBEN, MURAL

When to Go Synchronous . . .

Brainstorming, Iterating, and Clarifying

“And then there’s the brainstorming, the iteration, the stuff where you don’t have clarity on, like, what are we actually going to be doing. There’s value in having a conversation because if you tried to do that over Slack, it would be 50 messages, and you wouldn’t get anywhere. It’s really thinking about what needs to be synchronous versus asynchronous.” —ALI BRANDT, PRODUCT LEADER

Building Momentum and Celebrating

“When you really want to celebrate or get visibility, you’ve got to take it to the weekly team call. . . . Let’s say you want to celebrate a customer story, or a new feature launch, or something that the team doesn’t think about day-to-day. That needs to be synchronous. People feel excitement around the squishy, untouchable feeling of things.” —STEPH YIU, WORDPRESS VIP

Relationship Building and Resolving Conflict

“There are a few cases where synchronous communication is really good: one-on-ones, relationship building, anytime there’s more of an emotional or sensitive topic, like when people are upset about something or are getting frustrated, or if asynchronous back-and-forth discussion is just taking too long.” —PHIL FREO, CLOSE.COM

ASYNCHRONOUS COMMUNICATION: DEEP DIVE

Written communication is the backbone of all asynchronous communication. It is searchable, it’s formattable, and it can easily be consumed later (after storing in your Digital House!). But with the growth of remote work, the medium has expanded: from audio notes to videos and even collaborative whiteboards.

The benefits stay the same regardless of the tool or the medium of asynchronous communication you choose—audio, picture, video, or a combination thereof.

Asynchronous communication does the following:

• Allows for deep focus and fewer interruptions

• Provides time to think, prepare, and produce a response

• Makes room for different time zones and communication styles

• Allows for documentation as default, which increases transparency

The Only Asynchronous Lesson You Will Ever Need (OALYWEN)

We know this is a bold statement (hence we came up with an even more ridiculous acronym to accompany it), but we believe this is the one and only lesson you need to remember when it comes to asynchronous communication, completely agnostic of any fancy tool you wish to use.

OALYWEN is simple, really.

First, you set your expectations, using the 4Ws listed—clarify the following:

1. Who is directly responsible for communicating back and what the role of the others on the team should be (e.g., are they solely listeners, or can they chime in?).

2. What the deliverable looks like for both the DRI and the others and how it will be used.

3. When a response is needed for all involved. Be specific. It is not enough to say ASAP or end of the day, as these things vary from person to person. Use time zones for all involved.

4. Wah-Wah—what will happen if there is no response, and what the next steps will be.¹

Then structure your workflow:

1. Choose the tool to be used and how people should respond. For example, if in Slack, should you use threads? If in Asana, should it be a comment or a subtask?

2. Share the background/context of your request.

3. Explain the content/assignment of the communication.

Let’s put OALYWEN into practice using a fictional story.

EXERCISE: Kayaks and Miscommunication

The situation: Levi is the CEO of Kawana Kayaks (loosely inspired by Ali’s time coliving in Montenegro). In addition to managing his on-site tour guides, he oversees a remote team of web designers, content creators, and salespeople. They are collaborating on the first redesign of the website (after completing the Blueprint, of course!).

The players: Rue, based in Spain, is on point as the directly responsible individual (DRI). Joe and Abhi, based in Ohio and London, respectively, are collaborating on the redesign.

The communication: Levi has two questions for the team based on Rue’s latest user experience study. Due to the time difference and his upcoming holidays, Levi hopes to resolve most of this before the team meeting on Friday; it is currently Wednesday.

Even though their House Rules call for project updates in Asana and Slack for casual conversation, Levi is in a rush. He shoots off a Slack message in the #TeamRemote Slack channel.

Immediately after Levi hits “send,” he realizes his mistake. Not only did he break a House Rule, but he forgot the most critical aspects of asynchronous communication! So what should Levi do? Let’s compare his first message and what he did after remembering the OALYWEN (table 8.3).

TABLE 8.3 OALYWEN Before and After

Looking at the two messages, the new message (applying OALYWEN) is clearer than his original Slack post, but it might be less obvious why. To recap, we recommend checking for understanding using the steps below.

