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See the Glass Half Full
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree
Martin Luther King
Dear Optimist and Pessimist and Realist,
While you were arguing about the glass being half empty or half full, I just wanted to let you know that I drank it.
Kind Regards
The Opportunist
As an advocate of the glass half full, I have lived my life with a firm belief that there are huge benefits to being positive and optimistic. I have had many a good debate with so-called ‘realists’ who have accused me of being a naive optimist. However, thinking positively is not about putting your head in the sand and being unrealistic, as some people may believe. With a positive attitude you can also recognize the negative aspects of a situation and make a conscious decision to focus instead on the hope and opportunity that is available. This releases you from getting locked in a paralyzing loop of negative emotion and allows you to bounce back from adversity and challenging experiences.
Optimism is also known to be a root cause of many life benefits. The relatively new science of psychoneuroimmunology looks at how our mind can influence our immune system. The theory is that you will live longer and be healthier and happier by cultivating a positive attitude toward life.
Ten good reasons for being positive and optimistic
Clearly this is not an exhaustive list and there are many more benefits to being optimistic. One of my favourite books is Nelson Mandela’s autobiography Long Walk to Freedom and this passage of writing sums up optimism very well.
I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair.
Giving up, of course, is an option for anyone who faces trauma. However, it is the fighting spirit that we all possess within us that will keep us going. It can be very challenging to be optimistic at times, especially when you feel that the world is conspiring against you and you find yourself in the eye of the storm. Inevitably, we all have dark periods and it is simply not possible to control everything that happens to you. The resilience some people demonstrate in some situations never ceases to amaze me: a friend of mine, has very bravely and kindly allowed me to share her story which is heartwarming and heart wrenching in equal measure.
A few years ago, when I first moved to Cheltenham where I now live, I set up a writing group. I was keen to bring together people who share a passion for creative writing and to cultivate a relaxed, fun and social environment. Over the years, the group has evolved and now hosts a fabulous and eclectic cast of individuals who are highly talented – there really is never a dull moment!
Strong friendships have been forged and there has certainly been a fair share of success, excitement, high drama, personality clashes and, sadly, loss and illness. My friend Eleanor, who is one of the members of the writing group, gives a candid account of coping with extreme adversity and how optimism has kept her going.
A Day Closer to Being Better
Just before Christmas in 2008, Eleanor – who was, at the time, a freelance consultant and in her late forties – felt a strange sensation in the back of her throat. She took a mirror and torch and could see that there was some puffiness. She went to the doctor and was prescribed with antibiotics. These had no effect and they decided to take the tonsil out and, after a biopsy, they diagnosed that she had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (NHL) which is the fifth most common cancer in the UK.
To some extent, the cancer was not a surprise to Eleanor because she had explored the internet and had anticipated cancer as a possibility. She was told that she would receive chemotherapy and, at that time, made a decision to try to tune out her emotional response and focus on the practical steps.
To help her to mentally condition herself in preparation for what she was about to go through she focused on the following two phrases:
Throughout her treatment Eleanor attempted to remain strong and positive. She recalls one day, however, when she was sitting in the support centre for cancer patients waiting for treatment. Suddenly, it really hit her that she was going to lose her hair. Eleanor remembers bursting into tears, and said that losing her hair was one of the strangest sensations, with great lumps coming out in her hands as she ran a comb through it. She kept reminding herself each day that she would get better and it would grow again.
After a series of gruelling tests, including bone marrow samples and chemotherapy, it was discovered during a CT scan that, not only did Eleanor have non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, she also had large tumours on her pancreas and liver. These were neuroendocrine tumours which is a rare cancer known as the silent killer because there are few side effects or apparent indicators.
Eleanor’s initial reaction was how lucky she was that the first cancer had been diagnosed – if it hadn’t, she would never have known about the other cancer which would have been fatal.
Shortly after 50th birthday, Eleanor went into hospital and had an operation to remove the 4-inch tumour across her pancreas and a 2-inch tumour across her liver. With it they took a third of her liver, some of the tail of her pancreas and all of her spleen.
