26
Asking
The Most Important Sales Discipline
A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.
—Bo Bennett
“Um, uh, so,” Bill was stuttering, barely making eye contact with the buyer. He looked scared. “What, um, do you, uh, think?”
Sitting next to him, I was thinking, Seriously, after all that work the best you can come up with is “What do you think?” This company needs us, you made the case, you earned the right, so ask for what you want!
Marla, the buyer, replied, “Thanks for the presentation, Bill. You've given us a lot to think about. Tell you what. I'm going to run this by my team and we'll get back to you in a week or so.”
After nurturing the prospect for more than a year waiting for the buying window to open, six weeks of work to get on Marla's calendar, five discovery meetings, a product trial and pilot, two solid weeks of work on the presentation and proposal, building a rock-solid business case, and delivering a flawless presentation, Bill blew it with a passive, weak, nonassumptive ask.
His disruptive emotions derailing him when it mattered most. All he had to show for his effort was a “call me maybe.”
In sales, you must ask for what you want, directly, assumptively, and assertively. Don't expect stakeholders to do your job for you. When you fail to ask, you fail.
Closing
I can't get away from salespeople who quiz me about closing techniques and sales managers who beg me to teach them how to get their salespeople to close.
From superstitions (I'll admit that there was even a time when I would wear my special closing tie on sales calls) to an endless stream of cheesy scripts, there seems to be no end to the so-called experts who are quick to claim that they can lift away the mystery to “closing the deal every time.”
Here's the brutal truth: Those so-called experts are wrong. There is no holy grail of closing.
Closing requires excellence throughout the entire sales process rather than a point in time where a manipulative line or tactic moves the prospect to say yes. If you've aligned the three processes of sales, built an emotional connection with your stakeholders, asked great questions, bridged to relevant solutions, and answered the five most important questions, then closing is, more often than not, an anticlimactic formality.
Here's my advice. Forget about closing and focus on asking.
- Ask for the appointment.
- Ask for the next step.
- Ask for the facility tour.
- Ask for the information you need.
- Ask for the demo.
- Ask for the decision maker.
- Ask for the sale.
- Ask for what you want.
- Ask!
Can I make it any clearer? If you are having a hard time getting the next appointment, getting to decision makers, getting information from stakeholders, leveling up higher in the organization, or closing the deal, nine out of 10 times it is because you are not asking. Why? Because nine out of 10 times you are passively beating around the bush, afraid to hear “no.”
Afraid to Ask
Nothing in sales requires a higher level of emotional control than asking. The most treacherous disruptive emotion for salespeople is fear. And the greatest fear in sales is asking, because asking opens the potential for rejection.
- Salespeople are afraid to ask for time
- afraid to ask for the next step
- afraid to ask to speak with other stakeholders
- afraid to ask for data
- afraid to ask the stakeholder to share their competitors' collateral and proposals
- afraid to ask to go on facility tours
- afraid to ask for demos
- afraid to level up higher in the organization
- afraid to ask for the sale
Rejection is a painful demotivator and the genesis of deep-seated fear, a fear so strong that it keeps most people from asking for what they want.
Asking conjures up our deepest fears of vulnerability. Vulnerability, according to Dr. Brené Brown, author of the Power of Vulnerability, is created in the presence of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Anxiety, stress, a racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, and a dull brain are all symptoms of the fight-or-flight response kicking in as you anticipate what might happen if your stakeholder says no.
Getting past the fear of “no” isn't easy. I've been selling my entire life and have been incredibly successful at it, yet today I still need to remind myself that “no” won't kill me. That, by the way, is the key. You must first be aware of your fear, and then teach your rational brain to manage that disruptive emotion.
Start by learning to anticipate the anxiety that comes right before asking for what you want. Then practice managing your internal self-talk and physical reaction to that fear.
This awareness helps you manage your outward physiology despite the volcano of emotions that may be erupting below the surface. Like a duck on the water, you appear calm and cool and project a relaxed, confident demeanor on the outside even though you're paddling frantically just below the surface.