1. Place a heart next to the who that is directly responsible for communicating back. Place a star next to the roles of the others on the team.

2. Underline what the deliverable looks like for both the DRI and the others.

3. Place a square around when a response is needed for all involved.

4. Place a dotted line around the wah-wah.

5. Circle the background/context of your request.

6. Double-underline the content/assignment of the communication.

7. Fill in the blank: Asana was a better place to communicate over Slack because _______________________.

Most Respectful Interpretation

Before we wrap up our section on asynchronous communication, we want to shed light on the dark side of asynchronous communication—when it goes awry. Let’s go back to Levi and imagine if he had not resent the messaging applying OALYWEN.

It all started with Levi’s original message. Like dominos, it set off a quick set of knee-jerk reactions, leading to confusion and stress across the team. The instinct to defend yourself or resolve issues quickly may seem efficient and good-natured, but it can hurt the team in the long run. Asynchronous best practices, such as documentation and giving time for stakeholders to respond, are just as, if not more, important in these heated moments.

We already know what Levi could have done differently. But when mistakes are made (and they will be—we are all human, after all), the best way to respond is to adopt the mental model of Most Respectful Interpretation (MRI). Ali learned this while at DuckDuckGo from her career adviser and the CEO of DuckDuckGo, Gabriel Weinberg, who also highlighted this concept in his book Super Thinking.

MRI is the mental process of assuming the best instead of the worst intentions. Throughout her time at DuckDuckGo, Ali repeatedly leaned on this mental model when potential conflicts crept into communication. In talking with our experts, they also brought up this philosophy and suggested a few best practices.

Establish a Tone of Voice

“You have to be very intentional about your written communication to avoid conveying an unintended tone. Part of this comes with writing style and then using other embellishments like emojis and gifs to help reinforce the tone you’re going for. On the flip side, it’s also important to realize that you are susceptible to misinterpretation when reading someone’s message. Your assumptions about their tone or even just the text itself can lead to frustration where none was intended in the first place. It helps to assume good intent and then seek clarification to understand the person’s intent and emotional state.” —ANDREW GOBRAN, DOIST

Be Emphatic to Your Audience

“If you’re going to be inconveniencing someone, tell the audience, so they know you empathize with them. If you’re making a change to something that affects them, don’t just tell them the change. Explain why you’re making the change. If the announcement involves a mistake you made, it’s generally a good idea to apologize.” —KEN WEARY, HOTJAR

Ask and Check for Understanding

“You have less context in most interactions. It’s very easy to have misunderstandings. One of the values I have is assuming the best intentions. Assume it’s a misunderstanding, or at least transparently ask them, ‘OK, you mentioned this. I tried to interpret it in the best possible way, but maybe there’s something I missed.’ Because otherwise, conflicts are amplified.” —MARIO GIULIO BERTORELLI, ATIUM.APP

Respect Cultural Norms

“We have a value of: act with kindness. I think that involves stepping back and understanding that the way someone writes something might come across as really blunt, but it might be the way they would normally communicate in their language. We have so many employees who don’t have English as their first language. Their grasp of English is different, and they don’t have the same nuances as you.” —SIOBHAN MCKEOWN, HUMAN MADE

Be Inclusive

“Most neurodivergent employees cannot read between the lines or assume what is expected of them. . . . [We] struggle with nonverbal communication, can miss social cues, and avoid eye contact like the plague. . . . I’m often told not to take things too literally. If you say something indirectly, I don’t get it all the time.” —CAT CONTILLO, HUNTRESS

SPOTLIGHT STORY: Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

Although Julie Armendariz worked for a company that had “assume positive intent” as one of its values, it took experiencing it firsthand for the benefit of the value to truly sink in.

Julie had accepted her first people manager role at a small tech firm and was excited to report to the chief HR officer (CHRO) for the first time in her career. Julie knew she could learn a lot from her fast. But there was one catch: Julie didn’t know her yet, nor her communication or working styles.

Julie generally operates from a “Try to manage no surprises” mentality. Therefore, during the first few months in her new role, she’d go to the CHRO with a situation and then propose an approach or bring a few solutions to the table. But something caught Julie off-guard . . .

