So far, I have pointed out all the values, traits, and practices it takes to be a better leader for your team. When you invest in your team, you have the ability to foster long-term success. But there will be many days things don't go your way. All the preparation you put into a project can be quickly washed away due to factors you can't control. Setbacks and failures will certainly happen and are a natural part of growth and development. So get ready for it, as you undoubtably will fail. Yet with the proper mindset, it becomes an engine to drive you to becoming a quality leader or successful person.

Try a little test to see just how many people with great success stories have failed over and over again. Google “Successful people who failed.” It's an impressive list; you rarely find a highly successful person who hasn't failed, sometimes in remarkable ways.

When failure happens, you can't blame those “shoulda, woulda, coulda” explanations. It is very important to develop the ability of keeping your emotions from getting the best of you when facing failure. Rather, you need the ability to refocus and limit any damage caused by failure. Explore new methods to build off of setbacks and learn to appreciate failure as great teaching tools for personal growth.

In and Out of Your Control

Failure happens in two different forms. It can involve failure to manage variables around you that are beyond your control. For example, when a competitor in your field of business significantly undercuts prices to win business from a company you are both vying for, or an umpire makes a poor call that goes against your team, you can't do anything to affect the outcome of these situations. Setbacks that lead to a failed situation will undoubtably happen, and can be quite frustrating, especially when they are out of your control.

I learned this the hard way early in my collegiate coaching career. On one particular day, when I was a first-year coach, my team was in a heated battle with our conference rival. As with most baseball games, there was a close play at first base and I believed our runner beat the throw from the defense and should have been called safe. I did the typical posturing and headed out of the dugout to the field to confront the umpire about my displeasure in his call. Coaches do this plenty of times in the game; it's something of a ritual, a form of defending your players by sticking up for what you believe is right.

Being young, and a bit dumb (like the young whitetail buck from Chapter 10), I sprinted out to get in the umpire's face. I was going to show my players just how to argue the call and prove to them I had their backs. Boy, was I heated—face to face, spit flying, and some very choice words.

Then, I got dumped, meaning I was asked to leave the field and stop coaching. Yet I continued to put on a show, kicking dirt, covering up home plate, forcing the umpire to bend down and brush it off when all the dust settled that I was literally causing.

I certainly couldn't have controlled the outcome of that play, but in making my point, I got tossed. Now the team didn't have my leadership and guidance for the rest of the game. Worse off, my emotions got the best of me.

The following Monday, I was summoned to the office of Bob Byrnes, my athletic director. There he sat, back to me and feet up on the cabinet behind his desk, hands folded behind his head.

“Did you get ejected this weekend?” he asked

“Yea, Bob, but it wasn't my fault! That umpire screwed us.”

“Here is the report that was written. Did you call him these things?” Bob spun in his chair, with fire in his eyes.

“Well, I was kinda heated and I don't really remember everything I said.” Now my shoulders sank.

“This is not what I want out of our head coach! Don't embarrass me and the school!” he shouted from deep within his stomach.

Bob went on to suspend me for a game to make his point, a well-deserved punishment.

The failure caused by that one call the umpire didn't get right led to a greater setback: me being absent, as the team's leader, for more games. My emotions got the best of me in a situation I really had no control over.

To this day, when an umpire makes a bad call, I still trot out to defend my players and follow baseball etiquette. By calmly making my point and discussing how I feel, the umpire's call still doesn't change. However, I have learned this approach now gives our team a better chance to get the next call to go our way. So, even though I don't have control of what an umpire thinks, I can build a tiny bit of a relationship the right way, in hopes to get the next subjective call go my  team's way.

Another form of failure happens when your unpreparedness or lack of attention to details affects the outcome of things over which you do have an influence. This might be how well you prepare for a test in a class you're enrolled in, or a sales pitch presentation your boss asked you to prepare. You control these variables, and if you choose to invest in the core values you or your organization has in place, not only will your rate of failure decrease, but you are better prepared to pivot in a positive direction when setbacks occur. Don't blame a wild night out with friends as a reason your work didn't get done. This was a choice you made that impacted the result.

When considering the inevitable failures you will surely face, recognize which situations you can control and which you can't. Tackle the ones you can, so you increase your ability to be successful. And remember to look for the teaching moment in every setback.

People Want You to Fail

As you grow in your professional role and climb the corporate ladder, you may sense that some people grow jealous and even become resentful of your success. A colleague who was a one-time friend now views your advancement as a threat, and can even become an enemy.

Look within yourself to develop a mindset that will allow you to grow and flourish.

There will always be foes and even friends who want to see you fail. This desire is beyond your control; don't waste time proving your worth to them because it will turn out to be fruitless. Such people can wreak havoc on those around you, particularly those you entrust to make up a productive and healthy culture.

You probably expect your competitors to want you to fail, but when it comes from people within your own organization, it can result in cracks in the company's culture and core values. Don't invest much time or energy in the doomsayers who try to infiltrate your team. Look within yourself to develop a mindset that will allow you to grow and flourish. It can be a great self-motivator to use their negativity to inspire your own optimistic attitude.

Fail and Move Forward

Failure in the workplace and in everyday life is inevitable. No matter how big or small, setbacks are going to happen to everyone, so you might as well prepare for them.

We have discussed the importance of how a positive attitude can influence those around you. The same holds true when faced with adversity. Without a positive outlook and a belief that setbacks hold value, you can easily fall into the trap of becoming a negative Nellie. When you allow your emotions to dictate decisions and you neglect the valuable lessons from such failures, you ultimately miss the opportunity to use the important information gained by failures to help guide you to future success.

