CHAPTER 11

IF YOU’RE NOT WEARING IT, YOU’RE NOT SHARING IT

So there you are, ready to bring out purpose in others, to light their fires.

What are you doing to keep your own fire burning? How do you reignite your own spark?

We spent the last chapter talking about how to inspire others to find their purpose. Here we’ll discuss how you, the leader, can keep a purposeful perspective for yourself. This isn’t just about pumping yourself up, or ensuring that you have positive energy to share—though that’s important. You also need to show, and model, what it means to be a purpose-driven leader, and to live a purpose-driven life. After all, if others can’t see the purpose that ignites you, then they won’t likely be convinced that you can inspire anyone else. When it comes to purpose, you’ve got to wear it to share it.

But let’s be flat-out honest: Not everyone is down with this purpose thing. Many people are living their lives, taking it as it comes. Purpose can seem like a luxury—something that blew out with the 2008 recession, or at least with our twenties. Maybe they felt a sense of purpose once, but then lost it and never picked it back up. Or they’ve adopted a well-earned sense of cynicism. Everywhere they look they see signs that companies are out to make a profit and don’t care about employees. Consequently, they’re suspicious of any overture involving such a touchy-feely notion as purpose.

For the past sixteen years Edelman, a global communications-marketing firm, has conducted a Trust Barometer research study to assess how the general population feels about its institutions.¹ In 2016, the firm surveyed 33,000 people across 28 countries, finding that trust in businesses is beginning to rise again after bottoming out during the 2008 recession. The public wants leaders to shift their thinking beyond short-term results to long-term positive impact, and it’s responding positively to leaders who are attempting to increase both profits and societal benefit. However, much work has to be done. For those without a college education, trust in institutions is below 50 percent in over 60 percent of the countries surveyed, even as trust is increasing for those with a college education. The trust gap in the U.S. is 20 points between these two groups—exposing a concerning divide, and showing why so many workers feel disenfranchised.

A 2016 Deloitte study of Millennials (currently the largest generation in the workforce) found that the majority believes that businesses have no ambition beyond profit.² And they want that to change. Eighty-seven percent say that “the success of a business should be measured in terms of more than just its financial performance.” Even as frustration runs high, this same group is driven by a sense of purpose. When asked what influences their decisions at work, personal values/morals was the top response.

AN UPHILL CLIMB, BUT WORTH THE VIEW

You only have to turn on the news or walk around most offices to hear an outcry of distrust and frustration—from all generations and all kinds of workers. Organizations, they insist, don’t care enough about the well-being of employees or making an impact beyond quarterly profits. There’s no doubt that the social contract that governed employment in recent generations has changed. And yet, the yearning for more purpose doesn’t abate. I do see a glimmer of hope. Companies are cropping up that publicly ascribe to a double bottom line: profits and societal benefit. And they’re rewarded for it through customer loyalty and recruiting. There’s even a new certification—called a B-Corp—which companies can attain for conducting business in ways that also promote the social good. Businesses like Patagonia, Ben & Jerry’s, Method, Kickstarter, and Etsy are among the growing list of designees.

We could be at the cusp of purpose-driven companies growing in importance and relevance. Talking about purpose may become mainstream. While this larger conversation about how institutions envision and instill purpose plays out, there is always the purpose that exists within our own selves. As we’ve been discussing, we can concentrate on that in any situation—especially if we’re in a leadership position where it’s critical to model a sense of purpose. We can create our own purpose-driven work, culture, or personal space wherever we are. We start by getting clear about our own purpose, and sharing it with those around us.

In Chapter 10, I introduced the idea of a contextualized, or “middle p,” purpose. For most people, that’s the clearest path to tapping into a strong inner drive that feels accessible and practical. It requires us to open our thinking a bit. After all, rarely are we in a position to have everything align: our organization’s values, our own values, our career goals, and our desires for our broader lives. If they do align, that’s good for you. But most of us will need to see the hidden threads, and pull them together ourselves.

As leaders rise through the ranks, one of the primary determinants of success is their ability to manage complexity. They have to live with contradictions and make sense of opposing right answers. Uncertainty abounds while decisionmaking intensifies. There are far fewer either/or scenarios and more yes/and ones. “Yes, the product isn’t ready and it has to ship next week to satisfy customers.” “Yes, we have a hiring freeze and we have new clients to serve.” “Yes, our industry changes are coming too fast and we must embrace them.” The larger decisions are rarely solvable with black or white thinking. It’s all in the gray.