The CHRO’s response was often “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Julie had no idea what that meant. She asked herself, did she mean, “Hurry up and get to the point”? Or “You’re bothering me with this minutiae. I’m busy!” Or even “I don’t care what you do. Do whatever you want.”

Underlying all of Julie’s interpretations was a theme: fear and negativity. She worried that the CHRO didn’t care or wasn’t interested in her or her work. Finally, Julie couldn’t take it anymore. Three months into the “Yeah, yeah, yeahs,” she asked the CHRO what it meant.

Though a bit stunned by her question, the CHRO quickly explained that the “yeahs” were a good thing. It meant that she trusted Julie to proceed with her plan. Of course, Julie was relieved but wished she’d asked sooner. It would have saved three months of stress and worry—all over three words.

Practical Tips

Now that you’ve got the fundamentals down with OALYWEN and MRI, you can take your asynchronous communication to the next level with some of these best practices.

Formatting and Readability

• Use bullet points, headlines, emojis, and other visual cues for readability.

• Consider the audience and tailor accordingly. Types of tailoring include the length of the message, use of graphics, and format (text, audio, video).

• Recap using the TL;DR methodology (Too Long; Didn’t Read). This gives the reader a choice: read the summary or the entire message.

Routines and Response Rates

• Leave an asynchronous footprint even after synchronous communication—such as a meeting recap, action item, or decision summary.

• Standardize asynchronous check-ins to reduce the mental overhead. (Remember Ali’s 3Ps: Process, Proposals, and Project Templates.)

• Predefine communication cadences and deadlines with your team (e.g., respond in 24 hours; post your weekly update by 5 p.m. Eastern time).

Accountability and Interactivity

• Ask your team to respond to the message with an emoji to acknowledge receipt of the message or to vote on or react to the content (e.g., “thumbs up” = no questions; “confused smiley” = will add to the agenda of our next team meeting to discuss).

• Include communication norms and expectations in your Team Charter.

SYNCHRONOUS COMMUNICATION: DEEP DIVE

Let’s not forget the second part of our remote communication ABCs: the asynchronous before calls. Synchronous communication is still important, especially for building trust, developing relationships, professional growth, and discussing complex content about the work itself.

The True Cost of a Meeting

When we spoke to Jaclyn Rice Nelson, the cofounder of Tribe AI, she told us that she tries to avoid creating incentives where meetings are the only way for people to show their work. It requires a balance, though, since they work with external clients. “If they don’t understand it, then you fail. You might as well not have done all that beautiful engineering work.”

Therefore, Jaclyn always asks herself, “How can we be conscious of our own time but also use everyone else’s time in efficient, effective ways?”

While it may be hard to determine the ROI of building trust, you can convert a meeting into a price tag in dollars, euros, pesos, etcetera (you get the idea). There are a few meeting cost calculators available online, or you can do the math yourself on the Meeting Calculator below:

This back-of-the-envelope calculation is a gut check. Is the juice really worth the squeeze? Still, it doesn’t account for the time to prepare, context-switching, and the time to wrap up the meeting (including documenting decisions and clarifying action items), nor the opportunity cost. What else could the attendees have been doing with that time?

As mentioned by our ABCs, we believe that remote works best when you move as much communication as possible to asynchronous. However, this might seem impossible if your calendar is packed with back-to-back meetings.

As Ben Brooks, the founder of PILOT, highlighted:

A big unlock is if everyone has one or two fewer meetings a day. . . . We act like meetings are productive, but most meetings are of minimal value. It’s a real bug in the system. We are all like, “Let’s have a meeting. Let’s have a meeting!” assuming that the work will get done. We don’t have established ways of actually getting work done outside of meetings. So, instead, we “manage by meetings,” which is a massive bug. And extra painful in a remote context.

A meeting audit can guide you toward that big unlock. As Ali Brandt, a product manager, stated, “If your company is having a lot of meetings, you need to look at the meetings you’re having. What is the purpose of these meetings? Can we meet that purpose in other ways? Usually, it’s happening because people are scared about being out of the loop or leaving someone else out of the loop. Or you’re just missing some other key component, like a tool (like Slack or Asana), or strategic alignment to ensure everyone is on the same page.”

