Communication is one of the most important leadership traits for bringing people together within an organization. Most people want a direct path to follow, with guidance along the way, in order to feel they've accomplished a task or an organizational goal. The ability to communicate is essential if you want to lead. A leader must find ways to energize, motivate, and sometimes deliver unwanted news though various means of communication.

The First and Best Form of Communication

In today's world, there are many forms of communications at our disposal. Of course, we can still have a good old face-to-face conversation with an individual or a group of people. However, as times have changed and technology has grown, so have the ways we communicate. Nowadays, we can write, email, text, and even post information on social media to get a message to someone.

Of all the ways to communicate, there really is no substitute for in-person verbal communication. Not everyone feels comfortable with this, but if you want to be a good leader, you must hone this skill.

Think back to your school days of being forced to do oral presentations in front of the entire class. Teachers have always recognized the value of public speaking and how it can be an effective tool as we grow and mature.

There really is no substitute for in-person verbal communication.

Oral communication provides a lot more feedback about how our interaction is going than do other communication avenues. Facial expressions, emotion, body language, and eye contact are hard to replicate when sending a text or an email. In an attempt to mimic this, people add well-known symbols to their written communications to represent emotions, hence the term “emojis” that is now common in our everyday vocabulary.

Surely many of us have received an email that takes valuable time to decipher the intended tone and context:

• “What did she mean by that word?”
• “Is he mad at me?'
• “Do they want me to do this right now?”

It can be quite difficult to deliver a message when you remove the ability to show emotion while conversing. Many wires can become crossed, leading to miscommunication.

One of my pet peeves is this exact scenario. When there is a question that needs to be addressed, I force myself to place and return phone calls. Time and time again, I leave a voice mail when there is no answer, only to receive a text message in return, and then the conversation continues via texting. I fail to gain valuable information to assess the topic, such as their emotion and reaction to my thoughts and rebuttals. If I am able to read emotions in a face-to-face communication, I can rethink my ideas based on input and dialogue. Conversely, without that I lose the ability to pivot my thoughts in order to become better prepared.

“Hey, Dave. Let me bounce an idea off you.” If Dave writes back his thoughts, I can certainly gain his perspective. But if he winces or rolls his eyes or shows positive body language, I gain so much more insight into his true thoughts, which helps me to decipher how to proceed with my idea.

One of my greatest fears in tackling this book is that of communication. Get me up in front of a group to discuss leadership and my energy and enthusiasm are on full display, and I can really get my point across. But even when my brain knows what I want to say, getting these thoughts down on paper with emotion proves to be a challenge. How can I grab my audience without being able to do what I am most comfortable with: talking? Writing may not be my greatest strength, but talking through a conversation is. To that point, I hope the written copy of this book isn't dwarfed by the success the audio copy will have!

Become Comfortable Communicating in Person

Good leaders strive to be fair and truthful. However, poor leaders often lack the ability to communicate well in person and don't like being in uncomfortable situations. Thus they often choose certain forms of communication specifically to avoid direct contact when delivering tough news. They may like one-on-one meetings when sharing the good news about a raise or promotion, but they send an email when letting someone go. This makes it difficult for them to earn the respect of the team and can make it difficult to gain the trust and loyalty a leader needs from the entire organization.

Think of how we learn in school and our ability to communicate with teachers and professors. Good teachers recognize when the class is drifting out of focus and employ tactics to reengage pupils. They have the ability to hold attention through communication. Even when the topic might seem mundane, a good communicator continues to hold the interest of the group. In a class or a work meeting lasting an hour, most attendees will only be locked in probably 20% of that time.

Quality educators and experienced leaders in the office develop the necessary means to increase attention and hold focus for extended periods of time. Modulating your voice or adjusting your volume can bring your audience back into focus on the topic being discussed. Keeping everyone engaged and focused can lead to a productive learning environment.

We All Love a Good Storyteller

Have you ever met someone with the ability to tell a really good story? Someone who you really lock into when they speak? Great communicators are great storytellers as well.

Great communicators are great storytellers as well.

I have a great friend named Dan Olson whom I consider to be a terrific storyteller. I met Dan years ago, when I was running baseball camps while coaching at Manhattan College in New York. His son, Jackson, attended my camp. Dan talked to me about his job as a sales representative for Rawlings Sporting Goods Company, one of the leading companies in baseball products.

