What Do You Want to Be Remembered For?
I believe you know the answer to this question, and, if not, think again about those who willingly offered you their shoulders. Perhaps they didn’t know that for all these years you’ve relied on their example and taken strength from them. Probably they have no idea of how often you think of them, how you view their lives now that you’re older. I expect they’d be shocked to learn that they’ve served this role in your life, that they left a legacy.
If I could have a conversation now with my deceased parents and grandparents (which I dearly long for), I would reflect back to them how much their examples have grounded me, how often I draw upon their qualities, how much I love them for their struggles and perseverance to give me my good life. If I could have this conversation, I know they would be surprised more than honored. They just did what needed to be done, with what they had, in a culture whose values were clear and commonly shared.
My English grandparents raised five children in poverty in World War I and then endured World War II, in which several of the siblings served. My grandfather had served in the Boer War in South Africa and suffered from PTSD, but that was not a known condition then (and you just got on with life). Although their lives were extremely difficult living with the horrors and losses of twentieth-century world wars, they persevered, as did most people of that time. Through my father, I felt their influence. I was raised with the classic English values of honesty, duty, discipline, and “stiff upper lip.” There is work to be done—just get on with it without complaint. (There were so many times when I tried this with my own children as teens, but. . . . However, now that they’re grown, I see these values in them.)
My maternal grandmother was an early feminist, as were many Edwardian women (e.g., the Suffragettes). She led a full life dedicated to noble causes and always encouraged women to step forward. She was the first woman qualified for the Rabbinate, studied education with John Dewey, and was one of the first Jewish women to enlist during World War I in the Army Motor Corps. She devoted her life to the cause of Zionism (I know she would be heartbroken today as she had sponsored Arab-Jewish programs and policies, and inclusion of Palestinians), including running for Congress in New York City in 1948 to bring attention to her causes. She joined a kibbutz in the 1930s after losing heart with large-scale organizing, and contributed daily physical labor as well as writing. In the 1920s, she was the third president of Hadassah, the national Jewish women’s organization. She traveled frequently to the United States, speaking, fund-raising, and to be with her family. She died when I was 35, so I grew up with her guidance and insistence on a life of service as a woman leader. (I also recall that at age 5 or 6 she told me I should be a writer.)
Obviously, I stand on very strong shoulders from my grandparents. It was very good to bring them here, and now I’d ask you: Who are the people in your life that you depend on as ground and support for your life? Particularly, as I’ve already asked, who were the warriors in your life? And how might they support you now as you step forward into this role of Warrior for the Human Spirit?
My personal aspiration for legacy simplifies with age. I want to leave behind strong shoulders. Shoulders strong enough for some to stand on to carry them forward into whatever awaits. After a lifetime of yearning to change things on a large scale, this simple aspiration now feels more than enough.
Sir Isaac Newton, before he died, wrote this about his work:
“I don’t know what I may seem to
the world, but, as to myself,
I seem to have been only like a boy
playing on the sea-shore,
and diverting myself in now and then
finding a smoother pebble or
a prettier shell than ordinary,
whilst the great ocean of truth lay
all undiscovered before me.”
NO MATTER WHAT: NOTES
1 If you’re intrigued by this possibility, see Recommended Readings for books that teach how to extend genuine loving kindness toward yourself.
2 This theme appears in my work more than any other. For example: two DVDs, Eight Fearless Questions; Perseverance. Books: So Far from Home. Article, “The Place Beyond Fear and Hope,” http://margaretwheatley.com/wpcontent/uploads/2014/12/BeyondHopeandFear.pdf.
3 In 2015, on the birth of their daughter, Mark Zuckerberg and his wife created the Chan-Zuckerberg Initiative and vowed to devote 99 percent of their wealth (about $45 billion) to create “a world where our generation can advance human potential and promote equality for all children in the next generation.” Its initial areas of focus will be personalized learning, curing disease, connecting people, building strong communities, reducing poverty, providing equal rights and spreading understanding across nations, and harnessing clean energy.