EXERCISE: RW Meeting Audit

The RW Meeting Audit is a diary study to help you evaluate all of the meetings on your calendar (one-on-ones, phone calls, Zoom team meetings—we mean it all) and seek out areas for improvement. This is an activity you can do individually or as a team. The exercise takes a few hours asynchronously, though you may decide to meet afterward to brainstorm alternatives to group meetings.

First, record. Take a look back at all the meetings you and your team have had on your calendar for at least the past two weeks (though we recommend a month to get a true snapshot). Record in a spreadsheet the background detail for each meeting:

• Is the meeting recurring or ad hoc?

• Who is attending?

• What is the purpose?

• Was there a clear agenda?

Next, reflect. For each meeting, reflect on the following questions and mark notes in the spreadsheet:

• Could this meeting be asynchronous instead?

• Could this meeting be changed in cadence, length, or who attends?

• What meetings do we want to keep, and how can we make them more valuable?

Experiment with the changes. This is your chance to cancel meetings, reschedule to a less frequent cadence, or move to asynchronous communication. A few months later, check in and see how the experiments are working. This activity can be done repeatedly, especially after you sense “meeting creep” taking over your calendar once again.

SPOTLIGHT STORY: Reclaiming Your Time

It can feel daunting to try to change behavior and norms within a company that already has a set way of operation, especially if it’s a meeting-oriented culture. When Tam worked at Google Singapore, she was essentially the last stop for approving $1 billion–plus of annual display and video advertising deals across the Asia Pacific region with the likes of Unilever and GroupM.

As you can imagine, this made her quite popular with the Google sales team. Soon, she found back-to-back meetings on her calendar and Cheshire-cat-smiling account managers popping up behind her desk. Although a part of her ego appreciated the fanfare (it’s nice to feel like you wield a bit of power in a large organization), her inner child wanted her time back.

That was when she did her meeting audit and implemented her own House Rule: she would agree to a meeting only if they couldn’t hash out the details in a short email exchange.

This freed her calendar. Plus, she had written documentation with all the deal context, making it easier to evaluate for approval. It was a play out of her dad’s playbook (“Tamara, always get it in writing”) and now a play in this book!

It can sometimes be hard to see your calendar through an objective lens. That’s when leaning on someone else to help audit your calendar can come in handy. As the head of remote-first, Jason Morwick helps leaders get to the root of the endless meetings (often inertia or fear).

When he challenges leaders on weekly one-on-ones with direct reports, they’ll initially claim it’s for employee engagement. But then Jason digs deeper: “Are you coaching, mentoring, and providing performance feedback in your one-on-ones? If so, I agree. You should do that synchronously, preferably face-to-face or over video. But if most one-on-ones turn into an update about what you’re working on, why do you need a meeting for that?”

Likewise, sometimes Jason’s questions will surface unrealized fears. For example, one leader was afraid her team wouldn’t read her emails, so she set up meetings instead. Once this was uncovered, they could talk tactically about communication channels and email overload and build simple House Rules, like what Tam implemented at Google.

Whether behaviors are due to fear or to inertia, changing them can be tough. Having an objective measure like the RW Meeting Audit can help you proactively question meeting norms and reclaim your time.

MAKING THE MOST OF MEETINGS

For the meetings that stay on your calendar, you’ll want to up your virtual meeting game—so that you communicate authentically, engagingly, and effectively.

You are probably familiar with the basics (there are lots of listicles out there). Still, it’s important to establish a strong synchronous communication foundation, so you know when it makes sense to break the rules.

Agenda and Expectations

If it’s worth having a meeting, then it’s also worth having an agenda and setting expectations for that meeting, preferably asynchronously, so you can give everyone time to reflect and mentally prepare ahead of time. Plus, attendees can add to the agenda, and it provides a “forcing function” to corral the side conversations.

You can also use it to get buy-in. Our coauthor Ali does this by reminding people of the agenda and asking, “What is the one thing you hope to get out of our meeting today?”

