INTRODUCTION

This whole thing began with a light.

And that got me looking for the spark.

But let me back up before I get ahead of myself. For the past decade I’ve worked as a leadership coach. It’s the most rewarding job I can imagine. I work with senior leaders and CEOs at all kinds of companies—from global brands that everyone knows to upstart businesses just making their mark. My job is to help leaders communicate in ways that inspire and motivate others. I help them drive change, set visions, get people excited, and lead teams into the future. I get to work with smart and dedicated people, all over the world, who are at the top of their game and who care deeply. They’re making good things happen.

As part of my work, I also write about the concepts that I’ve seen to be effective, to present them in a practical way for anyone trying to advance a career. No matter the type of organization or level of professional, whether speaking one-to-one or one-to-many, certain behaviors are universal. In 2011, I wrote a book called The Power of Presence that got me out there in a more expansive way, delivering workshops and keynotes to all kinds of corporate groups, in lots of different settings. And that’s when I began to notice the light.

At the beginning of my talks, as a sort of icebreaker, I asked the audience to think of someone who has inspired them. I wanted to have the participants map this inspiring person back to the attributes of leadership presence in my book to make the concepts relatable. Now, when you speak in public, it would be nice to have a room full of people on the edges of their seats, fully engaged, just waiting for you to begin. But just as often, you’re there on the podium at 8:00 a.m. on a Tuesday looking out at a tired group of people, distracted by their phones, who showed up only because they were “voluntold” to do it. They’ve seen lots of speakers and now they’re looking at you to see if you’re worth their time.

Hence, my icebreaker: When I introduce this discuss-an-inspirational-person exercise, at first people reluctantly move toward their discussion partners, some with barely stifled it’s-one-of-those-workshops groans. But then they start talking about the people who have inspired them in their lives. That’s when I see it. Almost immediately, people’s faces light up. Smiles break out. Hands gesture intently. Eyes shine. There’s excitement in their voices.

When I ask if anyone wants to share their stories, hands shoot up. I’ve heard about first bosses, coaches, parents, colleagues, friends, teachers, managers, CEOs, strangers, family members, direct reports, and co-workers. I’ve heard stories about everyday occurrences and ones that are unique and memorable. The situations and people vary greatly, but I noticed great similarity in what these inspirational people did. And it wasn’t anything momentous or grand. The inspirational people mentioned communicated in certain, specific ways that made this kind of light shine in people’s faces even decades later.

My curiosity piqued, I began wondering how can we have more of that in our workplaces. What effect would it have? Companies are spending millions of dollars to get inspirational leadership behaviors into organizations, and yet, these efforts fall flat. There has to be a way to get closer to this true inspiration that has a lasting impact on others. And so I embarked on my own research to take a deeper dive into what really inspires others, and to outline the very behaviors—or sparks—that create this kind of enduring, energizing light.

Couldn’t we all use more of it? Turns out, all it takes is the right conversation.

THE CONVERSATIONS THAT COUNT

In our lives, we have lots of conversations. We have them one-on-one, in groups, in public settings, in meeting rooms, in auditoriums. We have them at home, at work, at the dentist, in line at the DMV, in the car, on walks, and sitting with a beer in the backyard. Nearly all of these conversations flit in and out of our consciousness. We barely remember them.

But every once in a while, we have a conversation that changes our lives. You know the kind. It feels different. It crackles with energy. It has a zing. It makes time stop. Deeper and more real, it lands just right. After we walk away, we’re not quite the same as we were before. These are conversations that change how we think about ourselves, that open our minds to what we’re capable of doing and show us what’s possible. They infuse us with hope, determination, and confidence. They lift our mood, bringing joy and lightness. They fuel our ambition, validate our current choices, or inspire us to make new ones. These aren’t ordinary conversations, but conversations that count. They’re inspiring and unforgettable. They marinate. We save them in the recesses of our minds. We recount them from time to time. We carry them around like talismans to fortify us for days, months, or our entire lives.

When people describe those who inspire them, they talk about these conversations that count. They’re the right words by the right person at the right time. Those who inspire might not even realize what they’ve done. And yet, look what they’ve done.

Looking at my own story, I can precisely map the conversations that inspired my decisions and shaped who I became.