Dan wasn't pushing to get my business; rather he offered his help if I ever wanted to look into using his company for our baseball needs. Over time, I got to know Dan well, and eventually I signed a contract with him and Rawlings. There are other companies out there whose products are just as good, but I found Dan's personality and charisma refreshing and I wanted to be associated with him.

In fact, this is a phenomenon that happens quite frequently in the world of business. People don't just buy the product; they tend to buy the person selling the product, so a confident sales representative with a quality personality has a distinct advantage. At most levels of competition, there is little difference in product performance. However, when choosing between Land's End or Eddie Bauer, Chevy or Ford, UPS or FedEx, most of us eventually make a decision based on the connection we make with the salesperson.

People don't buy the product; they tend to buy the person selling that product.

Dan's storytelling is legendary. He has the ability to share a message, either fictional or factual, that captures your attention. He doesn't speak too long or forget a key detail that leaves a gap in the story. He uses his emotions, laughter, enthusiasm, even anger in his body language and facial expressions. This keeps his audience captivated and hanging on every word.

Dan is fun to be around and willing to communicate to build trust and loyalty with others. In turn, I trust in what he does for work and who he works for. I have been a loyal Rawlings customer for over 20 years. His storytelling and his personality fostered my longstanding relationship with the business he worked for.

Over the course of our working relationship, I was approached multiple times by competitors to switch my business. I would hear how their bats, baseballs, gloves, or uniforms are much better and told I should be using their products. Dan has since retired from Rawlings, yet I signed another multi-year agreement with the company because he set the groundwork, through his personality, for me to be a lifelong loyal Rawlings customer. Even though it's been a long time since Dan was my sales rep, my bond with him is still strong.

Communication Pays Off

During a recent business trip, I had a bit of time to kill at the Atlanta International Airport. Usually I pull into the rental facility like a NASCAR driver and then run through terminals desperately looking for the right gate, hoping to make it on time.

But this time my meetings had ended early, which meant I didn't have to rush, and in fact I had four hours to burn. What a great opportunity to catch up on some work! Part of this week-long business trip had taken me to New Jersey, where I spend an afternoon with my publisher, John Wiley & Sons, to discuss this very book! We laid out a plan for me to finish writing, along with the process of marketing and editing the work to get it ready for release.

I left New Jersey and headed to Atlanta for several days of meetings and recruiting future student-athletes before preparing to return home to Florida. I felt energized, ready to dive into the tasks the publishers assigned to me.

My four-hour layover at the airport promised to be valuable time to knock out some writing. I sought a quiet spot to grab a bite to eat and sit with my laptop. I noticed a cool-looking wine bar with what seemed to be a decent menu. I noticed a few open tables that looked like a good place to plop down and dive into my writing assignment.

As I entered the restaurant, I noticed a display showcasing specialty wines and a sign that read, “Quality wines to sample.” Since I had just spent seven long days in publishing meetings, coupled with recruiting baseball players in the hot Atlanta sun, this caught my attention.

I also noticed a waitress at the front of the restaurant whose body language and facial expression seemed to be broadcasting, “I really don't want to working here tonight.” But I proceeded anyway and kindly asked her about trying a good red wine.

“Hey there, I like the idea of sampling, so how does this work?” I said.

“Sorry, no samples. Do you want to order?” she replied.

As I scratched my head in confusion and turned to read the sign again, I decided, in light of my good mood, simply to shrug it off.

“Sure, how about you pick me a winner from the choices you have.” I said with a bit of energy.

“ID?” she grumbled.

“Oh, you think I look too young! Well, thank you for that!”

“No, that's not it. I have to ID everyone, or I lose my job.” Not the response I was hoping for.

She then picked up the bottle closest to her and poured me a glass of pinot noir. As she removed the cork with her fingers, I noticed there was probably not enough left for a full glass, so I figured she would open a fresh one. Not only did she give me a glass only three-quarters full, but I could see sediment floating in the glass. Surely she would dump this, or even attempt to top it off from a new bottle.

“$14.00.” She held her hand out.

I had planned on also ordering a sandwich, but I thought maybe I should hold off, drink my wine with floaties in it, and try to find another restaurant.

When she handed me the credit card slip to sign, I added a modest $1 tip. I hate not to tip because I understand servers rely on tips for a good portion of their salary, but her attitude didn't seem to merit more.