Remember the 4Ws for setting asynchronous expectations (Who, What, When, Wah-Wah) as a part of the OALYWEN. You’ll want to apply the same concept to meeting behaviors.

• Who is the DRI (or facilitator) of the meeting? Will other roles be assigned (note taker, secondary speakers)? Who must attend, and who is optional?

• What will be discussed (the agenda), including any prereads?

• When will the meeting be scheduled, taking into account time zones? (As an attendee, you should be mindful of where you take a call. Is a public space like a café appropriate if you’ll be discussing confidential information? Will your kids or pets popping in be welcomed or unwanted?)

• Wah-Wah: What happens if you do not attend and how to move forward accordingly.

SPOTLIGHT STORY: One Person, One Square

When Ali first joined DuckDuckGo, she lived an hour away from a small office that a few employees, including the CEO, used. While the company was fully distributed, this space acted as its headquarters, and employees worldwide were welcome to cowork there.

Ali noticed a surprising behavior; at least, she thought so at the time. Even if several of the meeting attendees were in the office together, they still reverted to their laptops and Zoom log-ins for the meeting, which differed from her past experiences where teams would gather in a conference room and dial-in the remote employees.

When she asked about this strange behavior, a coworker explained the rationale. It’s an actionable way to promote a remote-first mentality and inclusivity. Regardless of whether you’re dialing in from an office or home, you’re given an equal playing field on the Zoom screen. It prevents side conversations from happening in person while on mute and the HQ-versus-remote hierarchy.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

These days, synchronous meetings are synonymous with video calls. While video- and audio-conferencing tools such as Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Whereby, and Google Meet have led this movement, there’s a psychology behind the technology.

In psychology, the “mere exposure effect” describes how a person may like and therefore build trust for a person or thing merely by being exposed to them. That could look like seeing a familiar cashier at your local bodega or trusting brands you’re more familiar with when shopping in the grocery store aisles. Likewise, in remote work, a camera-on approach to video calls can tap into the mere exposure effect. It creates a level of warmth that helps develop connections and build relationships faster than without it.

However, more video calls mean more time staring at a screen (and yourself), leading to eyestrain and “Zoom fatigue.” On video calls, attendees choose between Gallery view (which can be overwhelming with too many stimuli) or Speaker view (which helps with focus but fails to give you the same visual cues, such as fidgeting or people spacing out).²

Sally Thornton of Forshay Consulting goes against the grain, straying from the Zoom default. “I think there should be just as many walks-and-talks as there are meetings behind a screen. Plus, you don’t have to look at yourself, which is exhausting. . . . Audio allows everybody to move. No one has to worry about what they look like.”

Similarly, Steph Yiu prefers to have one-on-ones by voice only. “It’s more intimate. It allows us to step away from the desk, just like you would get coffee with your boss.”

Therefore, weigh the pros and cons of video calls and consider other methods, such as audio-only calls and walking meetings (table 8.4).

TABLE 8.4 Video vs. Audio Calls

What’s in a Background?

Who knew that camera on or camera off had so many layers? Now, let’s peel the onion once again. What are you showing to your team if you’ve opted for camera on? Is the focus on you or your unmade bed in the background? What is the most appropriate (we hate the word professional, but frankly it is work) background for your home office? Let’s explore.

Clean and Crisp

Think crisp white walls or hip exposed brick. It focuses the eye on you, not what’s behind you. This can be a great option if you’re leading the meeting and want to avoid distractions.

Unique and Personalized

If you are comfortable, try inviting colleagues into your home virtually. Showing off your space can be an opportunity to build relationships and find surprising ways to connect. For example, Ali once kicked off a meeting with a new employee by asking about the bookshelf behind him, lined with action figures. They quickly bonded over their shared interest in superheroes and Marvel movies. That visual cue sparked a quirky connection.

Virtual Backgrounds

Virtual backgrounds can be polarizing. Some people love virtually dropping into a tropical island or shooting into outer space. It also helps hide the messy bed behind you. Others may find it distracting and lacking authenticity.