After the operation began the long haul to recovery and, gradually, she became stronger, joining a health program at the gym. She was determined that this experience wasn’t going to change anything and began to see her recovery period as an opportunity to improve her life.
She hadn’t been completely fulfilled with her life before the diagnosis as a freelance consultant. Now she had time to think. What she wanted to do was reconnect with her History of Art degree. She realized that, in her life, she had made some decisions she would have changed and had missed some golden opportunities. Eleanor decided to volunteer with the art gallery and museum in Cheltenham and approached a leading heritage organization to do some part-time, voluntary work.
A year after her annual check-up, two more tumours in the liver were discovered, which needed a further operation. Again, the recovery process began and Eleanor continued to remind herself that every day was a day closer to being better. She continued to pursue her ambitions and stayed focused and determined. A few months later she received an internship with the heritage organization.
Then, another huge knock-back occurred. On the first day of her new job she received a call to say that more cancer had been discovered and she would need to have open liver surgery. This time, however, she had the security of a job to go back to and greater support.
Eleanor has now been cleared of the initial cancer, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and awaits the results of the scan for the neuroendocrine cancer. She remains hopeful and believes that everything will be OK. She has put her faith in science and has been fortunate enough to be operated on by some of the top liver surgeons in the country.
Eleanor says she feels truly fulfilled in the work she is now doing, which she may never have discovered had she not experienced her illness. New possibilities have opened up to her and she believes that an optimistic and positive outlook has kept her going.
How to Be Optimistic
The antidote to negativity and pessimism is to learn to accept responsibility for your situation. The very act of taking responsibility cancels out any negative emotion and, by embracing responsibility, you will reap many rewards. The successes brought by this attitude will act as a cornerstone for self-respect, pride and residents.
It can be easy to blame others or circumstances for everything in our lives – past, present or future – and it lets us off the hook to some degree. Ultimately, however, it doesn’t help us because we become a prisoner of circumstance and allow everything and everyone around us to dictate our world. The danger then is that you become a ‘victim’ and adopt the ‘poor me’ syndrome. This may work for a while because feeling sorry for yourself can take some pressure away from doing anything about it and, of course, you may get some sympathy and support from others who care about you, and who are willing to be supportive. Occasionally, we all need tea and sympathy and there is nothing wrong with that from time to time. The danger, however, is that some people cultivate a victim mentality and see everyone around them as their helper and this can be rather draining for all concerned.
There are those who may well mock the genre of ‘self-help’. However, a good question to ask is ‘What better kind of help is there?’ Developing coping mechanisms and taking personal responsibility for your attitude will empower you and make you stronger and more resourceful.
The internal dialogue that you have will very much influence the way that you react. If you believe that everything is gloomy, the chances are that you will create that outcome and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Mind Over Matter
The expression mind over matter is so true when it comes to the way that you react to situations. When it comes to your attitude, your brain is your most valuable and important asset and how it works will determine how positive you can be and how capable you feel with regards to resilience.
Up until relatively recently, scientists could only speculate about the brain’s role in defining our personalities and behaviours. There were not the advanced tools that we have now to look at the functioning of the brain, and false assumptions were made about its impact on our lives. With the advent of sophisticated brain-imaging techniques, the brain’s role in behaviour is being explored and examined at a phenomenal pace and we are learning more each day, which really is incredible.
It is such an exciting and fascinating time to be around as the mysteries of the mind are unfolding and we are learning more and more about the fascinating instrument that we have in our possession: the human brain!
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
Khalil Gibran
Conditioning your thinking
There is one part of your brain that is important to be aware of, and plays a vital part in your ability to achieve positive outcomes and influence your way of thinking. This is known as your ‘reticular activating system’.
This is a filter that takes instructions from your conscious mind and passes them on to your subconscious.
The RAS consists of a bundle of densely packed nerve cells located in the central core of the brainstem. Roughly the size of your little finger, it runs from the top of the spinal cord into the middle of your brain. This area of tightly packed fibres and cells contain nearly 70% of your brain’s nerve cells.