As previously mentioned, the optimist demonstrates how, during fragile times, a positive outlook can result in more productive outcomes. Conversely, a pessimistic attitude will more likely result in negative outcomes. It can be difficult to remain optimistic in times of failure, yet you must find it deep within yourself to accomplish this thought process and always choose to look for a positive outcome from a negative situation.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Here is a great example of an optimistic outlook that produced a positive end result. Many days as the baseball coach at the University of Maine, I would get the field ready to play a home game in early March by having the entire team pitch in to shovel it clear of snow. Inevitably, just as the team finished the task, another snowstorm would hit, with a predicted 16 inches still to come. What a great opportunity to bond as a team and shovel the field again!

“Hey, fellas, no one would even attempt to do what we're doing, so that makes us tougher than everyone!” I would shout.

Believe me, it sucks to have to keep shoveling that damn field over and over when all you want to do is practice and play, but I would embellish just how great it was. I tried to be the ultimate optimist.

Having the same approach when failure happens enables you to refocus more quickly and get busy accomplishing. If you ask many of the people I've been around, both former players and groups I've presented to, they will tell you about a movie line I use all the time. On my list of top three movies of all time sits The Shawshank Redemption, based on a Stephen King novella. (By the way, Stephen is a UMaine grad.) In the movie, the character played by Morgan Freeman is describing what you need to do when you're stuck in prison. He says in life you have to “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

Well, that's how I feel about failure. Take it head on and tell yourself it can be a great motivator and path to success. Convince yourself it's going to make you better, stronger, and tougher. No matter how crazy it might sound, you have to believe in your ability to adjust, learn, and grow from failure. It is essential to you and your team's toughness and success.

Be Responsible and Positive in Times of Failure

Be forewarned, ego can sometimes get in the way of springboarding off failures. Resist the temptation to blame others or things that are out of your control. In Chapter 13, we'll explore ideas about ego and the role it can play when building confidence, and we'll also address the crucial step of suppressing that same ego within your organization or team. The same goes for failed outcomes for yourself.

A true leader takes responsibility for setbacks, recognizes that they will occur, and prepares for them. Furthermore, a good leader will have an answer for failures that occur when it isn't their fault. If someone on their team makes a mistake, they come to their defense, taking responsibility for not aiding in their preparation. Your true toughness and energy are tested and the opportunity arises to demonstrate these important values to your team.

I have a great baseball example of exactly this. The team captain of the highly successful 2018 Stetson Hatters was Brooks Wilson. Brooksie was a two-way player; meaning he hit in our offensive lineup and also pitched. In fact, he was the closer on that club, which meant he came in the last inning or two and slammed the door, trying very hard not to give up any runs, let alone base runners.

In one particular game, the score was 3–2 going into the bottom of the ninth inning, with the Hatters on top. Brooksie came into the game as the pitcher to do what he does best—close it out and get the save. He had the first batter he faced sitting at an 0–2 count, pumping two strikes right by the lead-off hitter that inning. The third pitch he threw was designed to go inside to the hitter, hoping for a swing and a miss for strike three. Brooksie executed the pitch, hitting the location he wanted and induced a weak ground ball to the shortstop. As the shortstop charged in to field the ball and make a throw to first base for the out, he let the ball go under his glove for an error.

Now Brooksie could have thrown his hands up in disgust, showing frustration and poor body language, because he had done what he was supposed to do to get the first out. Instead, Brooks turned around and told the player, “Hey, don't worry about that, it wasn't your fault. I shoulda made a better pitch and the ball shoulda never been hit to you! Now, let's get the next hitter and I'm gonna strike him out, or you get to now start a double play with the next ground ball.”

The short stop's body language instantly changed. His head had been hanging low and arms were on his hips, but now both perked up. As he heard Brooks's words, he pounded his glove and returned to his position for the next play.

When he faced the next batter, Brooks induced yet another ground ball, this time to the second basemen. He was able to field it properly, flipping it to the shortstop for out number one at second base and complete the double play for the second out. Brooks gave a nod to the shortstop and went on to strike out the next batter for out number three and closed out the game for a win.

He was a true leader, and a huge part of that season's success. His ability to take responsibility when it wasn't his fault resonated throughout our organization. The setback dealt to him in that game gave him the opportunity to take responsibility for something that he either didn't have control over or had nothing to do with. His actions brought the group together, built trust in him, and energized the rest of the team to get the job done the next time the opportunity arose.

Showing positivity in challenging times and filling your mind with optimistic ideas can encourage others to adopt that same process.

Taking responsibility during times of failure and crisis management yields a valuable opportunity to showcase the true toughness and energy we addressed earlier. The ability to own failure when it's not your fault demonstrates to your organization just how committed you are, and surely it will begin to rub off on others. Showing positivity in challenging times and filling your mind with optimistic ideas can encourage others to adopt that same process. Your organization will be able to prevail through the ups and downs we all deal with on a daily basis.

Remember that powerful saying, “Tough times don't last, but tough people do.” When dealt failure, mentally tough individuals are positive, resilient, and take responsibility for the group. They show humility when success happens for them, but take responsibility when failure strikes. The noise created by detractors doesn't derail them; it energizes them. To become a great leader, it is vital to understand the value of failure and how it can be a necessary path in the growth process.