As a manager, you may want to create a norm across your team or for specific meetings—especially if there are strong, differing opinions. For example, you may decide to use a virtual background for a team-building meeting with a theme, like visiting your bucket-list locales. Background images of the Galápagos Islands or the Grand Canyon can spur conversation, but maybe you go back to something less distracting when discussing your OKRs for the next quarter.

For employees anxious about showing their space, remember you can always use the blur feature for the best of both worlds!

Five Hacks for Great Video Meetings

Did you know that the mind wanders 30 percent of the time?³ Therefore, we forgive you if you were just daydreaming—it happens. But how can you design meetings around our haphazard attention spans?

If you ask Vinh Giang, motivational speaker and magician, it all boils down to vocals.⁴ Our remote experts say the key is in facial expressions, noticing if people are double-tasking, zoning out, or present to the conversation. Our “Five Hacks” are inspired by these people.

You can use these Five Hacks for great video meetings—to be more charismatic and engaging and help your team do the same. Also, it’s important to note that you might already have a “hero hack”—something that you excel at IRL (in real life), whether that’s making eye contact, active listening, or storytelling. Play to your strengths where possible.

1. Speed

Vary the rate of your speech to maintain interest and signal importance. Slow down for the important bits, and speed up for the parts you can gloss over. For example, if you’re summarizing a preread at the beginning of the meeting, you can speed up, assuming that everyone had time to read in depth asynchronously before the call.

2. Melody and Tone

Melody makes points memorable through the arrangement of sounds. It’s why it’s easier to remember songs over written blog posts. You can incorporate melody into your meetings by repeating important phrases and varying your intonations. Similarly, tone is how we express emotion audibly. Your tone should match your message. And when it doesn’t, that’s a clue. As a manager, listen for team members’ tone changing during calls. Are you picking up on sadness, stress, or frustration? However, this is just one signal. As Cat explained, it can be challenging for some employees to pick up on these subtle auditory cues.

3. Pause

A pause can be so . . . powerful. It can be used as a verbal punctuation mark or a moment for everyone to reflect on your statement. Sometimes you’ll want to use a pause as a cue that others can chime in with comments or questions. In that scenario, make your pause longer to allow time for folks to unmute.

4. Eye Contact and Body Language

Eye contact and hand gestures are the foundations of nonverbal communication. However, they look different on video calls. You’ll want to look directly at the camera at shoulder height to mimic eye contact and quickly glance at the other attendees to check for understanding. Camera angles can trigger power dynamics. Looking down at the other participants can suggest the same thing figuratively.

5. Creating Interactions

This last hack is all about the other person. How can you get them involved in the meeting? You’ll want to design moments for interaction—whether that’s a simple open-ended question or features like polls, breakout rooms, or the whiteboard.

For example, when Tam was a designer at IDEO during the COVID-19 pandemic, she and her team tried to re-create the magic of the IDEO office by designing a 3D experience in Figma. They led the client virtually through a reproduction of a museum filled with framed paintings that represented research insights and design concepts. This playful experience took the client away from their 13-inch screen box and into a playful experience for more engagement.

If you decide that a meeting is worth your collective time, encourage everyone to play a role. Ken Weary of Hotjar suggests the 10 percent rule: “Every participant in the meeting should be expected to contribute by speaking at least 10 percent of the time. If you’re not speaking at least 10 percent of the time, you shouldn’t be in the meeting, and therefore you should politely decline.”

SPOTLIGHT STORY: Creating Virtual Engagement

According to Jason Morwick, the first time he transitioned his 40-hour Six Sigma course from in person to online at Cisco, “I thought people were going to come after me with pitchforks and torches. It was a miserable experience.”

He’d made a common remote working mistake: copying and pasting what worked in person to video. But as you might guess, eight hours on Webex isn’t exactly how people want to spend their time. Jason had to rethink the training from the ground up, and the next time he gave the training, he made the following changes:

• Prework: He shifted easy topics to asynchronous prework in the form of prerecorded videos and saved the tough stuff, like statistics, for the live training.

• Interactivity: He incorporated all of the tools within Webex, like annotations, polling, and chat windows, and invited an assistant trainer to monitor the chat.