I moved to an open table and got on my laptop to write, but I couldn't focus because I still was thinking about how that person could easily have been friendlier. Still, I didn't want that to change my mood; I was excited to dive into my computer and to be heading home. So, I took a sip of my wine, decided the bitterness of the stale bottle was not pleasing, and quickly scanned the area for another place to kill off some time.

As I walked by a garbage can, I disposed of the plastic cup and remaining wine. I spotted a Seafood restaurant in the distance. Figuring this wasn't the best location to get a great piece of fish, my first thought was to take a pass. As I strolled closer, a waitress saw me glancing at the menu and called out cheerfully, “Hey there, sweetheart! How about you take a load off your feet and join us. We have the best food in Atlanta!”

Pretty big boast, but she seemed like a fun person. So I decided to give it a try and find a quiet place to sit down.

“My name is Shonda, and I will be personally taking care of you. You look like you have some work to do before your flight, so how about I find a good spot, next to an outlet, to charge that laptop in your hand.”

I sat down and fired up my computer.

Shonda quickly returned. “What can I get you to drink?”

As I scanned the wine list I began to say, “Well, I was kinda in the mood for another glass of wine. How about the . . .”

Shonda interjected, “Sweetheart, you want the merlot. It's my most popular and I will personally take it off your bill if you don't like it.”

“But before I grab that glass, can I see your ID please? You look way too young to be drinking and I just want to make sure so I don't get in trouble,” she said with a wink. Given my recent negative experience with the previous restaurant, I couldn't help but chuckle.

I now had about three hours before boarding my plane and decided to try to get some writing done on my book.

Shonda brought my wine and asked if I wanted to order some food. I asked if she had any food recommendations since she had been so helpful with the wine.

“Baby, you definitely want the blackened salmon. It's my personal favorite!”

“Sounds like a winner, Shonda. Also, I have a few hours, so don't feel like you have to rush it.

“You got it, Steve. Take as long as you like. Give me a wave of your hand if you need anything at all.”

How did she know my name? Ah yes, she memorized it when she saw my ID. Now that's a pretty good trick.

As she walked away with my order, I really felt energized to write. Shonda's great energy made me feel good and loosened me up a bit after a long week.

After a few minutes, Shonda checked in with an update on when my fish would arrive. “Wow, Steve, you look deep in thought, buried behind that computer. Must be an important presentation.”

“Well actually, I'm attempting to write a book and have a deadline to finish up a few chapters.”

“A book? How cool!” Her voice surged with energy. “I've been working as a waitress for 29 years and boy could I write a book about what I've seen!”

She looked so young that the 29 years comment surprised me. I couldn't help but think she must be pretty good at her job to have been at it so long.

“How about another glass of my famous wine, Mr. Steve?”

“Shonda, if I have another, my readers might think I'm nuts, so I better stop at one,” I joked.

I went back to writing on my laptop. I stared at the screen, wondering which topic to tackle next. I looked my notes on which chapters remained to be completed. Then, it hit me. “Communicate” seemed to jump off the page. Shonda had given me one of those “light bulb” moments. She was a great communicator, with charisma and an infectious personality that made me feel welcomed and comfortable.

As she arrived with my food, she said, “Hope you enjoy! It's my favorite.”

I glanced down at a small piece of salmon a side of broccoli. Unfortunately the fish was overdone and dry and the broccoli was soggy and mushy.

Shonda came by to ask how the meal was.

“Great, Shonda. Awesome recommendation!” I told her. I didn't have the heart to mention the state of what appeared to be a microwaved meal. I hadn't had any expectations walking in, so it really didn't bother me. I knew it was worth it to meet Shonda.

I reflected how important it is to be the ultimate communicator when serving food. Shonda's attitude, communication skills, and personality all led to me feeling excited, happy, energized, and motivated, despite the unpleasant meal. Great leaders understand the importance of communication, and Shonda had just given me a great example of how powerful this trait can be.

Time flew by as I continued to write, and it was time to get going to make my flight home. Being a pro at her job, Shonda recognized this and quickly brought the bill.

“Thanks, Steve. I hope you have great success with your book.”

“Shonda, you have no idea how you've helped me. For that, I thank you!” “I'm going to write my email address on the bill, so if this book ever gets off the ground, I want to send you a copy. Your personality had a great influence on my day, and helped give me an idea for my book.”

She blushed. “Well, thank you, Steve. I just love my job and getting the chance to meet people.”

She left the bill and we said our final goodbyes. I finished filling out my credit card slip and came to the tip line. Since I was using the company card on school business, I had limits on the amount I could tip. After I gave the maximum allowed, I slipped a $20 bill into the black receipt holder, and wrote my address on the slip as promised. She had certainly earned that tip!

