To paraphrase 2020 presidential election candidate Elizabeth Warren, no one person is successful on their own. No successful person in tech—or in any other industry—would be where they are without the love and support of their network.
A network can comprise many different people. Aside from your family and friends, your network can be your coworkers, mentors, sponsors, professors, teachers, coaches, counselors, and loved ones—essentially anyone you look to for knowledge or advice.
Your network will become increasingly important as you progress in your career. While getting high grades and marks in class is wonderful (and encouraged) and doing well at a job or internship is great, those things alone are unlikely to get you job opportunities or promotions. On the contrary, numerous surveys and studies have indicated that people have found their current jobs through networking efforts. Many jobs aren't even advertised because they are filled either through referrals or from internal applicants. Coupling this with the fact that applicant-tracking systems weed out many job applications and resumes before they even cross a recruiter's desk, the case to use networking to find your job becomes more compelling.
Your network isn't just for getting leads for jobs, though. Your network can give you concrete advice about the type of skills you should be building, what schools or academic programs are worth attending, what events may be of interest … the possibilities (and opportunities) are endless.
Perhaps more importantly, your network is there for you during times of success—and difficulty. The path to becoming a technical professional and advancing your career can be challenging. Being able to lean on your network during those times helps you stay positive and focused on your goals.
I remember how a mentor in my network helped me get through what was, at the time, a challenging period. I worked at a small company and was tasked to do many different functions; among them was helping with their website design. The colleague who gave me these tasks was smart but had no strong understanding of how web design worked, nor did this colleague care to.
One afternoon, my colleague asked me to update a portion of the company website with new newsletter content. I did so to the best of my ability as I'm not a website designer by trade—I had no formal training on WordPress, and everything I had learned was on the job. After looking at my work an hour later, he was not pleased with how it looked. At all. The colleague angrily called me into the office and accused me of being “lazy” and not caring about my work.
I was mad as hell. While this was not one of my favorite tasks and I already was stretched thin at this place, I always prided myself in being able to deliver high-quality work and in being professional. As he kept criticizing my work without offering specific examples to back up what he was saying, I did something I almost never do—especially to avoid being labeled as the “angry Black woman”—I yelled at him. A brief but fierce argument ensued. It got so bad that I walked out of his office as he was talking.
Immediately after, I cried. I got angry at myself for giving this person the power, in a sense, to get me worked up and angry, and over something so minor. I then started to second-guess myself that maybe I hadn't given it my best. I was about one week into my two weeks' notice of leaving this place, so maybe I had “checked out.” I was a wreck.
I decided to reach out to my project management mentor and just spilled my guts out over email. I'm not sure why I reached out to her specifically—this had absolutely nothing to do with project management—and there wasn't anything she could do to remedy the situation. When I look back at this moment, I think that I just wanted to be heard and understood by someone.
I sent her an email later that night, writing about what happened in excruciating detail. I told her I felt awful, that this is not normally something that I would do, and that I didn't respond in the best way. But I was just so freaking mad that me yelling and storming out was a far better outcome than what could've happened. I hit Send and collapsed into bed.
Surprisingly, an hour later, my mentor sent me a reply. First, she said that she was so sorry that it happened. Second, while not the best way to handle the situation, she explained that it happens to the best of us, even people with years and years of work experience. Third, she said I should take whatever opportunities I could to learn from the experience. Lastly, she said to enjoy the weekend because I work hard and deserve some time for myself.
My problems were not resolved. I still had to see my colleague first thing Monday morning. I still had to make website updates and do a job that I didn't particularly like or want to do. Nothing changed for me. But that email calmed me and made me feel better in ways I can't describe in words. Knowing that my mentor cared enough to walk me through what at the time felt like a crisis meant the world to me.
Having a well-cultivated network helps you through tough moments. Difficult moments. Moments where there are more gray, ambiguous areas than black and white ones. Or times when you don't know what to do. While it's possible that you can make career transitions without a network, why go it alone if you don't have to?
Networking doesn't have to solely take place face to face. There are plenty of avenues where you can do this online. That said, you'll want to employ a mix of different networking venues and platforms.
