I am sure many of you have been told to practice being humble. It started early in our lives, when our parents wanted us to appreciate what we already had, not what we wanted. Always say please and thank you. In fact, being humble is sometimes associated with politeness and being kind. Not only are these traits we would all like to possess, but we tend to surround ourselves with people who demonstrate these ideals. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly talking about themselves, bragging about how good they are? You know, the “I, I, Me, Me” people, the kind who speak mostly about their own feats and accomplishments. They tend to dominate the conversation, even when you have a chance to add to it. These can be a few of the many ways to identify someone with a large ego, which is an essential skill when you engage in a meeting.

We discussed earlier how great communicators listen and ask about the person they are conversing with, and don't jump into the discussion trying to dominate the conversation. In fact, accomplishing this takes an ego within yourself not to invade someone's conversation, because it can prove valuable to sit back and gather worthwhile information about someone, rather than talk about yourself. At the same time, your listening skills help feed this person's own ego, as they will enjoy talking about themselves.

Having an ego can, in fact, be part of our leadership toolbox.

In all the research and reading I have done over the years, I find it strange that most authors discuss how to practice humility when in a leadership role. Many people talk of “no egos.”

However, most of the great leaders I have been around have a bit of “swagger” to them. My great mentor and college coach, Bill Holowaty, use to shout during practice, “Ya better have a little piss and vinegar if ya wanna play on our team.” He meant that you better have a look in your eye, and a walk in your step, that show confidence, that display an ego.

The people whose stories I share in this book, along with many other successful people in business and in sports, have demonstrated huge egos. Yet when I read though many of the leadership guides that are out there, rarely is it discussed that egos are present. Good leaders find a way to have their egos rub off on people they have invited into their organization.

In reality, having an ego can, in fact, be part of our leadership toolbox. However, a quality leader can master the craft of what I call “circling the wagons” when letting egos become present in their own organization.

Crank Up Your Ego—Sometimes

There is a popular belief that being humble will lead to a more cohesive organization, and thus to better teamwork. Some authors describe the importance of humility when trying to establish a good working environment in an organization. Yet where the confusion comes from is that most leaders, at least in my experience, have a strong ego.

How does this work?

Well, I might blow your minds a bit with the rest of this chapter, but I disagree with the “no ego” way of thinking when it comes to leading your team to greatness. Actually, I don't entirely disagree, because there is a time to be humble inside your family, team, or organization.

You actually need an ego to be great, to lead your organization and team to success. The people in the organization have to possess the ability to believe in greatness. They need to think, or have been led to think, they were hired and are present within an organization because someone believed not only that they have the ability to be on the team, but that they can be a superstar of that organization. That's why they hired you: to be the best. The people brought to a program need to think big—they need to think they are the best.

You need an ego to be great.

It is rarely taught and many authors are not willing to go down the slippery slope to say this, but you need big egos in order to be successful. A great leader will foster and actually feed the egos of his or her employees. You need an ego to be great.

However, you also need to leave that ego outside when working with your own group. That same leader who fed the individual's egos will know how to temper, and even turn off the ego at appropriate times. These times are when teammates or work colleagues come together to form a program. The employees or team members now get rid of any egos and don't let them into the culture of the program that is developed for long-term success. Teams are usually filled with members who didn't leave egos outside, but allowed them to infiltrate the organization. Programs are full of highly talented and confident people. But they know how to work together, focusing on program values, and they see the importance in everyone pulling in the same direction.

When members walk into the office building each day, their egos needs to be left in the parking lot. This is where humility takes a front seat in the organization. Have humility when interacting with your family, your team, your employees, your business.

Almost every successful person I have been around has, at times, demonstrated a sense of great ego. They believed they were very good at what they do. Also, just as important, they convinced their employees they were great.

How can you expect to win championships, close huge accounts, or compete every day with the opposition if you don't believe you and the people around you can be the best?

But there is a fine line between fueling your own and your group's egos. Think about replacing the word “ego” with “confidence.” You certainly don't want the “I, I, Me, Me” type of ego of a loud-mouthed braggart. It's about having a confident swagger. That certain look in your eye and spring in your step that shows you truly know what you are doing. Your ego is present, yet not overtly advertised.

Thinking big is a very important part of building a strong culture and needs to be present in order to do great things—things like winning at the highest level, scoring big accounts for your firm, and even leading the region in corporate sales. This, of course, takes ego to convince yourself and the members of your team that you belong on such a large scale.

Think big, and believe you have the power to do great things every day.

Conversely, you and the people of your organization must lose that same huge ego among yourselves. This can be tricky, because we always need to have internal competition among our team. The ability to compete internally will only make outside competition that much easier. That is why we practice. It is an important part of leadership to fuel the egos of your team when they compete among themselves. However, a critical step is finding when those internal competitions come to an end, practice is over, and now your group is ready to compete with outside organizations. Only at that point do those egos within your team need to disappear. Now the team is working together, pulling for one another to bring success to the organization in external competition.

