We previously discussed just how important it is to have a positive attitude, vision, and outlook in order to be a high-quality, long-term successful leader. This trait is even more significant when faced with adversity or failure. It can define whether you, as a leader, are capable of keeping an optimistic view in tough times to lead your people when they need it the most.

However, sometimes the people around you default to negative thoughts. These individuals can have an adverse effect on the culture you worked so hard to build. A leader needs to develop the skills to recognize and address any negative distractions within their organization, yet not become sucked into listening to outside noise from people who want to see you fail. Keep your group on track, and stick to your core values to aid your team's culture.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda and the “Negative Nellie”

“I just don't know what to do with Mike. He won't follow any of our rules and is constantly doing the opposite of what I ask him to do. All he does is talk about negative things and say he could do better if he was in charge. He second-guesses every move I make when working with our entire office.”

Sound familiar? This is the “Shoulda, woulda, coulda” person in your office or organization, always looking for a reason to doubt. We have all been around this unhappy person. I call them “negative Nellies.” “Our supervisor shoulda done it this way, not how he said to do it.” “If I were in charge, I woulda . . .” And of course, “I coulda done it so much faster and easier than the way he wants us to.” I actually heard this term early in life, and have used it ever since. My high school football coach in New Jersey, Coach Parachuck, constantly repeated this during every practice. “No shoulda, woulda, couldas today—get that out of our team!”

Some things that drive this type of person to such negativity are out of your control as the leader. Home and personal life can affect our ability, and that can be tricky to navigate as a leader. Yet, your overall focus must always circle back to the entire organization, and how you can constantly pay attention to the details you outlined with the group's strong culture.

There are many reasons these people infiltrate the culture you are working hard to achieve. For starters, the amount of time you need to spend dealing with their issues and problems can detract from what you can offer other team members. Your valuable time and energy become focused on one individual instead of the entire group. As we mentioned earlier, culture is ever changing. Just because something worked one week doesn't mean it will always work in the future. Your team and its values need your constant attention. If you, the team leader, has to spend time on this negative Nellie, that takes away from your own goals to lead your organization.

Next, the contagious factor can creep in. We spoke in Chapter 3 of how contagious that handshake can be, and how attitude rubs off on others. That chapter spoke to how a positive attitude will drive others to want to be around that individual, ultimately leading most in the group to be more positive. But the contagious effect can have a damaging outcome as well. The negative person will try to influence others, looking for ways to have a few select people within the organization join their adverse approach, and this then spreads to other team members. When this happens, your job as a leader becomes very difficult.

Move People in the Same Direction

As I stated in the introduction, I didn't come up with a lot of these theories. I was taught these ideas and they continue to work well when implemented them with my own teams. As you navigate through the many principles and styles of leadership, you will find some that fit and some that won't. It is up to you to mesh what you feel comfortable with and have learned into your own leadership portfolio.

One of these leadership principles was shared with me by my friend Bob. Bob owns a large construction company that has grown over the years to employ over 700 workers. He started working for the company many years ago, beginning as a worker on the road crew, learning the business from the bottom up, and climbing the steps of the company ladder. Eventually, he rose to become the president and principle owner, and he has grown it into a leading construction company in his region.

One day, Bob and I went to lunch to discuss me speaking to his company on the topic of teamwork and leadership. Being a big baseball fan, Bob wanted to chat about leadership and see if I could give him some ideas to help his employees work more efficiently and increase production. Over lunch, Bob told me a story where he is constantly on the job sites, making sure guys are showing up—in the right way—and working effectively.

He went on to describe one individual he spent much of his time trying to motivate. This one employee sometimes showed up to the job site either late or hung over. Bob also told me about another individual, this one in an executive role in Bob's leadership team, who would constantly second-guess Bob's supervisors and even Bob himself! Bob noticed other employees starting to act in similar manners. The problem started to become contagious and negatively influence others. Bob also had another dilemma to add to his problems with his current employees. Because there was a shortage of quality workers to hire, it was really difficult to find people to employ. So Bob's problem was not only motivating people to work hard and efficiently, but finding those workers to begin with.

As Bob and I discussed what he might be able to do with his issues, he reached across the table and grabbed a napkin and pen. We began to collaborate, searching for ways to become better leaders when faced with employee issues of negativity. On the napkin, he drew a plus sign, signifying what you sometimes see on a map, like a compass (see Figure 17.1). We then drew two lines, running parallel to the east-west line, both on top of and below the center of our compass.

We discussed that an organization or team is really a large cast of characters that belong to the unit. And on the team there are superstars, future stars, burnt-out stars, and certainly negative Nellies, who aren't really stars at all. They are the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” people.

Bob and I explored ways to lead your people, unit, organization, or team. We used the example of asking the team members to start walking east. Inevitably, the superstar will say “Yes, Sir!” and head out due east. On a team or within an organization, this superstar individual is the starting shortstop, the all-American quarterback, the number one salesperson, or the best lawyer in the firm. We drew a line from near the center of the plus sign straight out to the right, heading east.

Next, we drew a few other lines starting near the center and heading in an easterly direction. They didn't head due east, but they stayed roughly within the two east-west guidelines. We agreed these are the future stars. They represent most of the individuals on Bob's team who might not be the best, but certainly have the capabilities to grow into great teammates and employees. As the leader, Bob needed to focus on these employees, and guide them toward the values he and his company thought were important.