In Person:
Online:
In the traditional interpretation, mentoring describes a relationship between a less experienced person and a more experienced person, with the goal of sharing knowledge, expertise, and personal/professional growth for both parties, not just the mentee.
Mentoring relationships can be formal, where you could be matched with someone through a corporate-or a professional organization–backed program, with required learning and exercises, or it can be informal, where mentor and mentee meet and discuss issues as needed. Whatever form mentoring takes, it can be one of many resources you can use to build your skills and to broaden your professional network.
Schools, professional organizations, and others host formal mentoring programs. In these programs, a mentee (usually someone who is new to a career field or is looking to acquire certain skills) is paired with an experienced professional who can offer guidance and feedback. Formal mentoring programs can last a few weeks to a few months and often have a prescribed curriculum/agenda, several required touchpoints between mentor and mentee, and a measurable goal for the mentee to achieve.
You can also just reach out to mentors through informal means via your school, your job, your community—just about anywhere. I gave a talk on mentoring (mentioned in more detail in Chapter 7, “Demonstrating Your Skills”), and a few minutes after speaking, one of the audience members came up and just asked me if I would serve as a mentor, to which I'm glad I said yes because she's an awesome mentee. If there's someone you admire because of their skill set and leadership ability, don't be afraid to ask them if they could serve as a mentor to you.
Mentoring requires a tremendous amount of effort and energy, from both the mentor and the mentee. When considering entering a mentoring relationship with someone, whether formal or informal, you spend some time reflecting on where you are, where you'd like to be, and whether you can commit to a mentoring relationship at this time.
Also consider whether your potential mentor has the ability, time, attitude, and skills to effectively mentor you. Someone who may be experiencing significant life changes or a high amount of work demands may want to help you but may not have the availability that you want or need.
Here are some questions you should ask as a potential mentee:
When looking for potential mentors, consider the following:
Additionally, there is the potential that the mentor in this situation may try to take advantage of you. Proceed carefully.
By this point, you may have formally agreed to a mentoring relationship with one (or more) people. To begin to build a great relationship with them, it is important that you both get to know each other and lay the foundation for the work you'll do together.
One of my career mentors, Joanna Vahlsing, senior vice president at digital marketing services firm Centro, says the best way to say “thank you” to a mentor is to stay committed to learning and growing as a professional—“That's the best gift that you can give.” If you do feel like getting them a tangible gift, it doesn't need to be a lavish gift. Rather, make it personal. If you know that there's something that they like, like coffee or books, a small denomination on a gift card will work.
For example, if your mentor has been for the most part helpful but their feedback isn't so great, you can approach them like this:
“Mary Jane, I appreciate your feedback as my mentor. Sometimes though, your feedback can be harsh. In our last conversation, when I asked you what [term X] meant since I didn't know it, you commented that I should know that and I wasn't trying hard enough in my studies. I felt hurt because I assure you I'm trying my best and I genuinely wanted your guidance.”
Once your mentor is made aware of their behavior, they can take corrective actions to ensure that they don't do it in the future.
Sometimes mentoring relationships get off to a great start, and the potential for a strong, lifelong relationship is possible. You have great chemistry, you understand each other's communication styles, and you respect each other. That's great!
Sometimes, however, some mentoring relationships are not meant to be. Your personalities conflict, you don't like their feedback style, they're unavailable, etc. Sometimes, you may outgrow the relationship, meaning that you did get valuable insights and experiences when your relationship started, but now that's no longer true. All of this is okay and normal.
Before ending a mentoring relationship, examine your reasoning for doing so. I believe that people think that mentors should be their friends first and have an instant rapport or chemistry. While I think that it's great if a mentor is a friend, a mentor isn't necessarily supposed to be your friend. Above all else, a mentor's primary concern should be helping you to grow and get better, even at the risk of not being considered a friend by the mentee.
When choosing to end a mentoring relationship, lean more on objective criteria (facts) versus subjective (emotions). If the relationship is truly not helping with your skill growth or the mentor doesn't possess the skills necessary to be successful, like being respectful to you, then ending the relationship may be a good move. If it's because the mentor isn't outgoing, you may want to examine this further.