The same is true with discovering our own purpose. We’re likely to find it in that nuanced gray area. “I can’t be promoted here beyond my role and I’m going to make this a great career platform.” “My organization lacks structure, and this allows me to take strategic risks.” We can find our purpose in the present situation when we mine for the good, and synch it up with our own core values and goals.

When we share and show a purpose, we inspire others to do the same. Role models are a powerful force in motivation. When you see a friend, colleague, or mentor accomplish something, it makes you feel as if you can do it too. In a recent study of exactly how role models help others to achieve their goals, researchers found that role models serve three distinct functions: acting as behavioral models, representing the possible, and being inspirational.³ As a behavioral model, role models embody the goals of aspirants, allowing them to learn vicariously and increase their confidence. By representing what’s possible, role models show how an aspirant can be like them, not just today, but in a future state. And in terms of being inspirational, role models stimulate ideas for new goals and make them desirable.

With something as personally valued, yet rarely discussed, as purpose, you can see why role modeling can play such an outsized part. Simply by knowing your own purpose and putting it out there, you act as a safe catalyst for activating purpose in others. You demonstrate what’s possible.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been part of the faculty for Signature Leaders, a program that gathers elite women leaders from around the globe to help them maximize their potential in work and life. Companies like Cargill, eBay, ADP, Hyatt, Ingersoll Rand, and Kimberly Clark put their most senior and successful women leaders in The Signature Program. These are women at the top of their game, managing large P&L responsibilities and sizable teams from companies around the world. At Signature, they focus on one important thing: their purpose. Signature describes itself this way:

Signature Leaders lead with purpose. They have presence. They inspire, motivate, and engage people to be more than successful. They help make others remarkable. Great leaders do this by leading intentionally. They do it because it’s their life, not their job.⁴

I’ve been involved in many leadership programs in my work, and have seen all kinds of different approaches. Signature stands out. The conversations are some of the deepest I’ve seen, and the results are striking. Women come out of the program and get promotions, take big risks, change directions, and reduce stress. For many, it’s a life-changer.

A large part of Signature’s success is the result of role modeling. Highly regarded global brand executives take part in the program as invited guests. Around an intimate room, they tell their own stories with stark frankness. The women in the program, all highly accomplished leaders, also serve as role models for each other—openly sharing their goals, successes, and struggles. They become a tight network.

And all of this happens because of the tireless devotion of Carol Seymour, who founded the Signature Leaders program as a labor of love. Carol’s passionate purpose has created a robust, growing organization. She likes to say she’s “not inspirational but perspirational.”⁵ She serves as a role model herself for leading with purpose, as she explains:

I heard from companies that they weren’t getting enough women in senior roles. There was a gap in the marketplace, but I also saw it within the women. What gap did they need filled to have the confidence to move up? In my own career, I’ve had that opportunity. I knew the impact of surrounding yourself with people who’ve been there before, and can tell you it’s not as hard as you think it is. I created an environment to share wisdom. Wisdom is what you can use and take, and it’s inspirational because it’s applicable. When we hear others’ experiences it makes us better than what we are. I had no idea when I started Signature how much of an impact it would make.

Whether it’s Carol, the visiting leaders, or the women in the program, modeling how to lead with purpose is the juice of Signature. That’s what makes it so impactful, with lasting consequences. I get fueled whenever I’m there, just by being in the room.

FIRE UP YOUR PURPOSE

If you already have a defined purpose that you keep front and center, you’re ahead of the game.

You can skip this next part or use it as a refresher. As I mentioned, I’m continually in conversations about purpose with coaching clients. Purpose drives our behavior, and holds great sway over our happiness. When it’s missing, we notice. When we lose it, we want it back. We may talk ourselves out of it, but inside most of us want to feel purpose behind our labor and our lives.

In the last chapter, I highlighted how to coach others to identify their own purpose. The same questions that work on others, work on us. I’ve never known anyone who found her purpose while surfing the Internet, sending an email, or half-listening to a conference call. You need the mental space to reflect. Find the time to consider the questions for yourself. If it’s helpful, bounce ideas off your colleagues or trusted friends. Find role models who can help you expand your thinking. Go away by yourself for a day or a week. Put the threads together to understand what you’re good at doing and enjoy doing, what feels useful, what creates forward momentum and puts you in relationship to others in a way that you desire. This is your base. Knowing it creates a core strength that has genuine meaning for yourself and others.