The RAS acts as an executive secretary for your conscious mind. It is the chief gatekeeper to screen or filter the type of information that will be allowed to get through. Everything else is filtered out and you don’t pay attention to those other ‘messages’ because they are screened out.
There are some interesting points about your reticular activating system that make it an essential tool for achieving goals. You can deliberately program the reticular activating system by choosing your exact messages, goals, affirmations, or visualizations. If you keep thinking that you can achieve your goal, your subconscious will help you to achieve it.
It is important also to understand that your reticular activating system cannot distinguish between real events and ‘synthetic’ reality. In other words, it tends to believe whatever message you give it. What you can then do is to create a very specific picture of your desired outcome in your conscious mind. The RAS will then pass this on to your subconscious, which will then help you to achieve what you are positively focused on. It does this by bringing to your attention all the relevant information, which otherwise might have remained as background noise.
Something else to consider is the little voice inside your head, the one that chatters away to you all day long telling you all the things that you can and can’t do, what you like, what you don’t like. We feed our RAS with thoughts and internal self-talk.
Remember you control your RAS – it doesn’t control you – so the more attention you pay to what you are feeding it, the more chance you will have to develop that all-important positive attitude and cultivate optimism.
The power of positive intention and how we program our minds can produce much more successful outcomes. The following story sums this up very well.
Once upon a time, there was a general who was leading his army into battle against an enemy ten times the size of his own.
Along the way to the battlefield, the troops stopped by a small temple to pray for victory.
The general held up a coin and told his troops, ‘I am going to implore the gods to help us crush our enemy. If this coin lands with the heads on top, we’ll win. If it’s tails, we’ll lose. Our fate is in the hands of the gods. Let’s pray wholeheartedly.’
After a short prayer, the general tossed the coin. It landed with the heads on top. The troops were overjoyed and went into the battle with high spirit.
Just as predicted, the smaller army won the battle.
The soldiers were exalted, ‘It’s good to have the gods on our side! No one can change what they have determined.’
‘Really?’ The general showed them the coin.
Both sides of it were heads.
Learning Opportunities
Making mistakes is human and need not turn us into fatalistic pessimists. If we got it right all the time, how would we learn? To increase your rate of success, you will have to be willing to accept that you will make mistakes along the way; the skill is that you learn positively from them. Certainly, some of the best learning and character-building experiences I have been through were on the back of mistakes.
Recognizing and admitting that you made a mistake and addressing what you can to improve the situation can be very liberating.
For example, admitting when we get something wrong and saying ‘I’m sorry’ can relieve a great deal of tension in any relationship. Humble pie can actually taste quite nice! It isn’t poisonous. It is a real skill to be brave enough to admit when you don’t get something right and have the humility to accept it, admit it and then positively move on.
Excuse me!
You can create your own self limitations if you focus on all the reasons why you can’t do something. If you search hard enough you will find loads of excuses, I am sure. It is really important that you challenge this way of thinking because you will totally limit your potential. You will miss out on so many possibilities and exciting opportunities. Sometimes we make excuses because we are afraid of failing or we fear the unknown, or maybe it is because we are too lazy to give it a go! Challenge yourself next time you make an excuse and really examine the reason behind it!
So granted, life can be an interesting and challenging journey and you may well be faced with some pretty challenging situations and a few painful potholes along the way. Being optimistic takes practice and, certainly, there will be days when you may really struggle to see the bright side. Desiderata – A Creed for Life which you will find at the back of the book is a wonderful passage to read, and the following words are a superb mantra to cultivate optimism.
And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
- Take a small notebook and draw a line down the middle of each page.
- Every time you encounter a problem or negative thinking patterns write them down on the left hand side of the page.
- Once you have written down the negative, flip it on its head. On the right side of the page, write down what you would like the best possible outcome to be and then positively focus on that.
- This is an excellent exercise to do before you go to sleep.
Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities – always see them, for they’re always there.
Norman Vincent Peale