• Engagement: Even though the content was in 2.5-hour modules, according to Jason, “You have seven minutes until they are asleep. Every seven minutes, I ask them a question to answer in chat or ask them to take a poll. They have to interact with the screen in some way.”

Jason knew he’d reached the promised land when a student told him, “This course was more interactive and more engaging over Webex than if we were in person.”

By making a few changes that encouraged user participation and asynchronous communication, Jason unlocked the power of the live, virtual meeting.

Practical Tips for Creating Interaction

Here are a few tools and methods that we learned about in our expert interviews to enhance meetings. Plus, they offer a new element of equity and democratization:

• Dory: Anyone can submit a question for an all-hands, and folks can up-vote/down-vote specific questions. It also enables the presenter to answer unaddressed questions asynchronously afterward.

• Pulse: Individuals can vote 1 through 5 on how they are feeling. This could be personally, professionally, or about a project or a strategic decision. It’s a great way to quickly take a pulse on the general sentiment.

• Facilitators: You can rotate key positions: facilitator, timekeeper, and notetaker. This ensures that everyone is invested and can bring their unique flavor to the meeting.

• Stacks: Rather than the loudest and more confident people monopolizing the meeting, have people type “stack” into the chat window of whatever platform you are using. When it’s time for questions, the facilitator can go through the stacks in order.

• Breaks: Not everyone can sit still for 90 minutes at a time. Giving people five or 10 minutes to stretch or grab food can reenergize the group. You can also do micro breaks together by turning on music and standing up for portions of the call—allowing people who do not need a physical break to socially connect.

• Closed captions: We often consider time zones for remote meetings, but it’s also important to remember that colleagues may not speak the same first language or might have language-processing issues. Cat Contillo, who is autistic and has auditory processing issues, told us that it can be difficult for her to follow along with verbal-only communication. She relies heavily on closed captions and transcripts using Otter.ai, which helps her avoid getting lost.

CIRCLING BACK: TEAM COMMUNICATION ASSESSMENT (TAKE TWO)

Yes, we know. Another table! But you already have a head start. Remember that Team Communication Assessment you worked through at the beginning of the chapter?

Knowing what you know now—in light of the ABCs (asynchronous before calls) and your meeting audit—how would you adjust the way your team communicates? This is your chance to “circle back” (get it?) and make changes (table 8.5).

Ultimately, the ABC of remote communication comes down to two things: intentionality and discernment. Why should something be a meeting when it can be an email? How can you up your communication game with OALYWEN and the Five Hacks? Remember, it’s about better communication, not more communication!

TABLE 8.5 RW Team Communication Assessment—Circling Back

ALI’S ADVICE

Bottom line: if you are going to ask for someone’s time, be respectful of it. We already discussed the basics, like having an agenda, but also think about the times when you meet.

There needs to be a shift from “business hours” meeting times to “most respectful meeting times.” If you are based in New York, and your two other team members are in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, and Chicago, setting business hours as 9 to 5 p.m. Eastern time is inconsiderate for the person based in Vietnam. Tools like the World Clock Meeting Planner can help you find a time that works for everyone—for example, 7 a.m. Central time for Chicago, 8 a.m. Eastern time for New York, and 8 p.m. GMT+7 for Ho Chi Minh City. Also, remember energy tracking! Some people may have a preference for early mornings or late nights.

The same can be true for team-building and social events. Try to include them as part of your regular meetings rather than scheduling an additional meeting. This respects work-life boundaries and makes bonding a normal part of business activity.

TAM’S TIPS

My biggest challenge with asynchronous communication isn’t the communication part itself. It’s waiting—especially if there was an underlying disagreement or difference of opinion. I can still remember walking along the river in Belgrade or the moonlit sea of Malta as a digital nomad with my mind in a different place. Instead of admiring the sunset or the architecture, I kept wondering if the other person had read my message. And if so, did they understand? Why were they being so difficult!

That was when my coach, Akshay, introduced me to a quote by Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

There’s a limit to what I can control at work. After I’ve responded to a sensitive situation, it’s not fruitful to keep reacting to the situation by replaying it over and over again in my mind. This is a practice—and definitely does not happen overnight—but little by little, I found I could enjoy the sunset more and think about Slack conversations less.