| Demonstrates Lack of Confidence, Insecurity, and Fear | Demonstrates a Relaxed, Confident Demeanor |
| Speaking with a high-pitched voice. | Speaking with normal inflection and a deeper pitch. |
| Speaking fast. When you speak too fast, you sound untrustworthy. | Speaking at a relaxed pace with appropriate pauses. |
| Tense or defensive tone of voice. | Friendly tone—a smile in your voice. |
| Speaking too loudly or too softly. | Appropriate voice modulation with appropriate emotional emphasis on the right words and phrases. |
| Frail or nervous tone of voice with too many filler words, “ums,” “uhs,” and awkward pauses. | Direct, properly paced tone and speech that gets right to the point. |
| Lack of eye contact—looking away. Nothing says “I can't be trusted” and “I'm not confident” like poor eye contact. | Direct, appropriate eye contact. |
| Hands in your pockets. | Hands by your side or out in front of you as you speak. Note: This may feel uncomfortable but makes you look powerful and confident. |
| Wild gesticulations or hand motions. | Using hand gestures in a calm and controlled manner. |
| Touching your face or putting your fingers in your mouth—a clear sign that you are nervous or insecure. | Your hands in a power position—by your side or out in front of you in a controlled, nonthreatening manner. |
| Hunched over, head down, arms crossed. | Straight posture, chin up, shoulders straight and back. This posture will also make you feel more confident. |
| Shifting back and forth on your feet or rocking your body. | Standing still in a natural power pose. |
| Stiff posture, body tense. | Relaxed, natural posture. |
| Jaw clenched, tense look on face. | Relaxed smile. The smile is a universal language that says “I'm friendly and can be trusted.” |
| Weak, limp, sweaty palm handshake. | Firm, confident handshake delivered while making direct eye contact. |
The Assumptive Ask
Remember emotional contagion? When you are confident with your ask, and assume you will get what you want, stakeholders respond in kind and give it to you.
When you sound, look, and give off a weak, passive vibe because you are too afraid to ask directly and assumptively for what you want, you transfer that fear to your stakeholders and create resistance where it didn't previously exist. In a weird paradox, when you are more passive, out of concern that being too “pushy” will turn your stakeholders off, you instead cause them to become resistant to your request.
Jeffrey Gitomer says that “the assumptive position is the strongest selling strategy in the world.” Ultra-high performers (UHPs) use the assumptive ask because it increases win probability.
To reduce resistance and get what you want, you must ask confidently, concisely, and assertively, with no hesitation. There are three keys to asking (see Figure 26.1):
- Ask with confidence and assume you will get what you want.
- Shut up.
- Be prepared to deal with objections.
Ultra-high performers with high Sales EQ believe they are going to win and are supposed to win. This mind-set of positive expectation manifests itself in their outward body language, voice inflection and tone, and words. Average salespeople assume they'll get no. UHPs assume they'll get yes. They exude confidence. That confidence transfers to stakeholders, compelling them to comply.
Whether on the phone or in person, the words you use and how you structure those words broadcasts loud and clear that you either assume you will get a yes or assume you'll get a no.
| Nonassumptive, Passive, and Weak | Assumptive and Confident |
| “I'm just checking in.” | “The reason I'm calling is…” |
| “I was wondering (hoping) if…?” | “Tell me who—how—when—where—what…” |
| “I have the whole day open.” | “I'm super busy bringing on new clients, but I do have a slot available at 11:00 AM.” |
| “How does that sound?” | “Why don't we go ahead and get the first delivery set for next Monday?” |
| “What's the best time for you?” | “I'll be visiting a client not far from your office on Monday. I can pick you up for lunch.” |
| “I kinda, sorta, was wondering if maybe you have time to answer a few questions, if that would be okay?” | “A lot of my customers are telling me that they're having problems with XYZ. What do you feel is your biggest challenge?” |
| “Would this be a good time for you?” | “How about we meet again next Thursday at 2:00 PM?” |
| “I wanted to find out…” | “Who else do we need to include?” |
| “How do you feel about this so far?” | “Based on everything you've told me about your current situation, I think it makes sense for us to go ahead and get a demo set up for next Wednesday. Who on your team should we invite?” |
| “What do you think?” | “I'm just going to need your signature on the agreement to get the implementation process started.” |
| “How many seats were you thinking?” | “I recommend getting started with our 20-seat bundle. I'll just need the e-mail addresses of each person on your team to get it set up.” |
Stakeholders are subconsciously assessing whether your words, voice tone, and body language are congruent. When they are not, stakeholders don't trust you, and they put up resistance.
Shut Up
The hardest part of asking is learning to ask and then shut up. When you've asked for what you want, you've put it all out there and left yourself vulnerable to rejection. And what happens when you feel vulnerable? Fight or flight—you get ready to protect yourself.
In that awkward moment after you ask, your head spins as rejection flashes before your eyes. The split second of silence is unbearable. It feels like an eternity.
Despite the alarm bells going off in your adrenaline-soaked mind, you must shut up and give your stakeholder room to answer.
Don't attempt to overcome imagined objections, don't overexplain, don't give your stakeholder a way out. Don't talk past the ask and thereby convince the stakeholder who was ready to say yes to say no because of you!
Yes, there will be some no's and maybes, but you'll be surprised at how often your confident silence produces a yes.