Leaders are only human. We work hard to keep our employees engaged, happy, and productive—and indeed, this is a huge part of our job—but there will be times when we let them down. Sometimes this is our fault. We snap at an employee because we’re in a bad mood, or we make a mistake that makes their job more difficult. Other times, something happens that’s beyond our control and we have to bring them bad news that upsets them or stresses them out. There are also times when we need them to go above and beyond the call of duty.

Hopefully, these bad times are few and far between—but they will still happen. And if you don’t have a great track record of creating positive feelings in your employees, these infractions will have an impact on how they feel about you. If they don’t feel good about you, it will be much harder to lead and influence them.

For all these reasons it’s important for leaders to understand how the emotional bank account works. This is my term for the goodwill (or lack thereof) that we maintain over time with the people around us. Ideally, we should strive to keep our emotional bank account full. We do this by making frequent deposits of positivity. That way, whenever we must make a withdrawal, our balance is still high.

Building a positive emotional bank account means doing all you can to keep your relationships (with employees, yes, but also with fellow leaders, customers, vendors, and other colleagues) strong, healthy, and productive. When you do this consistently across the organization, morale remains high and your positive culture remains strong. A bad day or even a bad week won’t derail things because you’ll have the emotional capital in place to outweigh the negative feelings.

Get to Know Employees Through Rounding

To build strong relationships with employees, leaders have to build personal relationships and get to know them. It’s almost impossible to make meaningful contributions to their emotional bank account otherwise. Employees are individuals, with their own likes, dislikes, personal preferences, and interests. We need to know a person’s what—meaning the one thing that really matters to them, motivates them, and drives them forward. And we can’t know this until we put in the time and make the effort needed to do so.

Of course, very few leaders have lots of extra time to burn! If we don’t get intentional about making a real connection with our people it won’t happen. That’s why I’ve always been a fan of leader rounding. This means that a leader puts a system in place to ensure that they regularly make a one-on-one connection with each direct report. They schedule it and make it a priority, because if they don’t, it won’t happen.

Rounding is not a casual, off-the-cuff, “how’s it going” conversation. It’s much more structured and deliberate than that. At least a couple times a month (if not more frequently), meet with each employee and ask a set of questions aimed at getting to know people and making sure they have what they need to do their best work.

I advise leaders to start by making a personal connection. For example, ask “How’s your family?” or “Where are you going on vacation this summer?” or “I guess your son is a senior now. Has he settled on a college yet?” or “Are you still doing community theater?” The idea is to make a personal connection with the person about their life outside work. This shows the employee you care about them as a human being.

Then, move to asking about their work life. I like to start with something positive, like “What’s going well?” or “Who has been really helpful to you lately?” Not only is this a good way to identify people who need to be rewarded and recognized, I find it sets the tone for the entire interaction. The employee will be more likely to be helpful and cooperative when they are coming from a place of gratitude. Plus, they’re left with a far more positive impression of you and of the company and their coworkers. Over time, this also trains them to notice what’s going right.

Finally, ask questions to help identify ways you can help people do a better job. Are there roadblocks that are keeping them from doing their best work? Do they need more training? Are there any general improvements that could be made inside the organization? Is there anything you, specifically, can do to make their life easier or more rewarding? How might you be a better leader? Think of this segment of the rounding as an ongoing preventative measure—a way to reduce your chances of unintentionally making a withdrawal from the emotional bank account!

This is important: if the employee gives you feedback about something that needs to change, you absolutely need to act on it and follow up with them later. If you’ve taken action, loop back around and let the person know. If you can’t for some reason, let them know why. Ignoring the employee’s concerns is the worst thing you can do for your relationship.

In general, rounding is the best way to truly get to know your employees on a deeper level and figure out what their what is. Knowing what people really care about and following through with actions to help them achieve it is the strongest relationship builder I’ve ever found, but asking them then doing nothing will tank credibility.

We covered some of the relationship builders in the positive workplace culture chapter, but here are a few additional tips that will help you build a positive emotional bank account with employees:

• Tell the truth, always. Be transparent and honest all the time. This is the only way to build trust as a leader, and it always pays off, even if you have to deliver criticism or bad news. People appreciate clarity and openness; it relieves anxiety and sets employees up for success. If employees ever have a reason to feel that you’re being evasive or deceitful in any way, trust will be broken, and the emotional bank account will take a massive hit.
• Ask employees for help with problems. People feel validated when they are asked for their opinions. They appreciate that you value what they think and are eager to help you solve problems when they arise. You might ask, “Jim, you’ve got a great sales record. Do you have any advice for our pitching strategy with this potential client? How can we get a home run?” This not only brings forth great solutions, but it gives the employee the win! Even if you could do it yourself, bring them into the fold. Not only will they feel good, it will develop their skills for when you really need to rely on them, and you will feel less anxious about handing off projects if they have a track record.
• Say “I’m sorry” when you need to, and mean it. As a leader, your mistakes—aka withdrawals from the emotional bank account—can make people unhappy or complicate their jobs. When a mistake has been made—whether you lost your patience and snapped at someone, missed a deadline, failed to communicate vital information, or otherwise mishandled a project—own up to it immediately and apologize. Let the person know that you realize the negative effect you’ve had on them. Great leaders are able to say they are sorry.
• Make things right again. Sometimes just saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough. A good apology includes three components: expressing remorse, acknowledging the harm caused by your mistake, and making amends. The last part might mean making a sincere gesture to set things right again. For example, you might give employees an extra day off to make up for the extra work they had to do or even send them a small gift like a flower arrangement or a gift card to a local restaurant. And be sure to let them know you won’t let it happen again in the future.
• Reward and recognize people regularly. Positive recognition goes a long way toward making employees feel good about leaders and about the job itself. Say thank you sincerely, publicly, and often. Write thank-you notes. Praise and gratitude are powerful builders of your emotional bank account with employees. (Much more on this in the next chapter.)

Great relationships are everything in business, but they don’t “just happen.” We must deliberately and proactively make them happen. Get intentional about building positive and productive relationships with your employees and you’ll be amazed by how quickly you’ll start to see results. Positivity is contagious.

Most people want to do their best work and they want to feel good about their leaders, their customers, and each other. As a leader one of your jobs is to help them bring those good intentions to fruition. By building up the emotional bank account, you’re creating and sharing the currency that everyone will use to create a stronger organization.