Identifying purpose is, for many, the easy part. After you discover what motivates you, you need to foster and sustain it. Leading with purpose, or living a purposeful life, isn’t a one-and-done proposition. It’s about living into that purpose, so it grows stronger, adapts, and enlarges. Modeling purpose isn’t about simply stating what your purpose is, but showing it through your actions.

For the rest of this chapter, I’m going to share the insider strategies that I provide to my clients around how to live into their own purpose. I’m providing it here so that you can better strengthen your own purpose, and exemplify the impact to others. However, you could also use these strategies to coach others around strengthening their purpose. Either way, everyone comes out with a clearer orientation toward what inspires and motivates them.

BRING YOUR PERSONAL PRESENCE BRAND ALIVE

If you’re seeking greater purpose in your work (and life) it takes focused attention, like anything else you want to strengthen. To use a metaphor that’s familiar to most of us, it’s not enough to say you want to shed ten pounds; you have to get up every day and make healthier choices. Yes, finding your purpose is critical. You’ve got to do that first. To make the purpose real, you have to set up your life to continually step into it. Here’s what I’ve found that’s helpful.

In Chapter 4, I introduced the exercise for developing our personal presence brand. It’s a potent tool to understand and stay in touch with our values. It also helps us to center, and make better decisions. And here’s one more use: A personal presence brand lines us up to our purpose.

I advise clients to keep their personal presence brand alive, not to hold it as a static description on a piece of paper that’s tucked away. Keep it visible by having it posted on a desk or screen saver. Have it inscribed on a paperweight or meaningful object. Make a point to share your brand with others, so they understand where you’re coming from, and are inspired to take a similar approach.

You can model how to use a personal presence brand as an anchor. You can demonstrate what you want to show up to be and stand for in times of stress, distraction, tedium, or frustration.

CARVE OUT REFLECTION TIME

In the rush of getting the work of our jobs and lives done, we barely have time to breathe, let alone think. As we discussed Chapters 1 and 2, we’ve established a pace where we’re rarely fully present and too often are overwhelmed. And yet, to be purposeful, we need time to reflect. We can’t phone in purpose. We can’t punt on our values. We can’t fit in finding our true north between meetings.

You can try a strategy I have clients undertake: schedule a monthly meeting with yourself. Rather than taking whatever time is left over—like Friday afternoon—take the prime real estate when you’re fresh and energetic. You can do this for yourself by looking at your calendar and determining when you would schedule your most important work. Then block off at least an hour during that time, to as much as a half day (I know, that’s a stretch for most) to concentrate on you. Use the time to pull out your purpose, upgrade it, or change it. See how it meshes with your current situation. Set goals for yourself to engage your purpose more fully. Audit what you’re doing now against what you set out to do. Think through some of the larger issues that you never get to address about your career and your life.

Now I realize that this may sound decadent, but in the course of a year, that’s twelve hours devoted to your motivation and well-being. Twelve hours! That’s nothing! The number of working hours in a year for a full-time employee is at minimum, 2,080. So don’t feel bad doubling or tripling your reflection time. Shut your office door, go to a coffee shop, reserve a conference room, or sit on your couch during a work-from-home day. But take the time.

Many people find it helpful to have an agenda for this strategic meeting. If you’re disciplined about keeping the time held, then also be diligent about making a list of what you need to process during that time. Personally, I take out my yearly goals to see how I’m measuring up, and revise if necessary. Each year, I also set a purpose. And during those meetings I hold myself to account for how I’m living into that purpose. The time is yours; you can make it about whatever you want. I’ve found that when clients reserve that time and use it well, they begin making choices that align with their purpose and values. With mental space, the fog clears.

FIND YOUR OWN ROLE MODELS

Just as you can be a role model to inspire purpose in others, you can also benefit from role models to keep your own purpose alive and thriving. I’ve worked with many leaders who go all out for their teams, colleagues, and companies—and leave themselves depleted. As I was writing this chapter, I spoke with yet another leader who was described by a subordinate as “one of the most generous people I’ve known” and then followed up by, “but I worry he can’t sustain this pace without breaking.”