As a manager and a leader, you have to constantly pay attention to the egos within your organization. You don't want your people to lose them, yet there is a time they need to be reminded to take the “no ego” approach. This is when the group is ready to compete externally, and within their own ranks there needs to be a humble approach. All team members are equal at this point, from the CEO to the first-year salesperson to the person cleaning out the wastebaskets—everyone working together.

Think Big

Whenever I am asked to speak to a group on organizational leadership, I ask them about their egos. For instance, let's say I am speaking to the employees at Darling's Auto dealers in the great state of Maine. At first, most people are very humble and respond that they believe you cannot foster any egos if you want team unity.

Then I ask them: do you want to be the best car dealership in Bangor, Maine? In the State of Maine? How about the Northeast? Why not be the best in the country?

Think big and believe you have the power to do great things every day. I ask them: do you agree? Do you want to be the best in the land?

The audience goes wild. Heads nod in agreement. A lot of people mumble “Yes, sir!” They always get fired up to hear that. Then I bring up the fact you can't ever think this big unless you have the ego to be great. It takes tremendous effort to walk this walk. It takes dedication to the core values of their organization, along with spending daily attention to them.

Great leaders always send the message that everyone within the organization is vital and important.

However, what needs to be present is the ability to circle those wagons. Leave the huge ego outside when you are walking into your place of employment, or with your family or team. Great leaders always send the message that everyone within the organization is vital and important.

It gets us back to empowerment leadership. No one is too small to be heard, from a vice president to the person responsible for cleaning the floors. Everyone must feel part of the organization in order to achieve long-term program success. That is where you, as a leader, teach everyone how to circle the organizational wagons.

Circle the Wagons

Remember the old Western movies, when settlers in the 1800s were moving west? These films always showed the trials and tribulations of this difficult journey. Settlers would jam into horse-drawn wagons, packed with all their belongings. Inevitably, there would be a surprise attack by Native Americans, understandably angry that these Easterners were invading their homeland. A turf war would ensue, with arrows and bullets flying.

To defend themselves, the settlers circled their wagons into a moving train, so they could fight from one side of the circle of wagons. Therefore, they only had to defend half of their territory.

Good leaders teach their people how to “circle their wagons.” They know how to rally the troops and work together in an efficient and effective manner. Naturally, this means teamwork. With any good program or organization, leaders need to surround themselves with people who have confidence in what they were brought there to accomplish. The team needs to believe, or be led to believe, that they are the best at what they do. Teamwork does, in fact, need everyone in the group to be pulling together, working toward a common goal. But they must possess an ego that they will accomplish great things because they are part of the best team. So, as a leader, circling your wagons with confident, audacious individuals is essential to leading them to a successful outcome.

Invest in Values

However, it can be quite difficult to foster an environment of egoless people internally. Finding a way to balance the egos that come with motivated employees can certainly backfire if you are not willing to invest your time in the values that make up the strong culture of your organization.

Let me give you an example about egos on a college baseball team. We recruit, hopefully, the best young players in the country, players who are drafted by major-league teams out of high school, yet defer their professional career a few years to attend college. Every fall, a few talented ballplayers walk through our locker room door, ready to embark on their college careers. Most of them have been the best player on the teams they have been a part of all their lives. They have not only been told that, but they have proven it with their play. And, like clockwork, these freshmen players walk into our family of returning players and start to talk the talk.

Their huge ego comes out. “Hey Jorgie, I know you started every game last year as shortstop, but get ready to lose your job.”

Now, we need these talented ballplayers to come into our program and they will undoubtedly bring the physical tools to help us succeed, and foster the internal competition needed to push each individual to work as hard as they are capable of. But what quickly happens in that locker room, if I did my job as their leader, is that the returning players start the process of educating our new faces to check that ego in the parking lot. It is certainly difficult to do this; it takes tremendous effort and a focus on the program's values. And some will not make it. They are not willing to buy into our core values. (We will discuss this later on how to recognize the naysayers of an organization who can cost you valuable time and money.)

What is understood is that we need the egos to be present and want everyone to believe they have the capability to be great. That greatness and success will only come if you work hard to buy into the team's culture, and also check that ego when circling the team's wagons.

Another example of possessing an ego, yet checking it at the door when it's for the good of the program, is the 2018 Stetson team. We were navigating through a strong season, with a record of 30–8 and about a quarter of the season remaining. The team had worked hard throughout the year on a strong culture, practicing every day the core values from the “Values Wall” I explained earlier in the book.

