Choice 24
What About Love?
The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire.
—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Love is the dimension of existence that can elevate us to our very best and leave us most vulnerable to all life has to offer, both the wonderful and the painful. Love has tremendous transformational power. It is a potent ingredient for how we feel about life. When we choose to love, we can make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt but we also open ourselves to probably the most positive feelings in life. Love can elevate even the very worst of circumstances.196
During an interview President George W. Bush commented on the importance of love, especially from his parents, for enabling him to live a full and successful life with relatively little worry. “I love my parents… they gave me unconditional love. They said, ‘Son, we love you whether you succeed or fail.’ Unconditional love is liberating, and it gave me the chance to dare to succeed. Because of it, I’m a risk-taker. Obviously, I wouldn’t be sitting here in the White House had I not taken the risk of running for the presidency. People say to me, ‘Aren’t you worried about failing?’ The answer is no, because deep down inside I know that the core of me is based upon the greatest gift one can have, which is unconditional love.”110
Imagine that—sincerely feeling that you are loved no matter whether you succeed or fail. In the context of unconditional love, much of the worry and negative feeling in life simply evaporate.
One of the most moving descriptions of love is contained in the New Testament in a letter written by Paul to the Corinthians. The letter suggests that we will not really live and experience life, no matter how outwardly successful we seem, if we lack love. And when we know how to truly love, everything in our lives is transformed—we will enjoy the ultimate positive and healthy feelings that life has to offer. The following are excerpts from this passage:197
… if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. . .
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends… faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13, 2-13, New Revised Standard Version)
Many believe this is the most beautiful description of love ever written. It has been a favorite for inclusion in wedding ceremonies because it is a glimpse at what love could be at its best. Maybe it is the kind of love President Bush was talking about. Unfortunately, love has also been badly mislabeled, misunderstood, and misused.
The pursuit of love, whether in the form of a romantic relationship or true caring and compassion received from family and friends, has caused many to attempt to grasp and manipulate for what must be freely given as a gift. Every time we encounter painful conflict, hurtfulness, loneliness, or any number of other difficult aspects of relationship, the ultimate transformative power is love. But most of us barely begin to understand it, if at all.198
I don’t claim to have any magical answers to the mystery of how we can allow love to transform even the deepest sense of emptiness or despair in our lives, but I believe it can. Yet it’s far too much of a mystery to expect that we can take hold of it like some mysterious power tool to make our entire lives a magical feel-good experience that transcends our limited images of what is possible. But I do believe that it can vastly elevate our whole existence if we allow love to find fertile soil to grow, as it will, in us. We can start by opening to the possibility of love in our lives, in all its wondrous forms. Then by taking even small steps to extend caring and compassion toward others—saying a kind word, lending a helping hand, and just being there for someone in need—we may well find that we have made a choice to enjoy some of the most powerful and positive feelings life has to offer.
And love need not be restricted to our personal lives. Dorothy Marcic, author of the book Managing with the Wisdom of Love, points out that while the curriculum for MBA and management training programs has not traditionally addressed the importance of loving co-workers or clients, she makes it clear that such training could be a key ingredient for building healthier and more spiritual organizations:
What would it mean if we would love our subordinates, our bosses, our colleagues, and ourselves? It would mean we would not intentionally hurt them, we wouldn’t treat them unjustly, and we would act towards them with dignity and respect. Such are the building blocks of a healthy and thriving system … if you treat all the people you work with the way you would like to be treated, then you are in fact operating through the wisdom of love. And if all the executives and managers of the organization are guided by this principle in the decisions they make, then we can say that the organization, the cumulative entity, has spirituality as at least part of its foundation.111199
Marcic provides us with a glimpse of a different kind of world where, despite our rational “grown-up maturity,” we are not ashamed to admit our need for something as basic and powerful as love. To close this chapter I will share some comments of small children on the subject of love that were included in an e-mail message that was circulated on the Internet. Sometimes wisdom is found in the seemingly most unlikely places. Consider love for a moment through the eyes of small children and see if it opens some new insights for you about this powerful force for uplifting your life and spirit. I hope that these words, as they did for me, will bring you good feelings, a smile, and a little wisdom about love.
Wisdom on Love as Viewed Through the Eyes of Small Children
Love is the first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.—Charlie, age 5
When my Grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.—Rebecca, age 8200
Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.—Samantha, age 6
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.—Chrissy, age 6
Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.—Teri, age 4
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.—Nikka, age 6
Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.—Bobby, age 5
You think when you tell someone something bad about yourself and you’re scared, they won’t love you anymore. But then you get surprised because they still love you, but even more.—Matthew, age 7
Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.—Mary Ann, age 4