I grew up in a small factory town in West Virginia. It was literally gritty, with a limestone quarry in the middle of the town that deposited grit on our cars, outside our windows, and in the bottom of glasses of water. It was a town where people felt lucky to land factory jobs that came with decent wages and guaranteed pensions. Almost 40 percent of my high school class didn’t make it to senior year.

We were a family that got by. No extras, with clothes on layaway and groceries that were thin by month’s end. Money dictated every decision. The first person in my family to go to college, I had a limited understanding about what a college education required. I didn’t know how to choose a major, or even what I could become beyond the few professional occupations, such as doctors and lawyers, that I saw in our town. Statistically, I was a long shot.

But I did make it. I put everything I had into my education, went to Virginia Tech on student loans, and got a full scholarship to Purdue University for graduate school. I learned how to network, and right out of school got a rare, well-paying job in politics that put me in the midst of the most powerful people in Washington. I worked hard and went into corporate life, eventually taking a huge risk by starting a technology-focused communications firm when I was just twenty-eight years old. Ten years later, I sold my stake in the firm, and took another gamble by following a growing passion for leadership: I started a coaching firm to work with senior executives. By following this path, I was able to get two books published and grow a thriving business that challenges and excites me every day.

While I certainly don’t claim to be anyone else’s image of success, my eighteen-year-old self couldn’t even have dreamed this big. I feel exceedingly lucky and grateful to be where I am, with an engaging career, a meaningful life, and a wonderful family around me. And here’s why I share this: When I look back, every major move I’ve made has been preceded by an inspiring conversation. They were conversations that helped me see possibilities, gave me confidence, uncovered my potential, validated my instincts, propelled me forward, and sometimes guided me in making a sharp left turn. People on the other end included:

My mother and stepmother who listened gently and helped me see my own ability to solve problems as I navigated toward adulthood.

A few special teachers, who spent time with me between classes and after school, to help me chart a path toward college.

My church pastor who, in a meeting the summer before college where I proceeded to fall apart over how to afford four years of college, shored up my confidence to keep moving forward.

An early mentor in politics who met with a young kid who had nothing to offer and showed me what was possible.

A leader who, upon hearing that I wanted to quit my job and start a business, brought me into his office, encouraged me, and gave me a Peter Drucker book.

One of my firm’s first clients who told me he saw something in me worth betting on—and I believed him.

A dear friend and professional colleague who took me to lunch after I sold that first business. She saw that I was spinning after letting go of a big part of my identity. She laughed in my face (literally) and gave me a firm kick in the pants (metaphorically) when I shared that I wasn’t sure if I could build a new business as a coach.

My coaching colleague, who sat across from me at breakfast and created an open, encouraging space that, from out of nowhere, led me to commit to write my first book.

A book industry colleague, whose passion for helping underserved communities inspired me to use a share of this book’s proceeds to establish a scholarship fund for kids in rural areas. It’s now up and running.

I could go on and on and on. As I began researching inspiration, stories that were so influential to me came flooding back—like this one: I was twenty-three years old, and starting an internship in Washington at a political consulting firm. This was a plum job that introduced me to some power players in politics, and held the promise of a permanent job after I completed graduate school the following spring. I had cold called dozens of people (this was before email), and networked like crazy to land this unpaid internship. It was my shot. Political jobs are infamously hard to get; most go to kids of political donors, elected officials, or someone who knows someone who is owed a favor.

My first day, I learned that another intern was there that year as well. He was a perfectly nice guy who got the job because his parents knew the firm’s head partner. He and that partner would go out at lunch and play tennis at their country club. All of my gravest fears set in. There was one paid job to be awarded at the firm, and it didn’t look like I would be getting it. I knew politics was an insider’s game, but I began to see that I’d picked the worst profession to make it on merit. I couldn’t afford another unpaid internship either, as I had student loans coming due.

The situation was starting to get to me. No matter how hard I worked, I saw no way to overcome my lack of connections. Another one of the partners, one who had grown up similarly to me, took notice. He sat down and asked what was going on. In a moment of total honesty, I told him. He said, “Listen to me. Neither of us grew up like that, and it’s okay. You’ll be better for it. You can’t see it yet, but I promise you. Don’t give up.”

I remembered those words, and went on to get one of the best first jobs in politics of anyone I knew. I’m sure the partner doesn’t remember that ten-minute conversation. But I replayed that tape in my head many times in the years that followed.