We all need external triggers for inspiration, and other people are a prime source. As mentioned earlier in this chapter, role models show us what’s possible for ourselves, increasing our confidence and sense of agency. Unfortunately, role models don’t usually fall into our laps. We have to find them.

One way to approach this is to think up your own “personal board of advisors.” Who would you want to be on it? Who do you look up to? Who lives their lives with similar values to your own? Who exemplifies a future you’d like to have for yourself? Be bold—don’t stick to who’s comfortable, but push yourself. Who would be truly motivating to be around? Invest in getting to know them better. Take them to lunch occasionally. Invite them out for a drink after work, or simply pop into their offices from time to time. Find ways to be around motivating people. It need not be formal. Simply putting yourself in their orbit will expand your thinking.

WIDEN YOUR APERTURE

No one’s purpose stays static throughout life. What lights us up one year may stagnate us the next. We need to find ways to continually inspire ourselves with new ideas and perspectives. We benefit from widening our aperture so we can expand the view of our potential. Assembling role models is one noted way to do this, but it’s not the only one. There are many methods to inspire ourselves with new information and stimuli—but most require us to get out of our grind, step away from our desks, and experience the world in fresh ways. Beware the path of least resistance. Its pull is strong, and rarely helpful.

Start reading information that inspires you, that points you toward purpose. Subscribe to a leadership magazine, follow a forward thinker on social media, join a book club or read poetry. Get to an in-person leadership seminar, or find a program like the one from Signature Leaders to engage in a larger community. Hire a coach if you can. Many companies will pay for it. If yours does not, you may be able to find a pay-as-you-go option. Also, new coaches are sometimes willing to discount their prices to gain coaching hours for certification.

Maybe none of that appeals to you—then figure out what does. The more that you can put yourself in places to learn and grow, the greater your chances of being inspired by what’s around you. You can find new avenues to ignite and expand your purpose, which in turn inspires others to do the same. It’s a ripple effect.

TAKE RISKS TOWARD PURPOSE

It’s never easy to take risks. As we age and have more to lose, it gets even harder. We can find ourselves with too much work history to give up, and too little flexibility in our lives to sustain a change. Not all risks are equal. There’s the shaking-it-all-up kind of risk, like going from being an accountant to a real estate agent, which is high risk and potentially high reward (assuming you love real estate). And there are the more gradual risks that present themselves as opportunities we either grab or demur. Deciding to change companies, go for a promotion, take an overseas assignment, or expand our role.

There’s a time and a place for either of these types of risks. I’ve seen people make big, brave moves and I’ve seen them take smaller risks that didn’t go as intended. Mostly, I’ve seen that people are happiest and surest about taking risks—no matter where they lead—when the risks are toward their purpose. Purpose can become a guide or even a litmus test to determine: Is this risk the right move for me? Is it worth it?

If we refer back to the last chapter, and the questions to uncover purpose, these can also be good ones to ask when you’re considering whether a risk is the right one:

Does it bring more work that you’re good at doing and enjoy doing?

Can you see how your work will be useful?

Will it carry you forward in your career and/or life?

Will you be in relationships with people you’d like to be around, in a way that fits you?

These can give you a start, but as we well know, you might not know the answers until you’ve taken the risk. That’s why it’s especially helpful to know your purpose. Now you’ll have one more measure to help determine which way to go. If your purpose is to grow and develop, then that opens up one set of opportunities. If your purpose is to optimize your time with family, then that presents an entirely different set of options.

More often than not, we make our best choices when we let purpose be our guide. By doing this, and communicating why we make the choices we make, we reveal our values. This, in turn, motivates others.

PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST

It’s no exaggeration to say that helping others find and tap into their purpose is a wonderful, inspiring act. If you’re that kind of leader or person, you will be changing people’s lives for the better.

However, you also have to feed your own sense of purpose. Too often, we overlook our own needs to refresh and adapt our purpose, and to intentionally make choices to live into it. Fortunately, if you’re already in conversations about purpose with others, you can just as easily be in conversations with yourself.

When you carve out a regular time to reflect on your own purpose, find ways to enhance your perspective, and surround yourself with people who inspire you, then you become that much more impactful in the lives of others. You don’t just talk about purpose, but you model how to live a purpose-driven life. You show others by the way you move through the world, making choices and taking risks, what it means to rise above the day-to-day and make your life about something more.