Imagine that you’re holding a performance review with an employee who (like most employees) is hoping for a pay increase. Unfortunately, you also know it’s not in the budget. Because you hate to disappoint this person—and because you don’t want her to think you think she doesn’t deserve more money—you say, “Well, Sarah, I fought for your pay increase but you know how they are over in Corporate. Sorry, they’re saying it’s not in the cards this year.”

That’s we/theyism. It happens when a person positions themselves in a positive light by making someone else the “bad guy.” Many leaders resort to we/they regularly, not realizing how harmful it actually is. Typically, this is not a deliberate choice but a fallback position of leaders who haven’t been trained not to do it. They say things like:

• “If it were my decision the answer would be yes, but upper management says no.”
• “Human resources won’t let you do anything around here.”
• “It’s above my pay grade.”

While we/they can make the leader seem like a hero by “fighting for” the employees, it has a deeply divisive effect on your culture. It can make employees feel adversarial toward leaders, and one department feel resentful of other departments—feelings that, in turn, cause communication breakdowns and hinder teamwork. Perhaps worst of all it fosters a victim mentality and discourages people from having an ownership mentality—after all, if the leader doesn’t “own” company decisions, why should employees?

So, in the earlier example, what should the leader have said to Sarah instead of blaming Corporate? Perhaps it could have been something like “Sarah, you know it has been a rough couple of years. Sales are down 15 percent and no one is getting raises right now. But we have a great team, we’re all working hard, and I’m confident we can turn things around. In fact, if you have any suggestions to improve results, we’d love to hear them!”

When we get in the habit of explaining the why and taking ownership, it promotes trust and transparency. By positioning things in a positive way, it creates a feeling of unity. This can dramatically improve morale and set the stage for better teamwork. Setting the right example will show employees there are better ways to approach challenges than finger pointing and blame shifting. As leaders, we can set the right example and discourage employees from resorting to we/theyism, too.

A few tips:

• To detect we/theyism, look at the metrics. When you measure employee engagement, the data can reveal this kind of divisiveness. If there is a big gap between how employees feel about their direct supervisor versus top management, you may have a we/they culture. The first step toward solving a problem is admitting you have a problem.
• Carefully watch your wording. The next time something goes wrong and you feel a we/they moment coming on, stop and think before you speak. Are you about to put someone else down or shift blame, even in a subtle way? If your impulse is to say something like “I just forwarded the info HR sent over” this could come across as blaming HR. Instead, change it to something like “I’m sorry this information was wrong! Let me research this. I will find the updated numbers and get them to you as soon as I can!” See the difference?
• When someone uses we/they in your presence, counter it by defending the other party. Imagine that an employee rolls their eyes and says, “Well, of course Finance won’t approve our marketing budget. They throw cold water on everything!” You might say, “Well, it’s not easy to keep our company financially strong in a tough economic environment. I think they deserve a lot of credit for that. Anyway, I have found when we’re able to defend our budget with good market research and solid projections, the CFO will sometimes reconsider. Let’s take another look at our proposal and see how we can shore it up.”
• Look for opportunities to manage up others. This sends the signal that you do not participate in we/theyism. Managing up is simply making the effort to position others in a positive light. The scenario we just discussed is a good example of managing up the Finance department. But you don’t need to wait until you hear someone being “managed down” to manage them up. Get proactive about it. Never let a chance go by to say good things about other leaders, departments, and employees. The more you manage up others, the more others will follow your lead.
• Promote open, honest, transparent communication. This is about telling the truth and admitting when you make a mistake. It’s about carrying your own messages and insisting that others do as well. It’s about not being afraid to have tough conversations and telling hard truths. It’s about making sure people feel psychologically “safe” enough to do all of these things every day. The more open your culture is, the less blame shifting and finger pointing there will be.

At the heart of everything, stamping out we/theyism is about ownership. When everyone “owns” the organization, understands the financials, has input into decisions, and works to solve their own problems, a victim mentality cannot thrive. There can’t really be a we/they problem when everyone is “we.” There can’t be winners and losers because everyone wins or loses together—leaders, employees, and ultimately, customers. It’s just a healthier way to work and live.