These are just a few of the inspiring conversations from my experience. I’ll bet you have plenty of your own. When I bring up this concept, the people I’m talking with invariably share inspiring conversations from their lives. I’ve heard hundreds. No matter who’s doing the inspiring, and whether it’s for two minutes or two hours, something important is transferred. There’s a certain undeniable vibe to them. The exchanges aren’t exactly mentorship or advice. In inspiring conversations, nothing is forced. The other person isn’t exerting heavy influence on us. It feels more like an invitation to a space into which we can step.

WHAT IS INSPIRATION EXACTLY?

For twenty years, psychology professors Todd Thrash and Andrew Elliot have been studying the process of inspiration. They’ve produced numerous studies that uncover what transpires within us when we catch the spark of inspirational light.

Thrash and Elliot have determined that inspiration is a culmination of several components coming together, not just a one-sided event. Inspiration may feel as if it just happens, but in fact, there’s a rhythm or process to it. Thrash and Elliot have found that inspiration involves three defining elements:¹

1.Transcendence: We can see beyond our ordinary preoccupations or limitations to discover new or better possibilities.

2.Motivation: We feel energized, or even compelled, to bring an idea into action or carry it forward.

3.Evocation: We are receptive to an influence beyond ourselves that creates the inspiration within us.

We can’t will ourselves to be inspired, though we often wish we could. Rather, there’s a trigger. This may be a person, an idea, or both. We are exposed to an inspirational force that causes a profound reaction within us. Thrash and Elliot further state that inspiration actually involves two separate component processes: We are inspired by something as well as to an action. I was inspired by a leader to go out on my own. It’s both an insight and an energetic push.

In an interview with me, Thrash put it this way: “There’s always a transmission process of one sort or another. What exactly that transmission means can vary. Transmission could start with an insight, an exemplar, language, or the assistance of another person who helps you envision possibilities you might not have recognized on your own. The person getting inspired has to become aware of a better possibility. That’s how the process starts. After that, they get motivated to bring that possibility into fruition.”²

The research also makes it clear that inspiration can’t be forced. It can’t feel like manipulation or even influence. In The Power of Presence, I wrote about influence. There are many situations where that’s the right approach. Inspiration, however, is a different route, though sometimes complementary. Inspiration is an invitation, and since it fosters a personal insight, it can’t be heavy handed. A person decides to be inspired for herself, and isn’t beholden to someone else’s agenda. There’s positive energy around it. People don’t go home after work and say, “What a great day today, I was influenced!” But they would love to be able to say, “Today I was inspired.”

By being an inspirational person, we are not the driver but the catalyst. As Thrash says, “The person who seeks to inspire others would have to look at their task as not making the person inspired, but rather as providing the context where spontaneous processes get triggered.”³

Think about how much more engaged we would be at work if we were truly inspired in this way—if we had leaders who viewed their jobs as triggers for an inspired workforce. When we’re inspired, we work the hardest and most creatively. We don’t need to be overmanaged because our energy pulls us along. We elect to do more and go further. It feels a whole lot more like fun than like work.

If we want to have inspired companies, then we need inspirational leaders. And that involves being the kind of leader who communicates in a way that creates the conditions for inspiration in others. It’s about making the right connection and letting the inspiration take off from there.

A JOURNEY ALONG THE INSPIRE PATH

After listening to hundreds of stories about inspiring people, it’s abundantly clear that the way we trigger inspiration is primarily through conversation. Yes, a book or a song or a poem can inspire us. But people inspire us through interpersonal communication in all of its forms, both verbal and nonverbal. As we’ve seen, these aren’t just any conversations. In my research, certain definitive communications behaviors were present that made the conversations elicitors of inspiration. I’ve brought these elements together in a model I call the Inspire Path.

Figure I.1 Inspire Path

Inspire Path conversations happen when we communicate in a way that is present, personal, passionate, and purposeful. These four factors greatly enhance our inspirational effect. Must all four occur simultaneously? No. Though many inspirational conversations do involve most elements in one form or another.

Further, I call this model a “path” because it’s a passage with movement, both for the one inspiring and for the one being inspired. There’s no magic formula or predetermined endpoint. It’s not a quid pro quo. Part of being an inspiring person means believing that it’s the right way to live, and that it will lead to positive outcomes.

