It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.

Martin Luther King

One day a wise woman, who was travelling in the mountains, found a precious stone in a stream. The next day, she met another traveller who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food with him.

The hungry traveller saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so immediately and without any hesitation, even though she knew how valuable it was. The traveller left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. However, a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

‘I’ve been thinking’, he said, ‘I know how valuable the stone is, but I want to give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious.’

‘What is that?’ the wise woman asked.

‘Please can you give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone?’

This is a lovely story about kindness and the importance of making a positive impact on others. In times of loss, adversity and uncertainty it becomes increasingly important to make positive connections with those around you. A strong network of family and friends will help you to feel more supported – we all need a shoulder to lean on from time to time. Cultivating ways to make new connections is really important, especially when you experience change, which itself can create the need to fill a certain void.

There is a danger, sometimes, when we feel low or upset, that we just want to hide ourselves away. However, there is only so long that you can live in isolation, and reaching out for support is really important. Human beings are social creatures and work better when they are interacting with others.

Appreciate Your Family

I am sure you may have heard the expression that ‘you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family’. However, you can choose the relationship you have with your family. It’s easier to take your family for granted than it is your friends, and very often we can be a lot less tolerant and compassionate around our family than we are with our friends. The word family derives from the Latin familia, and the old adage that familiarity breeds contempt, sadly, for some families, can be true. Frequently, you hear about upsets and discontent in families and a whole host of long-term feuds and grudges.

There are some very sad stories about family rifts that go on and on for years and years. Some never heal. A while ago, I was doing some work in New York and, on the flight out, I sat next to an American man called Jamie and we chatted during the journey. We talked about the importance of family connections and he told me a very sad story about his family.

Apparently his father and mother had endured a very stormy marriage staying together only for the children and, as soon as they were old enough to fend for themselves, the parents decided to get divorced. His mother had apparently been very bitter and accused the father of having affairs, which he had adamantly denied. Jamie and his sister, who had never had a very strong relationship with their father, took sides and refused to speak to him. The father subsequently moved to London and remarried.

Both Jamie and his sister had children and, despite pleas from his father to reunite, they had both refused. Then his father was diagnosed with bowel cancer and his condition had deteriorated. After a great deal of soul-searching, Jamie decided to contact his father, realizing that he didn’t want to lose him without the rift being healed.

He booked a flight with a view to taking his family next time. When he landed, his step mother called to say it was too late. Jamie told me that he had learnt the biggest lesson and that he would actively encourage his children not to bear grudges because you may never get an opportunity to make it right again.

I dare say, we all experience problems with our families from time to time, some more than others. Whether you are living together or apart, you may have family members who you feel interfere or control too much. Perhaps they judge and criticize you. Perhaps there is sibling rivalry and petty jealousies that exist, or lazy relatives who take advantage of other family members.

One thing to consider is that, whatever the situation, they are your one and only family, your gift at birth, so why not make the best of what you have? It really is important to put just as much effort into your family as you do your friends.

The most important first step to learning how to appreciate them more is to stop trying to change them, and work with their strengths rather than focusing on their weaknesses. There are dangers in any kind of relationship if we start trying to change people, rather than celebrating and accepting who they are. No one is perfect – for every strength we possess, we will have an allowable weakness or limitation. It is very unlikely that you will change anyone, so the best approach is to change your own attitude and see the positive in everyone.

Making an extra effort can make all the difference. If you really want harmony in the family, perhaps just taking that first step is all it takes. If two people are stubbornly fighting with each other and one decides not to argue anymore, it leaves room for change. We all have quirks and habits that will annoy and irritate people, but bear in mind that what annoys or irritates us about someone else is very often what we don’t really like about ourselves. Tolerance, and a measure of empathy, can carry us a long way towards creating harmonious relationships.

Each person’s well-being and happiness can be supported and nurtured by their family. Unfortunately, most people tend to neglect their families, especially when busy pursuing their career or other activities. What some people can forget and overlook in their busy lives is to spend quality time with the people they love. Family is the prime factor that helps most people succeed in their careers. For this reason, it is vital that there should always be a balance between work and family.

Today’s competitive world makes work very demanding and stressful. It does not only mean meeting deadlines and handling projects, but the schedule in itself can be very hectic and it is important not to bring stress home. Stress can be eliminated if you spend quality time with your children and loved ones at home. The very fact that you will be surrounded with their laughter and love can already take away the stress that has been with you at work. It simply invigorates your mind and well-being as a whole. Leisure time spent with your family is the perfect time for you to become fresh and energized, which ultimately helps people to work better.