Whether in a formal or informal program, here are some tips to approach ending the relationship:
Finding a great mentor is hard. Many of the women I interviewed for this book stated that they had few to no mentors when entering their chosen profession. Being able to find a mentor, let alone a great one, can be difficult.
For some women, while they have a mentor or no shortage of mentors around them, they feel like they are “stuck.” They are not making the career progression they'd like to be making, or they are having difficulty being recognized for their skills and contributions. Mentors can be helpful in giving advice to fix this, but in these instances, a sponsor may be needed.
I consider sponsorship and mentorship as two very different things. A mentor can provide advice and general guidance. A sponsor can provide those things as well but can be seen more as your career champion. Sponsors publicly advocate on your behalf in and outside of the organization. They also have the authority to either create opportunities for you or heavily influence others to consider you for projects and opportunities.
Another key difference between mentors and sponsors is the amount of reputational risk they take on when advocating for you. A mentor may point you in the direction of where to find opportunities, but when a sponsor advocates for you, they are staking their reputation on the belief that you will excel in a specific opportunity. If you end up not performing to expectations, the sponsor's reputation may be at risk.
I believe you need both in order to make progress in your career. The question is when the right time is to ask for a sponsor. According to Catt Small, senior product designer for Etsy, the best time for sponsorship is when you have a specific goal in mind. “My goal, when I met this person who sponsored me, was that I wanted to do public speaking. I knew that I wanted to get on stage, and I knew that was my very specific goal. If you know what you want to do, you've given it a shot, and you're not 100 percent sure of what the right route is, it may be worth reaching out to some people who may get you closer to that goal or point out opportunities where they can actually exercise their skills.”
I also recommend it in times where you feel a bit “over-mentored,” meaning you have been receiving (and following) great advice from many people, but for all of your efforts and patience, you are not getting hired or promoted.
You also want to be sure to build a strong relationship with a sponsor before asking them to advocate for you. Demonstrating to your sponsor what you are capable of makes it easier, and likelier, that they will take on the risk of recommending you.
While networking certainly offers several amazing benefits, this is not to say that it comes easy to those of us who have social anxiety! Social anxiety is the fear of any type of interaction with other people. People who have social anxiety are concerned—or downright worried—that they will be looked upon negatively by other people. Many people struggle with this over the course of their lives.
This should not be confused with social anxiety disorder. The distinction between the two can be hard to pinpoint, but people with social anxiety disorder tend to experience severe physical symptoms that keep them from living a normal life.
It's completely normal to feel anxiety during networking events. But remember the following:
As someone who struggles with social anxiety often, I know it can be hard to turn the negative thoughts off and to use the anxiety as a reason not to attend or participate in networking events. But your career is too important to leave it to chance or to hope that someone will notice how awesome and talented you are on your skills alone. It's a competitive job market, and any way that you can help your efforts will make life easier.
Here are some strategies that may be helpful:
I met one of my dearest friends through a student recruiting/mixer event for a Chicago tech company a few years ago. She was also a student, but at Loyola University, and I was incredibly impressed with her skills and experience that I referred her for a position at my company at the time. Heck, she did my job better than I did. But our friendship has transcended employers, life events, and more. I couldn't tell you anything about the company, who worked at the company, or what exactly they were recruiting for, but I know that I'm thankful that I went and met her.
You've been going to events and conferences, joined some online groups, and are making connections online and off. That's fantastic! So, how do you keep the momentum going with your newfound connections?
The first thing is to follow up after your initial contact. Your follow-up should not be an “ask” like, “Can you refer me to a job in your organization?” or “Can you write a letter of recommendation on my behalf?” It gives your newfound contact the impression that you view theirs as a purely transactional relationship or a relationship that you feel is only worth having if you get something out of it.
Rather, adopt a giving mind-set, and think about what you can offer to your new connection. Think that you don't have anything to offer? Trust me, you have plenty of things to offer, including (and not limited to) the following:
There's no limit to what you can offer, and not all offers need to be monetary in nature. Knowledge is a powerful currency, and those who can help people connect with others or resources are highly valued.