The Power of a Personality

Shonda further proved to me what I already believed in: there are a few skills necessary to be a great communicator.

First, you need to have a positive personality that people will gravitate toward. As discussed earlier, the attitude you bring to your day is highly contagious and others will definitely notice. Even when someone is not in the best of moods, they will seek out someone who has a positive vibe about them. This goes hand and hand with someone who also possesses a positive personality.

Personality is a combination of a person's physical, mental, social, and emotional characteristics. It can manifest in how you act, verbalize, use expressions, and even how you dress. With a great personality, you have the ability to take a vital step in leading a group or team by connecting with others. When people in a group feel “connected” to the leader, they tend to develop a sense of trust and respect. This, in turn, will aid in the groups' ability to sustain long-term success and demonstrates just how powerful a positive personality can be.

Shonda's infectious personality was such a strong influence that she lured me into an average restaurant with mediocre food and I still had a great experience. Her personality led to a reward—it motivated me to leave her a good tip.

Charisma

Another skill a great communicator holds is having charisma, attracting people to their ideas, issues, or conversations. Others become curious and want to study and even mimic their moves. Their magic touch of leadership inspires those around them and can build enthusiasm within an organization. Charisma aids in the ability to communicate, which leads to building trust and loyalty with the people they engage with. Remember my buddy Dan? His skill as a communicator and storyteller, combined with captivating charisma, led to my loyalty and investment in what he was selling.

Good communicators demonstrate the ability to have others believe in them.

A leader has to bring a positive, infectious charismatic attitude each and every day. Good communicators demonstrate the ability to have others believe in them. The quality is genuine, with no hidden fake ideas. A good leader will also understand when they are talking too much, stumbling through a lesson or meeting. This will lose the audience, and can lead to people in the group losing their focus.

A great example of this is when you coach your own kids. How many parents out there have said the same things over and over again to their kids, only to get little to no response. Yet, bring in another voice saying the exact same thing, and the response is immediate. So many times a parent has asked me to do a baseball lesson with a young player, and then dad or mom exclaims, “Well, I said the same thing, but they won't listen to me!” I guess this is why it can be difficult to coach your own kids. It's a good thing I didn't attempt to coach my daughters in ice hockey, but my excuse was that I'm a baseball coach and don't know how to skate!

Charisma is a helpful tool to become a better communicator, but remember to be genuine and recognize when to back down in a conversation.

Don't Dominate the Conversation

The last skill I want to address here is the ability to listen. Good communicators listen to others, especially when they're talking about themselves. This proves to be difficult at times, because most people feel they need to add to a conversation in order to be a part of it. You must develop the ability to refrain from jumping into someone's conversation, especially when the person you are engaged with is speaking about themselves.

Most people want to talk about themselves. They like to share how well their kids or spouses are performing in school, sports, or work. This isn't a bad thing; it's human nature to brag about things going well in your life. We can all think of examples of conversations with someone who's talking about just how well little Jimmy is doing in school, while we're searching for the quickest exit strategy.

Be a good listener, even when you have to fake it.

When you first meet someone, or even when you're around familiar faces of friends, colleagues, or clients, you need to ask them about themselves. Everyone glows when you ask about their kids or other family members. This gives the person a sense of calm, as you show that you genuinely want to hear how things are going for them: “Hey Jen, how're those great ball players of yours doing?”

Also, when someone asks about something in my world, I try to pivot the conversation quickly back to them: “Enough about me, Jen, I want to hear about your kids.”

When you acquire this skill, people tend to be more comfortable with you in conversation when you're cultivating a relationship. Be a good listener, even when you have to fake it. This tactic, combined with charisma, is vital to long-term success in communication, allowing you to connect with an individual. Possessing the ability to put yourself second in a conversation, not dominating it with self-promotion, leads you to converse in a genuine way. In turn, you get to close the deal, the sale, the account, the recruit, and the gap in the relationship.

On that day in Atlanta, Shonda connected with me and we had an engaging conversation. After the time we spent in that seafood restaurant, she closed out my bill and collected her reward. This is reminiscent of our earlier discussion about the more you give, the more you get in return. Shonda gave me a lot that day, in the way of a natural life lesson. She reminded me of the importance of human connection and effective communication.

I can't wait to run into her again so I can give her a better tip.