Every quality moment spent with your family encourages better communication. You get to understand them better by learning what they like or need. The time you spend with your family will simply strengthen your relationship and the love you share. For this reason, it is very important that one should balance life at home and at work. Having your family at your side supporting you will give you the strength to surpass all the challenges life brings.

Cultivate and Nurture Friendships

According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the journal American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to have been suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since 1985. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two.

The friendships in my life, along with my family, are the most important thing to me, and every day I appreciate them and am truly thankful for how special those relationships are. There is an expression that says, in order to really understand the soul of a person, look to their friends! My friends listen to me, try to understand me, tell me when I am doing something that may not add value, make me laugh and smile. The trust that has developed within each of these friendships gives me a security and a faith that I would not want to live without.

The popular definition of a friendship is that of a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. True friends, in my perspective, are there for the good times and the bad and love you for all your idiosyncrasies.

Friendship has been a very popular topic of moral philosophy, discussed by Plato, Aristotle, and the Stoics. Aristotle writes that:

Research indicates that people with strong and broad social relationships are more resilient, happier, healthier and live longer. Close relationships with family and friends provide love, meaning, support and increase our feelings of self-worth. Sustaining friendship takes conscious effort. It is important not to take your friendships for granted, and showing appreciation is key.

Relationships and Resilience

There will be times when you get let down by people, or perhaps a relationship has become so broken it is beyond repair. This can be very upsetting – break ups and divorce can be incredibly painful.

I remember once reading a passage of writing after a relationship ended called ‘Reasons, Seasons and Lifetimes’, which suggests that people may enter your life in these three ways. Sometimes it may be for a reason; perhaps to teach you something or to help you in a very specific way. If they enter your life for a season, it may just be for a brief period of time and, just because it hasn’t lasted a lifetime, it can still give great pleasure and be a positive experience. Others may well enter your life and be with you throughout.

This concept is a very good way to view relationships because some simply do not last forever and letting go can be a very challenging experience and one that can be tough to bounce back from.

Connect to Your Purpose

Making connections isn’t just about connecting with other people; it can also be about connecting to your purpose and feeling that you are adding value. A great deal of research now suggests that people who have meaning and purpose in their lives are happier, feel more in control and get more out of everything they do. They also experience less stress, less anxiety and are less prone to experience prolonged bouts of depression.

We all need to stop and explore our purpose, rather than racing around like headless chickens wondering what it’s all about.

It helps us to answer the burning questions of ‘Why are we here?’ and ‘What’s it all about anyway?’ Often it’s something that can’t be distilled into one definitive thing and goes far beyond our day-to-day activities. It guides us in how we choose to live our lives and what we strive for, and provides a framework and measurement for the goals that we set ourselves. It can help us to make sense of what happens to us. It can provide a source of comfort and strength in challenging and difficult periods of our lives and, most of all, helps us feel that we are not alone, because we are part of something much bigger.

We have a purpose to be kind and considerate in our behaviour towards others. By taking more personal responsibility for the consequences of our actions, our purpose becomes more honourable. I like the concept that we are all connected and that if we hurt others, we will only end up hurting ourselves. If we approach every life situation with positive and kind intentions, then we will be making our own great individual contribution to creating a better world.

Finding Meaning

For some people, finding meaning comes through experiences, often difficult ones. Other people find their meaning through deep reflection, others from loving and being loved and others just from the way they choose to approach other people and the world around. We can each find our own way – but it’s important to remember the importance of meaning when making the big choices about our families, jobs, lifestyles and priorities.

Some people see their meaning as finding their ‘calling’. What is certain is that ‘meaning’ is something very personal. No one else can tell us what gives meaning to our lives and, if we rely on others rather than taking personal responsibility, we leave ourselves vulnerable. We have to discover different ways of finding meaning. We need to explore and identify and pursue our own purpose with a positive intention of making the world a better place.

Make a Difference

You can make a difference right now to yourself and the world around you and be happier. If you know that you are doing the best you can every day in every way then you will know that you add value, and your purpose in life will be to know that you can make a positive difference in everything that you do.

There are so many ways that you can create positive connections in times of difficulty. Looking upwards and outwards rather than internalizing will help you to see that there is a big wide world out there that you can reach out to, and connect with.