The following pages are organized around the elements of the Inspire Path model, breaking down the behaviors in each section. When we’re inspiring, we are:

Present: We’re focused on the person in front of us, not distracted by the swirl of our day, visibly stressed, or beholden to our agenda. We keep an open mind and let conversations flow.

Personal: We’re authentic and real, and listen generously. We notice what’s true about others and help them find their potential.

Passionate: We infuse energy, and manage this as one of our greatest tools. We blend logic and emotion, and show conviction through our presence.

Purposeful: We are intentional. We are willing to serve as role models and engage in courageous discussions about purpose.

If these sound broad to you, you’re right. I’ve written this book in order to define these amorphous concepts at a useful and practical level. Because even though the ideas are simple—e.g., be passionate—the act of showing passion is anything but straightforward. If it were easy, we wouldn’t be sitting through so many lifeless meetings led by robotic presenters. As a coach, I make ideas actionable; for years, I’ve been applying these concepts with my clients. In these pages, I’ve assembled a guide that combines these concepts with proven actions to help you in your journey to be a more inspiring communicator. It’s not the only way. But for my clients, and now hopefully for you, it’s an effective way.

You may also find that the ideas presented here go against some of your strongly held beliefs about leadership communications. For example, we’ve all heard advice about overpreparing for any situation, demonstrating power, remaining unemotional, and keeping a professionally detached demeanor—and we all have preconceived notions about what makes a person effective. Some of these notions are debunked by research, while others are appropriate for some settings but not for others. I ask that you keep an open mind and think back to your own personal experience. This is about inspiring behavior, not directing it.

What was it that inspired you? If you can define it, and direct it outward with clarity, you can inspire others as well.

VALIDATED BY QUANTITATIVE RESEARCH

In developing the Inspire Path model, I listened to hundreds of conversations over the course of five years—from leaders, managers, and teams—and distilled them down to their common themes. I tested the ideas and frameworks with clients to ensure that they worked in practice, and could be replicated by others. I knew before I wrote this book that the tools could significantly increase inspirational effectiveness. But I was still curious about what was most important and valuable in inspiration, and how the behaviors compared to one another.

To that end, I engaged the research firm Harris Poll to conduct original quantitative research to determine what communication behaviors are most inspirational to people.⁴ The Harris Poll is one of the most notable and respected surveys in the world, having continuously been in the field of public opinion since 1963. For this research, 2,034 U.S. adults were asked to consider a time when they were inspired by someone whom they’ve personally known in their adult life and to select the person’s inspirational behaviors (in terms of communicating), that had the greatest effect on them. Here are the results:

The vast majority of U.S. adults (86 percent) report having been inspired by someone that they know personally. This is heartening on a human level!

Half (50 percent) say the behavior that had the greatest impact was when the person listened to them. This was the most-cited inspirational behavior.

Forty percent say the greatest impact came from how the person said what they meant and spoke with authenticity.

Nearly two in five attribute the greatest effect of the inspiring person to:

“Giving focused time and attention” (38 percent)

“Making the effort to understand where I was coming from” (38 percent)

“Showing passion and energy” (38 percent)

“Expressing that they saw potential in me” (37 percent)

“Helping me see a larger purpose and meaning for myself” (35 percent)

Let’s go down a level to provide some meaning behind the numbers. First, for all the emphasis we put on the output of our communications, listening has the greatest effect on people. The space we create through listening has power. Second, if all you do is speak authentically and listen well, then you’ll be doing a lot as an inspirational communicator. These were the top-two behaviors cited by respondents.

Further, with nearly 40 percent of respondents choosing pretty equally among the rest of the concepts, it’s clear that all of these elements are important in inspiration. (Respondents could select as many of the concepts as they wanted.) In fact, only 4 percent said that they were inspired by something else—a good indicator that these are the key behaviors. Again, you don’t have to invoke all of these concepts to be inspirational. But the more you do, the greater your opportunity to inspire. You’ll see all of these concepts explored throughout the book, in greater detail and with ways to put them into action.

THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU, IF YOU ARE A LEADER . . . OR WELL, A HUMAN

In the following pages, I’ll explore inspiration as a leadership imperative while providing tools and examples primarily in business contexts. Since I work at the intersection of leadership and communications, business provides the tapestry for this book. There are plenty of examples of inspiring conversations in all kinds of business situations, such as:

Leading change

Managing people

Selling an idea or a product

Communicating a vision

Dialoguing with the board or investors

Recruiting and retaining employees

Growing talent and getting teams to stretch

Presenting ideas in public speaking settings

You could easily argue that inspiring communications are more important than ever. Factors such as globally dispersed teams, increasingly complex business environments, accelerated change, overwhelmed workforces, and shifting expectations of leaders all create an increasing need for inspiring leadership. The U.S. Army War College introduced a term called VUCA—Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity—to define the current state of our world. Certainly this same acronym could be used to describe most business environments.

Tony Bingham has a front-row seat to the skills that companies around the world are prioritizing for their people. The president and CEO of the Association for Talent Development, the world’s largest talent development organization, he describes the increasing drumbeat for inspirational leadership this way: “Employees need to believe in the people who are leading them if they’re going to stay engaged and give that discretionary effort that unlocks potential, creativity, and innovation. If people don’t believe in the people who lead them, they’ll find somewhere else to work. Leaders should understand that giving people something to believe in—inspiring them—is more than a platitude or lofty ideal. It’s the essence of leadership.”⁵

So yes, we need inspirational leadership. But when I talk about leaders, consider it an elastic term. You may be a leader by formal designation or in another kind of way. You may be on a path to leadership, or perhaps you operate as a leader by your very nature. Everything we talk about in this book has an application for executives, managers, young professionals, business owners, community leaders, parents, and pretty much anyone human. Because any one of us can be inspiring at any time, simply by connecting and conversing in inspiring ways.

Further, the way we work, manage, and lead varies greatly among organizations. Many leaders operate as virtual leaders, barely seeing their teams in person at all. Most of the advice in this book can be applied to both in-person and virtual communications. If you add videoconference capabilities to the equation, then all of it can. The ideas also scale. They apply if you’re talking to one person across the desk, one thousand across an auditorium, or one million via webcast.

We’ve begun to see a quiet but steady cultural transformation in the workplace, where being wholehearted, positive, and authentic is appreciated and even expected. In 2013, the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School management professor Adam Grant wrote a book called Give and Take. In it, he argued persuasively and empirically that people who generously give of themselves to help others are the most successful.⁶ It was a runaway bestseller. In an interview with me, Grant shared his belief that most people identify with giver values, and if you want more supportive behavior in organizations, the culture needs to just get out of the way: “It’s not incentivizing people to be givers, but taking away the disincentives to be givers.”⁷

You’ll find on these pages many ways to have a positive effect on others. I will even go so far as to guarantee that you’ll have a lasting positive impact on people’s lives if you put these behaviors into action. But if you want to be truly inspiring, do it because it’s the right thing to do. Do it because it starts a virtuous cycle and helps others. Do it because it connects us and strengthens personal fortitude in an otherwise VUCA world. Inspire others because you can.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

Here’s some good news: there’s no lengthy fifteen-step program to follow in these pages. Those kinds of models make me crazy. Instead I wrote the book to be read the way most people work: just-in-time information for use as needed. You can apply as much or as little from these pages as is helpful to you. The chapters can be read in sequence, or you can skip around if there’s an area that interests you the most. I’ve cross-referenced throughout, so you can jump around easily for deeper dives into the content.

I also wrote the book the way adult learners think—through contemplation, discussion, and then application of an idea. In each chapter, I discuss research and examples from a few angles to explore the concept, and then end with a “concept in action” section that shows how to put the ideas into your daily life. It’s worthwhile to reflect and cogitate, but in the end, nothing happens unless we get to action. You’ll also find a leader’s guide in the appendix to prep for conversations or to stay on track.

Finally, I use many stories and examples throughout the book—often about leaders I’ve worked with and seen in action. Due to the privacy of coaching, all client stories are composites of various clients over the years. Identifying information has been changed while preserving the educational aspects of the examples. Even in diverse situations, coaching issues are remarkably similar at heart. I’ve always found it reassuring how much we all have in common.

I hope that you find, as I have in this process, how much of an impact we have by doing a few things with intention and meaning. You have everything you need to be an inspiring communicator—a leader who creates energetic engagement and enduring followership; a manager who fosters excitement and excellence; a colleague who builds potential and possibilities in others; a person who lights up a room.

Here’s the path.