We were scheduled to head on a five-game road trip, playing NCAA perennial powerhouse the Florida State Seminoles, then continue on to a conference weekend series against the New Jersey Institute of Technology. Our team had a very talented pitching staff, but pretty average hitters, nothing to blow you away. Yet the players did a great job focusing on their strength of pitching well and playing good defense, then trying to find ways to score a few runs. From the start of the season, they believed they were the best, Omaha bound. (This is a term used when an NCAA Division I team qualifies for the College World Series, which is held in Omaha, Nebraska.)

This group had tremendous egos. We all fueled them each day, not only talking about Omaha, but instilling the values it would take to be better than our competition, every day. Yet, this group would turn off their egos when around each other.

In baseball, sometimes these egos come out not only in the clubhouse, but on the field of play. For instance, there is a great example of how egos present in the game can be detrimental. When a coach makes out a lineup and shuffles the players, 1 through 9, you try to get your best hitters at the top, in hopes they come more often. And you usually put your best hitters at number 3 and 4, so hitters 1 and 2 are on base, therefore allowing them to drive in the runs with a base hit to the outfield.

To understand this story, you need to understand “bunting” the baseball. Bunting a ball is achieved when instead of fully swinging the bat, the hitter waits until the last possible moment, when the ball is out of the pitcher's hand and on the way, to try to “dink” the ball in the direction of a first or third basemen. This forces the defensive infielder to run in and field a slow, weak ground ball. Bunting is usually left to the small, quick hitters in the number 8, 9, 1, and 2 hitting spots in the lineup, certainly not the 3 and 4 hitters. You might even get heckled by the other team if you bunt when the number 3 or 4 hitter is up to bat. And if a coach asks those middle-of-the-lineup hitters to bunt, their ego may surface and they may question the coach about why they've been asked to bunt.

As I said, that 2018 team had some tremendous egos, truly believing they were the best in the nation. But they had the ability to check those egos. The leader of that team, and captain, was a player named Brooks Wilson, whom I first mentioned in Chapter 11. Brooks was one of the best pitchers on the team—the “closer.” His job was to come into the game in the last few innings and shut down the other team, to close out the game. And he was good at it. In fact, by the end of this season, he would lead the nation in saves, becoming the best closer in NCAA baseball that year.

Brooksie had one huge ego too. He wore his emotions on his sleeve. Yet he was also the player at the end of that game to pick up every paper cup in the dugout and throw them in the trash and he didn't leave the field until everything was put away. He led by example.

Brooks was also one of the best hitters on the team, the number 4 hitter in the lineup. So you would assume that, with his huge ego, each time he stepped up to the plate to hit, he would try to do the macho thing and hit a home run. Well, Brooks had the ability of a true leader, and could check that ego when it benefited the organization, or in this case the Stetson program. There were plenty of times when there was a runner on third base, 90 feet away from scoring a run, and Brooks was up to bat. Everyone assumed he would try to hit it off or over the outfield fence. But Brooks would take a peek at how deep the third baseman was playing, and if he caught him sleeping and playing too deep, the ego of a typical number 4 hitter would go out the window. Good ole Brooksie would lay down a perfect bunt, allowing the run to score, with him taking the infield single. If he was ever questioned, his answer was simple: “Why swing for the fences when I can help the team win in other ways?”

No ego present. Brooksie did what was best for the program, not for Brooks.

Build the Team's Confidence

Why is ego so important to observe, as a leader within your organization? By now, you are most likely thinking I am telling you to get a bunch of cocky, arrogant employees together and all will be great.

Well, that's not exactly where I am going and it's much harder than that. As you guide your group to invest in core values, you need to continually watch for a positive culture. You need to pay extreme attention to the members of the organization and how they interact with one another. Having an ego that exists outside the group ultimately gets them to build confidence and not arrogance. Confidence they can tackle projects, tasks, and even conquer opponents. The number one thing I find in organizations is employees' lack of confidence. When you, as a supervisor, help the people of your organization believe in themselves, grow their ego, and build that grit, they become more and more confident. The more confident they are, the more they communicate.

Confidence strengthens communication.

We spent an entire chapter earlier discussing the importance of being a strong communicator. It is human nature that the more confident you are in something, the more likely you are to communicate your thoughts and ideas. Once a person is confident and can communicate effectively, it ultimately drives them to compete. Confidence builds communication skills. Communication leads to preparedness to compete. Being prepared to compete give you a better chance to win (see Figure 13.1).

Tone People Down, Not Up

If you can develop a strong culture within your organization, you have the ability to foster the cultural environment where egos can, in fact, be present. Remember, strong values lead to a culture that gives you the flexibility to step outside the organizations' comfort zone of “no egos,” as your employees know these values you expect they possess.

Another way to think of this is that in order to be a great organization, the leader needs to work on toning people down, not toning them up. If you are constantly trying to motivate team members to go, go, go, instead of pumping the breaks, it takes much more time and energy. People who have the will to “grind” and the inner drive to succeed are the ones you need to have on your team or organization. Finding those individuals during the hiring or recruiting process when you are forming your team is an essential step. You want highly motivated people, maybe even too motivated. Your role as their leader is to understand when to let them go and spread their wings, along with when to reel them back in if they get a bit out of control.