We then drew a line from near the center headed west. This is your negative Nellie (the shoulda, woulda, coulda employee). These were the employees Bob was spending most of his time with, the ones he tried hard just to get to show up to work or to stop second-guessing him.

“Bob, this seems to be one of the realities you struggle with in your company,” I explained.

It began to click for Bob that he was never going to get everyone to be a superstar, but should focus on getting everyone going in the same general direction.

We then drew another plus sign on a second napkin. This time, we drew the superstar line in an easterly direction (but not due east) and the future stars were headed north and south (see Figure 17.2). They were well out of the boundaries of the two east-west guidelines from the previous diagram. “Bob, if you spend too much of your valuable time on the negative Nellie line, your others become distracted, causing them to gravitate away from the values and culture you are working so hard to maintain.”

What Bob and I were beginning to understand was that although he needed every able body he could get due to the shortage of workers, sometimes the organization suffers when it's filled with shoulda, woulda, coulda, people. Also, when you place the majority of your focus on just a few individual employees, trying to get them to buy into the organization's values and culture, others will slowly lose their focus on those same principles. It showed Bob that such people can affect his organization, and just how important it is either to turn the negative Nellie around quickly, or get rid of the office malignancy so it doesn't spread and affect others.

Leaders certainly have to make tough decisions. It is why they need to be better prepared every day. When important decisions or crisis management situations are upon them, they must be able to do what is best for their organization. Leaders need to lead the way in these circumstances, and decide if they have the ability to quickly turn a negative employee into a positive, productive one. If not, that individual needs to go.

Neutralizing the Negative Nellie

A common question is: Why do these negative Nellies exist? What drives an individual to be so pessimistic? Inevitably, people just do not want others to succeed. Whether that arises from jealousy, envy, or even spite, there may be people rooting for you to fail as you navigate your organization down the path of a strong culture.

When you find a negative Nellie in your own organization, address the situation swiftly. As leader, one of your roles is to identify anyone on your team who is not on board with your group's culture. Sit down with this individual and communicate how their attitude could be having a negative effect on others. Make it clear you are willing to work with them, invest your own time and energy to aid them to get back on track. Explain how your conversation and their current negative Nellie attitude can be a significant moment to learn and grow.

However, if they are too stubborn to buy in to what you are selling, they will have to go. Such people should no longer be invited to be a part of your organization; they need to be removed before they have a chance to infiltrate further into the program.

“There Is No ‘I’ in T-E-A-M”

Most people know this famous sports saying, even outside the sports world. The saying arose to show people that, when working as a group toward a common goal, it is important to focus not on being an individual, but a team player.

When I speak to groups, I mention Aristotle's famous phrase: “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” A single thing made of many separate parts can be more important, more useful, and “greater” than all of the separate parts on their own. This theory is nothing new, but I also mention something that is rarely practiced: we have to walk the walk when practicing Aristotle's concept. People might believe it is important when leading their organization, but I try to observe how many people, when in a public setting, actually practice what they are preaching. This means you, as a leader, when talking about successes that have been achieved, never use the words “I” or “me” when speaking to the group, or about the group to others. We don't want to hear this:

• “I thought I did a good job getting the group prepared for the big sales pitch, and was able to lead them to get the client to choose us.”
• “The game plan I put together today for the defense was perfect, and the hard work put in by me and my assistant allowed the team to be successful.”

People who use “I” and “me” are most likely shoulda, woulda, coulda people. They are the ones who blame others for their misfortunes and are always looking for recognition when things go well. They don't practice humility within their own organization and allow their ego to creep into their work family.

We spoke earlier about the importance of having an ego, but remember that it has to be lost in relation to your program, organization, or team. As leaders, we want to use any success as a way to give credit to the team:

• “We did a great job today.”
• “Our entire organization is responsible for the huge account we just nailed today after a stellar sales presentation.”

This is hard for most people to do, but you have to make it a practice to avoid the I's and me's whenever possible. Your team will appreciate your “humbleness” in successful situations, because this is a great sign of the empowerment leadership one must instill to aid in the long-term success of the organization.

There is one time where “I” and “me” are acceptable to use publicly: when failure, setbacks, or bumps in the road happen within your team. It is another difficult thing for most leaders to do, because the natural reaction is to blame something or someone. Yet, when a supervisor stands before a group and takes responsibility when things don't go as planned, it can lead to a level of loyalty and trust from team members that is otherwise difficult to achieve:

• “Today just wasn't our day, folks. I am sorry to announce that after everyone's hard work and preparation for my sales pitch today, we didn't get the account. I did not do a great job in the presentation, and ultimately caused the account to slip by.”

In sports, we hear head coaches try this from time to time:

• “I did a poor job, as their coach, getting the team ready for our opponent today. I was outcoached and this loss is on me.”

Even when the leader might not be directly responsible for the setbacks, he or she owns the failures of the group. In the previous chapter, we discussed what winning and losing can look like, and you should see the value of taking responsibility, even when failure is not your fault.

When you, as a leader, allow your team or organization to take responsibility for the successes, and take the blows yourself for any setbacks, employees become more loyal and begin to trust the supervisor more often than not. When you decide to pass on success and own the setbacks, your organization will grow stronger and aid in the long-term success you and your group strive to achieve.