Let me give you another baseball example of what I mean. When I recruit ballplayers, I obviously want talented people who bring a bit of swagger and energy. Now, envision a close game against a rival team, and it's coming down to the ninth inning. Do I want to look down the dugout, only to see the players sitting down on the bench, looking disinterested and not cheering on their teammates on the field? Or do I want to see a bunch of crazy guys, cheering and going nuts, to the point where fans and the other team are wondering what is going on? Well, sometimes that crazy dugout goes a bit too far, and crosses an invisible line. They might yell a choice word, or direct a comment at an opponent. So, as their supervisor, I have to quell that and tone them down a bit.

“Fellas, I love the excitement, but keep it clean and with us!”

When you create a strong culture, coupled with surrounding yourself with strong people, your group becomes driven to reach any goals you might set. The people of the organization you put together will be fueled and pushed to reach these goals by the challenges, competition, and beliefs that arise each day.

Stubbornness Can Be a Good Trait

Sometimes employees' egos are accompanied by a bit of stubbornness, and occasionally you have to tone it down.

Can stubbornness be a good thing?

At first glance, stubbornness is generally viewed as a negative. However, with the proper guidance and attention to core values from the leader, it can drive this personality trait to channel any stubbornness to a path of success. The will to succeed becomes more and more present, and a group of motivated individuals within an organization will come together to achieve many of the goals set.

Now, back to that Stetson baseball road trip to FSU and NJIT. The 2018 Stetson baseball team did not play well one particular week, losing two games to Florida State. In the next three-game series with NJIT, the first two were successful in terms of the outcome, but the team did not play well. Game three handed us a loss, the first loss to NJIT in Stetson's history. As the team traveled back to Florida, players were pretty silent. They were very emotional. Mad. Embarrassed. Their big egos took a dent.

Upon returning to Stetson, I called a team meeting in hopes of getting them back on track and shifting their focus on the process of moving forward in the face of failure.

His attitude became contagious with the rest of the team.

In fact, deep down inside, I was a bit happy that the three losses had happened. Up to this point, the team had very little failure. If I did my job as the leader, I had a chance to let these setbacks guide the team and help them to reach long-term success. In our meeting, we discussed how to build off our failures and learn from what we did wrong. Then something happened I will never forget. This group of players, this team, became really stubborn.

One member, Jack Perkins, stood up and calmly said, “We are not gonna lose again, plain and simple. And Coach, we are not just saying this—we mean it. Guys, whatever we have done up until today is history. But we also need to work way harder if we want to do what we say, and that is go to Omaha.”

Jack was very stubborn that day, and his attitude became contagious with the rest of the team. For the remaining days of the 2018 season, I witnessed this group doing more and more. Practicing harder, focusing more, even picking up cups in the dugout together. After that team meeting, this team reeled off 18 wins in a row, leading Division I baseball in the longest winning streak that season, and the longest in Stetson history. They went on to a record of 48–13, one game shy of reaching Omaha. Ironically, Brooks Wilson was at the plate up to bat in that final game, with two out, and two runners on base. The score was 7–5 with Stetson losing. Brooks hit a ball to the deepest part of the ballpark, only to have the ball caught by the center fielder, as he leaped at the fence, five feet short of a walk-off win. When that last out was made, the team knew the historic season had ended.

After a few minutes, I met with the group after the emotions of a tough loss subsided. I explained what a great run, a historic run, this team had had, and how proud the Stetson community was. In fact, they became the darlings of college baseball in the later weeks of the 2018 season. I hoped they could take a deep breath and cherish the success they accomplished.

But that stubbornness this team possessed showed up again. They were pissed. Really mad. They wanted more. There was no talking to them right then and there. I had no pep talk or words of encouragement to ease their emotions. They didn't want to leave the field. They wanted to start the next season that day! Their desire to prove to themselves from their setback and failures outweighed the mindset to celebrate. They were a driven bunch, full of ego and stubbornness because their season had ended, and they wanted more.

So, as you can see, it is okay to have egos. And with that, stubbornness can also be present in a positive manner. This is where the leader of an organization needs to shine. If he or she is not willing to invest in the time and energy it takes to establish, adjust, and pivot with the core values, these egos can lead to fractures within the organization.

Fostering egos within your organization can be useful. These egos allow confidence to flow, leading to better communication when trying to win that huge account or a baseball game against the competitors. A leader must embrace the inherent power of the ego as a tool in the toolbox. But remember that with great egos comes great responsibility to drive home the core values you establish within your organization—values such as teamwork, communication, image, and attitude. So you need to surround yourself with some egos, but work to create an egoless environment within your own house!